


Song Cry

by LUVERYJ



Category: ITZY (Band), TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Aftercare, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Anxiety Attacks, Asthma, Canon Compliant, Debut, Developing Relationship, F/M, Idol World, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Mentions of Broken Family, On-going Career, Pre-Relationship, Pre-debut ITZY, Pre-debut Tomorrow by Together | TXT, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, idol cameo, idol relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:07:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 119,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26956327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LUVERYJ/pseuds/LUVERYJ
Summary: Amidst being in a relationship with an idol like you, will you work it out? Or will you let the song cry?
Relationships: Choi Yeonjun/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 45
Kudos: 74





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> under revisions! (if anyone wants to be my beta pls pls plspls comment 🥺)

She used to be introverted until Yeonjun, who was all smiles and rainbows, came into her life. Ironically, when they first met, he looked intimidating. She could laugh reminiscing about it, thinking how our whole relationship revolve around our careers. It was there from the start.

Simple black sleeveless tank top and white shorts. Dancing in front of their gigantic mirror, barefooted. He was skilled. Too skilled. He really deserved the title he coined: Bighit’s Legendary Trainee.

Sooji will never forget how naturally he first spoke her name. It was almost as if he’d been waiting his entire life just to say it.

“Are you working hard for it, Sooji?” The voice echoed the room. “It doesn’t matter how long you practiced but it’s how you going all out every time you do.”

She learned a lot from him, you know? From dancing and rapping, he was the man you would run for help. Well, Sooji technically didn’t even have to run towards him because his hands were ready to catch her.

He’s always been like that. Giving and giving and giving. It was her fault that she’ve lost tracked. That Sooji focused on herself and what the people, who she didn’t know, would think of her instead of cherishing the ones who were closer. He’s always been selfless and she’ve always been selfish. They both knew that but he insisted to adjust everything for her. She’ve always been the bad guy.

To Life lessons. Sooji was the type to be the person that is silent yet wanting to be praised by others. She had standards but Sooji wanted to reach the spectators’ expectations more. Though, she’d push anything away from her just for her ego.

She’d choose her pride than experiencing heartache. Than showing people that she was in despair. Her ego was her religion. Sooji was stubborn but Yeonjun eventually taught her to lean on him instead of herself. Baby steps, they’ve achieved it. Or so she thought.

Yeonjun pushed her into thinking that whatever the netizens may claim, it can’t and won’t control them. It was too ideal. They believed in false hope too much. Because reality speaking, what really happens when the world looks at you as if you’re doing something wrong: you start to believe it.

“You can take the risk with me, Jiji. We’ve done this before.” His voice was strained but he kept his fighting spirit. The optimistic one between them.

“It’s best what we have now.” Sooji said muttered as she tried not to show any emotion. “That way we can stop this from going further.”

“Is there anyway I could change your mind?” He asked like he was begging for another answer, letting out a muffled noise. He held on her wrist closely as if he was getting strength on the tiny accessory that was wrapped on it.

“None.”

None. There were too many things against them.

During that time, she held on to it more, her last resort. Sooji knew she’d come back to Yeonjun if she didn’t put her walls up. She thought it was a good decision for them both. 

She thought she was doing it for the both of them.

It was her fault. 

Her fault.

Guilt washed through her entire being. She was breaking down. For the first time in her life after her father’s ghost of the past, she was crying.

She was crying because him.

For the only man she’ve ever been romantically in love. 

He was in pain. Sooji knew him so much that she could hear his faint sobs as he tried to sing the song flawlessly. She was staring blankly at the cover photo in soundcloud. It was him on his own studio room. Sitting on a desk chair. Surrounding him were his desktop set, speakers, microphone stand, and piano. He was wearing an all plain black outfit: baseball hat, coat, shirt, slacks, and leather shoes. He was crossing his legs and tilting his head downward and because of the baseball hat he was wearing, lips were the only ones evident. It was filtered black and white. 

Visuals and vocals. It was painfully perfect.

It was painfully perfect to have that song sang by Choi Yeonjun himself. Her it boy.

“Let the song cry.”

Was _her_ it boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BUCKLE UP LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS A LONG ASS RIDE.


	2. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTICE:
> 
> i tried to make the timeline n events accurate as possible! also, this book is out here for a long run (tags developing relationship) i swear ill try to make the plot get better and better as chapters go by <3
> 
> literally inspired from Yeonjun’s Song Cry cover :(
> 
> \+ no beta !! if anyone wants to pls talk to me im in need :(

Pre-debut. 2018.

She didn’t even know where to start. There’s too many things bugging her mind. Funny enough, she can’t even look at her face in the mirror.

“Relax, Ji-ah. You’re gonna be okay.” Her brother said.

The female looked at her attire. She wore a black thrasher large tee and biker shorts, used her checkered vans slip-on that would be comfortable wearing for practice later.

She groaned. “Are you sure, Soob? What if SHE get bullied?” 

The tall man put a hand on her right shoulder.

“And you think I’ll let them?”

“So scary, bunny.” She teased. Soobin just rolled his eyes knowing that she was right.

“Your brother has the right to be stressed. You look so beautiful!” Sooyoung said, leaning her shoulder on the door while her arms crossed. She was there long enough to see how the her children was bickering non-stop. It was a nice view actually, knowing that had gone out of the house to live in their own dorms. The week was one of the rare moments when both of the teenagers weren’t busy and slept home. “Go to school now, both of you.” 

“Let’s go.” Soobin nudged her panicking figure while she fixed her things ironically in chaos. “Calm down, you animal. You’re not even going to attend school everyday.”

“You’re not gonna practice, Soobin?” Sooyoung asked while taking a step downstairs.

“I will. Yeonjun and I are gonna go first. Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Hueningkai will have to fix their schedules.” Soobin answered. 

Sooyoung perked up at her brother’s statement. Even though they were close, she haven’t met Soobin’s friends but Hueningkai.

“Yeonjun is your sunbae, right?”

Soobin nodded. “Yeah, he’s a batch higher than her.” 

“College. Means he’s not the same liner as your sister.”

“No.”

Sooyoung sighed in disappointment.

Sooji stopped in front of her brother’s car, her eyebrows curling. “Why, eomma?”

“You’re not liners with him.” Soobin rolled his eyes.

They both kissed their mother’s cheek before stepping inside the car. Sooji was still confused at her mother’s sudden pang of distate.

“Have fun!”

Sooyoung’s natural long jet black hair swaying as the young lady stared at the side’s mirror. People would say she’s the carbon copy of her mom. Sooji liked to think that way but she couldn’t. She’s just a goddess compared to her. Every time she look at her, she’s amazed by Sooyoung’s beautiful and delicate features. This is why she didn’t cut her hair. Sooji wanted to keep it long because it exposes her long curly lashes. Hoping she’d really look like her eomma.

“Who’s Yeonjun?” Sooji innocently asked.

Even though, she kinda knew who he was because he was basically the idol of trainees from different labels. Sooji’s co-trainees have been talking about him for being Bighit’s Legendary Trainee. Always snatching the first rank in all categories.

_Who does that?_

She stared at the mirror. The rays of sun shining on her natural dark eyes.

Soobin annoyingly patted her head.

“Yah!”

Soobin. Since the start of his teenage years, he stepped up to fill in her father. Their appa cheated on their eomma when they were 12. The night of the revelation was clear as crystal in her head, so many tears and hurtful words. 

_“Sooji, let’s go.” Soobin smiled, his lips were quivering so badly._

_Sooji knew better than anyone that it was fake. She knew something was not right in our home, not when she_ _saw her appa’s things were messily packed._

_“How dare you do this to them?!” Sooji’s face was full of tears and rage._

_“It’s not what you think!” Appa pursued. Shielding himself as eomma throws his things._

_“Soobin?” Sooji called with a questioning look on her face. Soobin was terrified. The little girl was as just. “Is appa leaving them?”_

_“I don’t ever wanna see your face again. Even the twins won’t! You disgust her!” Their eomma’s voice thundered the whole house._

_The’ve never heard her yell like that her whole life._

_Soobin swallowed a lump on his throat, still wrapping his arms around Sooji’s fragile body. “I don’t know.”_

_That moment, they knew, Soobin was gonna take over their father’s place._

_“Let her see her kids first!” The last word she heard from their appa before Soobin finally managed to get her inside her room._

Sooji was young but she wasn’t naive. She knew what happened and it made a huge impact to her to the point that she refuse to meet boys. They scare her, and Sooji’s existence only revolved around her twin brother. Her eomma protected her from the boys in this world. Though, Sooji think she protected her too much when she decided to send her to an all girls school since that incident. 

_“She’s also transferring schools.” Sooyoung informed them. They were eating quietly on the dining table very unlikely back when their family was complete. The tension was always all over the place and the air was suffocating them so much from the sudden plot twist in their lives. No one expected for this to happen. Their parents were in love with each other, and they were a happy family._

_“Where?” Sooji asked._

_“Kyunggi.”_

_Soobin put down his utensils, failing to suppress his emotions. “All girls? Don’t you think it’s too much, eomma?”_

_“She can do it.”_

_“We can be in the same campus. That way I’ll protect her.” Soobin bartered._

_“Soobin, you said you wanted to be an idol? If you become a trainee, you know you’ll take online classes?”_

_“Eomma?” Sooji pleaded to stop them from arguing because of her. “I wanna be an idol too.”_

_The twins were staring into each other’s eyes as if there was a telepathy going on between the. Soobin was gonna fold his dream but the other didn’t want to. Sooji was still yet to know what she wanted but she was ready let go of her future dream to follow the same path as her brother if that what it took for Soobin to be happy again. She knew how important it was for Soobin, he would talk about it with her with stars glittering on his eyes everyday._

_“Fine. But on senior high.” She said._

_“Eomma!” They both called with so much desperate in their voices._

_“Enough! Sooji will transfer on your school when she graduates high school! For the mean time, she will attend her classes in Kyunggi!” Sooyoung convicted with so much superiority._

Sooji was bored in her alone state. It was a normal day when Sooyoung drove Soobin to Bighit for him to audition. The little girl sneaked her way inside her eomma’s room only to look for her spare phone to text appa. But she was taken back when she saw a picture in her gallery. It was a picture of appa holding a baby. 

It wasn’t Soobin. Nor her.

Until then, she knew what happened. she had an mental trauma and vowed not to get emotionally attached to other guys because she knew.. they will just hurt her feelings. Sooji knew that because the first guy who hurt her so much was... her own appa.

Soobin’s laugh brought her back to reality. “Stop thinking. You’re both out of your leagues.”

“Huh?”

He continued to laugh without saying anything. Their topic changed about how her class system works and other things she needed to know.

“Since we’re still trainees, our classes would be blended face-to-face and online.” Soobin said.

Sooji flicked his head. “Aren’t you gonna debut next year? It’s March now.”

“Yah! Don’t disrespect your oppa!” He groaned, caressing his head.

She rolled her eyes. “We’re twins.”

“Just remember not to be too ignorant about things, okay?” He said as he turns off the car’s machine. “Especially with boys.”

Sooji’s lips formed into thin line. Soobin went out of her car and got her bag. Two people suddenly walked towards them.

“Soobin-hyung!” A brown-haired man with sleek jawline greeted her brother.

“Taehyun, how are you?” Her brother asked.

Taehyun grimaced. “I’m fine. The short break was relaxing! I’m stlll waiting for Ningning to get to our class in Hanlim.

“For real. I spent her time with so many anime!” Soobin said which made them laugh. “By the way, this is Sooji, her twin.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you, noona!” Taehyun greeted her. “I see glimpse of you whenever you visit Soobin at our dorm but I haven’t had the chance to meet you officially.”

“It’s because eonnie’s shy.” The girl beside him sneaked. “i know her, they’re both trainees!”

Sooji looked at the other female. Her hair was bleached on the lower strands. She’s pretty even with her strong features and a foot taller than her.

“Sooji-eonnie, right?” Sooji shyly nodded and shook their hands. “Ryujin, in case you didn’t know?” She laughed softly. 

“No, no. Of course, I know. You’re amazing!” She bluntly replied, mentally earning a face-palm.

“You are too. Soobin-oppa, your sister is a shy mess but let her tell you she is exact the opposite inside the practice room.” Ryujin praised, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“Figured.” Soobin replied with proud face plastered on his face. They started walking towards her building. The students are probably aware that there were trainees and idols who were studying here too because the school had quite the reputation.

“You’ve been a trainee before, right? Why did you just transfer schools now?” Taehyun asked.

“She’s sheltered.” Soobin answered shortly.

Though, people can’t help but look at their group. Some students looked like they’re waiting for someone to walk with them. Was this group always getting attention?

“Since when did you started practicing?” Taehyun further asked.

Sooji rubbed her neck before she spoke to answer. “Two and a half years ago, I auditioned in JYPE.” 

“Yeah, she’s really feisty. At first, I didn’t allow her cause it’s too draining but she gave her puppy eyes the whole week!” Soobin exclaimed, making Taehyun and Ryujin chuckle.

“Well, it was a good decision. I think she’ll become a great idol!” Taehyun compromised.

“I second that!” Ryujin nudged her. “We’ll debut together, you know.”

“I hope so.”

“Nope. You both will!” A man smaller than Taehyun stood beside Soobin. He looked at her and smiled. “Hi, I’m Choi Beomgyu!”

Sooji’s heart raced but she tried so hard to compress it. Choi Beomgyu is attractive. The shape of his face looks round because of his hair. They also almost have the same black-colored iris. His nose is perfectly on set and lips are in the shade of pink.

“Gyu!” 

“What’s up, people of the world!” 

Sooji’s eyebrows creased when she saw their handshakes. It was so.. chaotic. They’re hands were all over the place and they were turning around so much.

“It’s their signature handshake.” Ryujin informed her with a small smile.

“Where’s Yeonjun-hyung?” Soobin asked.

“Maybe flirting!” Beomgyu joked out.

Taehyun smacked the back of his head. “Yeonjun? Flirting?”

“What?” Beomgyu made silly faces.

“They all know he’s extroverted but he basically panics and put on a straight face when girls flirt him.” Soobin said while ruffling Beomgyu’s hair.

“Hyung!” Beomgyu sulked as he fixes his hair.

“Facts. He’s only comfortable with her cause he knows he isn’t her type.” Ryujin added.

“And who’s your type?” Beomgyu asked playfully, moving his eyebrows vertically.

“Shut up.” Taehyun savagely blocked.

Soobin looked at his phone. “Speaking of, he texted me.”

“What did he say?” Taehyun asked, controlling Beomgyu who wants to peek over Soobin’s phone.

Beomgyu chuckled. “Bet you five bucks, he’s whining.” 

“He’s whining.” Soobin announced made Beomgyu screamed. “He’s waiting for her at the car park. They’ll go attend the practice while you kids study.”

Ryujin nodded. “Sooji-eonnie and I will go now. We have to get our schedules too.”

They stopped at a 6 storey high building. The design of the building was very European. Painted with shades of dirty white to give an expression of a castle.

“Go to your classes, Ji-ah.” Soobin said, pecking her on the side of her head after giving her her bag and keys. “Take care of the car!” They all waved our good byes as Soobin went out of the building while Beomgyu and Taehyun went to find Hueningkai who apparently was dropped off by Yeonjun. 

The girls continued to walk towards the administrator’s office. “So... Kyunggi? All girls?” 

“What?” Sooji asked in shock. She didn’t remember telling the latter about her former school. They stopped in front of a counter and Ryujin volunteered to talk to the person who’s in charge. 

“I can feel how hard you will cope up to your new environment.” She trailed. “i was also from Kyunggi, have you noticed?”

Her neutral face turned into shock. “Really? I-”

“Yeah. I’ve known you since. We’re in the same batch, even though you’re a year older than her because I studied too early when I was a child.” Ryujin shared while they were waiting for our schedules to be given. 

“So, they have the same classes?” I asked, tapping the side of her legs.

She nodded, looking at her reflection at the window, fixing her hair. “I looked up to you back in Kyunggi. You’re wise but you’re so shy and soft. I honestly couldn’t believe it when you stepped inside the practice room and introduced yourself as you danced to [City Girls](https://youtu.be/6U-4Y17xMRY) by Chris Brown.”

“Oh... that.” Sooji covered her face, remembering the day she first performed in front of her co-trainees and other higher ups.

“Don’t _that_ me, Sooji-sshi! Do you know how awesome you were?!” Ryujin excitedly stated. “You almost made the other girls have a heart attack. They were so nervous!”

“You’ve known her since but you didn’t say anything.” Sooji sulked on her spot.

“Stop pouting, eonnie. I always give you water every break but I just don’t know how to approach you more. You look intimidating since you’ve been a trainee.” She argued, raising her hands as a form of surrender.

“I am not!” Sooji let out a small laugh.

Ryujin looked surprised at her sudden burst but just nodded along. “You’re aesthetic is street-style and grudge. Very different from the other trainees. You always stand out even when you don’t try to.”

“I just like wearing Soobin’s clothings.” Sooji defended herself with her hands on her waist.

Ryujin chuckled. “It fits you, really. Although, I think you’ll still pull of the stereotyped fashion style, eonnie.”

The worker gave their schedules. They only come to college when they have our practical exam but the rest is modular.

“You can just drop the honorifics.” Sooji said out of nowhere.

“I’m sorry?” She laughed nervously, thinking if she said something wrong that made the older say something like that.

“They’re in the same batch and I’m much more comfortable with you calling her just by her name.” Sooji thought out loud. “Besides... we’re friends, aren’t we?”

Ryujin’s eyes sparkled. “Of course!”


	3. I don’t like it at all, but my smile bursts out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter titles would be from txt’s eng lyrics!!!! this one’s from rollercoaster <3

“And that’s a wrap!” Bae Dabin, their head trainer for choreography, shouted after their last movements.

They automatically slumped on the floor and the others to the wall, frantically catching their breaths. Sooji laughed beside Ryujin. “That was so fun!” 

“How... how dare you call it fun! It’s so tiring!” Ryujin sarcastically said, weakly reaching out to the nearest bottle of water, looking she was going to dehydrate anytime soon.

“I saw you laughing while dancing!” Sooji accused, pointing a finger at her with lack of energy too.

“You looked like you were having a time of your life dancing to Playing with Fire, eonnie.” Yuna, their co-trainee, added. She was one of the youngest trainees but it didn’t stop her from snatching high ranks during monthly evaluations. She had so much charisma that was sophisticated for an underaged teen like her, and her charming appearance with her big doll eyes helped her way too.

“Fine, I enjoyed!” Ryujin finally confessed, still catching her breath after drinking water.

“Listen, girls.” Dabin called out everyone’s attention. “You will all have stricter individual evaluations every week. As you all know, the next girl group JYPE will be debuting will only consist of 5 members. And how many are you?”

“126!”

“126 and only 5 will remain. We will finalize the members by the end of September.” Bae Dabin further stated, giving goosebumps on their skins. “Go home and rest. See you tomorrow.”

Sooji sighed heavily after she went out of the practice room. Her legs practically giving up but she was already used to this. Then she took a quick shower, which she was grateful for JYPE for having such facilities, and changed into gray hoodie and her black shorts that was only an inch above the knee.

“Eonnie-”

Sooji gave her a look warningly. “Yah! Don’t kill me.” Ryujin laughed, raising her hands in front of her in surrender. “I mean- Sooji. The boys texted me to visit them.”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “And my brother didn’t tell me this?” 

Ryujin pouted and looked away. “He said he flooded your phone but knowing you have your notifications off.. so...” 

Sooji scrunched her nose out of mannerism. Ryujin’s eyes shot up when she caught it. “It’s a habit!” Sooji covered her face again which made the other girl laugh.

The girls went inside the elevator to see some of the newly debuted boy group inside. They bowed to them as a sign of greeting and respect since technically, they were their seniors. Sooji gave them a small smile but she doubted they saw it when she had her hoodie above her head.

“Hey, Ji.” The brown-haired guy greeted.

“Back off, Jin. She’s Soobin’s sister.” Ryujin offensively claimed, cowering over Sooji to get her out of his view.

He raised his hands in defense and rolled his eyes. “I just wanna be friends. Chill out, Jin.” 

“Jokes on you.” Ryujin raised her eyebrow. 

“I haven’t even introduced myself?” The man said in amusement.

Ryujin turned to her. “He’s Hyunjin. He’s bad news.” 

Hyunjin and his two members laughed out loud. They even pushed Hyunjin to be near at her.

“That’s not even true-”

“Really, Hyunjin?” bantered the STRAY KIDS members.

“That’s not even my intention!” Hyunjin said in frustration, his face crumpling. “I really want to be friends.”

“Are you for real saying that line to Choi Soobin’s sister?” She bursted out laughing, disbelieving Hyunjin’s bluntness. Can’t blame her when bighit trainees were also famous even if they weren’t part of the big three companies.

“Bro, you know Soobin’s friend is Yeonjun?” The playful looking guy interrupted. 

“Bighit’s Choi line will riot you down here. I’m telling you, brother. You wouldn’t wanna try.” His other member added, trying to coax Hyunjin’s mind. “They’ll come for your neck when they debut.”

Anyway, speaking of the Choi line being mention, they were famous because they were one of the trainees that were expected to debut soon. People were anticipating them so much and on the underground level, the trainee level, they were like the kings that no one wanted to play with, along with their maknae line; Taehyun and Hueningkai. Last last year, someone tried to battle underground using freestyle and Yeonjun volunteered to be their company’s representative. Let’s say all the one who were courageous enough went home like a fallen soldier. People starting talking about Yeonjun since then, and the term _Bighit’s Legendary Trainee_ brought to life.

Yeah, no one wanted to mess up with them. 

Hyunjin groaned. “I just want to be friends with her and you’re spilling her these? Changbin and Han, I despise both of you.” 

“Sorry, dude. I’m friends with Yeonjun, can’t blame me for knowing the man.” Changbin defensively stated.

The elevator rang, signaling they’re on the ground floor. Sooji quickly bowed to them, a bit uncomfortable being in a small space full of raging testosterone. “Congratulations on your debut.”

Ryujin bowed the same before linking their arms, getting away from them.

“I’m really interested, Ji.” Hyunjin shouted which made his members tackling him for being too loud.

Ryujin scoffed.

“Is he really bad news?” Sooji had asked from seeing how Ryujin’s been reacting.

“No, I was kidding earlier. He’s really nice to befriend with. But Hyunjin’s one of my bestfriend in this industry. I know his type and that’s you.” Ryujin answered, shrugging her shoulders.

Sooji opened the car, and they went inside. “That can’t be true.”

Not gonna lie, Hyunjin’s really something.

“He went inside their practice room once cause he needed something from their choreographer. They were practicing that time and he saw how you danced. He got hooked, I guess. He would make an excuse to see you but you were so busy with yourself that you didn’t notice.” Ryujin laughed.

“That bad?” Sooji laughed alongside with her while steering the wheel and drive towards Soobin’s dorm.

“Yeah and if you ever both work out, it’ll be hell. He’s an idol now and you will be too. Lucky for you both if the agency see your chemistry but if it goes the other way, you can’t even imagine.” She said which made her nod as it made so much sense.

“Though, I blocked that one out not because of that reason. I did it for your overprotective brother.” Ryujin coughed, she was using her phone to play music.

It’s been almost a month since Ryujin and Sooji were friends but Sooji felt at ease and grew fond her. Not to be dramatic but she’s her first best friend. Sooji always settled with herself, and only confided with Soobin when she really needed too. But having her now really made her feel not alone.

Sooji shook her head, tapping on the steering wheel as they listened to whatever Ryujin was connecting on the radio. “Of course, Soobin.” 

_“Caught in a lie~”_

“Did Beomgyu lie to you?” She was belting the high notes but proceeded to choke when she heard what Sooji said.

“B-Beomgyu, what?!” Her eyes looked like she had seen a ghost.

“Aren’t you dating?” Sooji innocently asked. She wasn’t totally aware of this kind of aspect in life, knowing what happened to her past she just don’t wanna bother.

“I’m completely single, for your information!” She exclaimed, flustered appeared on her face.

Sooji smirked when she saw how red her friend was, successfully parking the car in front of the building. “Then date him.”

“Yah, Choi Sooji! Where is her shy Choi Sooji? Come back!” Ryujin stomped on her feet as they walk towards their room number.

Sooji tried so hard to keep a straight face while ringing the doorbell but it was hard when Ryujin is acting extra childish when it comes to Beomgyu. 

“Cheongdam-dong eonnies, how are you both!” Hueningkai greeted as he opened the door. 

“Hueningkai! Is it them?!” Sooji heard her twin brother over the blasting loud music. She exchanged a questioning look with Ryujin.

“Perks of having soundproof walls.” Ryujin muttered, shrugging her shoulders.

Hueningkai shouted back before gesturing them to come inside. “It’s Yeonjun-hyung. He’s in the mood for extra dance workouts.”

“You know him. They already made them come home to rest but he’s a beast himself.” said Taehyun who appeared beside Hueningkai. “How was practice?”

Ryujin and Soobin both groaned. “Why would you ask?”

They got inside the living room. Sooji saw Soobin standing beside a man who’s a little smaller than him. He was wearing a simple black tank top and white shorts. The man was facing the wall mirror and watching himself dance.

Her heart skipped a beat when she saw how good he was at popping. Sooji also knew that he was doing a freestyle which made it more appealing. To a dancer’s point of view, she was falling in love with the moves potraying the R&B melody.

“Ask what?” Sooji heard a faint voice speaking, but she was too engrossed with what she was watching. Too focused to get distracted. Too distracted to get focused. “Sooji?”

Sooji and the man in outrageous tank top stared in each other’s eyes when he caught her looking at him through the mirror. He stopped dancing and palmed his phone to turn off the music. 

“Nothing.” Sooji muttered, looking away and putting her hoodie over her head to hide her face that was starting to get flushed.

They all sat down by the sofa. Except for the man who’s still standing in the same place Sooji saw him.

Ryujin sighed. “The group will be finalized in six months top.”

“And you’re pressuring yourself?” Beomgyu came from his bedroom, his hair was a mess. An evidence that he had just woken up.

Ryujin looked startled, Sooji vouched for her instead. “I’m not really confident about it, guys. And it’s okay, they trained longer than her.”

“Are you working hard for it?” The voice beamed the room. It was him. “It doesn’t matter how long you practiced but it’s how you going all out every time you do.”

Sooji was panicking internally that she couldt speak a single word. Alternatively, she just nodded as a response. A sudden uncomfortable silence enveloped the air. 

She hated suffocating on atmospheres like this.

“Aside from that, you know Stray Kids?” Ryujin asked, purposely changing the topic.

“Yeah, they just debuted.” Soobin answered.

Beomgyu yawned, boredly joining the conversation. “4th generation too.” 

“They’ll be our competitors when they debut next year.” Taehyun added while Hueningkai handed Ryujin an orange juice and gave Sooji a glass of water the boy knew her preference.

“Yah! Their refrigerator just got loaded, why would you give her water?” Yeonjun scolded the poor maknae, slightly panicking.

“It’s her favorite?” Hueningkai said in confusion from the sudden outburst.

Yeonjun turned to look at her. “Your favorite drink is water?” 

Again, Sooji nodded and looked away, meeting her eyes with Taehyun who looked like he was observing her the whole time. They weren’t really close but they talk casually from time to time to be comfortable with him.

Sooji felt Yeonjun’s head turned to Soobin. “You can’t be twins.” 

“Yeonjun-hyung, you need to rest.” Beomgyu laughed loudly, he even tilted his body to join his chuckles, almost dropping himself to the floor.

Yeonjun made a childish face that imitate Beomgyu’s playful comment, but overexaggerating. “Yeonjun-hyung, do you want to rest?”

Now, they all laughed at his childishness. Earlier, he looked professional while dancing but he was now acting a kid. The duality.

“As you were saying about Stray Kids?” Taehyun, obviously the only one who’s focused, asked.

“Hyunjin was hitting on her!” Ryujin chuckled. “If you were there, Soobin-oppa would be seeing red!”

“But he won’t do anything!” Hueningkai screamed, making them all laugh because of the accuracy he had said.

“I don’t know about you but they mentioned Yeonjun coming for their necks too.” Ryujin teased, crossing her arms over her chest.

Everyone, except her and Soobin, didn’t let out a silly noise. Sooji instictively looked at Yeonjun and he just smirked before stealing a wink at her. She reddened because of his subtle flirting, and shrink herself further in her hoodie.

“Aw, is their baby Sooji-niebflustered?” Beomgyu teased more, because that’s just how he was. When he saw someone flustered of something, he’d press it more for his entertainment. 

Yeonjun coughed in distaste, ruining the mood. “She’s not your baby.”

“I said _their_?” Beomgyu, Ryujin, and Hueningkai were laughing more hysterically now. The 00 liners were hitting each other physically because they couldn’t take seeing Yeonjun break himself down.

“Did you just fell for Gyu’s bait, hyung?” Taehyun was now making fun of his eldest member’s naiveness.

“Yah! Stop talking about her little sister.” Soobin irritatedly spoke, but he was also hiding his laugh without anyone noticing earlier.

“You’re literally twins, Binnie-hyung.” Hueningkai countered.

“Whatever, alligator. I’m gonna go to her room to shower and rest. They have early practice tomorrow. Make sure to wake up.” Yeonjun announced before walking away. The room was booing at his attempt of daddy jokes.

Yeonjun didn’t even spared her a glance, and Sooji didn’t know why she was waiting for it in the first place. Soobin also excused himself to go with Yeonjun as he was going to discuss about the group. Being the leader and eldest seemed like fun but too much responsibilities.

“He’s the legendary trainee?” Sooji whispered to herself but they all heard it because of the sudden quietness.

“Your type?” Beomgyu asked.

Sooji shook her head in denial. “I don’t even know my type.” 

_Does Jeonggukkie-oppa count?_

Hueningkai excused himself too, saying he was tired because of their practice. And Sooji refused to accept the apology. “No, don’t apologize! They’ll get going soon too. I’m just gonna wait for Soobin to come back.”

Taehyun sat beside her when he saw Ryujin and Beomgyu silently bickering about the orange drink. She didn’t even have a clue why. It’s just how their friendship works, not letting a second pass without trying to argue even the small things that didn’t make sense.

“You know you’re transparent as a person but you’re still hard to read.” Taehyun stated. It wasn’t like a creep way but more on like a wise man talking. Taehyun was one of the people Sooji liked to talk with, seeming like Taehyun’s knowledge and maturity were on the roof even on his age.

“What do you mean?” She asked, clueless.

“I know about a thing or two about eye contacts, noona.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall tbh english is not my first language so pls be kind akshsjsh (but who wanna be my beta reader ....)


	4. Something that only we have hidden

Three months left before D-Day. Soojin accepted her fate that she wouldn’t get a chance but as she grew closer to Ryujin, she realized she wanted to debut beside her more than completely giving up. They didn’t hang with the boys often too. After they visited their dorm, there was a hectic schedule ahead for the both of them. Bae Dabin wasn’t lying when she said they would be stricter during the weekly evaluations. From 126 they were now reduced to 27 trainees that have a chance to go into top 5.

“If you catch over-fatigue yourself, I will be the one who will kill you.” Ryujin worriedly threatened her as she caught how Sooji was testing her limits by practicing 17/7.

“This is nothing, Ryujin. Stop worrying. I know my body.” Sooji could only chuckle, patting her head before letting her go.

“Just live in the practice room, damn it.” Ryujin cussed under her breath but still managed to bowed in front of her.

“I’m still older than you.” SHE silently whined. Ryujin left with a pout that made her laugh again. She shook her head, and then turned to her phone, finding a song that she could practice her dance skills to.

Sooji remembered someone whom she would always run on to during this kind of conflict. Immediately, she called his number. Silently praying that he wasn’t busy like their schedule always have been.

_“What does the Choi Sooji want from me?”_

His gentle yet playful voice greeted her through the call. Even with the fame he was earning everyday, he did not change. She always liked that about him. Always so humble despite being the biggest boyband in the world.

“I’m sorry for calling this late, sunbae-nim. Are you free to talk?” Sooji asked, looking at myself in the mirror as she fidgeted the hem of her hoodie anxiously.

_“Oh, it’s an honor.”_

“Jiminie-sunbae!” Sooji spatted out at her senior’s teasing.

_“Calm down, okay? Stop calling her sunbae! What’s up?”_

“I don’t know what dance I should cover now. I need something for extra, if you could maybe have a suggestion to make?” Jimin could sense a bit of Sooji’s sulkiness even on the call, he absorbed carefully the information he was getting to know how to help her.

_“Extra? Aren’t you practicing the whole day already?”_

“You know better than anyone, oppa.” Sooji pulled out a reverse card. They were really the same in terms of putting hard work. Not stopping until they’re contented of what they show.

_“I’ll give you my dance practice. Stop sulking, you brat.”_

“But that’s a group dance, it’s going to drain me. Just recommend some songs...” SHE said as a matter of fact.

_“Nope. I ’ll release a new song in two months, I think? You can pull it off, I swear.”_

Her eyes almost popped out of emotions, cringing when she watched through the mirror how excited she was. “An unreleased song? Are you kidding me!”

_“I haven’t heard you scream but this is not what I’ve expected to be my first time. I think my ear drums broke.”_

“Is this even allowed?” 

_“If you leak this, I will end you. Do you understand?”_

“As if I will.” Sooji excitedly implied, her voice was now cheerful compared earlier.

_“Okay, I’ll send it to you after the call. Make sure to film yourself when you master it and send it to me.”_

Sooji scoffed at the idea that suddenly came into her mind. “And what? You’ll judge me? I’ll pass. Thank you very much.”

_“I’m your fanboy, Ji. I know your capabilities, stop doubting yourself.”_

Her lips formed into thin line at what he had stated. Mentally sighing at how hard Jimin’s words hit her on the spot.

_“I gotta rest. Remember the deal.”_

“Got it, oppa. Thank you so much. Have a good night sleep!”

_“Don’t stress yourself too much, Ji.”_

A minute after he dropped the call, he sent her a dance practice video entitled **_Demo: Serendipity_**

**JIMIN**

only tip. just relax and enjoy the dance. 

also, pretend that you’re in love. <3

**ME**

inlove? ew no 

thank you, oppa. goodnight.

Sooji attentively watched the video that Jimin sent. She almost choked at how graceful Jimin looked while dancing to his song. He wasn’t kidding when he said just relax and enjoy... and pretend that she’s in love because that’s what the song was trying to convey. And as a performer, she knew she had to present. After watching the whole video two times, Sooji started picking it up and decided to dance it, freestyling if she ever forgets a step.

_“Let me love... let me love you~”_ Sooji sang softly under her breath after finishing the [choreography](https://youtu.be/TWQVn4Z1CIc).

Someone clapped which echoed in the practice room.

“Yeonjun-oppa?” Sooji squinted her eyes as she held her bursting chest before realizing that she needed to bow. She could see how proud Yeonjun was in his smile. “You scared me! What are you doing here?”

“Your brother was dead worried about you.” He spoke after locking the door. Her heart raced rapidly. Why was her heart beating so fast?

“Why are you here and not him?” Sooji asked in curiosity.

He handed her a litro of water. “He doesn’t even know I’m here.” 

“You aren’t allowed here.”

“I have connections.” He contradicted, amusement creeping to his tone with every word. “Which leaves me guessing too, how did you know SERENDIPITY?”

“I have connections.” She mimicked Yeonjun’s statement with the same energy.

His eyebrow quirked, suspicious at her intentions. Sooji could barely see it through the strands of his hair that curled over the man’s head. “Park Jimin is her sunbae.” 

Sooji lookee at him through the mirror. He was wearing an oversized black shirt and black shorts. Partnered with a white cap and black vans. She swore she didn’t know her type until she was trapped in a room with a man named Choi Yeonjun.

“Park Jimin is my friend.” She muttered, trying to be humble as possible. “How did _you_ know SERENDIPITY? It’s unreleased.”

“I was supposed to be the back up dancer for it but our debut date was moved closer.” He answered, fixing his cap. The song they were talking about was on loop in the background.

He suddenly dance to the intro. It was satisfying to watch him dance. His muscles were elegantly moving around, synchronizing with each movements. Even the small details, he managed to make it look pretty. Park Jimin and Choi Yeonjun didn’t have the same dancing style yet they shared a common denominator.

Charisma.

“I like your style.” He confessed.

With all the courage could muster, she turned and looked at him in the eyes. “What style?”

He stopped dancing.

He cleared his throat. “You. Your fashion. Your dance, which by the way, I’ve only seen now.” 

Her mouth parted at Yeonjun’s compliment. This was not happening for sure she kept thinking. Choi Yeonjun? Bighit’s Legendary Trainee can’t be praising her. What a lie.

“I’m not the only one being talked about, Sooji.” He said, tucking the piece of hair strand behind her ear.

Sooji reddened at the action but kept a straight face. “Talked about?”

“A rumor has been spreading in every agencies that JYPE has a secret weapon for their new girl group.” Yeonjun said, his eyes boring into mine. “I thought the possibility of it being you.”

“And you care, why?” 

“You aren’t sassy like this in front of others.” He smirked, stepping closer to her. His teeth playing tug against the insides of his cheeks as he continued staring at Yeonjun like he was his prey.

Sooji stepped backwards, trying to control the tension she was feeling. “I- I don’t know. Maybe you’re a spy?” 

“A spy for a girl group? A different category?” Yeonjun chuckled teasingly. “I was informed that you’re smart, Sooji-sshi.”

“What are you even doing here, Yeonjun?” She asked, accidentally dropping the honorifics.

“It’s oppa.” He said with a hint of seduction. “But call me by my name. It sounds heavenly.”

Sooji blinked twice before looking away, feeling nervous. Why was she feeling nervous?

Before Sooji could bang herself against the wall, Yeonjun already held her wrist gently, and caressed it softly. “I came here... because I wanted to dance with you.”

“You wanna dance?” Sooji dead-panned, not actually believing what she was hearing Yeonjun’s excuse. “Aren’t you tired?”

For sure, Yeonjun’s been practicing like the ever so great trainee he was. So why would he be here travelling from Gangnam-du? Like what she was experiencing right now, Yeonjun couldn’t have been wasting time visiting her just to… dance?

“I’m stubborn when it comes to this, my angel.” He proclaimed with the pet name, she felt her tummy flipping because of it.

He lifted up her right wrist and caressing it using his thumb. “Let’s dance?”

Dancing with Yeonjun felt relaxing.

Even if they’re dancing DNA by BTS.

“You have quite the stamina, I’ll tell you that.” Yeonjun complimented as he looked at her in the mirror. His hair was damped out of sweat. Her legs gave up after the exhausting routine, sitting on the floor with her legs sprawled out. Yeonjun slumped his head on her right thigh after giving her water.

“Says the legendary trainee himself.” bickered Sooji, carding her hand through his black hair.

“It’s getting tiring to hear that.” He suddenly opened up. Sooji caressed his eyebrow using her index finger, quietly listening to Yeonjun’s sentiments. “It’s an honor, at the same time, a curse.”

“Do you feel pressured?” Sooji asked, almost inaudibly, feeling the air being so fragile, it felt like she would break it if she said a wrong words.

For a month, they met thrice a week. Two days on weekdays and sacrificing a rest day. Yeonjun helped her with what she was lacking on the performances that she performed during the individual evaluations. They also benefited together, exploring different variety of dance styles.

The last time they danced together, he told her that his sunbaes were encouraging him to write his own rap to ready himself after debuting.

“They just expect too much. What if I don’t reach it?” He sighed, looking away. For a little time knowing Yeonjun, she figured how perfectionist the dancer was but in a way that live to his own standards. Seeing him frustrated about someone else’s expectation, seem like another burden piling up, and Sooji didn’t want that for Yeonjun.

“Listen to me, Yeonjun-ah.” She said, booping his nose with her index finger. Yeonjun smiled weakly because of how cute Sooji was. “They’re expecting from you because they see great potential. That’s a blessing and a burden, I know. But it doesn’t mean you’ll focus on their expectations. Remember why you started?”

“I loved performing.” He answered.

“You _love_ performing.” I corrected and booped his nose again. “Then you enjoy it.”

He smiled sadly and flicked her chin. “Thank you, pretty.” 

It made her feel sad how much burden he’s holding. He can’t even talk to anyone about it because of his ego being the eldest member. The fact that he opened this up to her made her feel so thankful.

“You will be the 4th generation’s it boy, Yeonjun.” said herself, smiling until it reached her ear. “And I will be here every step of the way.”

“I’m your it boy, Choi Sooji. And you’re my it girl.” He promised.

“Shut up, we sound like marrying each other.” Sooji dismissed, hitting Yeonjun’s forehead in the process.

“We’re soul-it.” said Yeonjun firmly, not dropping another petname he made for her. Sooji couldn’t count anymore how many nicknames Yeonjun called her in a span of month, each of them having effect on her that would get her cheeks red. Yeonjun loved seeing her flustered.

Sooji laughed at Yeonjun’s pursuing. “That will took you years, Yeonjun-ah.”

He sat up from her thigh with eyebrows creased. 

And he was pouting so hard.

What a sight.

“Why?” He asked, there’s instantly a look of complaint on the man’s face, and the way he pouted was so cute that Sooji couldn’t resist but smile.

“You have a fixed position, I don’t.” She simply answered. It was true, Bight was a little advance in finalizing their boyband’s group for them to fly across the country to train oversees. Yeonjun was already sure to debut by the first semester of the incoming year.

Sooji heaved a sigh before standing up to get a towel and damp it to her face and neck that was sweaty from their routinez

“You’ll get in, Sooji.” Yeonjun assured her with comforting voice. He stood up and untied her messy bun, only to fix and tie it again. He knew how she hated the process of tying her hair because of the lack of patience Sooji could hold. In result, Yeonjun would tie it for her every practice. No words needed to be said, he just knew.

“If you get in, I’ll take you out on a date.”

Sooji wanted to react. God knows she wanted to react but her face just couldn’t move a muscle. 

“Soobin.” was the first thought in her mind.

“He’s my best friend. Of course, he knows how much I am pining over his sister.” He chuckled, putting his chin on top of her shoulder from behind while they faced in front of the mirror.

Pining?

“Does he know we dance together?” Sooji asked, purposely changing the topic. She wasn’t prepared to talk about Yeonjun’s feelings, she wasn’t sure but she’d like to think so. But she cared for the opinion of his brother and being in between Yeonjun and her. The overthinker she was already visualize many scenes that _could_ happen in just seconds.

“No. Do you want him too? I’ll text him right now-”

“No!” Sooji exclaimed, snatching his phone from his hand. He looked at her with no emotion. “I- I’m not ready for his scolding.”

He sighed, long and loud as he thought of how to express the thoughts he was thinking at the moment. “You know he can’t do that to you, Jiji? He takes care of you so much.”

“And you think dating me won’t anger him?” Sooji hissed out of defense, thinking of ways how to calm herself down because she clearly was acting the opposite way.

“I think dating you is helping him take care of you.” 

“I am not some fragile thing for the both of you to feel responsible for me. I am my own person!” Sooji was starting to grow agitated, angry and she hated feeling that way. She rarely let herself get mad and she absolutely didn’t want Yeonjun to see it.

His eyes soften, fingers shaking as he tried to reach out to her. “Angel-” 

“Do you understand?” She couldn’t explained why she was mad but she was awfully pissed.

Yeonjun’s eyes went wide at her stern question, grabbing Sooji’s hand to hold it immediately. “I know.. I know, baby. You are your person. I just wanna take care of you because I want to. Not because I see you weak.”

Her breath hitched as he mentioned the petname. Sooji could handle the past sweet names but not this one. It was intimate for her and she only knew just now. He wondered if Yeonjun was used to calling everyone like how he called her. If it fell off or he did it on purpose?

“Do you trust me, Yeonjun?” Sooji asked.

“I do. You know, I trust you.” He said, tucking his head on her neck. Yeah, kinda uncomfortable don’t you think? But he was attached to her that he didn’t even care.

“Then trust me to make it on the next debut.” 

He scoffed, determined to take it as a challenge like how the competitive person he was. “Do you trust me, mhm?”

Sooji rolled her eyes but nodded, keeping her lips in thin line as she fought as hard in their eye contact.

“Then trust that I’ll date you in two months.”

Sooji and Yeonjun were learning the IDOL choreography as soon as it was released to the public. Risky, but she picked it to be the song that she would be performing for her last evaluation. It was hard, Yeonjun really put an effort to teach her the key steps, especially with the jumping that was extremely painful for the knees if not done properly. And being the hoobae of BTS, Yeonjun had the privilege to be one step ahead with the choreography.

After a very tiring week, finally, Sooji took a day off to sleep. Yeonjun had to cancel a week of their upcoming practice because his trainer wanted to focus on his rap, saying he was already a dance monster himself. Ryujin deliberately made me do it too after a long scolding of the ~~pros and~~ cons if I continued doing practicing _that_ hard. She said she would stay with her until she was fully rested. Ryujin still had no clue that Sooji was dancing with Yeonjun, and hanging out to different food places before going home. No one did. No one was suspicious enough.

Around sunset, Sooji woke up from a missed call and a text.

**JIMIN**

u busy?

**ME**

just woke up

**JIMIN**

u rested, finally?（。ˇ ⊖ˇ）

**ME**

you wish

practice later

kekekeek

**JIMIN**

meet me first my fav child <3

**ME**

where

**JIMIN**

bighit

**ME**

?!

you literally just had a comeback last week

**JIMIN**

and u will be using my dance for ur last hoorah, wouldnt u?

**ME**

what

how did you know

YEONJUN?!

**JIMIN**

yeonjun, who? 

our yeonjun?

the legendary trainee?

ahuhh nice taste

**ME**

NO NOOO

how did you even know?

**JIMIN**

i just know ;)

and i saw his snapchat story? i didn’t wanna assume but that was JYPE practice room? and the girl that was hiding her face using a hoodie looked like u?

do u want me to tell u more? ;p

**ME**

shut it, oppa. im on the way.

**JIMIN**

kekekek

Sooji heaved a long sigh before getting off the bed, wanting to just stay at home when she craved the feeling of getting enough sleep. After taking a shower, she changed into a gray unbuttoned loose blouse with white tee underneath and track pants partnered with the classic high-cut converse. Completing the outfit with a black cap and mask for the ash fall before going out.

“What do you want from me, sunbae-nim?” Sooji asked as soon as she met the renowned idol.

“Get on with that attitude and I’ll not hesitate to snitch your little crush to our Jeonggukie.” He threatened, sporting a maong jacket over his white tee. He’s also wearing black pants and white shoes. Both of them matching with black cap.

Sooji’s eyes widened at his menacing statement. “Don’t use that on me, oppa! I’ll do whatever you ask me to.”

“You got a thing for all-rounders, Sooji-sshi?” He teased as he nudged her softly to go inside.

Sooji tried her best not to pout when she bowed to anyone who passed them by, a simple form of greeting. She felt out of place at the moment because it really wasn’t her environment, but people around her was friendly enough like Jimin.

“Are they going inside... a practice room?” Sooji breathed sharply with a tired expression.

Confirmed. There won’t be a day that she would rest.

“Bet.” He replied before he stopped by in front of the door.

Sooji gripped on Jimin’s shirt but it didn’t stop him from opening the door. Like what she expected, bangtan sonyeondan was complete. Her sight met with Jeongguk’s big doe eyes that expanded more when he saw the girl he was anticipating to meet for a year. Jeongguk ran towards them with shocked expression plastered on his face. “Are you real?!”

Jeongguk hugged her tight that she thought she would pass out in front of all these men. Behind bangtan’s maknae, showed a view of confused members and Yeonjun.

Yeonjun.

YEONJUN?

“Yah! I thought it was Jimin’s girlfriend but it turns out it’s Jeonggukie’s?” Hoseok laughed, sitting beside Yoongi who was looking at himself in the mirror.

Sooji quickly pushed Jeongguk gently and bowed to them, fisting into Jimin’s shirt from the back while avoiding all pairs of suspecting eyes. “Oppa, please let me end you.” Sooji whispered against Jimin’s ear.

“I would suggest wiping the red on your face before thinking of something else” Jimin whispered back before bursting out a laugh.

“Ji, what are you doing here?” Jeongguk gushed, small hopping in place like the bunny he was as he leads her inside.

“Wait. She’s Sooji?” Taehyung asked. The young woman nodded and bowed again, feeling so small inside a room full of famous idols. “She’s the one you two had been crushing on!”

“It’s not a crush!” Jimin defended, scoffing in the process because he never once had romantic feelings for Sooji but platonically liked her like a little sister. Yeonjun was preoccupied at the moment with Namjoon and another man, who she assumed to be their choreographer. He was busy minding their own business that he won’t throw even a single glance of acknoledging her presence. A small striking pain felt in her chest. She didn’t know why, or maybe because she was expecting another reaction.

“We met during our extra dance practice sessions! You remember? The one I’m with Jimin? Sooji’s an awfully good student and we became friends.”Jeongguk exclaimed, his eyes shining as he explained.

Jimin kicked his butt, his body really had go extra because of their proportional gaps. “That’s hyung to you, you brat. I’m talking to you too, Sooji. God, you’re all brats!”

“Coming from the biggest brat in the universe himself?” Sooji teased, her innocent features did a toll on the joke as she spoke words with face straightened up. The bangtan sonyeondan members laughed hysterically at how Sooji clapped back, not expecting she had it in her. Instinctively, she hid behind Jeongguk’s back but he removed himself from her to get his friends more view on her. Sooji felt so betrayed as she sent a subtle glare towards Jeongguk.

“I did not ask to suffer like this.” Jimin stated.

Well, she did not ask to share the same oxygen with both of her crushes inside a room too!

“Why would you bring her here?” Jeongguk asked, sitting beside Taehyung who’s leaning at the wall as he stretches.

“Practice is done, right?” Jimin asked which made Jeongguk nodded, attentively listening to Jimin’s words while they were cooling their bodies down. “I’ll dance with Sooji like old times.” 

“Jimin, are you mad? You’re gonna teach her IDOL, aren’t you?” Yoongi spoke in a rasp voice. Sooji’s knuckles turning to white hearing Yoongi talking, he was one of the people Sooji looked up to when it came to rapping. She simply liked his flow and lyrics, how he dissed the people indirectly that made them questioning if Suga’s track was about them.

Sooji looked away but she met Jeongguk’s eyes again.

“No way!” Jeongguk yelped, dramatically covering his mouth using his left hand. “She knows it already!”

“I didn’t even tell you anything.” Sooji sulked, feeling a bit conscious when more attention was on her now.

Jeongguk scrunched his nose, showing his bunny teeth proudly smiling. “I know you!”

“Well... show us if you don’t mind?” Namjoon said with an assuring smile. The choreographer already bid his farewell to the group and went outside, and regarding on Yeonjun she didn’t dare to know and she was already panicking internally because of BTS.

Sooji nodded before whispering to Jimin. “If I flop this dance in front of these legends, this is all your fault. I’m taking you to my grave.”

Jimin just laughed with his whole body before slightly pushing her in the center. Sooji pulled the hem of my shirt nervously. “Can I... uhm. Can I face in the mirror?” 

They nodded with comforting smiles, understanding what Sooji must’ve been feeling inside. They’ve gone past through it after all.

“Whenever you’re ready.” Jimin said with an excited tone.

Sooji took a deep breath and nodded at Jeongguk to start the song. He smiled at her but all she could remember was the past week when Yeonjun worked hard to practice [this](https://youtu.be/FkxgBIKX_RI) with her.

When she heard the last beat drop, she gathered myself to catch her breathing. Sooji was cursing mentally at how hard this song’s choreography, needing an enormous amount of energy to do the steps on time.

“Choi Sooji, what the fuck?” Jimin bursted out.

Other members were blown out and keep muttering words she couldn’t comprehend because they were fighting themselves. Being BTS, they were chaoticically bickering with each other.

“You practiced this in only a week?”

“In a week...”

“Jimin, we have to steal her!”

“Jeonggukie-”

“I don’t care, Taehyungie. Quick!”

“She hasn’t even debuted yet!”

Sooji’s eyes suddenly landed on Yeonjun who’s beside the door, a proud smirk was plastered on his face. He nodded at her subtly and tucked his free hand inside his pocket. 

He winked at her before going outside.

Sooji might have thought she was going to pass out; not because the difficult dance, but because of a certain man named Choi Yeonjun.

And the results were out.

“You were insane!” Ryujin shouted from the bottom of her lungs. “6th member? Damn!”

“Oh my god, eonnie! You did so well!” Chaeryeong exclaimed, jumping vertically. Ryujin clanged on to my body while Chaeryeong clapped beside her. Their eyes forming into crescent shapes out of happiness.

“Congratulations, Sooji!” Someone greeted her from the back, her. “How did you even dance to IDOL?”

Sooji’s eyes widened in surprise, her lips parted in shock. “T-Thank you, leader-nim!”

Yeji laughed and draped an arm around her shoulder. “We’re both liners! You don’t have to be formal.” 

Sooji nodded with a pixelated grin. Yeji really intimidates her. Her aura screamed the leader that she always had to obey or else she’ll get beaten up. She look up to her too, especially at her charisma. She was always one of the top in their rankings.

“Where is Yuna?” Ryujin asked, her eyes now searching through the busy crowd.

“She’s there!” Chaeryeong answered with her lips forming a wide and easy grin. “Yuna!”

Yuna’s innocent eyes were searching for the voice that called her but they already ran towards her for a group hug. “Congratulations to us!” Yuna yelled with tears still streaming down her face.

“I can’t believe this.” Sooji muttered under her breath, a little bit unfocused with what was happening around her. All she remembered was feeling so down when the top five was called, and then feeling empty and confused when her name got called on the stage being as the 6th member, also known as JYP’s secret weapon.

They stopped hugging each other and gathered ourselves. The five of them wiping their tears off. “We should hang out!” Lia implied, still sniffing. 

Yeji nodded, calming Yuna down who was smiling wide while crying. “Once we move to our own dorm, that’s for sure!” Ryujin was side-hugging her as she cried while Sooji had her other hand patting Chaeryeong’s back. Sooji was the only one who still had dry cheeks.

“We should wrap it up today, girls.” Jin Young interrupted the group with his grinned his teeth to show a proud smile. “Congratulations, ITZY.”

They proceeded with the ceremony and took pictures before saying good bye. Ryujin and Sooji walked outside beside each other, still in dazed at what the results turned out. The moment Sooji spotted Yeonjun’s figure, she ran towards him with her remaining energy.

“I made it!” Sooji kept muttering against Yeonjun’s skin as she hid herself inside the crook of his neck. She could smell Yeonjun’s baby powdered scent that she craved for everyday. “Junie, I made it...”

“I know, baby. I know.” Yeonjun whispered in comforting yet proud tone, a beam of pride rising up to his system as he watched how happy Sooji was in her arms. Yeonjun kissed the side of her ear before fixing Sooji’s hair that got messy because of their little reunion, also realizing that there was an uncomfortable material squishing between them. Yeonjun caught how Sooji was cooing at the flower that Yeonjun had brought for her.

Sooji looked at the bouquet of white roses after he handed it to her, her throat constricting the air from entering to her lungs because he remembered. Yeonjun remembered that the only flower that Sooji liked was white roses; might be bad luck because it was somehow connected with death but she didn’t mind, she wasn’t afraid of death anyway. Sooji simply liked it because it signified purity, innocence and youthfulness. And above all, it represented new beginnings and everlasting love; because she wanted to believe in love again, without the ghost of her father’s ~~mistakes~~ choices haunting her.

“Yeonjun-ah...”

He stole a piece and tucked it on her ear, he smiled endearingly.

“I’m proud of you, my it girl.” Yeonjun stated before pecking her forehead before giving her another comforting hug.

“Are we gonna go or what...”

“Am I seeing this right?”

“So, that explains the flower.”

“Gyu-hyung... that’s not even the issue here?”

“Yeonjun-hyung, can I have my sister now?”

Sooji’s eyes widened when they were taken back from their fantasy, pushing Yeonjun away from her lightly.

“Congratulations, noona!” Hueningkai greeted her and gave her a hug. His hair falling all over the place as wind blew stronger. Sooji smiled in response when the others did the same. Then she looked at Soobin’s who was pouting the whole time he was watching the scene.

“Soobinie~” Sooji sang and gave him the widest hug, making up for the scene she caused earlier.

“Are you two dating?” He asked blunty, glaring at his eldest hyung in suspicion.

Yeonjun stepped forward, looking guilty. “Bin, I asked her but-”

“Yes, we are.”

The maknae line screamed so loud like they were watching a romcom movie.

“Hyung, how did you?” Beomgyu asked enthusiastically, chaotically pinching Taehyun’s side.

“You only met once?” added Hueningkai who clinging sweetly at his Ryujin-noona.

“As if they’ll date each other when they only met once!” Taehyun concluded his suspicions as he tried to get Beomgyu’s hands off him. If Beomgyu’s not bickering with Ryujin, it would be Taehyun he would be arguing with. There’s just no in between.

“Well then, how do you sneak out when both of you are practically living inside the practice room?” Ryujin contemplated, her arms crossed.

Yeonjun and Sooji could not stop themselves from bursting out, laughing. Yeonjun rested his head on Sooji’s shoulder, arching a bit to reach her height. The rest of the people in the group had to admit it was a cute sight of two supposedly lovers just giggling with each other’s glowing presence.

“Pabo! They were practicing with each other obviously.” Soobin stated, blinking rapidly to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

Sooji stopped laughing, and shifted into a stunned expression. “You knew?”

“Caught him talking to Jimin-sunbae about you last week.” Soobin answered while crossing his arms. He was acting a bit sassy but Sooji was grateful that this was the only extend of Soobin’s reaction regarding on his relationship with Yeonjun. She woildn’t know what to do if Soobin chose to get in between the two of them.

“I tried to keep it, Jiji, but I really can’t lie. ” Yeonjun defended, gently wrapping his hand on her tiny elbows. He was scared that the girl would be mad at him again. Yeonjun wouldn’t want it to happen.

“No, it’s okay.” Sooji smiled at him brightly before looking back at her brother. “I’m sorry for keeping it to you.”

Soobin didn’t waste time to steal Sooji away from Yeonjun to hug her again, sighing very audibly. “I don’t want you keeping things from her ever again, okay?”

Sooji nodded. 

“We gotta go back to practice.” Soobin reminded them, checking the time using his phone. “You have a break?”

“A week barely.” Sooji snickered, leaning her body to Yeonjun’s chest as Yeonjun’s subtly snaked an arm around her waist for support.

“We have to pack up, moving dorms can be hassle.” Ryujin grimaced.

Soobin nodded, understanding. “Make the most out of it. You might not get another rest week.”

The boys agreed which made them groaned because it was true. Sooji thought they wouldn’t be able to meet them today but she guessed they squished her special day into their busy schedule. For consolation, she hugged the boys so tightly again, feeling a bit emotional today.

“Congratulations, Ji-ah. I knew you could do it,” Soobin nodded at the new couple who were the last ones standing in the same spot. The boys went inside Yeonjun’s car while Ryujin rested in hers (Technically, Soobin’s and hers but she needed it more).

Using his right hand, he pushed the strands of hair blocking her face before gripping her chin. “I’ll take you out when you go back. Rest well for me, please?” He sweetly said.

Sooji nodded and wrapped her small tiny hands on Yeonjun’s waist, his body stiffening for awhile because it’s the first time she had initiated a move. It immediately softens when they both sighed in contentment.

After a solid half minute, Sooji decided to break it, looking at him in the eyes. “Take care of yourself, Yeonjun-ah.” 

Yeonjun was enjoying the sight of his girl’s cute puppy eyes staring straightly into his. He was so happy. “Text me anytime. Likewise, I’ll facetime you before I go to sleep.” said Yeonjun with so much assurance. 

“It’s okay if you’re tired.” 

“I won’t be getting good sleep if I don’t talk to my angel.” He pouted, his cheeks falling.

Sooji chuckled at his mood swing. She was used to it by now, the way Yeonjun just sulked if he didn’t get what he wanted. It was not annoying but rather adorable to look at, in a way that made her heart jumping out her chest to resign because it just couldn’t handle it anymore. “Okay, then. Ill be waiting.” 

Soobin honked the horn.

“I have to go.” He sulked, again. ”Your brother will fry me alive for sure.”

I fixed his petty coat and smiled. “Stay alive. You owe me a date, Choi.”

His face lit up at the sudden encouragement. “Of course, angel. Take extra care and rest for me, hm?”


	5. You don’t even know (We’re 20cm apart)

She practically threw herself on the floor when Jin Young and Bae Dabin finally went out of the practice room. Her face was emotionless while she tried to process the words in her head.

“Don’t mind them, Ji. They just have high expectations for you.” Yeji comforted, still catching her breath.

They’ve been practicing non-stop since they have given them the choreography. They even gave them a strict diet plan which did not help them at all to have more energy. Everything was too... suffocating.

Yuna nodded, her eyes pleading with guilty. “I don’t get it too. I was the one that made a mistake but they blamed it on to you? I’m sorry, eonnie.”

Yuna almost tripped beside her when they were transitioning into a new position. Jin Young was so mad when he was caught it and scolded them for an hour. 

Well... her.

Sooji shook her head and smiled, not knowing if she was comforting Yuna or herself. “No, it’s okay. I have her share too. I should’ve adjusted.”

“Doesn’t mean you’re the main dancer, it’s all your fault.” Yeji stated, giving her a pity look. “You were breakdancing while rapping, were they insane giving you that part?”

“I’m not the main dancer.” Sooji muttered.

“Unbelievable.” Ryujin said with a sarcasm tone.

“They expected a lot from her when she danced IDOL.” Lia concluded, she was doing a child pose to relax her body. The practice was too intense they’d thought about how badly it was going to hurt tomorrow.

Ryujin helped her cool down herself because she knew how lazy Sooji was when it comes to stretching and cooling down. It’s one of her worst habits.

“You still don’t have a fixed position, Ji-eonnie?” Chaeryeong commented, wiping the sweat off of her face.

Sooji shook her head in response, avoiding any eye contacts from any of them. She stared into the ceiling with thoughts about what the seniors have told her, replaying over and over her head. 

“I don’t think they would give you any.” Yeji said. Sooji looked at her through the mirror while she having thinking deeply to connect her thoughts. “You’re an all-rounder.”

“Maybe I wasn’t supposed to debut in the first place.” 

Sooji winced as her group members shouted different words. Her left eye closing as she felt Ryujin gripped on her shoulders too hard, not purposefully only because Ryujin got carried away.

“Are you crazy?” Yeji screamed. Her hair going to different places as she shook it.

“Come to think of it, they said it’s a five-member group. Why are we six?” Sooji strongly debated. Ryujin stopped stretching her and cocked her head to look at her with disbelief.

Lia chuckled. “Weren’t you listening back then?”

“They said they added a member as a secret weapon. That they’ll announce it’s a five-member group but six of them will debut.” Chaeryeong reminisced as she did her final stretch.

“You’re literally the secret weapon, eonnie.” Ryujin added. Sooji glared at her for using honorifics. “Their words!”

“Stop thinking about it, okay?” Yeji advised.

Lia went to her for a side-hug. “Everything was just so fast, Ji-ah...” 

Everyone quickly ran towards her to imitate what Lia did. 

They’ve only lived with each other in a half month but our chemistry was already on point. They knew each other’s weaknesses and strengths in terms of performing. They’ll try to cover each other as they can. It wasn’t even hard since the five of them were already close as for the fact that they trained longer than her and they were already good friends. Even so, the girls tried hard to not make Sooji feel out of place.

Ryujin got up and handed her a water. “Well, can’t they blame ourselves? The debut date is set on February and it’s already half of October.” 

“We have to perfect both of the choreography as soon as possible. We’ll be shooting the music video by December.” Lia announced, packing up her things. 

“I can’t believe we’re cramming this,” commented by Chaeryeong.

Yeji hummed in agreement, getting up too. “Let’s go back to the dorm and rest now. They’ll be getting up early tomorrow.”

They all fixed their things while Sooji was still catching her breath, waving a farewell which made them confused.

“You’re staying again?” Yeji asked.

Sooji nodded.

Ryujin scoffed loud. “No way.”

“Sooji, you’ve been practicing non-stop since they gave us the choreo.” Lia stared with a displeased look.

“Eonnie, you haven’t slept in complete 8 hours since we got back.” Yuna added in worry.

“How about you don’t go home, eonnie? I’ll just bring you clothes for tomorrow? It’s late already.” Chaeryeong suggested.

Sooji shook her head and gave them a genuine smile, she’d figure something out. “I’ll be fine!”

Sooji really wanted to learn the whole choreography before the month ends.

After minutes of trying to persuade her to go home, they eventually gave up and walked out with worried expressions on their faces.

Sooji looked at Ryujin who’s still not moving from her place. “Yah! Go home and rest, Ryu!”

“Don’t use that seniority card at her, Sooji-sshi. I’ll make sure Yeonjun-oppa will know this.” The younger threatened and before she could stop her, Ryujin ran away.

Sooji sighed and looked at herself in the mirror.

She looked... tired.

Then she remembered the days when Yeonjun and she used to practice. It was one of the reasons why she loved being inside the practice room. It was her escape. And so, she danced. With thoughts in her head but she managed to stay focused.

They haven’t had the time for him to take her out. As soon as Sooji got back from her break, they had stricter schedule. Which she could say, was the same with her. Sooji knew dating with another trainee would be hectic, but she didn’t know why she still went through with it. They still haven’t even made past a month and it’s already hell for the both of them. 

After mastering the half of the choreography, Sooji stopped when she felt her throat itching to cough. The fatigue was already consuming her. 

“You never rest, do you?” 

Sooji jumped, getting startled by someone. She really needed to lock the doors next time if she didn’t want anyone else interrupting her peaceful space. Quickly, she turned her body and saw the familiar figure. 

“Hyunjin-sunbae.” Sooji called and bowed lightly.

He waved his hand as a sign of dismissal. “Not your sunbae, Sooji. What the hell?”

“Y-You debuted.” Sooji stuttered because she was bad at meeting people alone.

He laughed. “Drop the honorifics, come on. Hyunjin-oppa is fine.”

He handed her a bottle of energy drink. Sooji silently snickered at the action.

If he was Yeonjun, he would give her water.

What was she thinking?

Sooji buried out her thoughts and plastered a grateful smile. “Thank you. You didn’t have to get bothered.”

“It’s a pleasure. I actually wanted to do this for a long time ago. I just can’t make a move.” He grinned. “Shall I walk you back to the dorm?”

“No, of course not. What a bothersome!” SHE exclaimed, shyly rubbing her hand to her neck.

Sooji turned around to wipe off the sweat before she gathered her things. 

“I’m offering so it’s not. Besides, we live in the same building and it’s already too dark for you to be alone.” He implied with a concern look on his face. “You can’t even stop me. I’m still going back to the dorm, just wanna ask to walk with you since we’re going in the same direction. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Sooji nodded, seeing the clock striking to a little over midnight. “Okay.”

Hyunjin smiled widely, his eyes disappearing when he did. She laughed, shaking her head as she carried her things. He even offered to help Sooji with it but she declined. Sooji could do it by herself and she didn’t want to give him any false idea just in case.

As soon as the elevator landed on the ground, her phone vibrated from her pocket.

Yeonjun was calling.

Sooji quickly answered it, smiling as she tapped on the green button. “Hi.”

_“Hey, baby.”_

He greeted with a sleepy voice. 

“Were you asleep?” Sooji asked. Hyunjin gestured her to continue walking.

_“We got back by 10 and fell asleep on the couch.”_

Yeonjun chuckled hoarsely. Sooji was now feeling guilty that the other trainee was spending his rest time to talk with her when he should’ve been getting all the sleep that he needed.

“Pabo-ya! Are your muscles now stiff? Are you okay?” Sooji said, trying to calm down her worries.

_“Not stiff, thank God. I was in the middle of a good dream and I remembered I haven’t texted you.”_

He whined softly like a baby, she could imagine his lips pouting.

“I told you, it’s fine-”

_“And then I woke up seeing a text from Ryujin saying you stayed up again?”_

Sooji was shrinking when she heard Yeonjun’s voice laced with superiority and worry. “I-I’m just polishing the half.”

She almost crossed the road but Hyunjin held her back before the motorcycle got her.

“Sooji, be careful!” Hyunjin scolded her.

Sooji’s heart was beating fast but she was too tired to say something so she opted to bow as an apology before returning back to the call.

_“Are you okay? Are you out? Where are you? I’ll go there now!”_

Yeonjun asked in full alert now, sleepy voice completely faded. Her eyes grew wide. Hyunjin nudged her to continue crossing the road as it was now safe.

“Nothing to worry about, I’m with someone-”

_“You’re with someone else?”_

When and how did the air suddenly shift to an intimidating one? Sooji could only gulp before speaking again. “I’m with Hyunjin-oppa.” 

Hyunjin looked at her when Sooji mentioned his name. A questioning look on his face.

_“Hyunjin-oppa? As in Hwang Hyunjin? Oppa? You know you’re at the same age as him, right?”_

Her face fell. Sooji stopped walking and looked at Hyunjin who did the same when he saw her staying in her tracks. 

“What?” He asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

“You didn’t say we’re liners!” Sooji exclaimed, feeling a bit betrayed even though they weren’t close in the first place.

“What? She enjoyed your honorifics.” Hyunjin smirked.

Was he flirting with her?

Sooji blinked twice before she decided to kick him on his back, dropping her phone from her ear. She stated words that she couldn’t even comprehend herself. Hyunjin laughed at her violent yet feathery hits as he tried to stop her. 

“Yah! Stop it. We’re here.” Yeonjun cued. Sooji took it and continued walking, leaving him on the side road. Sooji looked at her phone and saw that the call dropped, and contemplated if she should call him back but went against it because he might’ve fallen back to sleep.

**ME**

asleep?

**YEONJUN**

im eating ramyeon.

**ME**

you’ve been eating that every night

that’s not healthy??

**YEONJUN**

idfc

i love ramyeon

ramyeon is my soulmate

**ME**

are you okay?

**YEONJUN**

why wouldn’t i be?

**ME**

are you sure?

Sooji already got her back to our dorm and showered but he still haven’t replied.

**ME**

are we okay?

Sooji heaved a sigh as she slumped her body on the bed. Ryujin, her roommate, was already sleeping. Then her phone beeped.

**YEONJUN**

go to sleep sooji

**ME**

you too... goodnight yeonjun-ah :>

**YEONJUN**

goodnight

Sooji frowned at his message. Yeonjun would usually put heart or cute emoticons when he texted her but it was different tonight. 

Maybe he was tired.

“Maybe he was tired of me?” Sooji whispered to herself, her eyelids fluttering shut in the process.  
  


“Are you okay?” Ryujin asked as Sooji handed her meal order. It was late when they stopped by a fastfood chain to buy their dinner since it’s Saturday night which means they’ll get their whole rest day tomorrow.

It’s been four days since Hyunjin insisted to go back to their dormitory building together and Sooji had been receiving cold replies from Yeonjun ever since.

“I don’t know...” Sooji huffed, munching on the food as they strolled back to their dorm.

“It’s Yeonjun-oppa, isn’t it?” Ryujin asked with a careful tone.

Instinctively, she perked her right eyebrow. “How did you know?” 

“As usual, you don’t open our group chat with the boys.” She trailed, shaking her head in disappointment. “Yeonjun-oppa has been sulking for a half week, it’s getting Beomgyu irritated. They even bombarded you with messages about Hyunjin too. I think it’s connected.”

“I’m just friends with Hyunjin...” Sooji muttered under her breath, feeling small.

Ryujin chuckled at her friend’s distressed state, patting her head. “The rumor about Hyunjin liking a female trainee from our own company has spread like a wildfire to others too. Even the guys have heard it.”

“It’s not me!” Sooji defended.

Ryujin looked at her with incredulity. “Who would it be? You’ve been hanging around with Hyunjin a lot. The girls even questioned you about it.” 

“He knows I’m dating someone else.” Sooji argued before taking another bite of her burger.

“Does he know who it is?” Ryujin pressed more, her eyebrows raising vertically.

Sooji hit her lightly on her shoulder. “Obviously, not. This is between the seven of us. Probably, eleven if the girls ever find out.”

“That explains it.” Ryujin concluded.

Her forehead creased in confusion. Ryujin was just as awe watching at Sooji being so oblivious with their surrounding. “Explain, what?”

“Hyunjin obviously thought you were playing hard to get since you didn’t mention nor show a picture of the person you are dating. Which I think that’s why he purposely spread the rumor himself. He was already calling dibs on the alleged JYP’s secret weapon.” She explained, so sure of her statement. “Then Yeonjun received the news.”

Sooji anxiously hunched her shoulders. “How is it connected?” 

“Are you this dense? Girl, he’s jealous!” Ryujin bursted out laughing as they went inside the building.

When they went inside our dorm, they minded our own business and did our usual night routines. For an hour, Ryujin passed out on her bed while she was watching a drama from her phone.

Her phone beeped.

**YEONJUN**

sleep well

Sooji smiled sadly at his usual message. SHE wasn’t still used to it now. It makes her heart crack whenever she received such. Admittedly, after every practice, Sooji daydreamed about the both of them. Or worse, she tended to overthink.

Until she decided this has got to stop; sending a text to Soobin instead.

**ME**

hey

you guys home?

**SOOBIN**

yes

i have to sleep tho they record early tomorrow

except hyung i think, pd-nim requested him to come by in the afternoon instead 

if ur asking

Sooji got up and carefully removed Ryujin’s face sheet that Ryujin would always forget to whenever she passed out, contemplating if she should go ahead with her plan.

**ME**

oh okay

goodnight soobinnie :>

**SOOBIN**

why?

okay...? goodnight ji

The young woman quickly changed into a random oversized tee and maong shorts. She even put on her favorite black cap and mask. With a satisfied look, Sooji clutched on to her keys and phone, punching a text to Ryujin.

**ME**

be out in a sec

idk when will she come back but im okkk 

gn :>

Sooji stepped on the building of TXT’s dorm after she drove herself to their territory. She smiled to the receptionist that grew fond of her already since Sooji stayed here whenever she could. Nervously, she called Yeonjun’s number.

_“Ji?”_

He sounded like he just gotten out of sleep, voice was rough enough to assume.

“Let me in.” Sooji commanded, anxiously tapping her legs using her fingers from her free hand. “I-I’m outside.”

Sooji heard shuffles from his background and before she knew it, the door opened.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, his eyes was still half closed.

Sooji’s eyebrows lowered as her eyes squinted, trying hard to intimidate the boy. “Are you ghosting me, Choi Yeonjun?” 

Yeonjun cocked his head, eyes narrowing from the same confusion. “What? Get inside.”

Sooji followed his gesture but instead of putting her birkenstock slide on the rack, she carried it as she walked straightly into his room, not wanting to be caught by her brother.

“Uhm... come in?” He said in sarcastic yet awkward tone.

Sooji stood in the center of his room as he locked it. It was neat and minimalistic-themed, which she didn’t expect from a twenty year old boy. A big mirror placed on the corner of his room. Knowing Yeonjun, she assumed he bought this so he could still dance in front of it even though he’s inside his room.

“We will talk.” Sooji claimed, watching him sat on the edge of his bed that has white sheets and comforter. 

“Come here.” He urged, signaling her to join.

It’s like Sooji was caught up in spell and obeyed him, completely forgetting that she was trying to intimidate the man. She was about to sit beside him until he pulled her on top of his lap, facing him.

“You want to talk? Then let’s talk.” He said with a challenging tone. His hands firmly gripping on her sides while his eyes were following the movements of her gaze.

“Cat got your tongue, angel?” Yeonjun mocked, eyes trailed down on her body before steadying it in her eyes. “Let’s talk about Hyunjin and why was he going around, claiming someone I thought I was dating?”

Sooji shivered at the sight of Yeonjun being dominant. Arms possessively clustered around her. His eyes staring at her like she was his prey, waiting for her to make a wrong move.

Sooji put her cap down, fixing her hair after. “We’re just friends, Junie,” 

“Bullshit.” He cursed, scoffing and twisting his lips. His eyes rolled in annoyance before setting it back to her. “Look at me in the eyes and tell me you’re just friends with him.”

With the utmost courage she could muster, Sooji took his challenge and looked at him in the eyes, mimicking the energy that Yeonjun was radiating. “Hyunjin and I are just friends, Yeonjunie. Why are you so jealous?”

He looked shock at her sudden bluntness yet he took back the rage in him within a second. “Because he obviously likes you.”

“And I fancy you.”

His gaze towards her soften as his grip loosened. His lips turning into an adorable pout. “And he’s near you...”

“And I drove herself down here at midnight.” Sooji grinned proudly, knowing that his walls were finally backing down.

His lips tried to form a smile but it feel into a frown. “He’s an idol, Jiji.” 

“You’re my it boy, yes. Your point?” Sooji bragged, carding her hand through his hair. “Stop feeling this way, Junie. It’s not healthy.”

“I’m sorry.” He said, tucking his head on her neck. Sooji could feel his hot breath. “I was just insecure.”

“It’s okay, don’t apologize. Just don’t bottle up feelings like this again.” Sooji comforted as she caressed his back. “And I don’t want you feeling insecure, Yeonjunie. Know that I think of you always.”

He removed his face from her neck to have a better view of her. “I think about you too... and I missed you, angel.” 

The air conditioner wasn’t broken which left them wondering why it was getting hot as they stared at each other. Yeonjun’s eyes never fail to give her such raw emotions. Sooji bit her lip from the anxiousness yet his gaze trailed on the movement she made, making it worse for her.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked tentatively.

To his surprise, Sooji nodded while her heart thumped hard, rapidly, she knew Yeonjun could feel it. They were too close to each other.

Yeonjun leaned in to touch her forehead, her breath hitched as she anticipated for more. He smirked and before she knew it, Yeonjun kissed her. It was just a small kiss, a brushing of lips. Yeonjun was calculating the move and she knew he didn’t want her to get overwhelmed.

But she just missed him so much.

Sooji vowed to herself men are off limits but this was Choi Yeonjun in front of her. He could hurt her, she knew. But she’d still be grateful that she met such an amazing person.

And so she risked. 

Sooji nodded to give him a signal which he hesitated at first before cupping her cheeks to kiss her again. This time, deeper. Their tongue colliding and in sync, like it was supposed to be connecting each other their whole life. Her hand going through his black hair as if she was made to do it. The other was gripping on his shoulder to steady herself on his lap. 

Yeonjun’s hand that was on her cheek moved to her neck while the other was trailing from her sides to her exposed legs, leaving her goosebumps. Yeonjun let out a quiet hiss as Sooji’s body responding to her just making him more aroused. And Sooji couldn’t even describe it. Yeonjun looked neat but he tasted better than she imagined him to be. Guilty, okay? Sooji expected him to be this experienced. After all, he was one fine young man. For sure, he had her fair experiences. 

Yeonjun’s movements were so provisional at first before savouring his lips into hers. Sooji swore almost lost her mind. Her body going limp as their bodies flushed closer together. Shivers running through her spine that she couldn’t help but leave a moan out of her lips. Yeonjun smirked as he swallowed all of it, he knew how he was affecting Sooji and he liked it.

He knew he was a damn good at this.

“Are you...” He pecked her neck. “Gonna stay..” He pecked her jaw. “The night?” And he kissed her on her lips again.

Sooji calmed her nerves down after she pulled back, breathing so hard as if she just finished a hard routine. 

“I don’t know...” Sooji voiced out small, inaudibly, avoiding his eyes that was darting into her.

He chuckled at her shyness, pulling her close but to hug her. It was now her face tucking into his neck. Sooji breathed in the familiar scent that she haven’t smelled in almost a month. 

“It’s late...” Yeonjun contemplated, eyes still occupied by lust. “Just leave tomorrow morning.”

“The boys will see me.”

Yeonjun felt his shoulder slumped down at her statement but he nodded anyway. “Okay, then you leave after they’re gone.”

Sooji nodded. With that, he pulled her out of his neck with her arms still tangled onto him. 

He kissed her on her forehead and smiled. “Let’s sleep. I know you haven’t gotten any sleep.”

Perks of dating Choi Yeonjun? He can control the shifts in our mood.

Yeonjun guided her to lay down on his bed, his sheets smelled like him too so much for Sooji’s fulfillment. She was laying down on his chest while her free hand was resting on it, and Yeonjun’s fingers drew circles on her back. 

It was so comfortable.

It felt like her safe place.

“Junie?” Sooji called softly.

“Mhm?”

“Can you sing for me?”

Yeonjun, the whipped man he was, couldn’t resist his baby’s request. “So, there’s this song that has been playing on my mind lately... and I couldn’t resist but think of you.”

Sooji smiled at his statement. She noticed a picture of their band framed on top of their table. They were at the dance practice room, layed down on the floor. Yeonjun was the only one standing with a cute grin on his face as if he was making fun of his members who looked too exhausted to pose. It displayed nothing but cute and pure friendship. 

“Just... just don’t get overwhelmed at the lyrics, okay? I know it’s too early.” Yeonjun cautiously reminded.

Sooji nodded, settling on his neck instead of his chest. They shuffled into a more comfortable position before he started singing.

“ _Lady, I love you... I just wanna show you~”_ He tucked the hair that’s covering her face behind her ear. _”From the way you touch me..~”_ Gently touching her cheeks. _”And kiss me..”_ Now, caressing her the outlines of his lips which made her hold her breath. _”To the sparkle in your eye~”_ He sang rawly, his voice was husky which gave it more texture and emotions.

Sooji’s heart felt bursting as she felt so happy. She had never felt this safe and happy until Yeonjun came into her life. She knew it was early and dangerous for them to take the risk. 

But she thought they can do it.

Yeonjun held on to her tightly like he was shielding her from anything bad that would come to her. _”Oh, how I love you. I just feel so lost without you... With my love and intuition, you’ll never have to say goodbye.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stares


	6. My heart is in mayhem, But I love it

“Good!” Bae Dabin complimented as they stand in front of the panel of choreographers and mentors. The girls silently panted from the routine they did. 

“Yeji, observe yourself when you belt out. I can sense hesitation, let go yourself.”

“Lia, you just have to control your facial expression but your posture is good enough.”

“I like your gestures during the opening, Sooji, but be cautious of your breathing when you rap.”

“Ryujin, I need you to control yourself too during the intro line. You’re too tense, it won’t match with Yeji. You have to practice your chemistry, okay?”

“And Chaeryeong, I need more stage presence. Your dance is good, keep it up.” 

“Yuna, more charm!” _The_ Park Jin Young commented with a calm tone while he was looking through their eyes when he mentioned every detail. 

The soon-to-debut girl group nodded. Jin Young looked again on the paper that he was holding. While the others exchanged hidden glances, Yeji subtly patted Sooji’s back, her reassuring smile can be seen from the mirror at the back of their mentors.

“Recording next week, I want your voices to be prepared. I spared in the past few weeks because you were only learning the choreography but your vocals are just so- not it.” Jin Young commented with a disappointed tone. Sooji gulped when he gazed up and met her eyes. “Ihaehasigetsseumnikka?”

“Algetsseumnida!” They replied with determination, bowing respectfully.

“Wrap it up. I’ll see you soon.” He said with an intimidating tone before standing up and leaving the room.

Bae Dabin and the others bid their farewells too. Sooji rushed to talk to one of her favorite instructors to ask if she lacked on her performance but the latter said she’ve improved and that Sooji should focus on blending her moves with her rap instead.

“You’re going with us?” Ryujin asked when she watched Sooji who was packing up her things.

The black haired girl nodded. “Yep, I need to focus on my rapping.”

Ryujin nodded, side-hugging her before they walked out of the practice room. Yeji was busy speaking with Lia and giving her tips about facial expressions since she knew it most in their group. Chaeryeong and Yuna were half-dead walking, clearly tired from the practice.

The elevator stopped by for a while, revealing the STRAY KIDS members looking burned out as they were. They exchanged a few bows before doing their own businesses. Oh the life of being an idol.

Hyunjin walked up beside her with a grin on his face. It didn’t hide the exhausted look, though. “Hey.”

Sooji offered the same smile. “Hi.”

Hyunjin scanned her members who’s either talking to each other or staring at nowhere. He nodded to Ryujin as a greeting when their gazes met. She didn’t even bother to playfully lash out on Hyunjin like she usually did. She didn’t have energy left for her to.

“Your members look worn out...” Hyunjin chuckled lightly, scratching the side of his head.

Sooji heaved a sigh. “Surprise evaluation.” 

“Us too, after dinner. Got scolded too much, that’s why they just finished practicing.” Hyunjin shared as he fixed his hair while looking at his reflection on the elevator’s corner. “It’s almost one, you just finished the evaluation?”

“Sunbaenim went inside of the room when we were about to wrap up.” Sooji replied with a casual tone.

“You still look pretty even when you’re beat.” He stated, a sudden awkward silence forming. Few scoffs and stifling laughs were heard enveloped the room for a while.

Sooji avoided the eye contact that he was giving her before responding a simple _Thank you._ The elevator opened and they immediately climbed out of it, finally going outside of the building.

“Hyunjin, are you coming with us?” Changbin asked, the same boy who was with him the first time they met. 

“Food?” Hyunjin asked back. 

Han draped an arm around Hyunjin, looking at her before he waves his hand. “Yeah. They’re gonna buy at the nearest store open. It’s too late already.” 

Hyunjin nodded and placing his gaze on Sooji. “You want something?”

His members already scattered around the streets. Some were going straight to the dorm, some already walked towards the store building. Sooji’s members were lazily walking behind them, even Ryujin who joined in Yeji and Lia’s conversation.

Sooji shook her head for denial. “No need.”

“If you’re gonna scold me for assuming that you’re a bothersome then don’t. You’re not, Sooji. You know I like you.” 

The people around them stopped what they’re doing, resulting for her to stop walking. Hyunjin kept the worried look on his face while Changbin and Han was squealing on their grounds as if they were watching some drama.

“I’m dating someone else, Hyunjin...” Sooji muttered in neutral tone, making everyone fall into deep silence. The girls probably heard it as Sooji felt them stopped walking behind her.

“I am aware of it, yes, but I’m not trying to do suspicious here. I just want to do the things he can’t.” He stressed, forehead creasing. “Where is he anyway? I don’t see him taking care of you. What a waste.”

Sooji scoffed in receiving the offense, looking at the other man with annoyance. Ryujin eventually stepped in the middle when she sensed her best friend took it in the wrong way. Han carefully pulling Hyunjin away from Sooji to stop him from doing anything more.

“Back off, Hyunjin.” Ryujin barked when she felt the tension going around.

He chuckled sarcastically, still holding his stand. “What? I was stating the obvious.”

“He’s busy.” replied Sooji with coldness.

“That excuse? You’re kidding?” He couldn’t help but hissed in a mocking way because didn’t accept the justification of the unknown man’s action.  
  


“He’s a trainee.” Sooji retorted with her chin up, ready to keep up the conversation if Hyunjin wouldn’t stop it. The group dropped their jaws when they heard what she’d said. Sooji was already physically tired but still, ready to open her mouth and defend Yeonjun if she had too. 

“Ji...” Yeji trailed as if she was warning her.

“Not from here.” Sooji quicky defended while Ryujin caressed her shoulder to calm her nerves down. The girls sighed in relief synchronously.

“Then from what company? I’m sure I know him.” Hyunjin continued.

Eyes laser-focused, attention locked, they were all anticipating for her answer but Sooji only shook her head. “That’s all I can say.”

Han nodded. “It’s okay. They’re sorry, Ji-sshi. Let’s go, Hyunjin.”

Hyunjin didn’t move and his eyes still were on her like he was reading her through. Sooji decided not to hold grudge, and smiled assuringly for Hyunjin. “He’s taking good care of her, Hyunjin-ah.”

Hyunjin crinkled his nose and closed his eyes. Ryujin bowed once again before bidding farewell for their group. The supposedly short walk towards their dorm felt long with her members not saying anything. Even Ryujin didn’t change the subject nor the mood.

So before going inside their own rooms, Sooji decided to speak up.

“I’m sorry... I’m just not ready to tell anyone yet.” Sooji muttered in small voice but with the silence she knew they were able to hear it.

Yuna winked her doe eye. “You’ll tell us when you’re ready?”

“Of course.” Sooji smiled in relief, thankful that her members were very understanding that she didn’t need to explain further because that would be awfully hard. “I’m really sorry.”

“As long as you’re happy, Ji-ah.” Lia said in a comforting tone.

“It doesn’t look like he’s a distraction so it’s okay.” Yeji stated, opening the door of their room. “Sleep now, girls. Ryujin, you’re on morning call.” 

Ryujin grimaced before nodding. They exchanged their good night before going inside their rooms. “Are you okay?” asked too, tucking herself in her blanket.

“Peachy.” Sooji chuckled to show her it’s real. “Go to sleep, Ryu. If I wake up first, you’re treating her dinner for a week.”

The other girl, of course, whined. “That’s not fair?”

Sooji laughed harder while getting her phone. “Just go to sleep.”

Ryujin’s complaints fainted into light snores, giving her the signal to just let her be so she unlocked her phone.

**YEONJUN**

back to dormmmm

wru my baby >:(

im watching her dance videos just call me when ur about to sleep :)

But those messages were already sent three hours ago. Sooji hesitated on ringing his phone but eventually she did. A few rings before she decided to drop until he finally picked it up.

_“Angel,”_

“Who’s angel?” Sooji teased, controlling the volume of her voice like the usual whenever they call.

_“My angel. My baby. My prettiest it girl. My Jiji.”_

Sooji lips formed into a pout as she imagined what his face would be right now. “You sound like my mom.”

_“If you’re trying to offend me, it’s not helping at all.”_

Sooji laughed at Yeonjun’s come back. They could never live without bickering with each other, and she liked it anyway. “Go back to sleep. I’m sorry I called you.”

_“It’s okay, silly. I can talk for a few minutes!”_

“Calm down?”

_“I just miss you so much and_ _your brother won’t let me hug him. I just want something that’s close to you, it’s not fair.”_

“Life is not fair, Yeonjunie~” Sooji sang in a random tone, draping the comforter over her body. Missing the comfort of Yeonjun beside her as she snuggled closer.

Yeonjun sighed from the other line because he was feeling the same too.

_“The next time we see each other, I need my cuddles.”_

“Okay.”

_“And my kisses?”_

He said in a cute whining way that Sooji could feel he’s pouting.

Her cheeks flushed. “Yah!”

_“What? Don’t tell me you didn’t like it?”_

He teased, turning the tables.

_“You know how to kiss, huh. I thought my pretty angel is innocent?”_

“That was my first kiss! I am innocent!” Sooji nagged inaudibly, her lips pressing into light frown.

_“You’re what?”_

“Innocent.”

_“Pardon?”_

“Innocent pretty angel?”

_“Come again?”_

Sooji rolled her eyes when she realized what Yeonjun wanted to hear. “I am your innocent pretty angel.”

_“You’re my pretty angel.”_

Sooji wanted to roll her eyes again, but she felt her stomach fluttering at Yeonjun’s compliments. He was always been good with flirting, saying words that she wanted to hear.

_”How was your day?”_

“It was fine... had our random evaluation that’s why I didn’t text back.” Sooji heaved a sigh, remembering that she was already holding her phone to message Yeonjun back but the room suddenly flooded with panel that she had to let go of it quickly.

Sooji can hear him shuffling, probably turning into a more comfortable position. _”How was it?”_

“Jinyoung PD-nim said I just have to practice my breathing while rapping.” Sooji answered, playing the cord of her charger.

_“Oh... the one of your killing parts?”_

Yeonjun knew about the organization of the choreography since she ranted to him every single night about the practice or even just small details. He did the same, especially when he’s frustrated about his own evaluation.

Sooji thought Yeonjun was the type to be pressured about someone else’s expectations since that’s what he opened up to her the first time... but she was wrong. So wrong. Yeonjun was much more of a perfectionist for himself. He didn’t care about the scores or ranks. He cared about the bar he set on himself.

And it was higher than anyone else’s.

“Yes, the part where the rap and break dance collides.” Sooji said, closing her eyes and feeling the exhaustion absorbing her system.

Polar opposite to hers, Sooji was perfectionist herself too but she cared a lot more with other people’s opinions. She doesn’t show but she get easily down when she doesn’t give what they want her to give them. It’s one of the reasons why Soobin didn’t want her to be an idol. He looked more soft on the outside than her but Soobin was more mentally strong. Unlike her.

_“Ah, I get it... then_ _we practice.”_

Sooji’s right eye fluttered open at his statement. “We?”

_“We.”_

_”We can call and go through your lyrics then you rap it to me. I’ll tell you the cues of where and when you take a breathe or say the words out.”_

Sooji tilted her head. It was actually a wise plan but she felt an uncomfortable feeling. “This is too much for you, Yeonjun. You’re already been going through many things.”

_“They can fix a schedule for it, allot a time every day. Even five minutes would do it until your last recording.”_

“Are you sure it will be okay for you? It would take your free time to rest.”

_“Jiji, baby, y_ _ou are my rest.”_

“Bud, why do you look pale?” Ryujin said in a worried tone. 

Sooji tapped her shoulder and exchanged an assuring smile. “Peach. It’s just the anemia and I have my period now.” 

Everyone who knew her enough knew that Sooji was suffering with anemia. It started when she became grade conscious in high school that she would stay awake the whole night just to perfect her review up until now. She had maintenance medicine for it but she was too forgetful to take it. Ryujin and Yeonjun won’t let Sooji live the day in peace without reminding her, though.

“I still have to practice my vocalization with Ryu. Will you be fine waiting here?” Yeji asked, getting up from her seat.

They were currently at the lounging room outside the recording studio. Sooji just finished recording her part since it was just rap and a few hidden vocals. Yeji and Ryujin just came in after taking their voice lessons while Chaeryeong and Yuna were taking their practical examinations in school.

Let’s say their schedule was packed. They had to take their examinations in advance since they would be focusing on shooting the music video next week as it is already the end of November. 

“I have to study for finals too so I’ll be in the cafe downstairs. Do you want something?” Sooji asked, gathering her herschel bag that was quite heavy because of school supplies and spare clothes in it.

They both shook their heads. “We’ll just stop by after this.”

They all got up the exact time when they were called by their vocal instructor. After bidding farewells, she walked through the building while looking at every window where she caught glimpses of the setting sun. The girls had to wake up at dawn earlier for dance practice, and lunch was their only break before going back to recording.

“Wintermelon bubble tea, please.” Sooji said, interchanging the smile that the cashier was giving her. “Extra large and also add a plain waffle too for dessert.”

He nodded, getting her card for her payment. Sooji scanned the warm-tone room when he started preparing her order. There were wooden tables and decorations as design that gives you at home vibes. She even saw some of the staffs and seniors having their own businesses. She bowed politely at them which they exchanged and gave me a genuine smile.

“Here’s your order.” The man behind the counter said.

Sooji bowed lightly. “Thank you.”

Then she decided to sit at the free table around the corner since she get easily disturbed by random noises when she studies. Also, for the perfect view that calmed her nerves down. She even took a picture of the sunset and posted it on her instagram story with only a timestamp.

She was scrolling through her feed when her phone vibrated. An instagram banner indicating that Yeonjun replied to her story.

**CYJunie replied to your story:**

I miss you 

(view photo) 

Sooji clicked on the picture he sent her, showing a selca of the five of them with Yeonjun holding the phone. He was pouting while the other boys did their own aegyo. Hueningkai was carrying Soobin upside down behind his back.

**ME**

what is happening there... kekekek

**CYJunie**

I was done recording her part on their 3rd track when I got back and saw them like this !! >:(

**ME**

youre just mad bc you missed the fun

**CYJunie**

:(

Sooji laughed lightly before sending a selca. Her whole face seen as SHE posed a ‘V’ sign, imitating Taehyung.

**CYJunie**

my!!! pretty!! baby!!!

Sooji felt her cheeks reddened while liking his message before deciding to put down her phone and finally focusing on her academics. She put on her earphones and listened to Lo-Fi music. 

That’s one of Yeonjun and her differences. Whenever they would hang out, they tend to argue about their music preferences. He still liked listening to trap-beat hiphop and hardcore rap even if they were just chilling. In her defense, she liked them too but only when she was dancing to it... not when she’s sitting down and supposedly contemplating. 

Sooji sighed at herself, realizing she was missing Yeonjun too much. 

While she was almost finished with reviewing her third subject, someone sat in front of her. Sooji looked at him before nodding and avoiding eye contact. “Hyunjin.”

“Sorry...” He started, Sooji still couldn’t see his face since she was skimming through her notes. “I really am.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not... but I still want to clear things out.” He confessed with hesitation. “To be honest, I still don’t buy that dating card-”

Sooji finally put her gaze on him, emotionless. He stiffen at her stare and was now the one avoiding the eye contact.

“-but I respect you. And what I said from the start, I want to be friends.” He confessed, meeting her eyes. “Or anything that you can offer. I understand.”

_Wow_. Sooji thought to myself.

She anxiously drank on her tea before facing him, thinking what appropriate words to respond to him. “We’re friends, Hyunjin-ah.”

He rubbed his hands while grinning wildly. 

“Thank you.” He said with a relief tone. 

“It’s nothing.” 

He nodded, smile of relief still plastered on his face. “I’ll be going now. You seem busy studying.”

Sooji snickered, nose scrunching. Maybe she shouldn’t have hung out too much with Jeongguk back in the day. She inherited his habits.

“Finals.”

“Finals suck.” He mimicked while getting up and bowing. She did the same. “For what it’s worth, stay strong with your relationship.”

Her eyes widen as her cheeks flushed in rose. “W-We’re not on that level.” 

He threw his head back from laughimg so hard, getting the attention of people nearby. “Yet.. maybe? You seem to be the one for the long howl. I hope he is too.”

“I hope.” Finally, someone they could agreed on. She bit her lips anxiously.

“Well, if he doesn’t keep you... he’s a total dumbass. You should know your worth.” Hyunjin stated before winking.

Sooji just nodded without saying anything.

“Go get that ace and debut, Ji-sshi. If you need me, I’ll be there.” He said, giving me a warm smile before turning around to walk out.

It was earlier than usual when Yeji, Ryujin, and Sooji got back to their dorm. Yeonjun already texted her to get some rest and don’t wait for him since they were going to have a long practice for their weekly evaluation tomorrow. Their debut was a month earlier than the girls yet they were working harder for it since they were going to release more songs. 

Also, the expectation of being the first boy group to be debuted after BTS was a pain in their asses that she couldn’t imagine for myself.

“Ji-eonnie!” Sooji heard Yuna’s voice calling her from the living room.

She pushed herself up to go out of the room, wincing because of the period cramps she was agonizing the whole day, “Yes?”

“Delivery!” She said in a cheerful tone.

“I didn’t order... what?” Sooji looked puzzled, scanning the paper bag Yuna was holding.

Yeji came out of kitchen with spatula on her right hand, looking at the maknaes who were still carrying their bags. “You just came home?”

“We had to stop by the company.” Chaeryeong tiredly answered, slumping down on Lia’s lap who was sitting on the couch. Her attention diverted from the movie on her phone since they didn’t have television. Lia laughed as she watched how beaten Chaeryeong was.

“Ji, have you taken your medicine?” Ryujin asked as she appeared behind Yeji’s back.

Sooji nodded. “Yes, eomma. I’m going to the grocery, who wants to come?”

“What are you going to buy?” Lia asked, shifting her weight carefully while Chaeryeong looked soundly resting.

“Pads.” 

“I have extra?” Yeji offered in a loud voice since she came back to the kitchen. 

Sooji shook her head in embarrassment. “I still have but I just wanna buy another pack.” 

“Okay.” The other girl nodded. “Kimchi rice will be good to eat in a few minutes, is Chaeryeong still up?”

“Dead-beat.” answered Lia. “Let her rest for awhile.” 

Yuna squeaked, “Oh! Eonnie, I think you have one in your delivery?”

“I didn’t order anything...” Sooji said to myself, getting the paper bag from Yuna.

“Maybe it’s from your boyfriend!” Yuna teasingly concluded.

The girls let out their own squeals, Chaeryeong just mumbling incoherent words. Sooji laughed shyly before she excused myself to go back to her room. Curiously, she opened the paper bag. And when she did, her eyes widened. It consisted of a bottle of energy drink, chocolate bar with walnuts, and her preferred brand of napkin. A letter is also attached.

hey angel, i saw the calendar lol i dont know much about this.. it’s my first time haha! i literally had to ask for mama what to give u kekekke drink the pocari swear for hydration and chocolate bar since it’s ur favorite? ...did I pick ur... napkin, right? sorry im not there cuddling ur pain away ill do better next time i promise! hugs and kisses from yeonjunie <3

Sooji’s lips quivered as she read his handwritten note. She immediately pulled out her phone to type him a message.

**ME**

this is perfect, yeonjun-ah. thank you :<

Suddenly her phone vibrated. Yeonjun was calling her.

_“Hey baby,”_

Yeonjun sounded like he was gasping for her. Sooji figured they were still trapped in their practice room.

“You practicing?”

_”We’re on a five minute break. Did I get everything you need?”_

“All of it. Thank you.” Sooji smiled at the thoughtfulness. Sucked hard knowing Yeonjun couldn’t see it. “How did you know?”

_“I listen to your random thoughts, ma’am. Though, the drink was mama’s idea.”_

He chuckled groggily.

_”Now, she won’t stop me from asking who was I dating.”_

Her cheeks flushed again, but before she could reply, Sooji heard random loud movements from the other line.

_“Hyung, break is over.”_ Sooji heard Soobin’s reminder. _”Hi, Ji!”_

Sooji didn’t reply since it looked like it was just a passing greet, and Yeonjun sighed silently like he didn’t want her to hear his disappointment.

_“Have to go. Take care of yourself, hmm?”_

“Hwaiting, Junie,”

_“That’s all I need, baby.”_

Sooji took her time looking closely at the letter when Yeonjun dropped the call. She was only brought back to reality when Ryujin’s face peek from the door. “Dinner’s ready. Oh- was that from Yeonjun-oppa?”

She nodded. “He sent it through instant delivery service.”

Ryujin laughed, not even surprised what Sooji had said. It was clear to everyone how Yeonjun was utterly smitten with the lady Choi.

“Whipped.”

Sooji went out of the building as soon as she finished her extra practice. Yeji said she shouldn’t wait for them to finish recording last minute since it was her birthday, and that she should go home early. 

But still, her heels turned around and walked back to the building, and still practiced without the others knowing. She consoled herself that she would have enough rest for tomorrow since the practice starts after lunch and she already finished her finals.

So now that she was getting her keys, she was thinking what excuses to cover herself but when she opened the lights, loud confetti were popping and surrounding her. Eyes widened as she saw her members, the boys, and her mother.

“What is happening!” Sooji yelled in shock amidst the chaos and chattering of _Happy Birthday!_

Hueningkai appeared beside her to close the door and the lights, doing the traditional birthday agenda. Sooji still couldn’t process what was happening.

“Saengil chukahamnida! Saengil chukahamnida! Saranghaneun Choi Sooji! Saengil chukahamnida!”

Ryujin collected the frozen girl made her stand beside Soobin who was holding the cake. 

“Make a wish, eonnie!” Yuna exclaimed excitedly.

The twins exchanged their oddly bunny grins. “I already blew her candle the moment I woke up. Hueningkai almost shoved it to my face!”

Hueningkai put his hands forward while waving it, defending herself. “It was your 19th birthday and you weren’t waking up!” 

They all laughed at Soobin’s accused statement. Sooji nodded and closed her eyes to focus on her wish: ITZY’s successful debut and a happy life together with the people she loved. It’s all that matters to her.

Then she opened her eyes, Sooyoung hugged her daughter so tightly, tears filling her own orbs.

“Eomma...” 

“I missed you, my Sooji. Happy birthday!” Sooyoung greeted with warm smile on her face before letting her go.

As soon as Sooyoung went to the table to fix the plates and utensils, Soobin placed the cake on the table to come to his twin.

“Happy birthday to us!” He giggled softly, hugging her comfortingly.

The girls was the next one to greet me. They exchanged a few solo selcas with me and birthday wishes. “Yah, Choi Sooji, how are you still pretty after practicing! ” Lia sarcastically scolded after she clicked the camera button. The girls were now busy with helping Sooyoung so the boys would get their chance.

Plastered grins on their faces that were almost meeting their eyes as they greeted Sooji. She only noticed now that they were incomplete. Her smile involuntary fading on her face.

“He... uhm. He couldn’t go.” Soobin answered as if he read her mind.

“He was supposed to until the producer wanted him back for the song he was writing for our next album.” Beomgyu added, trying to lessen the sudden shift of uncomfortable air.

“Album already?” Sooji asked in shocked. 

Taehyun nodded. “He has been getting lessons for songwriting for too long. I think the producer thought he was ready now.” 

“He was smiling widely a week ago. I heard him saying Bang pd-nim liked the concept of the song he was writing. He just needed to find a theme that would fit the vibe of our album.” Hueningkai stated with worried face when he saw Sooji expression changing. “Are you okay, noona?”

She could only nod, giving them a thumbs up. They came here, and it was enough for her nonetheless. “I understand.”

Soobin messed up with her hair which made her groan in annoyance. Sooyoung called them to eat the food she cooked. “Wah! Eomma, I missed your cooking!”

“Eomonim, the food is really good! Thank you for this.” Yeji thanked which followed the rest to compliment the food. 

After a long conversation while eating, Sooji volunteered to help on washing the dishes but they all denied and told her to sit down while the boys entertain me.

“Noona, how are you and hyungie?” Beomgyu asked, his eyebrows wiggling up and down. They teased Sooji, except for Soobin who was helping their mother.

“We’re okay...” Sooji awkwardly said, covering her face that was reddening.

“Noona is shy~” Hueningkai sing sang.

Taehyun chuckled at his member’s teasing. “Hyung seemed to be in L word, noona. What did you do to him?” 

Hueningkai’s eyes perked up as if he thought of something good. “Yes, Ji-noona! He smiles and plays with us too much!” 

“Isn’t he like that even before?” Sooji asked in playful disbelief, crumpling her face in suspicion.

Beomgyu nodded. “Before, he was contented with what he was doing. Like he was used to being a trainee and getting his goal-”

“But now, it’s like he was feeling emotions. He was happier with what he was doing like he found another purpose to work hard.” Taehyun cut him off.

Beomgyu spank Taehyun’s shoulder jokingly for cutting his line. “Right... right! I thought he was already a monster for being good but now he improved a lot!”

“I honestly envy him for juggling too many things at the same time. I don’t know how he does it.” Hueningkai said, side-hugging me since he was just beside me.

“Are you talking about Yeonjun-hyung?” Soobin said with voice that only the boys and me could hear.

“Who else would it be?” Hueningkai said sarcastically, earning a mad yet cute pout from Soobin.

“I saw him smiling at nothing the other day! He was literally just staring at something else then he smiled?!” Soobin exclaimed, joining the gathering of _What is happening with Yeonjun-hyung_ club. “I didn’t know what to react!”

Hueningkai rose from her side to chimned in. “Me too! It was during a break earlier, he did that after drinking water.”

“Anyone notices how happy he is every morning?” Taehyun asked.

They all nodded. Beomgyu turned to her direction. “Do you have morning or night calls?”

“We call at morning but it was only to wake each other up. Just goodmorning and drop. We call before sleep? Recently, he teaches me on rapping. Then they talk about their day. That’s it. It’s kind of routine, already.” She answered casually.

“That’s why.” Taehyun concluded.

Their eyes shined like she was reading a good night story. Sooji closed her eyes hard to contain her patience with the teenage boys in front of her.

“He teaches you how to rap? How?” asked Soobin.

I shifted her weight. “I sent him my lyrics then he tried it at first. When he got it, _quick_ by the way, he advised. Then I’ll try it. Sometimes, we’ll do a duet rap.” 

“That’s so-” 

But Beomgyu was cut off because of Sooyoung, saying they needed to go since it was late and she had to drop off the boys. They hugged each other and wished well before she waved farewell to them. The girls hugged her too before going inside their rooms to sleep. It was another exhausting day.

Sooji finished showering and changed into a thin shirt but thick pajama bottoms and socks. Her phone vibrated. Yeonjun was calling. 

“Hello?” 

_“I’m outside your dorm building.”_

Sooji’s eyes widened. “Why are you here?”

_“I parked in front the convenience store. See you, angel.”_

He was talking so fast that Sooji almost not understand the information he kept spilling out but she still followed the crumbs she absorbed. And when she was in front of his car, she only realized she was still wearing her sleep wear and usual black cap with mask on her face.

Sooji got inside of his car. “What are you doing here?”

“Happy birthday, pretty!” He greeted with a happy grin on his face. He pinched her cheeks amusingly.

“I- What?” She asked in confusion because Yeonjun started the engine and got away from the dorm building. “Where are we going?”

“Just han river. There’s nothing open at this hour.” He sighed. 

Sooji nodded. She knew she needed this getaway anyway. 

“What time will you be waking up tomorrow?” She asked, locking her seatbelt, worried that if they stayed up all night, it might compromise their rehearsal schedules.

“I don’t know. Pd-nim said recording starts at three in the afternoon so,” Yeonjun answered. “Which reminds me, can you get her phone and text Soobin please? I forgot to pass him the message.”

“You just got out of work and went straight here, didn’t you?” Sooji questioned as she leaned to get his phone from the dashboard. “Password?”

He chuckled and rested his free hand on her thigh. “Your birthday.”

Sooji flushed at his touch but it was dark so she let it be. Then she opened his phone which revealed her face as his wallpaper. She was supposed to be used to this, but Yeonjun was just too much for her.

Looking at the screen, it was screenshot of their video call where she fell asleep.

“Why would you use this as your wallpaper!” Sooji stormed, looking at him.

It was red light and he took it as an opportunity to look back and just winked as reply. She rolled her eyes with the non-verbal response and pursued in typing the message to Soobin, copying how Yeonjun does it.

“Why are you aegyo-ing to Soobin?” Yeonjun cackled when she let him read her message to double check. 

But she already sent it...

“Because that’s how you type?” Sooji said with hesitation.

He laughed harder as he gripped on her thigh for a short while, goosebumps appearing. “I only do that with you, dummy.”

Her heart was in mayhem but she loved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> talk to meeeeeeeeee


	7. Waiting for you at Platform 9 and three quarters

“It’s late yet there are still so many people.” Sooji commented as they got out of the car. “Wear your mask, Yeonjun-ah.”

Sooji reminded him that because she was aware that people in their industry knew each other. Even trainees in every different company have their own group where people can talk. And if the news gets out that Choi Yeonjun, Bighit’s Legendary Trainee, was spotted in han river at night with someone, Sooji couldn’t imagine what would happen.

“Okay, baby.” He muttered under his breath that made her cheeks flushed. Again.

Yeonjun was rummaging something from the backseat while Sooji was still scanning the surroundings. Lights lit up on the bridge, river was frozen since it was winter season, and people sitting on the floor or just walking around. There were even cyclers.

Yeonjun stood beside her and gave her his pink thick hoodie that he was wearing earlier. He was now wearing a black pullover and thick navy blue scarf around his neck.

“I didn’t use it during practice, don’t worry.” He chuckled.

As if she was thinking that?

Sooji wore it and it smelled like she was wrapped around with baby powder. So much like Yeonjun.

He motioned her to walk with him. He was carrying so many things. Sooji felt like she needed to do something. “Do you want me to help you?”

“It’s fine. Just find a place for us?” He smiled sweetly.

Sooji obeyed, her heart feeling like it was going to burst anytime soon. It had always been like this with Yeonjun.

After a few indecisive pointing, she finally spotted a place where no one was near, and that she was sure to be a comfortable enough for them to chill on. Sooji bravely clutched on his arm loosely to guide him. When they arrived, he handed her paperbags that had two meals of Subway Melt sandwiches... it was their favorite. 

He laid down a blanket and looked at her. “Let’s sit.”

Sooji gave him his meal and they continued eating with comfortable silence as they stared at the shining night sky. 

“I heard you wrote a song?” Sooji broke the silence after they consumed the food.

Sooji threw their trashes on a single bag with Yeonjun trying to help her but she did it fast. He noticed it and just chuckled at her action.

He nodded, gesturing her to move closer. “I did but there was something missing.”

Sooji stood up only to sit in front of Yeonjun. He quickly trapped her in his arms which made her lean on his body. His chin resting on the side of her head.

“What was it?” She mumbled at the cold winter wind.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” He said, linking their hands that was on top of her lap.

Sooji smiled at the sweet movement. “You’ll come around.”

“I will... if you’re just beside me, I’m sure I will.” He replied.

“You don’t have to depend it on me, Yeonjun-ah. That’s not how it works.” Sooji fretted about his inferiority.

He caressed her hands using his thumbs. “You’re just my inspiration.” 

“Will we be ready?” Sooji whispered, closing her eyes. 

He turned to take a glimpse of her. “For what?”

“We’re gonna be an idol in three months, Yeonjun. You know how this works.” Sooji said, her voice slightly breaking. She didn’t want to ruin the moment but hell forbid her to stop overthinking about negative things.

He trapped her closer to cuddle her when he noticed how her voice drop. “I’m too attached to you, baby. I can’t let go now.” 

Her breath hitched. “We’re gonna make this work?”

“See this?” He asked, gesturing her to open her eyes and look at their intertwined hands. “This is what I’m never letting go.”

“Words are harmful, Yeonjun-ah.” Sooji blurted. 

“Don’t you trust me?” He asked. She felt her heart shattering.

“It’s not about that... Imagine how hard it will be for us when they debut.” Sooji remarked rationally.

“It’s probably gonna be the same. Look, we’ve been through time management already. We understand each other.” He frustratingly said. “Hey, if I was in this relationship with other girl, I don’t think it will work. I’m just confident that we’re compatible. Do you get me?”

Sooji just nodded, didn’t want another negative thought slip past her lips.

“If it’s not going to be the same then we take a step together. Easier said than done, I know. But I have trust in this relationship so much.” He insulated. “Even though, we’re not official.”

“Okay.” said Sooji.

“Okay?” He asked in anxiousness. “Okay, what?”

“Okay like okay. If we’re still dating on the day of your debut, we’re official.”

Yeonjun carefully leaned to look at her face. “Holy shit, that’s not what I meant, but for real?”

“You don’t want?” Sooji asked mockingly, trying to ease the tension.

“Challenge accepted, then.” He grinned confidently.

They returned to their previous position and just talk about random things. Yeonjun was playing either her wrist or hand while Sooji stared at the night sky. 

Sooji cleared her throat before speaking. “Since we’re going to be idols in a few months... we have to stay away from each other, right?”

“I guess.” He replied while playing with her fingers. “We can still be subtle in person.” 

Sooji tilted her head to press it on his chest. “How?” 

“Do you know sign language or any gestures at all?” He pondered.

She shook her head.

Yeonjun grabbed her right hand to spread her palm, her fingers straightening. Then, he gently put the middle and ring finger down. Forming into common _rock n roll_ hand sign.

“This is the [ILY sign](https://www.google.com.ph/url?sa=i&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwicxpWu-bjtAhVtKqYKHdFsB4UQ3YkBegQIARAE&url=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FILY_sign&psig=AOvVaw0HWrH4-aZqEAuoblGe_AKG&ust=1607330096681512).” He stated carefully, like he was scared I would react negatively.

“That’s rockstar.” Sooji deadpanned as she blinked in confusion, dumbfounded.

Yeonjun groaned in annoyance and frustration, muttering incoherent complaints about her ruining the mood.

“Are you sure?” He asked, grabbing both of her hands again.

“We can use it if one of us feels nervous about a performance or anything at all. It can even be just to greet.” Sooji suggested.

He hummed as he kept playing Sooji’s little fingers. “Then, we should be keen to each other’s movements too.” 

Sooji chuckled before goofing him. “As if you’re not already keen to my movements, Yeonjun-sshi.”

He scoffed while taking something out of the hoodie’s pocket that she was wearing. “I can’t believe you didn’t notice.”

Sooji gasped. “I can’t believe you put it there!”

Yeonjun took two bracelets out of the box. “It’s your gift.”

“But this picnic alone was perfect as it is, Yeonjun-ah. You have to stop spending your trainee allowance-”

“Stop asking me to quit spoiling my baby because I will never.” Yeonjun said in finality. He wrapped the bracelet on her left wrist before placing a chaste kiss on top of it.

Sooji looked at the pendants. “YJ?”

Of course.

“For Yeonjunie and Yeonjunie only.” He sassed. “SJ for me!”

Sooji chuckled at his mood swing. She looked at the bracelet that Yeonjun was wearing. She didn’t notice it until now. “SJ for Sooji?” 

“Assuming!” 

“I thought they were both loyal here?” Sooji retorted, looking at him, suspiciously. 

Yeonjun kissed the side of her head before hugging her again. “I’m kidding, baby. My eyes are always on you.”

“You and your words.” Sooji whispered before heaving an audible sigh.

“Do you ever think about running away?”

Sooji gripped on his hand. “Running away?”

“From being a trainee? Student? Reality?” He trailed. “I’ve never thought about those in my five years of being a trainee. Not until now.”

“If I were to think straight, I’d say that’s not a good option.” Sooji laughed awkwardly, fading into a grimace. “But believe me when I say I think of it too these past few days.” 

“What makes you think that?” asked Yeonjun, his other hand unclasping hers to fix the air blowing on Sooji’s face.

“You.” Sooji simply said. “Like right now, this is platform 9 and three quarters.”

“Platform what? Why are you pulling a math on me at this hour?” Yeonjun whined, suddenly pulling away to lay down on the frozen surface.

“I can believe you don’t know Harry Potter.” Sooji retaliated, shaking her head in disappointment.

“I know him! He’s the wizard!” He defended, getting his back up again.

“And?”

“And... the one with circle glasses.” He said in a small voice.

Sooji mentally face-palmed myself. She couldn’t believe she was dating this dork for months.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” Sooji started. “Going back, Platform 9 and three quarters is a train station where Hogwarts students boarded the Hogwarts Express. You can only go through it by passing through the magical barrier.”

“And?” Now, he’s pulling a reverse card. Remarkable, Choi Yeonjun.

“This is hard to explain but in short... for me, it’s where you meet your friends are. Together, you run away to a special place wherein you can forget reality and be yourself.”

“Fuck.” Sooji heard him cussed. “Fuck! Fuck! You are amazing!”

Yeonjun exclaimed and kissed her on her cheeks loudly before pulling her for a back hug again. Sooji laughed at his sudden burst.

“What is up with you?”

“Nothing.” He said with excitement in his voice. “Just tell me if you don’t wanna stay. Now, we can go.”

“I’ll tell you when I need your hand the most, Yeonjun-ah.” Sooji giggled. “Promise me that you’ll tell it too.”

“I promise.” He said with sincerity. “You should take me to the magic called _us_ when I do.”

“Us?” Sooji scoffed before laughing into a scornful way.

“Of course, who would it be? We’ve got to be together to get to the hidden 9 and three quarters.”

“Let’s recall.... [nam singyeong sseugo salgin akkawo] then breathe a little more. You can exhale at the same time on the word [hago] but be fast with [sipeun il hagido bappa]. Make sure you drop the [My life] powerfully, okay? You always run of breath that’s why you can’t get its timing. You can breathe for like... a second and half before proceeding to [nae mamdaero sal geoya malliji ma].” 

It was almost an hour before midnight and the rest of the girls are already resting or meditating on their rooms. Ryujin’s eyebrows were furrowed while watching their dance practice video with earphones on, her body slumped on the couch while Sooji was on the open space she made earlier where she could practice since the living room was quite small.

Yeonjun called to check up on her but it ended to be an hour long call since they made last minute run through. They had their free time which they still spent it on practicing. Yeonjun just multi-tasked to supervise both of his group and Sooji on the line.

Which Sooji highly disagreed on but he was so serious that she couldn’t talk back.

“Okay, I got it.” Sooji replied, getting to her position before she dance and rap to her part. “[Nam singyeong sseugo salgin akkawo. Hago sipeun il hagido bappa- My life! Nae mamdaero sal geoya malliji ma.]”

Sooji heard Yeonjun clapped from the other line. “Perfect! You got it again.”

“Really?” Sooji exclaimed, happily, while panting a little.

“Ye- Yah! Soobin-ah, be careful with your footworks!” He scolded from the other side. “Yeah, you can stop now. Make sure you don’t forget what we have learned for months!”

“Yes, sir!” Sooji laughed at Yeonjun’s mentor mode.

“Kinky.” He teasingly commented.

Sooji scoffed, shifting her tone. “Do you want to die?”

Yeonjun laughed at her reply. “I still don’t know your opening moves, Jiji. That’s not fair, baby.” 

“I told you it’s a surprise...” Sooji defended while moving the tables that she pushed aside earlier. Ryujin motioned to go inside the room first which she nodded.

“You didn’t even let me watch your music video! The rest of the boys were talking about it for days that I couldn’t relate!” 

“You promised to watch the first performance.” Sooji giggled.

“You made me promise! You lured me into ramen trap.” Yeonjun groused as he tried to prove a point. “Whatever. I’m gonna watch, anyway.”

Sooji went to the room to get her clothes before going inside the shower room. “You have a practice.” Sooji stated jokingly to irritate him more.

“You really think I’d missed your debut?” Yeonjun challenged with a smug tone. “Think again, angel.”

“Yah, Choi Yeonjun!” Sooji scolded as an objection. “If you do something I don’t agree-”

“As if your brother will miss it too?” He snapped back. “We only have to do the photoshoot for Mnet. No rehearsals.”

Sooji heaved a sigh in defeat.

“Rest well now. I’ll see you, my pretty little thing.” 

They were almost up in the stage. All of the girls were so nervous. Yeji was busy composing herself but miserably failing, Lia busied herself in the mirror while singing their lyrics, Ryujin practically muttering every word that gets inside her head, Chaeryeong looking like she was about to cry, Yuna can’t control the shaking of her legs as she sat beside Sooji who seem to be the only one who looked composed.

Sike, she felt like she was a second away from passing out. She diverted her emotions and did breathing practices as she watched the video of her SERENDIPITY dance with Yeonjun. The angelic voice of her senior calming her down the same thing as Yeonjun and her moves gracefully moving in sync.

He did not send it to Jimin, though.

“Let’s go.” Yeji said when their teaser already played.

Sooji put her phone back to her bag and looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing a black fitted cropped-top with black fishnet underneath but still showed the formation of her soon-to-be abs. Black and white camouflage track pants that matched with their group’s theme and leather boots. 

Her personal stylist liked her style that’s why they settled for making the all black outfit and high clean ponytail to be Sooji’s signature look.

“Stay focused and enjoy. ALL IN US?” Yeji said as they huddled in the middle.

“ITZY!”

They stepped on the stage and went to their starting postion, anxiously waiting for the lights to turn on for the [performance](https://youtu.be/2xU2PyI-sEI) to start. 

“ARE THEY ON?” Yeonjun yelled in panic as he quickly ran to the room after his solo photoshoot.

He was actually getting impatient because the photoshoot adjusted which means there was a possibility that he would miss it. He did miss the teaser but he did so well that the photographer let him go after being satisfied with the outcome of his visuals.

“Calm down, hyung. The lights aren’t even open...” Beomgyu teased, making silly faces.

The exact moment Beomgyu said that, the light were on. The beat dropped and Sooji’s face was the first one to be seen.

“Shit...” Yeonjun cussed at himself as he looked at Sooji.

Taehyun was planning on taking a video of Yeonjun’s reaction but he also got hooked on the performance that he forgot.

Sooji kept her fierce visual as she dances to the opening. The part where her hand was going to touch her opposite shoulder, she formed her fingers to the ILY sign that she and Yeonjun made back in her birthday.

“She-” Yeonjun mumbled.

“She what?” Hueningkai said in amusement at his hyung.

“Keep quiet.” Soobin scolded, eyes fixated on the performance.

Ryujin started the first verse, followed by Yeji who looked so intimidating. The boys were watching intently like the rest of the audience. 

“I honestly don’t know if they’re cute or scary.” Hueningkai commented.

“Keep quiet.” Beomgyu was the one who scolded him now.

Hueningkai pressed his lips, wanting to laugh how ridiculous his hyungs were looking.

Sooji’s killing part were about to come. Their transitions went smoothly as they gathered to their own positions; which Sooji was the center, rapping while they breakdance.

> Bad bad. I’m sorry, I’m bad
> 
> I’m just the way I am!

She rapped as she were dancing in the center. Then, she suddenly stood and mockingly posed.

> I don’t care about anyone else
> 
> I’m busy doing what I do

Then she switched her facial expression into a fierce as she did the floor dance, still rapping.

> My life!
> 
> I’m gonna live my life in my own way!

Yeonjun literally jumped on his spot with his knuckles punching the air happily, his face putting a proud grin. The staffs looking at him weirdly, his members laughing at him. He bowed as an apology before watching ITZY’s performance again.

Sooji could hear through her adrenaline the gasps and cheers of the audience in front of them got louder. She knew she killed her part.

Days later after their debut was like a fever dream. Or like... she literally reached her dream.

It was nothing but a bliss when they ended successfully. The fanbase was growing fast. Seoul became crazy about it. They even trended on huge social media platforms because of people who kept searching for their name.

“Have you seen twitter?” Ryujin asked as she bended her body to reach her toes using her hands.

They were about to practice for the day. Jin Young was satisfied with their debut and Bae Dabin was happy with what they showed on the stage but it didn’t mean they were any less strict.

“No, I haven’t had the time to check.” Sooji answered before drinking water. “Why? What’s up?”

“Seoul speaks... about you.” Ryujin laughed as she laid down on the floor. And no, they weren’t talking about Seoul only. _Seoul_ was another term for the whole K-POP industry; media, fans, and even idols. “I wonder how Yeonjun is holding up with this.”

Her eyes furrowed as Sooji mimicked her movement. “What do you mean?” 

Before Ryujin had the chance to speak, Yuna came bursting the door.

“Ji-eonnie, you have so many gifts!” She exclaimed happily. 

Her face automatically crumpled in confusion. “Huh? From whom?”

“Your fanboys, pabo!” Lia yelled as she entered the room.

Ryujin laughed as she looked at her. “Exactly, yes.” 

Chaeryeong walked in with Yeji holding a paper, her brows furrowed as she reads through the pages. Yuna connected to the speakers and played a random pop song for their usual warm up routine. 

Sooji leaned closer to Ryujin, continuing the conversation that was interrupted. “I think he’d understand.”

_“Yah, why!”_

Yeonjun whined from the other line. His face expressing a childish anger. His lips pursed and cheeks purposely bloated.

“It’s just gifts, Yeonjun-ah.” Sooji chuckled, looking at him through the screen as she smiled. 

His chest was pressed against the bed cushion as his neck was tucked for support by a black pillow that he was also hugging. He was shirtless but his body was wrapped by his comforter.

_“From admirers!”_

“From Seoul.” Sooji corrected.

_“No.”_

He stubbornly replied, his lips still sporting a beak.

“Shut it, Yeonjun. Your name initials are literally wrapped around my wrist.” Sooji retorted as she raised her wrist for the camera to see.

Yeonjun’s face changed into a happy one. Smiling widely as he showed his bracelet too. He looked satisfied at the sight of her wearing the his gift.

_“I’m debuting in a few weeks!”_

“I’m so excited!” Sooji exclaimed before her face falls. “I can’t watch live, though. I have vocal lessons.” 

Their comeback date was dated on the 4th of March. They weren’t scheduled to perform on that day and the maknaes would return to classes while the Eonnie line would attend individual practices.

_“You should watch it on the next live performance. We’re both performing on the 7th.”_

“But-”

_“No. You owe me one.”_

Sooji blinked twice, trying to recall what he had just said. “Owe you, what now?” 

_“For using the ramen card on me!”_

Again, his lips turning into a beak now as he bickered _._ It was one of her most favorite side of Yeonjun.

_“I couldn’t watch your damn music video.”_

Sooji gave a half-suppressed laugh. “It’s your fault you fell for a ramen?” 

_“Don’t you laugh at me now, miss. This has to be fair!”_

“It was fair and square. You’re just too occupied seeing the ramen packs behind me when I was getting groceries that you chose them over the music video.” Sooji stated as a matter of fact before sighing. “But, okay. I’ll watch it live, then.”

_“Hmph!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL HAVE TO REMEMBER THIS CHAPTER


	8. Between us between

TXT finally debuted a few days ago but Sooji couldn’t watch it because of the petty deal she had with Yeonjun. Ryujin won’t stop teasing her about it as well, mouthing the lyrics as she listened the song through her earphones.

“Ryujin is seriously dedicated on the other group’s music... I can’t with her.” Yeji deadpanned as she watched Ryujin dancing in tiny in the middle of their dressing room.

Yuna perked up from the staff that was fixing her earpiece. “Their songs were good!”

“Blue Orangeade’s a bop for me, not gonna lie.” Lia commented while getting her hair fixed.

“They broke the record for the most viewed K-Pop debut music video within 24 hours for a boy group with Crown, though.” Chaeryeong added, putting on her shoes. “I like their concept. I think they’re going for a friendship story.”

“You all watched it?” Sooji asked in envy, not moving her eyes on the same SERENDIPITY video she always watched every pre-performance. It helped her calm her nerves down so much.

And yeah, she would never send this to Jimin.

“Yeah, Ryujin won’t live us down. She gathered us in the living room. Thought you knew?” asked Yeji.

Yuna gasped, her lips forming into a round shape. “You haven’t watch your brother’s debut?” 

Sooji raised her hand in front of her as a sign of defense. “No, no, no. It’s just that... I promised someone I’ll watch it first today.” 

“Who?” Lia asked, looking at her through the mirror.

“Y-”

The volume of the television got louder. Sooji heard the first beats of the song, and when it registered into her mind, she quickly turned her head. 

Yeonjun’s face was on the television.

“It’s TXT’s turn!” Ryujin squealed loudly, taking off her earphones.

They all, except Lia who was still not done with her hair, gathered up beside her on the couch. Sooji got sandwiched as they squished themselves. They watched their [performance](https://youtu.be/JtQlgdN-onM).

The boys wore matching white pants and black converse, their tops differ. As Beomgyu sang the first verse, Sooji couldn’t help but to stare at Yeonjun. He was wearing a white shirt that has red text of _LOVER_ inside the unbuttoned red vertical-stripes polo. A bright red belt was supporting his tucked in top and hips. 

He looked straight out of a retro movie.

“I don’t know about you but I think Ryujin’s betting on Beomgyu.” Lia attempted to provoke Ryujin, that grimaced as her response.

“Hey, I want to be Hueningkai’s friend!” Yuna chimed in. She stood up unexpectedly that Lia’s stylist got startled.

“We’re literally schoolmates with them, Yuna. Sit down.” Chaeryeong scolded savagely, eyes still glued on the show.

Sooji laughed, remembering something. “I’m surprised you’re still not friends with Taehyun. You’re each other’s gender opposites.” 

“Ah, really?” Yeji taunted more. 

Even Chaeryeong laughed at her statement. “An intellectual, I see!” 

They stopped bickering for a while during Hueningkai’s part played where he acted like he was going crazy. Then, Beomgyu stood up for his part. Taehyun being the next one.

Finally, Yeonjun went to the center as he sang his line.

> Guhaejwo eojjeomyeon nan goemuri doenjido molla
> 
> Got no one but you

Sooji felt her cheeks flushed when Yeonjun did cute gestures. She quickly hid her face but Ryujin caught her, chuckling, resulting the members looking at her in confusion.

“Soobin-oppa and Lia-eonnie would most likely to be close since they’re both slow.” Ryujin clapped back to divert the attention.

“Yah!” Lia let out a playful scream. “Yeji and Yeonjun as the oldest, then!”

Sooji stiffened at hearing Yeonjun’s name. She tried to calm herself down but Ryujin looked at her subtlety. Don’t get her wrong, Sooji wasn’t panicking because he was being linked to her leader. Sooji was panicking because she realized how long she hid Yeonjun from her members.

“I think that Bighit’s Legendary Trainee fits more with JYP’s Secret Weapon.” Yeji concluded in finality, staring at her.

Yuna squeaked from beside her. “Oh my god, I totally ship!” 

They all looked at Sooji. She shrugged awkwardly, then watching Yeonjun’s rap part exactly served.

> Sesangeun daeche wae irae nahante
> 
> Haruachime ppuri dallin nae sangtae
> 
> Bichi isseulkka? agmahantedo  
> Geuttae nunapeseo pyeolchyeojin ne nalgae

Sooji’s heart sighed happily as she watched him work passionately at what he did best. For solid six months since they started talking, majority of it consisted about their careers. _It was nice having someone to be with throughout the journey_ , she thought.

“ITZY!” The stage manager called, pulling her out of her reverie. “Are you ready? You’re next!”

“Yes!” The girls answered with enthusiasm, standing up from the sofa.

Sooji fixed her black fitted cropped top while she looked into the mirror. Ryujin helped her fix the creased on her glittered gold skirt. 

They walked on the hallway that lead up to the stage. TXT suddenly appeared from the corner, coming back to their dressing room since they have another song to perform after ITZY. Soobin, together with the boys who were smiling widely, waved at Ryujin and Sooji quickly. She wanted to give Soobin a quick hug, but they were in the middle of a set. Sooji’s eyes locked with Yeonjun’s as they bowed lightly to each other. Their members doing the same too as they exchanged polite words.

“You did well!”

“Hwaiting!”

“Good work!”

When Sooji noticed Yeonjun’s arm moved, she automatically dropped her gaze down to his hand, seeing that he was holding on the ILY sign. Nervously, she did the same too. They smiled at each other before walking to different directions.

“Sooji-sshi...” Lia gibed, slowly, her eyebrows moving up and down. “What does it mean?”

Chaeryeong draped her arm on Sooji’s shoulder as they walked quickly towards the backstage. “Trainee, huh?” 

“As much as I want to laugh, let’s focus now.” Ryujin chuckled.

“Hey! You know something...” Lia accused, squinting her eyes in suspicion.

“I see a power couple in the making.” Yeji stated, smirking.

“My ship is sailing!” Yuna exclaimed as they stood up beside the stage, waiting for their teaser to finish.

“Okay, girls. Forget about the award later. Let’s enjoy the show.” Yeji commanded, switching into her leader persona. “All in us?”

“ITZY!”

Panting from the [performance](https://youtu.be/8J34JRklWJI), they got out of the stage. TXT was already waiting by the backstage. Sooji bowed shyly without making eye contact before walking away.

Sooji felt a familiar grip on her wrist. The girls quietly screamed, as if that’s possible. Sooji silently prayed that what she was assuming was wrong, but when she looked at who it was she wanted to hide herself.

“Are you okay?” Yeonjun asked, worried, his eyes carefully searching for hers.

Sooji nodded, avoiding his gaze. Instead, she scanned the room; only to find that no staffs were looking at them since they were all busy. “Just thirsty.”

They heard TXT being called, saying they only have a half minute left before they go back again. 

“I have to go.” Yeonjun said, subtlety caressing the accessory he gave her. Sooji’s eyes found his own bracelet, wearing it too. “You did so good.”

“Thank you. Go up there, Yeonjun-ah.” Sooji smiled as she pointed the stage by tilting her head on its direction. Then, raising her tiny fists before cheering, “Hwaiting!”

“Hwaiting.” Yeonjun mimicked, leaving his hand from her wrist as he formed it into an ILY sign again. Sooji returned it. They nodded at each other. The boys who were stuck watching them.

What a day.

The first thought came into her mind when Ryujin came bursting out their room door so loud, waking her up with her thunderous footsteps.

“Keep it down...” Sooji mumbled incoherently, pressing an extra pillow to cover her ears.

“Keep it down?!” Ryujin sarcastically yelled, pulling Sooji’s pillow barriers down.

Yeji and Chaeryeong followed inside their room, with reactions Sooji couldn’t absorb since she literally just woke up from Ryujin’s thumping.

“Ji, look at your notifications! You’re trending with Yeonjun!” Yeji commanded urgently.

That made Sooji sat up real quick and unlocked her phone. She was indecisive whether to check the amount of messages she had received or the social media. But she chose the latter.

“Yeonjun? Suji? TXT? ITZY?” Sooji read out loud as she scrolled through the trending section. “4th gen power couple? Jijunie?” 

“It’s your ship name!” Yuna exclaimed as she came running inside with her gummy smile on.

With a sleepy Lia beside her that looked like she was also got dragged out of her room by Yuna.

Sooji looked up from her phone, still bewildered. “Ship? Ship name? What-”

“Ship as in, Suji and Yeonjun equals to Jijunie!” Ryujin playfully hit her to absorb the information.

“Good luck with the media!” Lia made fun of, tying her long hair.

“Good luck with the company!” Yeji added before going out. Sooji froze on the spot. “I’m kidding. Just don’t be obvious, okay? Yuna, go back to your cooking! If the food burns, you’re on breakfast duty the whole week.”

Yuna rolled her eyes as she pouted. “It’s just a toast, eonnie.”

They all got out of the room except Ryujin who patted her back. “You okay?”

“Just overwhelmed.” Sooji answered.

Ryujin nodded and went outside to give her space. Sooji continued to scroll through dozens of messages. Most of it was congratulatory greetings about her debut yesterday from friends and relatives. She quickly sent a good morning text to Sooyoung and Soobin (ignoring his messages about the trending list) before proceeding to another text.

**JEONGGUK**

CONGRATS MY G !!!!!!!!!!

4th gen power couple huh ;)

**ME**

search “korea’s power couple” in google and you’ll see taekook

**JEONGGUK**

rude :/

did they lie tho

Sooji laughed as soon as she read his reply. Also, she saw a text from Jimin too.

**JIMIN**

CONGRATULATIONS MY CHILD

U BROKE THE TRENDING LIST THAT WAS MY JOB

anw u and that legendary trainee trended since yesterday

be careful 

**ME**

thank you oppa. wouldnt have done it without you

i will 

take care

nd pls tell jeonggukie to stop teasing me

**JIMIN**

hes just jelly bc he got replaced loooool

seriously take care ok?

**ME**

we will oppa

see you soon :>

Yeonjun’s contact appeared on the screen, requesting a facetime.

“Why are we trending?” Sooji asked immediately the moment she picked up the call.

His video was shaky because he looked like he was walking. Sooji could see him bowing to different people as he scrolled through Bighit’s hallway, by the looks of it.

_“Goodmorning to you too, lover.”_

Sarcasm could be heard on his tone. Sooji was left dumbfounded, forgetting what she was going to say. 

_“You’re forgetting we’re official now.”_

Her eyes widen at the realization. “Oh gosh, did we debut?”

_“I already debuted five days ago but okay.”_

“Why are you so early? Did they call you in because of what happened?” asked Sooji, panic in her voice was evident enough for Yeonjun to notice.

Yeonjun chuckled. He was endeared.

_“Easy, baby. It was for the songwriting workshop. I don’t think they would make a big deal out of it.”_

“I saw the tweets?” Sooji retorted, getting up to start her day. She needed to go to work even if she wanted to lock herself up in her room.

_“Calm down. They just find us cute yesterday when we were standing beside each other.”_

“You _winked_ at me during the encore, Yeonjun!” Sooji accused.

_“Don’t think about it.”_

Yeonjun let out another set of laugh before perceiving that Sooji was serious about the issue. He calmed himself.

_“Seoul ships idols in this industry, Jiji. Plus, I think this could benefit their debut too.”_

“Are you saying this is fanservice?” Sooji scoffed, offended by Yeonjun’s wording.

His attention went full alert, stiffening at Sooji’s warning voice. _“No, baby. That’s not what I meant.”_

“Dropping the call. I have to get ready now. Focus on your day and I will too.” Sooji said without letting him speak. 

Sooji dropped the call and muted the notifications from him. She put on a calm music to help her get distracted at how upset she was feeling, not wanting to go on a rampage when she comes to work.

Sooji showered for a half hour and did her routine, changing into a terno dark gray oversized shirt and cotton cargo pants. She walked towards the door where Ryujin and her headdresses are located, getting her big black buckethat to hide her face. She was extra unsociable today.

“Buddy, you have to talk to your guy. TXT’s flooding their chatroom.” Ryujin said while munching her food.

She sat down beside Yuna who gave her the usual _good morning eonnie!_ hug. “What happened, eonnie?”

Sooji browsed through their faces, looking all concerned. She smiled shortly for consolation.

“It was just about the trends...” Sooji shrugged, getting her cereal.

Yeji’s face crumpled in alertness, like she was a second away from scolding Yeonjun. “Why? He didn’t like it?” 

“No way in hell.” Ryujin quickly disagreed dramatically. “That guy is a total goner for Sooji. If anyone between them likes being shipped loudly, it has to be him.”

Lia hummed. “Possessive.”

Chaeryeong got up to get a carton of orange juice, placing it on the table. “Can’t blame him. The amount of fans, especially boys, biasing Ji-eonnie?” 

“Did he get mad at you because of it?” Ryujin asked, pouring the fruit drink in her glass. 

“It’s actually the other way around.” Sooji confessed, shaking her head to deny. “I mean, he whined about it for a minute-”

“That’s cute!” 

“I told you he was a goner.”

“Then he said something that made me feel bad.” Sooji added.

“What is it?” Chaeryeong asked with voice of apprehension.

“He said the shipping would benefit both of their debut.” Sooji answered with an irritated tone, pushing the bowl of cereal that she didn’t know when she finished eating it. “I was just upset because it’s like fanservice for him.”

“Oh.” Lia commented lowly, her hand covering her mouth.

Yeji leaned back on her chair with no expression. “I don’t think that’s what he meant, Ji.” 

“Fanservice and Yeonjun-oppa don’t fit in the same sentence and you know it.” Ryujin argued, putting a hand on her shoulder. “All of you have seen it yesterday— how genuine he was towards her.”

Reminiscing what happened after the Mnet show, they went straight to their dorm to rest. The girls bombarded her with questions the moment they were out of their manager’s sight; while Ryujin just stood beside her, laughing at how badly Sooji was dealing it.

_**“Let’s get this straight. The one the you’re dating...”** _

_**But Yeji cut Lia off. “Is Choi Yeonjun! You’ve got to be kidding me?”** _

_**Sooji nodded shyly, just sitting on the sofa while the girls were standing in front of her. “He’s actually my boyfriend now...”** _

_**Ryujin pushed herself out of the wall with a betrayed look. “The hell, since when?!”** _

_**“Way back my birthday, we went out at late night. We ate and talked for a bit about what’s going to happen.” Sooji started, nervously. She didn’t want to look at Ryujin’s judging eyes because she failed to tell her about it. “I told him that if we’re still dating by then, we’d make it official once we both debut...”** _

_**They sported different reactions. Yeji with an amused face. Lia with a face that looked like unbothered but her eyes expressed the other way around. Smirk plastered on Ryujin as she leaned again against the wall, letting the girls interrogate her. Chaeryeong tried to calm Yuna down who looked like she was going to burst out of exhilaration.** _

“Eonnie?” Sooji heard Yuna’s voice calling her back to reality. 

Her eyebrows uncurling. “Ah, yes?”

“You spaced out.” Ryujin answered.

They were now standing up. Sooji didn’t waste time so she went to the sink while carrying her dishes to wash it. 

“Just talk it out, you’ll work it out.” Yeji advised, fixing the table.

“I think she needs space for a bit. This can be staggering.” Ryujin chimed in while getting the washed plates from her.

Lia yawned, probably still feeling the fatigue from yesterday’s performace. “This is going to be a long ride for them.”

_“Just don’t let Seoul get you.”_

Sooyoung reminded before she hang up the call. Sooji heaved a sigh before pushing her feet to stroll through their company’s building. Everyone was busy but her. Yeji and Ryujin departed to the mall to refresh while Lia went out with her other friends. The maknaes stayed in their dorm to do their missed activities.

“Alone?” Sooji heard a voice from behind her. 

She looked at him and smiled with exhaustion. “Hey, Hyunjin.”

“Hey! Are you okay?” He said when he saw her tired figure. He jogged towards her. “You look drained. Extra work again?”

Sooji shook her head, exerting force to walk. Hyunjin followed her trails beside her. “No... I’m actually not in the mood.”

He gasped strikingly. “This is a first?”

They walked toward the elevator. Sooji didn’t know where they were going but she just kept on walking. 

“Everything just feels out of the place.” Sooji muttered, putting her mask on before going outside the elevator.

“Let’s get you a coffee?” Hyunjin offered which she accepted.

No words were exchanged except for Hyunjin just asking her order. She went to find a comfortable table where no one would see them. Since they’re both idols, it could get messy with the media.

“I don’t think it’s out of the place, Ji-ah.” Hyunjin stated as he slipped on the chair in front of her, sliding the Java Chip Frappuccino she requested.

Sooji’s brows furrowed, and she took off her mask. “What do you mean?”

“It’s just that... you’re not used to this world.” Hyunjin hesitated to conclude, sipping from his cup before continuing. “I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings, okay? I assumed it’s like that because I’ve been there. Congratulations, by the way.”

He sent a mocked grimace.

“Feels suffocating.” Sooji chimed in, looking at the gloomy sky even though it was spring.

Hyunjin hummed in sympathetic agreement. “Seoul suffocates.”

“It does.” said Sooji, heaving a sigh.

“But I can’t imagine dating someone from the alternate group.” He said which made her stiffen on her seat. 

She blinked twice out of disbelief. “How?”

“Your ship name be snatching spots on the trend list since you were caught interacting back in the show.” Hyunjin pointed out, rubbing his chin as his eyes twitching.

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Sooji pursued her lips in annoyance.

“Your shippers are already crazy about you. Hell, it’s only been... what? Almost a month since they debuted. Yet, here they are making analysis from left to right.” He explained, pushing back loose hair from his forehead. “And that bracelet did help to raise the suspicion at all.”

Sooji leaned back on her chair, instinctively hiding the bracelet Yeonjun gave her. “Is the matching bracelet too obvious?”

He chuckled, shaking his head in disagreement. “I didn’t even know Yeonjun has his own. I only saw you wearing that every time I see you. Kinda figured it’s something special.”

Sooji sighed in relief. She recalled Yeonjun’s outfits during their performances were long-sleeved. The bracelet wouldn’t get noticed unless it’s peeking.

“I wouldn’t know who it was since they’re so many people whose name starts with Y. But your issues got out... Then, I connected the dots.” said Hyunjin. He leaned back to his chair, imitating her position, with arms crossed.

Sooji felt her phone vibrated from her back pocket. Pushing her back away from the chair, she got it out.

**YEONJUN**

baby

are you free?

**ME**

@ jype

**YEONJUN**

oh okay

tomorrow? 

it’s sunday!!! >.<

**ME**

idk 

Sooji breathed heavily, throwing her phone on top of the table frustratingly. 

“Woah there, tiger.” Hyunjin calmed her down. His arms now unclasped from his chest to raise it in front of us. “Did you fight?”

“We’ve been fighting since the shipping got out.” Sooji answered, tapping her legs anxiously as she looked away. “Well... me.”

“Jesus Christ, that’s like so long!” Hyunjin exclaimed. “What happened?”

She groaned, not wanting to talk about it anymore. “Just felt like this is fanservice for him.” 

Sooji knew she was showing too many emotions to Hyunjin right now. This wasn’t like her but she couldn’t help it. She needed to let out or she would burst any moment.

“Fanservice-” Hyunjin bursted out cackling in his seat.

“Why are you laughing?” Sooji retaliated in frustration, freezing on the spot.

“What do you fucking mean fanservice, Ji...” He said with amusement, trying to calm himself down. “That’s Choi Yeonjun you are dating! Seoul has been anticipating for him for as long as I can remember. He doesn’t need fanservice to get him more fans. He already has!”

Sooji stared at him, blankly. “I know.”

“Then why?” He asked in total composure.

“I knew the day after that I overreacted but I don’t know how to approach him. So, I didn’t.” Sooji raised her palms on to her face to hide.

“You don’t know how to apologize?” He attempted to commence, which made her automatically nod with shame.

“I don’t know what to say, okay?” Sooji hurled back defensively before Hyunjin could comment further.

“It’s not nice being prideful, Ji-ah.” He advised wisely.

Bull’s eye. 

“I don’t wanna give him an impression of being petty. I should look strong.” Sooji justified, intertwining her hands anxiously.

“I know Yeonjun enough to know that he’s a great guy and you are too. Even if you weren’t not dating, people will still ship you both because you’d look adorable together.” He stated as he tried to get her look at him. “And he’s not like the media or other people, Ji. He’s your boyfriend.”

He’s her boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment comment ANYTHINGGGG


	9. From this moment on, I will love her

“Why does this have to hurt so much!” Sooji exclaimed, stomach on the folded pillow to apply pressure.

“You’ve been having stomach ache since you got home! What did you eat? Where did you go?” Ryujin’s voice thundered as her hands caressed her back comfortingly.

“C-can’t sp-speak.” 

Yeji sat on the floor to face her. She sacrificed her hand for her to grip if Sooji feel the pain. “Where is he? I seriously will kick him when I see him on the next inkigayo if he doesn’t appear any minute now.” 

“He’s here!” Yuna shouted from the living room.

Sooji heard rattling footsteps until she saw Yeonjun rushing inside the room. He quickly put down a gym bag beside her bed.

“Came as soon as I could.” He said to Yeji who swapped their hands. “I’ll handle her.”

The familiar warmth of Yeonjun invaded her palms. 

“Where’s Soobin?” Ryujin asked, putting a warm compress on her stomach.

“Practice. He couldn’t go because he had to stay with the guys.” Yeonjun replied, fixing the chain of Sooji’s bracelet that was stuck on the hem of the pillowcase.

“How are you here?” Yeji contemplated, standing up.

Yeonjun kissed the side of her head for comfort before speaking. “Did a perfect solo run in front of their choreographers to get a pass.”

“That’s... awesome.” Chaeryeong quietly commented, fascinated.

“I think I deserved a time out to take care of her girlfriend.” Yeonjun thoughtfully stated as he caressed Sooji’s cheek with his thumb.

Lia nodded in concern before signaling the girls to go out. “We’re just gonna be in their rooms.” 

“No funny business, Choi.” Yeji reminded before going.

Yeonjun suddenly coughed out of embarrassment, his cheeks flushing as he smiled at Sooji.

“I’ll be sleeping in Yeji-nie’s room for tonight. Will you both be fine?” Ryujin asked, standing up from her bed. 

Yeonjun nodded. “Thank you, Ryujin. Good night.”

After Ryujin closed the door, Yeonjun unclasped their hands to get something from his bag. 

“W-What are you doing here?” Sooji asked impassively, concealing the pain and embarrassment she was feeling.

“Taking care of you.” Yeonjun answered warmly, taking off a litro of water and a vapor rub out of the bag. “Where did you go? I thought you were busy?”

He helped her turn her body and asked for a consent to move her top to reveal her stomach which she gave him. Gently, Yeonjun rubbed the ointment on the area that was in pain. 

“I went for a coffee.” Sooji answered with a guilty tone, wincing when the pain kicked again.

His warm demeanor suddenly turned into an angry aura. “Damn it. Why would you fucking drink coffee when you’re acidic?” 

Sooji felt herself shrinking like she was being scolded, hiding herself from the pillow. 

“Baby,” He called softly when he was done rubbing the ointment.

Yeonjun supported her as she sat up on the bed. He made her lean on her headboard before getting the water and a piece of banana to give it to her. 

“I want half-litro consumed before you sleep, okay?” He commanded, excusing himself to wash his hands.

Sooji obediently ate the banana. And when he came back, she drank the water. Yeonjun sat on top of the bed beside her but facing her as he silently tied her hair into a low messy bun.

“Feeling better?” He asked, smiling with solace and comfort.

“I’m s-sorry.” Sooji croaked, pertaining on the real issue aside from her illness.

He nodded understandingly, getting the babana’s leftover skin to discard it. “It’s nothing.”

“I was with Hyunjin earlier...” Sooji confessed, playing with the pendant of the bracelet.

“I know.” He answered quietly.

Her face contorted, resulting her eyes to quiver. “What?”

“I saw you.” He trailed with an impassive tone that she failed to understand. “I was gonna surprise you on the lobby of your building.”

“Yeonjun-ah...”

“But Soobin called for an emergency meeting.” He cut off. “I was lucky you had company or I’ll embarrass herself.”

“Hyunjin and I are just friends, you already know that.” Sooji tried to console, moving her body to give him space.

Yeonjun scooted the way she liked it. He shifted her body so he could spoon her from behind. He wrapped his hand on her stomach while they laid on their side. His face was pressed on her hair.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain.” Yeonjun assured before placing a chaste kiss on shoulder.

He played with the initials of her bracelet using his fingers before he finally intertwined her hand. “I missed you.”

“I meant it when I apologized.” Sooji fretted that he didn’t take it seriously.

“I told you, it’s okay. What’s important now is you’re with her.” He said, voice deepening.

Sooji couldn’t take it anymore. It just make her more guilty when hide her feelings while Yeonjun has always been honest with her all the time.

“I felt pressured when we trended...” Sooji trailed her confession, pushing herself to say the words. “It’s like I needed to look better to deserve you.”

“You avoided me because of that?” He stressed in disappointment.

Sooji released their hands to turn around and press her face on his chest. “I don’t want to bring you down. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to see how emotional I can be. You’ll only think of me as a baggage... and that’s not what you need right now.”

He pulled her out to check her face, looking at her with a mellow gaze before carresing her back.

“First of all, fuck Seoul.” Yeonjun stormed, words heavy. “Let them guess and judge, lover. We don’t care about them. Our relationship is not for the cameras too see.”

Sooji’s heart swelled on his optimism.

“-So, let them talk. Second, have you seen yourself? You’ve been the darling of the crowd since you debuted. They aren’t gonna talk shit about you now unless they’re insecure.”

Sooji’s lips involuntarily lifting into a smile as she watched how Yeonjun’s been gushing out, not thinking of the words that he was telling. The main objective was to make Sooji understand. And slowly, she was. 

“Last, stop thinking about wanting to look better for me. I get it, I am like that for you too. Though, I want to better herself for you and this relationship to work out but with honesty, okay?” Yeonjun spoke as gentle as possible.

Sooji closed her eyes to absorb the emotions he had been making her feel. She could feel his heartbeat racing but he looked composed on the outside.

“Okay.”

“No, really.” Yeonjun clarified once again. “Give me the good, the bad, the hell. I literally want all that you can give me.”

Sooji woke up with limbs tangled around her body. Her face automatically smiled. She was thankful that she had a chance to sleep beside Yeonjun and waking up to see his face first thing in the morning despite of their debut season.

She took time to absorb the features of his face, trying to memorize every details. She would never know when will be the next time they’d ever get this opportunity again. Brows furrowed while leaning close when she noticed an eye scar between the ends of Yeonjun’s eyes and brow.

It was fast when Yeonjun gripped on her waist, pulling her closer before he kissed her lips.

“Well, if you don’t do it then I will.” He chuckled at his antics. 

Sooji quickly pushed herself off him and laid her back flatly on the bed. Staring at the ceiling with cheeks flushed. “Morning breath, Yeonjun-ah!”

“Oh sorry, didn’t think about it. Your lips was too sweet itself.” He replied with fake innocence.

Yeonjun suddenly climbed on top of her to attack her with kisses. Sooji reddened harder, failing to cover her face as he pinned her wrists down on top of her head. 

“Good morning, lover,” He greeted, placing a trail of kisses from her lips to her chin and jawline down until her neck. “You woke up late. I assume you had a good night sleep.”

“You were awake first?” Sooji asked shockingly. Suddenly, she pictured herself of how she looked like during sleep. She scrunched her nose in disgust.

“Of course.” He answered smugly, pinching the bridge of Sooji’s nose. “I watched you sleeping for almost an hour.”

“Creep!” Sooji accused while hitting his shoulder, knuckles closed.

“Said the one who was leaning in while I was pretending to sleep?” Yeonjun teased before sucking the back of her ear. She whined quietly. “Sorry, angel. You’re irresistible.”

He pressed his figure against her without applying too much pressure, just simply cuddling her. The door slammed open revealing a wide-eyed Ryujin.

“What is going on here?” Ryujin accused with exaggeration.

With her strength, she pushed Yeonjun off her to put him back on his previous place. He complained in frustration.

“I was cuddling with my girlfriend but thanks, Ry.” Yeonjun sassed in sarcasm.

“You whipped man. Do you want me to tell her that I caught you staring at her like a highschool student pining for his crush?” Ryujin retorted with playful disrespect.

“I’ve been pining for her bestfriend’s sister for years now. You aren’t wrong there.” He replied wittily. 

_Again with the pining?_ Sooji thought.

“I- What...”

He exchanged a gun handsign with Ryujin before laughing. Sooji was stuck there watching them transitioned from bickering to supporting each other’s statement. 

“Anyway, I came to say I’ll go now. I have to meet up with her family for lunch. The girls aren’t coming back early either.” Ryujin informed before getting a mask in their table. “I’ll see you later, Ji-ah”

Sooji nodded. “Take care!”

“Yeonjun-sshi, take care of Sooji. Understood?” Ryujin gave an authoritative order.

Yeonjun’s hand flew on his eyebrows, imitating a salute. Ryujin chuckled before bowing and showing herself out.

“She’s snarky.” Yeonjun commented, going back to cuddling her. 

Sooji wrapped her arms around his body, being the big spoon even though she was at the bottom. “That she is.” 

“Why is she speaking informal with you?” Yeonjun asked with pure curiosity.

“I told her to. She’s my bestfriend and my buddy. Therefore, she’s exempted.” Sooji answered, covering her mouth as she yawned.

“Do you want to sleep more?” He asked, untangling himself on her as he sat up.

“No.” Sooji shook her head in disapproval. “What time are you going back?”

“I’m free the whole day.” Yeonjun answered happily, shaking his head joyfully. “Unless you want me gone?”

Sooji looked over the bag that he carried with when he got here. “Are we going somewhere?”

“Depends on you if you’re up for it.” He said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Let’s just stay in and order.” Sooji implied, considering the laziness taking over her.

He bounced his head horizontally. “I’ll cook instead. It’s unhealthy to get used to delivery.” 

Sooji arched her right brow. “Weren’t you the one eating ramen literally every night.”

“I’d marry them.” Yeonjun replied nonetheless, not even offended by the statement.

“At this point, aren’t you already?” Sooji remarked, getting up from the bed.

“Aw!” He playfully wailed with teasing look. “My lover is jealous.”

Sooji rolled her eyes and decided not to bite back, resulting to Yeonjun laughing while putting his hands on his stomach.

“What’s the plan?” Sooji asked, standing by the bed with her hands placed on her hips.

Yeonjun sat up before leaning in her body, making his head comfortably pressed on her stomach with his arms circled around her legs as he trapped her.

“Let’s buy some ingredients first then let’s binge-watch anything?” He suggested, tickling her stomach as he muttered the words under his breath.

Sooji raised her right hand to card it through his hair before nodding. “Sounds good. I’ll just take a shower.”

“Can’t we just shower together?” Yeonjun asked, turning his head upward to look at her with fake-innocence.

Instinctively, she hit his shoulder. “Yah, Choi Yeonjun!”

“That’s hot...” He commented further with the same expression. Sooji pushed him off her body before walking away to get her shower necessities. “I’m kidding!”

After they showered, separately, they made sure they wore clothes that no one will notice us since it’s broad day light. 

“I think everyone will still notice you.” Yeonjun said as they climbed inside the empty elevator.

“Why?” Sooji asked, fixing her mask and white cap.

Yeonjun chuckled, draping his hand on her waist. He knew she didn’t like it when people put weight on her shoulders. “Were you not aware that your fashion sense is clearly unique that netizens claimed it to be your print?” 

“You’re kidding?” Sooji scoffed, getting out of the elevator.

They went out of the building to go to the nearby grocery store. They opted walking instead of riding a car since the weather was good, not cold nor hot.

He intertwined their fingers as they moved from side-to-side. “They said you owned the dark colors and oversized outfits so...”

“It’s because I’m comfortable with her clothes!” Sooji groaned while shaking her head. Great, her hair getting messy with her hat on. “Now, I’m insecure.”

Using his free hand, he tucked her loose hair behind her ear like it was his habit already.

“You don’t have to totally change yourself for them, baby. If it makes you comfortable then go. Plus, no one is asking for you to change it. They like it the refreshing fashion, anyway.” He consoled, opening the store’s door for her when they were in front of it.

“Really?” Sooji asked in small voice.

“As the fashionista in this relationship, I highly like with your taste.” 

Sooji choked, overreacting. “Fashionista- Excuse me?” 

“What? I didn’t lie!” Yeonjun defended with innocent eyes.

Sooji rolled her eyes while getting a cart. “You have to stop applying your it boy agenda on me, Choi Yeonjun.”

“That’s just facts, baby.” He said with smug expression, giving her a boasting smile before winking.

Yeonjun pushed the cart after stealing it from her, causing it to fall under his control.

“Shut up,” Sooji laughed, dismissing him. “Are you sure you’re going to cook? I can cook, you know.”

“I’m surprised you know how to cook when Soobin just...” He trailed, looking over the cans.

“Just what?” Her brows furrowed as she watched him looking so focused.

“Just can’t.” He deadpanned.

Sooji giggled hard, shaking her head in disbelief. “You’re so—” 

“For the second time, I didn’t lie!” Yeonjun argued, getting a pack of spices.

“What are you cooking?” Sooji asked, getting her attention away from Yeonjun while she scooped her phone from her pocket.

“A— Yah! Why are you using your phone?” Yeonjun asked with high-pitched tone.

“Dude, chill. I’m checking for any important notification.” Sooji said with mocking tone, brow lifted.

“Did you just call me—” Yeonjun dramatically sassed while tucking his imaginary hair behind his ear. “I’m breaking up.”

Sooji rolled her eyes with incredulity. “Whatever, Junie. What are you going to cook? Let’s hurry up, these people might notice us.”

“Just say you want me all to yourself and go.” He scoffed teasingly.

“God, why is he my boyfriend?”

“That’s a foul, angel.” He stated while laughing. “I’m cooking Aglio e Olio.”

“You cooked it before?” Sooji asked, nodding at his suggestion.

“No.”

“I—” Sooji mumbled, astonished at his confidence.

“I need an assistant.” He commanded dominantly, as if he knew what he was going to do. “Let’s go to the noodles station.”

When they got to the aisle where noodles were placed, he immediately put the first spaghetti pasta he saw on the cart.

“Yeonjunie,” Sooji chuckled lightly as she went to put the pasta back. “You should look for good qualities.”

“But that’s the most expensive one?” Yeonjun asked confusingly.

“Doesn’t mean it’s high quality.” Sooji stated, getting the pack that she remembered Sooyoung would always prefer.

“How do I know what it looks like?” He further asked.

“You’ll know when you see it.” She answered vaguely, winking at him before walking forward.

He stood up in the middle of the aisle with mouth opened, processing what she had said.

After getting the ingredients and some snacks, that he insisted so much, they went to the cashier. Sooji saw him getting his wallet.

“Yah! Yah! Yah, Choi-” Sooji threatened before realizing she’s speaking loud. 

Yeonjun’s face crumpled, confused by her sudden burst. “I’ll pay for this...”

“Let’s split the bill!”

“I got it.”

“Let’s split the bill or I’m not talking to you.”

“Did I tell you I sometimes despise that pretty little brain of yours?” Yeonjun agreed in irritation, defeated.

Sooji smiled, only showing her crescent-eyes because of the mask. They paid for the groceries and began to walk towards the exit. Yeonjun was holding four plastic bags as they walked back. One bag for the ingredients and another three for the snacks. He was holding two per hand.

She reached out to help him but he switched the groceries in one hand to intertwine it with hers.

“I was reaching out for the bags!” Sooji pointed out in a low voice.

“It’s fine. Besides, we’re near and I get to hold your hand.” He hummed happily, shaking his head enthusiastically while small dancing. 

Sooji smiled sheepishly. 

_Choi Yeonjun really dances anywhere he feels like it._

“How should I assist you?” Sooji pondered as soon as they got back to the dorm.

“Sit pretty.” Yeonjun answered in monotone while he was busy putting out the ingredients.

“Yeonjun-ah...” Sooji warned.

He sighed in disappointment and stopped doing what he was doing, and he pouted. “I want to do everything but you’re being you.” 

“This is not a one-way thing.” Sooji retorted.

She went beside him help him organize the groceries. Yeonjun nodded as they continued what they were doing. He played a chill beat playlist to minimize the dead air since they were too busy to think of a topic to talk about.

“You’re playing non-hiphop songs... That’s new.” Sooji commented as she settled all the snacks in one bag.

He let out an offended cough as he put the oil in the cooking pan. “If I play that now, bet we’ll be bickering non-stop.”

“It’s nice of you to know me already, Yeonjunie.” Sooji laughed.

“Everyday, I’ll learn more about you.” He bragged as he winked towards her direction. “Lover, could you move the kimchi to the plate... Please?”

Sooji nodded and obeyed what she was told to, humming quietly to the song that Yeonjun played. “When we both know that deep down, the feeling still deep down is good~”

Contradicting to what Sooji was doing, Yeonjun was singing the song passionately. “If I could see through walls, I could see you’re faking~”

He put down the pasta to boil on the stove before going to her place. Sweetly, he hugged Sooji from behind as she poured the kimchi on.

“If you could see my thoughts, you would see our faces~” Yeonjun sang on to her ear. It was so gentle that she felt like it crawled towards her heart.

Yeonjun placed a kiss on her cheeks before releasing his arms to get back to cooking, giggling in the process like a lovesick teenager. Sooji could only smile, and washed her hands when she was done putting the kimchi on the plate. After, she excused herself from the kitchen to change into more comfortable clothes.

When she went back to her room, Sooji was thinking what should she wear appropriately since Yeonjun was with her, she felt conscious. Scanning mindlessly, Sooji suddenly saw the pink hoodie Yeonjun used last night that he threw off when he joined her on her bed. 

She decided to use it instead and changed into her lavender dolphin shorts, tying her hair the usual messy and let Yeonjun fix it later.

“Yeonjunie,” Sooji called as she went out of her room. 

“Yes, baby?” He asked before turning around from the table where the food was already set. His eyes widened at her appearance.

“Why do I look small in your clothing?” Sooji questioned sadly.

Yeonjun chuckled before urging her to walk towards him. “It’s because _you are small_. I don’t know how. You’re Soobin’s twin sister but your maknae... Yuna? Yeah, Yuna is taller than you.”

Sooji sent him a glare as she sat up on the chair beside him. “It’s called Science, you assbutt.”

Yeonjun threw his head back so hard as he laughed at what she had just said. “Assbutt-”

“Shut up...” Sooji warned in embarrassment while hiding her face behind her hands.

“Oh, my lover...” He breathes heavily as he tried to calm himself down.

“Thank you for the food!” Sooji bowed politely while he poured food on her plate. 

He observed her with anticipating nervous eyes as Sooji had her first bite of the Aglio e Olio he cooked. 

“Hmm...” Sooji trailed as she chewed the pasta satisfyingly. “It’s really good!”

He looked at her with a broken grin, nerves a bit relaxing. “Really?”

“It is!” Sooji said while getting another fork of the pasta. “You cooked great, Junie~”

Sooji laughed as she watch him miserably failing to hide his smile. One thing she had noticed about Yeonjun was that he liked getting compliments but when he actually got one, he would turn into a shy mess. 

They talked about random things, mainly about Soobin and his well-being, as they went through the food. Sooji volunteered to wash the dishes after.

“Let me wash the dishes, Yeonjun-ah. I’m gonna ignore you if you keep doing all the work.” Sooji chastised while fixing the plates to put it on the sink. She began washing it.

“Fine.” He muttered with a childish tone.

Yeonjun went behind her back and tucked his chin on her neck as she busied herself with the dishes, his arms loosely snaked around her waist. Her heart fluttered happily because of the gesture.

“What is up with you today?” Sooji chuckled, questioning.

Yeonjun sighed as he relaxed himself. “We won’t know when we’ll get busy again.” 

Sooji nodded lightly without saying anything. Comfortable silence enveloped the room as she finished washing the dishes. Silently, they set up her bed for binge-watching. 

“What do you wanna watch?” Sooji asked as she scrolled through Netflix using her laptop.

He was choosing snacks that they bought, only deciding not to buy chips because the crumbs are messy. “Let’s watch Harry Potter.”

“We wouldn’t be able to finish this in one day.” Sooji reminded him. He raised two popcorn bags with different flavors, asking her what to get. “Caramel.”

Yeonjun shrugged his shoulders. “No, it’s okay. I wanna know why it’s your favorite.” 

Sooji nodded and opted to pick _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s stone_ and played it. Yeonjun scooted beside her after, placing a bowl of almond M&Ms and the popcorn bag. Her liter of water and his strawberry milk on top of her bedside table.

They exchanged words as the movie kept going on. He was giving her his opinion and she was giving hers too. Sooji could tell he was in deep with the movie at how he was intently watching it.

“This is the most interesting by far.” Yeonjun commented after they watched the third movie.

“I beg your pardon but the next movie is my top tier.” Sooji argued. He looked at her like he was processing the information. “Let’s watch it next time. I’m sleepy.” 

“You sure? If you’re thinking I’m getting bored, I’m really not.” Yeonjun assured her, shifting her head to his chest after he placed her laptop on the bedside table. The bowls were also discarded by the end of the second movie.

“It doesn’t look like it.” Sooji mocked, booping Yeonjun’s nose with her forefinger. “Want to talk more or stay like this before you go.”

He nodded, getting his phone to check the time. It was a quarter to 4. “We got plenty of time.” 

They played a bit with his camera to take selfies as a visual reminder of this day. Then, he busied himself with playing with her hair. Sooji settled on closing her eyes to enjoy the feeling.

“Yeonjun-ah...” She called, not moving.

“Yes, baby?” He asked as he switched his hand to caress her bracelet.

“I’m bad at this... relationship thing.” Sooji confessed faintly.

“Trust me, you’re not. You’ve been nothing but the best. What are you saying?” Yeonjun remarked softly.

“I overthink a lot, Yeonjun-ah. And I’m always like this... so pessimistic. Aren’t you tired of me yet?” 

Sooji didn’t know why she was opening up to him like this. This wasn’t like her at all. Maybe it’s the hormones talking or maybe he’s helping her to change for the better.

“I’m with you. No matter what else you have in your head, I’m always with you.” He said, placing a kiss on top of her hand. “Stay with me, it’s all I ask.”

“I don’t think I have anywhere else to go.” Sooji scoffed enthusiastically.

“And just trust me, okay? Trust me, Jiji. In this industry, it’s our only foundation.” Yeonjun mumbled with strong feelings underneath.

Or maybe Sooji really had it bad.

“I love you.” He added.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he-


	10. Oh, oh, drama for you

Yeonjun called her in the middle of the day. He was frantically flooding her with messages just calling her pet names but with no context. Good thing, they had their lunch break at the moment. Sooji was just hanging out around Hyunjin in their lounge. 

_“Lover! My angel! Baby! The love of my life!”_

Yeonjun screamed through the phone. Sooji excused herself from Hyunjin and he nodded to give her privacy. 

“Breathe, Yeonjunie.” Sooji replied, shifting her weight to avoid Hyunjin’s gaze.

_“Are you free now?”_

“I still have an hour...” Sooji trailed, looking at the wall clock. “Maximum.”

_“I’m outside of your building. Can you get out for a minute?”_

Indeed, her first reaction was shocked. Then questions came flooding in her head. _Why is he here? Why is his voice like that? Did something bad happened? This has to be serious._

_“Baby?”_

Sooji blinked hardly to bring herself back from her worries. “Give me a minute.” 

Sooji didn’t drop the call just in case he was going to say something. Hyunjin looked at her with his left brow raised, questioning her sudden change of expression.

“Something happened?” Hyunjin whispered, looking a bit worried too.

Sooji shrugged her shoulders in the same confusion as Hyunjin was potraying. “I don’t know too. He’s outside.”

Hyunjin’s lips automatically rounded at the information. He gestured her to get out of the room now and go to Yeonjun.

“Where are you?” Sooji asked when she got outside of the company building.

_“Same spot, lover. I see you now.”_

Her eyes furrowed. To be honest, Sooji didn’t really know what’s the same spot. However, she saw his tinted white Audi R8 that was shining beside other vehicles in the parking lot. She walked towards it, getting anxious about the public media now. It’s always been like that for her since then. Whenever she stepped outside, she’d get paranoid that someone was watching her. That one suspicious move, she’d be the headlines for tomorrow.

The car was a gift given from his parents when he debuted. Perks of being the only child. Though, he sold his old car and gave the payment he received to his parents. Stubborn like him, they refused. And Yeonjun being Yeonjun, persuaded them until they gave up. 

No, they didn’t. They wired the money back to Yeonjun, not minute after. He whined about it for so long every time he would call Sooji.

“Yeonjun, why are you here?” Sooji asked as she stepped inside his car, dropping the phone call as soon as she did.

Sooji looked over his appearance. He was wearing a bomber jacket with white shirt underneath that was tucked into denim pants. 

Her eyebrow furrowed when she looked at his lips. “Why are your lips red?”

“Oh, I forgot about that. Just got out of taping and I flew here the soon as I did. I have something to say.” Yeonjun rambled, he was speaking fast that Sooji could barely understand even if she was a rapper herself.

She raised her hand to put it on top of his chest, calming him down. “Talk when you’re ready?”

“Lover, I’m going to America!” Yeonjun exclaimed with so much happiness in his face. “We’re having their first showcase there!”

Her eyes shot up in surprise. “Oh my god! Really? I’m so proud of you!”

Sooji quickly hugged him as she muttered words of encouragement. Ironically, she was the one rambling now.

“We had their surprise film earlier. I was feeling out of it at first. I thought it was gonna be a dance practice but they put make up on us before going somewhere.” He spoke, his eyes sparkling at every words.

Yeonjun took the wet wipes out of his glove compartment. One could call Yeonjun a boy scout. He was so ready for anything, especially when it comes to cleanliness.

Sooji leaned closer to him to carefully wipe out the tint on his lips. It was almost ineffective since she was just using a wet wipe. 

“That’s so exciting! God, Yeonjunie. Congratulations!” 

“I’m thrilled too but I’m freaking nervous now that it’s coming to me...” He muttered with a hint of anxiousness.

Sooji stopped wiping off the stain on his lips but she didn’t back away. She pinched his mochi cheeks. “It’s normal... You’re still going to do great during those times.”

“Fuck, I don’t know. We’re far away from each other. How am I gonna survive the timezone?” He groaned, closing his eyes dramatically.

Sooji giggled at his reaction. “Stop it. You know we’re stronger than that.” 

His eyes opened in surprise. “Did I hear you- Why are you optimistic?”

Sooji rolled her eyes. “Do you want me to think of negative things, then?”

“No, uhm...” Yeonjun trailed but he didn’t continue.

“If we can’t squish the night calls, then we won’t have too. It’s okay. We’re both going to be tired anyways.” Sooji stated, pondering more about the situation they would be getting into.

He pulled her hand to intertwine it with his. “Send each other updates when we can. I don’t care if you text her short or long. Or reply late. As long as you reply, okay?”

“How long will you be gone?” Sooji asked after agreeing to his request, absent-mindedly caressing his eyebrows.

He pouted adorably. “Showcase is two weeks but we were invited to perform in iHeart Radio.” 

Sooji leaned back with disbelief in her face, she unlinked their hands so she could cover her face. “Wango Tango? You’re joking me, right?”

“I’m not. Your boyfriend is going to be there.” Yeonjun scoffed, voice a bit impassive to show enough sulking.

“He is! 5 seconds of summer will be performing too. They just announced it!” Sooji yelled and punching her fists to the air, getting out of her excitement.

“I knew you’d say that...” He accused, pouting more now.

And yes, he knew about her music preferences. 5 seconds of summer might not have a chill discography but Sooji liked them, biasing on the lead singer.

Sooji laughed and pinched his lips. “Ah, Yeonjunie is jealous again?” 

“It’s not funny.”

“You know I have one boyfriend and that is you, you giant baby.” Sooji tried to tease.

But she think she failed.

Yeonjun’s body tensed positively. “You called me-”

“Shut up, I was teasing you.”

“You said baby.”

“I said Giant Baby.” Sooji corrected him but he was still in rainbow land. “You were supposed to be against it.”

“Why would I be? You called me baby.” 

“I said-”

“Baby.”

“Yeonjun-”

“Baby.”

Sooji flicked her tongue in defeat. He’d never gonna let go of this one.

“Come on, Yeonjun. You have to go now.” Sooji sighed for the ninth time of the morning. 

Yeonjun’s flight was being announced but he still couldn’t get her out of his grip. The guys were busy saying good bye to their own families. She’d already talked with Soobin when they squished their time to sleep at home and bond with Sooyoung, who was incredibly proud of her son. Yeonjun’s parents weren’t here because they had to work but he also came home yesterday to visit them before going to the other side of the world.

“Hyung.” Taehyun called from afar. It looked like his parents already let him go, seeing he was standing beside Soobin who was busy on his phone. 

They literally had to hide from everyone else including their manager and staffs. Yeonjun only excused himself for a restroom break to meet up with her. It was hard for her to go inside the airport too since there were fans waiting for them. Even though she was Soobin’s sister, it was hard to risk. In stan twitter, fans have been waiting for her too if she was going to the airport with them, saying they would get a _Jijunie crumbs_.

“Junie, I have to go too. Practice starts in two hours.” Sooji reminded him sadly.

He pouted in distress, pushing away the hair that was covering her face. “Take extra care of yourself, okay?”

“Please, don’t tire yourself. I’ll be cheering you from here, I promise.” Sooji smiled, pulling him into a wide hug. 

“It’s just three weeks, baby. I’ll come home to you soon.” Yeonjun consoled, kissing her on top of her head. “Take care of the car too, lover. I don’t know what I’ll do if something happens to that pretty thing.”

Sooji chuckled lightly at his attempt of lightening up the mood. He actually picked her and Soobin up from their house using his car so they could go together, leaving the keys to Sooji before sneaking out to go the rest of the boys where the fans and media would meet them. 

Aside from Soobin’s snores from the backseat, the rest of the drive was unusually quiet but it was relaxing when he placed his right free hand on her thigh the entire time. It was a non-verbal way of saying _it will be fine_.

“YJ, let’s go.” Beomgyu called, he was standing behind her. “Noona, stay safe on your way back. I’ll watch over hyungie for you. Don’t worry.”

Sooji nodded, letting go of Yeonjun. He picked up his luggage before looking at her as if he was memorizing her face. Sooji smiled to let him know that she was okay. He nodded mindlessly and pecked a kiss on her lips, earning a disgusted groan from Beomgyu. 

Yeonjun dismissed the distasteful reaction of Beomgyu and let himself place another kiss on her forehead. Sooji felt Yeonjun’s breathing, like he was calming himself down using the gesture. 

They turned their back on her and before she knew it, they were gone. On her way back, they were messily flooding the group chat about how excited they were and Ryujin panicking because Sooji was still driving, and their practice was going to start in less than an hour. Yeonjun scolded them for getting her attention, stressing the fact that Sooji was still driving.

When Sooji arrived to their building, she went out of the car immediately. Completely forgetting to wear her mask because of hustling to go inside, but she was still wearing a buckethat so it was fine. She noticed some press that took picture of her while she was walking towards the building. Sooji bowed still even when she felt uncomfortable from the flashes.

“About damn time!” Ryujin yelled as soon as she got inside, panting from running late.

“She’s technically not late.” Chaeryeong assured, stretching herself as she laid down on the floor.

Sooji looked at her phone to see the clock was two minutes before eight. She breathed heavily at the relief. Her eyes scanned the room to see it was just the five of them. They were called for a morning practice with the choreographers because they would have to perform at KCON Japan in a few weeks and two songs on KBS next month. Sooji blinked in confusion when she saw none of them were here to observe them.

“Dabin-sunbae and the others were called for an emergency meeting. You’re truly a daughter of heaven, Ji-sshi.” Lia joked out at her luck.

“Ji, warm up now before they come back. We won’t be taking any breaks until before lunch.” Yeji reminded before going through her playlist.

They were friends, alright. But Yeji was different when it came to practice. Unlike Sooji, she focused solely on bettering herself first before applying it to the team. Yeji, as a leader, she had to weigh in her priorities. She was stricter than any of them but they were thankful for it. 

As she put down her things, she caught sight Yeonjun’s texts.

**YEONJUN**

(sent a photo)

yeonttomeok (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و 

When Sooji opened his messaged, she saw a ton of food placed on his board. Different variety like Beef Stew, Seafood, Tofu with spicy sauce (Sooji assumed since he was Yeonjun), Bread, Cake, and Salad. 

**ME**

did you not eat before leaving??

thats a lot

**YEONJUN**

bg was sleeping 

they gave me his food 

theres also ramyeon!!!!!!!

yeonjunie has ramyeon!!!!!

**ME**

jun-ah, wont your tummy hurt...

**YEONJUN**

my heart hurts

**ME**

what happened?

does your manager know?

**YEONJUN**

im miles away from u :’(

**ME**

come back here so i can kick you

brb gotta practice

**YEONJUN**

just say u miss me

go get em my it girl

<3 yeonjunie

Sooji smiled before tossing her phone away. Focusing on the practice now. Ryunjin, as usual, helped her stretch since she was lazy enough to do it. Yeji blasted Twice’s discography. Sooji chuckled, remembering that it was her favorite girl group. Lia, Yuna, and Yeji were currently dancing to FANCY while laughing at their actions. Chaeryeong was busy doing a cobra stretch while looking at her phone.

“Ji-eonnie,” Chaeryeong called, tilting her head towards her direction.

“Why?” Sooji asked while getting off gently from Ryujin. 

“You and Yeonjun-oppa are being talked about again...” She informed slowly, looking at her and her phone, back and forth. 

“There’s no day that your shippers will let you rest, huh?” Ryujin playfully commented, getting Chaeryeong’s phone.

“They said you were using Yeonjun-oppa’s personal car?” Chaeryeong asked unsurely.

Sooji breath hitched at the allegation. She turned her head to Chaeryeong’s phone that Ryujin was holding. 

**WEAREIDOLS**

BREAKING: ITZY’s SUJI, 19 year old, was seen driving herself on her way work with AUDI R8. The newly debuted gg member is a chaebol?!

(SEE PHOTOS HERE)

**@jjuniegyu**

ISNT THAT YEONJUN’S CAR?!

**@sooblueorg**

SOMEONE FIND THE PLATE NUMBER!!!

**@choisiblings**

wtf ppl can buy same things u deranged

**@dallaji**

PAUSE THE MF MUSIC .. if she just got there now theres a possibility she went to the airport too!!!!!

**@tyunreal**

**@dallaji** We didn’t see her. Now stream CROWN

**@ityeonji**

MATCHING CAR... 4TH GEN POWER COUPLE

**@winkyeonji**

**@ityeonji** I THOUGHT WE WERE KIDDING

**@hwangsooji**

hyunji superior ;)

“My head hurts.” Sooji mumbled, giving the phone back to Chaeryeong.

“If they get the plate cards, you’re both dead.” Ryujin muttered, both of them looking worried at her.

“Seems like the ones who took the pictures have limited angles. It’s okay, eonnie.” Chaeryeong cheered up, showing a thumbs up.

The door swung open revealing the choreographers. Bae Dabin had a smile on her face, looking like she was in good mood. Sooji got nervous when they all gathered up on one side. Without a second, Jin Young came along. The members and Sooji didn’t waste a heartbeat to stand in their feet.

“Good morning.” He greeted cooly, his posture giving the same intimidating aura.

“Good morning, JYP PD-nim!”

They all greeted as they bowed respectfully. He gestured them to loosen up. Sooji’s hands were placed in front of her body, crossing together. She took advantage of it to subtly hold the pendant without anyone seeing.

“How are you girls holding up?” Jinyoung asked, standing in front of them.

Yeji tilted her head, but not too upwards, just the right angle to show that she was attentive. “We’re okay. Thank you for asking.”

“You’ve bagged awards these past few months, that’s good.” Jinyoung stated while nodding in satisfaction. “Bae-sshi, have you been practicing them for Japan?”

Bae Dabin stepped forward to answer. “Yes, PD-nim. I’ve also told them about their performance in KBS next month.” 

“Fantastic. I don’t want any of you making a mistake during the day. Many groups will be there and media will most likely be preying on you.” He proclaimed, crossing his hands over his chest. “If any of you misses a step or a line, even a little detail, I will postpone your comeback on August. Understood?”

“Understood!”

“That’s all. We’ll further discuss about your comeback after the performance.” Jinyoung said before excusing himself. They bowed as he walked away.

The girls’ eyes widen when Sooji looked at them through the mirror, clearly overwhelmed at the announcement. 

“Girls!” Bae Dabin called with an excited tone.

“And then when he joked out, Pd-nim suddenly appeared behind him!” Hyunjin bursted out laughing, his arms crossed across his stomach to stop it from aching. 

It was their another usual night when they would go back to the dorm at the same time. Sooji just got back from New York to attend Louis Vuitton fashion show with the girls for promotion purposes. Even though Yeonjun and Sooji were at the same city, they couldn’t see each other because of their hectic schedule and strict security. They couldn’t even talk properly because their schedule was colliding. If Sooji was free, Yeonjun wasn’t. And vice versa.

Hyunjin and Sooji didn’t have busy schedules for the week, but practicing, so they maximized it on extra lessons. The producer, Galactika, was actually used to Hyunjin and Sooji staying at his studio. He gave tips when it came to recording their vocals too. It was fun to work with them.

“No way! What did he say?” Sooji asked in pity, she assumed Changbin was scolded basing on Hyunjin’s story. 

He groaned. “They all got punished because of him. He was being so playful the whole day, JYP Pd-Jim made him dance to MIROH for an hour while we stood up in front of him to watch.”

“You all got punished?” Sooji gasped but then chuckling as she waited for the green lights to turn red.

“Yeah, it’s nothing new. Don’t you girls experience the same?” He asked, nudging her when they were free to cross.

“It’s the same, I guess. Except when someone makes a mistake, we all do it over and over again.” Sooji answered, walking a bit consciously when she felt someone was staring. 

Hyunjin desperately pulled her wrist while they were walking. “Holy shit, camera! Pull up your mask!” 

Quickly, she wore her mask while walking fast. Hyunjin raised his free hand to hide his face. They didn’t know they would get ambushed during times like this. They were doing this for awhile yet they haven’t been into the situation they’re in now. 

Sooji felt tracks following them, he did too. They looked at each other before running frantically towards their dorm building. When they got inside the elevator, he released his grip on her. Hyunjin’s eyes falling to her figure with worry. She realized she wasn’t breathing properly. 

“Fuck! Okay... okay, Ji, calm down...” Hyunjin said, trying to ease her breathing. 

Sooji did her best to hold it up but Hyunjin shook his head. “Don’t hide it, Ji. Come on, it’s just me.”

She didn’t even realize that they were in front of her dorm until she saw Ryujin’s figure, her eyes landing on Sooji with worries the same as Hyunjin. 

“What the fuck happened to her!” Ryujin yelled when she saw her distressed state. 

She helped Hyunjin to place Sooji on the couch. The other girls went out of their rooms with sleepy faces on but as soon as they saw her, they switched into high alert. Ryujin excused herself out of the commotion.

“Hyunjin, what the—”

Hyunjin looked up to Yeji after he safely placed her on the sofa. “We were walking back when the paparazzi saw us and took a photo.”

“Seoul speaks! Why weren’t you keeping safe!” Yeji scolded, obviously thinking of what the outcome would be in the morning. “Yuna, get her water please.”

Yuna went out of sight. Ryujin came back with her inhaler. Sooji quickly accepted it with dizzy vision.

“Shit, I remember you can’t do this alone.” Ryujin muttered under her breath before looking back at her. “Do you want me to call your brother... or Yeonjun-oppa?”

Sooji shook her head desperately. ”D-Don’t... I can do it.”

Sooji tried to focus on the inhaler and did her routine but the external conversation was clouding her mind too. 

“Do you think they got a picture of your faces?” Lia asked in fear, trying to use her hand to fan Sooji.

“To be honest, I think so. We weren’t using their masks.” Hyunjin answered, rubbing his face in exhaustion.

“The hell were you thinking?” Yeji asked in annoyance.

“I’m sorry. I’ll take full responsibility.” He apologized, his hands clasping behind his neck. 

Sooji stood up after feeling less anxious. “It’s fine, Hyunjin. Go to your dorm... I’m going to get some rest. I’m sorry, everyone. Please, don’t tell about this to anyone.”

_Yeonjun_. She was pertaining not to tell Yeonjun.

They nodded and gave words of assurance. Sooji bowed to them before going inside her room. She slumped on her bed tiredly. Her phone rang in her pocket. Sooji contemplated if she should answer it but when she saw Yeonjun’s face, she didn’t hesitate anymore. 

_“Morning, lover— oop were you sleeping?”_

“No, it’s fine. I just got back.” Sooji couldn’t help but release a monotone.

_“Did you tire yourself again?”_

“I didn’t. I only had extra rap lessons aside from the practice. Will you stop worrying?” Her sentence came out wrong.

Sooji tried. Sooji tried so hard suppress her emotions but talking to someone was triggering her. She thought Yeonjun could help her but he’s one of them.

_“Jiji, hey.. Baby, is everything okay?”_

His demeanor shifted from being normal worried to being extra worried. Sooji could feel Yeonjun’s uneasiness through the call line.

“I don’t wanna talk about it, Yeonjun. Can we talk about something else?” 

Sooji heard a sigh that sounded like he was getting some patience. 

_“Okay, baby. I told you they went to BTS-sunbaenims concert yesterday, right?”_

“I can’t remember but tell me about it.” Sooji said, trying to sound enthusiastic. 

_“Are you sure? Aren’t you going to sleep?”_

“I’m not gonna ask if I was.” 

Sooji mentally slapped herself for failing to stop herself from conversing like this with Yeonjun. Knowing him, he probably sensed something was wrong. This was not her.

_“Oh... okay.”_

Sooji changed into comfortable clothes while Yeonjun was telling about the filming they did before actually attending the concert. They had to complete five missions before getting their prizes. The last mission almost had Soobin crying because he thought they had to jumped on cold sea. Yeonjun also told her it was raining so much while it was filming, the staff had to give them medicine to assure their health. Sooji was silently listening rather than giving out comments.

_“You there?”_

“I changed clothes but I’m pulling my comforter now. Go on.”

_“When we went to the venue, we were so nervous! We all thought Soobin was gonna shit on himself-”_

Then she fell asleep.

It was early in the morning when Sooji was called to work. Yeji bursted inside their room to wake her up. 

“Should I wake Ryujin now?” Sooji asked, stretching a bit from sleep.

“No.” Yeji answered, looking away from her gaze. “JYP Pd-nim said it’s rest day for us but you.”

Sooji breathed out her nervousness before placing a smile on her face. She absolutely can’t breakdown. “Okay. Thanks, Yeye.”

Yeji walked in front of her to rub her arms as a sign of comfort. Sooji smiled widely at the gesture. She did the same before walking out of the room. Hayi informed her that there’s a car service that was already on the basement floor since there were people who were waiting in front of their building.

_This can’t be serious, right?_ She thought.

**WEAREIDOL**

STRAY KIDS’ HYUNJIN and ITZY’s SUJI were seen walking together at midnight. Labelmates reportedly dating?

(READ MORE)

**@hyunjingalaxy**

MY BABY IS NOT SINGLE ANYMORE?:?:!/$

**@staychan**

LABELMATES- I CHOKEDNIS THIS EVEN ALLOWED YOUR HONOR

**@jijuniesroyalty**

they were only seen walking pls calm dOWN

**@hwngsuji**

**@jijuniesroyalty** stop being jealous :(

**@itgirljiji**

GET YOUR MANS AWAY FROM OUR GIRL 

**@yeonbingaze**

LMAO yeonji sank just like that 

**@yeonjicentral**

**@yeonbingaze** LMAO yours didnt even sail

**@yeonbingaze**

**@yeonjicentral** who said i was a shipper

“It’s serious.” Sooji thought again in her head after she read the headline.

Manager Hayi was with her inside the car, massaging her face as she scolded Sooji.

“Why were you with him?”

“We both came back from recording.” Sooji answered in low volume.

“Recording? You aren’t supposed to be recording anything by now!” Hayi pointed out with rage.

“It was for extra lessons...” Sooji tried to defend without looking at her way.

The manager released a loud huff in disbelief. “Are you dating Hyunjin?”

Her eyes widen at the accusation. “We’re friends!”

Hayi didn’t comment but it was clear that she didn’t believe any of her word. Her face plastered a distasted expression. Was she disgusted of Sooji?

When the car stopped in front of JYP Entertainment, it was surprisingly not crowded. Sooji guessed that security already handled it beforehand, seeing the other group of people were waiting back in their dorm. She was nervous when they had to walk inside a conference room. Sooji saw Hyunjin with his own manager, who was scrolling through his phone mindlessly. Both of them looked up when they stepped inside the room. They bowed to each other before taking a sit across. 

“Sajangnim will be here in a moment.” Jinyoung’s secretary, Sooji assumed, informed. 

Her phone beeped from her pocket. 

**HYUNJIN**

are u feeling well?

**ME**

peach

**HYUNJIN**

lucky shit

im nervous af

Sooji decided not to reply. Fortunately, she didn’t because the door opened after Sooji read his text. Jinyoung stepped inside the room, the air shifted in more intimidating one. They bowed respectfully before he gestured them to sit.

“What have you done both.” 

Sooji gulped at his statement. It wasn’t a question but an accusation. 

“We were coming home from work—”

“I’m sorry. It will not happen again.” Sooji cut Hyunjin off, breathing hard to control her emotions.

Hyunjin looked at her as if she was insane enough to cut his explanation off. All heads turned to her direction. Sooji felt less of a person because of the stares. 

“Are you dating?” Jinyoung dropped the question, staring closely at their reaction.

“No.”

“We’re friends.”

“You should know that you are not allowed to date anyone in this industry until your respective group is five year old enough.” Jinyoung stated, crossing his arms.

Jinyoung looked at Sooji with unreadable expression before looking back at Hyunjin. “Hyunjin, you’ve been an idol for a year yet you don’t know how to stay safe off camera? Are you this amateur?”

“I’m sorry, sir.” Hyunjin apologized, his head was stuck on a bow position. He couldn’t look at the man in front of them.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have debuted you in the first place.” 

Her gaze automatically went to Hyunjin in worry. Instinctively, she was going to approach him but Manager Hayi knew her. She coughed lightly to get her back in reality. Sooji wanted to curse herself for being so careless.

“And you, Choi Sooji-ssi.” Jinyoung mentioned, turning his attention to her. “I am deeply disappointed. I expected a lot from you.”

Sooji winced mentally at the words she received. It felt like poison through her core. Sooji didn’t want this. Oh, god. Sooji didn’t want to hear those words ever.

She bowed in apology. “I’m sorry, I was not good enough. I promise to do better.”

“I am considering this a warning for the both of you. Spread this with your groups and no one shall be seen dating anyone until you pay back what the company has been giving you.”

Jinyoung leaned back from his posture. Sooji felt less intimidated by his action but she was still anxiously scratching her palms that she had been hiding under the hoodie she was wearing.

Jinyoung looked like he was in deep thought. But a few seconds later, he turned his attention back. “With benevolence, I will refrain from banning your friendship but it will stay as it is. Understood?”

Hyunjin sighed in relief but Sooji paid no emotion. 

“Understood!”

“Good thing, Seoul talks positively about this aside from the shippers. You kids... I don’t know why you have shippers. Dear, heavens!” Jinyoung commented with exaggeration.

The day continued peacefully by herself. Hyunjin was worried about her state but she pushed him off. He seemed to be distracted too that he decided to go back to the dorm. Sooji answered the people who texted her, saying she was okay and not to worry. Contradicting to it, her mind was in chaos. Her heart was aching with words that wouldn’t stop ringing in her head.

_I am deeply disappointed. I expected a lot from you._

Sooji looked at herself in the mirror, panting while a random loud music was playing. She put the playlist on random to just dance to whatever songs that was going to play. She wanted to tire herself out.

Sooji exhaled loudly before finally letting herself drink some water. As she finished her bottle, she went to get her phone to switch playlist to even more hardcore one. When she opened it, she saw a text from Yeonjun.

**YEONJUN**

beautiful morning my lover

2nd showcase today so i wont be touching my phone until then take care of urself 

<3 yeonjunie

Sooji remembered that she fell asleep last night when he was talking about the concert. She couldn’t believe it only slipped in her mind now, and that she haven’t texted him the whole day and dinner time had already passed.

**ME**

hwaiting

Sooji wanted to text him more but he has a schedule and yeah... with all that’s been happening today, she felt guilty. Sooji didn’t know how would she face him nor talk to him.

Why was she feeling guilty, anyway? It’s not like she and Hyunjin were really messing around. _Did Yeonjun know about the article already? But he sounded like inactive_. She kept thinking. Nevertheless, he was going to know about it sooner. Sooji was just delaying the inevitable.

**YEONJUN**

@ orlando 

hey angel? wyd?

i miss you 

Sooji was delaying the inevitable, she really did. It was two days after the issue came out. Sooji was sure that Yeonjun heard about it since the boys were freaking out on her messages. They were sending her private messages instead of bombarding the group chat.

**HUENINGKAI**

he’s okay, dw about it noona

literally yeonttomeok everyday

**ME**

does he know?

**HUENINGKAI**

i think u should ask him instead

**ME**

hyuka

**HUENINGKAI**

hwaiting noona! hehe

Sooji heaved a sigh, thinking what to reply to Yeonjun. She had limited time since they were going back to shoot for MAC. She only used her break to check her messages.

**ME**

shooting 

ive to go

{i miss you too...}

{ ~~i miss you too...~~ |}

{}

Sooji wanted to send that, but she was just afraid that if Yeonjun found out that they’re both free to talk, they would talk. Sooji didn’t have a courage in her to receive another disappointment. Not from Yeonjun too.

Another text from Yeonjun that caught her full attention. Sooji’s heart raced when she read it.

**YEONJUN**

soobin’s not in good condition 

fucking hell why does it have to happen now

Sooji excused herself to call Soobin, didn’t care about anyone or anything anymore.

_“About time, sister—”_

“What happened to you?” Sooji asked in worry. She was fidgeting her fingers to control her uneasy emotions.

_“More like what happened to you?”_

Reverse card.

“Shut it. Yeonjun texted me you’re not in good condition. What happened?”

_“Hyung!”_

Soobin whined. His voice sounded like it was away from the mic when he did.

“Soobin.” Sooji warned two things: to tell about his health and not to tell Yeonjun that he was talking to her.

_“Is that Jiji? I thought she was in shooting?”_

That familiar voice.

_“My eye is just swelling bad. Focus on your shoot, you delinquent.”_

Sooji wanted to protest at his retaliation but she was out of focus when she heard a small commotion going on the other side of the line.

_“Can I talk to her?”_

Oh, no.

“Do well on your performance. Good bye, Soobinie.” Sooji hung up quick when she heard the phone was being passed.

**SOOBIN**

??????????

**ME**

get well soon u careless human

i will tell eomma so she could scold u when u get back

who’s delinquent now :>

**SOOBIN**

collect ur bf im begging

hes been walking back n forth looking at his phone

**ME**

tell him im filming for mac

thx soobinie

bring hersheys when u get back here

**SOOBIN**

go off

Sooji breathed in exhaustion before going back to the girls. They were just inside a waiting room with the other staffs, waiting to be called. She slid back to her place beside Ryujin.

“I want to sleep.” Ryujin whispered, leaning on her shoulder.

The girls were worried about how Sooji was doing extra works again but she assured them that she knew her limits. They eventually understood and agreed with her decision half-heartedly. Hayi and Yeji basically pulled out a tag-team to put up a curfew, specifically for Sooji— for her to come home early.

“Last shoot and we’re going to Japan, Ry.” Sooji motivated her nonchalantly, putting her phone inside her bag.

Ryujin was the most excited one to go to Japan. They were set to perform on KCON and they were thrilled to do so. 

Ryujin coughed awkwardly. “Have you talked to your man?” 

“Just... casual.” 

“For what it is worth, he’ll understand. We may debuted ahead of them but he’s not blind about the world we’re into.” Ryujin patted Sooji’s knee before pulling herself back to sit properly when the Manager Hayi walked inside the room.

Ryujin’s advise echoed at the back of her head but she still seemed to doubt it. Days went by and she wasn’t still thinking straight. Yeonjun already updated her that they were in Atlanta. The issue died down, thankfully. Not to be a bad person but it was because of another scandal by another idol. Being in this industry wasn’t really easy.

When Sooji was a trainee, she imagined the hardwork would be worth it after she debut. But three months after, she was already feeling suffocated. It was her first issue spread by the media, and it was a dating rumor. The issues may have calmed down but their fans didn’t. Everytime she would go online to scroll through her name, she would see fans of TXT, STRAY KIDS, and ITZY were fighting. Sooji just hoped they would stop sooner. It was making her feel more guilt.

Fortunately for Sooji, she had not received large amount of hate. But she had been used like a toy being paired with either Yeonjun or Hyunjin. It was exhausting to think of. She wanted to be her own person. 

**YEONJUN**

bg’s injured.

Sooji’s eyes narrowed as she read his message. Yeonjun texted her earlier to rant about the stage, that he was worried about it, complaining to her that it was small enough for their choreography. Her eyes suddenly widened when she saw her reply didn’t sent. It was stuck on the drafts, waiting to be sent. It looked like she left him on read. 

**ME**

my message didnt send 

what happened to gyu? how is he feeling now?

**YEONJUN**

lol

hes not ok i need to be there for him n the others

gotta go, u do u 

Sooji’s eyes furrowed at his last message. 

_u do u_

_What does it mean? Is he mad?_ She pondered.

**ME**

what?

That was the last update she received from Yeonjun. Her ego carried her throughout the day. But she was still bothered. Sooji was extra silent the whole vocal practice that her instructor wasn’t used to seeing her being unenthusiastic. She was gradually obeying what was she’d been ordered to do without trying to put up a smile. She looked like a robot.

“You’re a little off today, Ji. Are you okay?” Manager Hayi asked during the last minute break for KCON.

“I’ll tune in again.” Sooji said in monotone, fixing her headphones.

“You’re lacking of emotions these past few days. Is this about the issue?” Hayi further asked.

“No. I’ll do better. I’m sorry.”

Soon, she got a text from her twin brother the next day.

**SOOBIN**

r u guys still on a fight or what

he threw me his phone saying he doesnt need it

**ME**

i

what?

**SOOBIN**

he said “put my phone away from me” and dipped

**ME**

how is he listening to music 

Sooji knew Yeonjun couldn’t live without listening to any music. He needed either to stream a song nor sing as his pre-performance ritual. Yeonjun cannot afford to discard his phone; his music playlist was in there.

**SOOBIN**

stealing beomgyu’s another earphone

wait

thats not the point here 

**ME**

idk he didnt reply to me

**SOOBIN**

have u considered that MAYBE he was tired of adjusting for u

**ME**

im adjusting too wdym ???

**SOOBIN**

sure

if adjusting for u means taking every chances of avoiding ur boyfriend then sure

**ME**

u dont have to be rude

**SOOBIN**

someone has too

fix it. we have showcase going on he cant get distracted

Sooji’s nostrils released flames when their conversation ended. This was the first time Soobin was actually rude towards her. Was she stepping on the line? Was she delaying too much? 

Still, Sooji held on to her ego.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alexa play drama by txt


	11. Dancing fire at the end of the world

Morning came. Sooji woke up because of her alarm. She was the one in charge for being the morning fairy so she did her job and woke the members up. It was hard to wake Ryujin since she stayed up on her phone, scrolling through her own social media accounts to check the fans’ reaction about their performance at KCON. Eventually, Ryujin listened when Sooji threatened Yeji to be incharged of her.

“Ah! Fashion~” Ryujin sing sang when she finally joined them to Yeji and Lia’s hotel room where they all agreed to gather up.

She was wearing black longsleeves turtleneck and denim pants, enhancing with a retro breton hat. For Sooji, she wore a gray-toned plaid trench coat with white cropped top underneath and low waist skinny jeans, added a simple black beret to fit the aesthetic. Sooji was kind of matching with Yeji who was sporting a beige trench coat with black fitted shirt underneath and leggings.

“Ew, why are they wearing dark shades!” Chaeryeong panicked while looking at their outfits, judging everything that she was seeing.

Sooji chuckled in satisfaction, scanning her eyes too. “This is cute.” It was her color aesthetic; of course, she would be contented.

Lia was wearing a knitted sweater and denim jeans, both black. Chaeryeong, on the other hand, was also wearing a black and white polka-dots blouse and leggings. Lastly, Yuna, who looked attractive and matured for her age, with a leather jacket and white band shirt partnered with high waisted washed jeans.

“This is so embarrassing. We’re going to look like we’re from a girl group.” Lia commented as she face-palmed herself.

“Are we not?” Yuna asked with sarcasm, cackling hard at the statement.

They stopped debating whether to change outfits when Yeji’s phone rang. She picked it up and they waited patiently, knowing that Manager Hayi was on the other line. Instinctively, Sooji checked her phone for notifications too.

Empty.

No text from Yeonjun at all. She shook her head, they were still busy. Eating her pride, she thought of leaving a text for Yeonjun who wasn’t still texting the whole day. But then, it made her more discouraged so she opted not to.

“Hayi-nim said they’re already waiting for us downstairs. Did you double-check everything you need? The flight is an hour before midnight.” Yeji said, rising from her phone call.

All of them did another check on their bags before muttering a _yes_ to Yeji. They went out of the hotel to ride on their shuttle service. Sooji was silently listening to the girls’ conversations flying to different topics. Her silence didn’t bother the girls since she would still try to interact with them and pouring her comments. Sooji just had a hard time being the first one to speak up when it comes to conversing.

_Fuck ego._

There she said it. Of course, receiving a call from Beomgyu in the middle of the day. They arrived at the Tokyo Tower, settling on a spot while waiting for the staffs who was still parking the car. Sooji was confused because it’s already late in Dallas. And Beomgyu... he was panicking on the line. Sooji’s mind was still slow in absorbing incoherent words from him.

“Gyu, calm down.” Sooji soothed, the girls were happily busy with taking pictures so she had to hide her state. 

_“Hyungie is burning up!”_

Her eyes immediately twitched. “What do you mean burning up— Does he have a fever?”

_“He’s shaking so much, noona. I don’t know what to do!”_

“Why did you call me first? I’m on the other side of the world!” Sooji nagged, massaging the bridge of her nose in distress. This was ridiculous, she couldn’t even do anything but to feel anxious.

_“He’s your boyfriend. You should know him well!”_

“You’ve literally been with him for years, Gyu,” Sooji clarified. She tried her best to calm herself down, knowing that scolding Yeonjun’s roommate won’t do anything good. She felt bad too. “Sorry, call your manager right now. I’m going to call Yeonjun’s line. Pick it up for me, okay?” 

_“I will, noona.”_

“Thanks, Beomie. I’m sorry for panicking.”

They did what they planned. Beomgyu placed Yeonjun’s phone in front of Yeonjun when he accepted her facetime request. Sooji saw Yeonjun’s ill state. He was paler than her and his shivering were evident even on the camera.

All the emotions she have been feeling for the past few weeks had been washed away. Yeonjun was sick in front of her, virtually, and Sooji couldn’t do anything but stand here and look at him.

“Hey, Junie.” Sooji greeted as gentle as she could. It was painful to look at Yeonjun’s sullen state: Eyes shaking, lips quivering, nose sniffing, and he was so pale. ”I told you to take care of yourself, didn’t I?”

_“You did. Few weeks ago.”_

The aura was not good. This wasn’t good. Sooji was taken back when she heard him cough rapidly after spitting those cold words.

“I...” Sooji trailed but he was right. Yeonjun knew better than her.

Yeonjun cleared his throat harshly after the repeated coughing.

_“You only called now?”_

“Yeonjun-”

_“So the only way we will reconcile our next fight is when I’m on my deathbed, yeah?”_

“Don’t think like that!” Sooji snapped. Ryujin looked at her, her smiley eyes disappearing after seeing her stressed state. Ryujin signaled a thumbs up, asking if she was okay. Sooji exchanged a nod before looking away. She didn’t want to ruin their day because of her.

_“You’re making me think!”_

“I’m so sorry. We’ll talk about this when you get better, I promise.” Sooji said genuinely, her members were now flocking towards Manager Hayi. She looked at her to call for her attention. Sooji nodded quickly, panicking whether to ask for a minute and continue the call or tell Yeonjun that she had to go.

_“I’ll see you when I get back.”_

“Okay.” Sooji said, as if she was telling it to herself. “Okay. Take care of yourself.”

Yeonjun dropped the call without replying. Sooji could still hear his faint coughing before he did. She did an improper breathing exercise and turned around to go back to work. They all filled them up with their agenda today. Strolling around Tokyo Tower then attending to TWICE’s concert. It was nerve-wrecking for her to see her seniors.

Taehyun silently updated her throughout the day. She didn’t talk to Beomgyu since he had a lot on his plate considering that he was still injured from their last showcase in Atlanta. Sooji felt bad that she scolded him, thinking she should do something when they both get back in exchange for an apology and gratitude. Yeonjun wouldn’t answer any of her texts which made her feel more uneasy since Taehyun said Yeonjun had been completely occupied with his own mind. 

_“He’s not himself the whole day. It’s making me worry, noona. Whenever we’re all gathered up, he’ll assure us that he’s okay. But I know he’s hiding his sickness for us not to worry. I stood by him after the practice and he was panting like a thirsty dog.”_

“I don’t know what to do. He’s not answering any of my texts.” Sooji scratched the palm of her hands out of anxiousness.

_“He’s focusing on tonight’s showcase and we have two members who aren’t feeling well. This is the biggest one so I think he’s feeling much more about it. But I don’t know too, noona. Keep texting him before the show, I suggest.”_

Sooji hummed in mixture of agreement and nervousness. “Okay.”

_“I have to go, Ji-noona. We’re starting in a few.”_

“Thank you, Tyun. Good luck on your show.” Sooji thanked, pulling the sheets on top of her body to warm it up. The temperature of the room was too much for her and her body was still down after the long strolls.

Taehyun thanked her before saying his farewell and hanging up the call. Even when it was so hard, she continued to sleep since yesterday day was still tiring. A pending schedule not later in the afternoon was waiting for her. Their trip to Japan was only short, though, aside from the KCON it’s nothing much but having a camera with them while strolling around. 

“Why were you eating ramyeon early in the morning?” Lia laughed as they strolled around the hotel garden. Surprisingly, she was the first member who woke up and caught Sooji eating an instant ramyeon she bought when she went to the convenience store. Sooji couldn’t sleep for more than two hours after Taehyun’s update.

They already started filming since they went downstairs, just wearing casual for the day. Sooji wore three layers for her top: white shirt, large sized-blue plaid blouse, and denim jacket being the uppermost layer.

“Don’t look at me. Are you seeing Yuna right now?” Sooji defended, playfully diverting the attention to Yuna.

Yuna was holding a carton of milk and piece of cake while they were walking around the garden. Sooji had to give her credits for multi-tasking.

“She ordered that from room service.” Chaeryeong added fuel.

“I can’t believe you’re betraying me like this, eonnie. I thought I’m your favorite.” Yuna pouted, settling on a random bench as she put her food down.

Chaeryeong chuckled. “What favorite?” 

“I’m talking to Ji-nie.” Yuna pushed out her tongue to retort. They all laughed at their petty fights. It’s always the maknaes.

“Maybe ramyeon reminds her of someone.” Chaeryeong teased, turning all the attention on her- including the camera. 

Oh, they were filming.

“Yah, let me eat ramyeon in peace!” Sooji defensively scolded, avoiding to look at the camera. 

“Do you miss him?” Yuna slipped. Their eyes widened at her question. Yuna realized it too when she saw their reactions. “I m-mean—”

“Soobin? How are they?” Yeji saved, flipping the air back as it was. The tension was still felt and the awkward silence was still there, but they worked on it.

“Heard their showcases were sold out. I guess, they’re doing well?”

Lie. 

Yes, truthfully. They were doing well with the performance. The only thing that’s messing it was their health. It’s one of the core factors in being a performer, for Sooji, and she was deeply concerned about the boys.

“Is this allowed?” Yeji asked Manager Hayi who was also with them.

“Yeah, sure. It’s for content anyway. Message to TXT? They’re your friends, right?” Manager Hayi asked before excusing herself to attend a phone call.

“I hope you have a successful showcase! Return safely, okay? Yah, Soobinie, get me chocolates!” Sooji chuckled at her own childishness. The girls flocked behind her. They were sitting beside Yuna, Yeji was standing. 

“And the others?” Yuna asked with double-meaning. Sooji swore, no one can top Yuna’s shipping agenda.

“Ningning, I know you’re still young and maybe scared now but you have you plushies beside you. Hyungs too!” Sooji said, grinning on the camera. “Taehyun-ah, I know you guys only have a single braincell and it belongs only to you. You’re one of the maknaes but please, take care of the others...”

“Yah, Ji-ah, that’s mean.” Lia rebuked but she was containing her laugh.

“It was an inside joke. Don’t bash me, please.” Sooji laughed nervously, looking at the camera again. “Beomie, you’re the mood maker of your group. I sincerely hope you’re doing okay. Noona is always here if you need someone to talk to, okay?”

If Beomgyu wasn’t injured, she would’ve stated another playful remark; but he was. Sooji couldn’t imagine being in his state and basing from Yeonjun’s rants, he’s also a perfectionist himself. A center that he was, he had to be.

Yeonjun.

Right.

What was she supposed to say?

“Are you serious?” Lia laughed while they were on their way to Tower Record.

Sooji groaned in embarrassment, sitting on her usual car seat. “Shut it.” 

“Eonnie, you’re so corny!” Yuna teased, nudging her from the backseat. Sooji was beside Chaeryeong while Lia was on the other side of the car. Yeji and Ryujin joined Yuna on the back, it’s their favorite spot.

Ryujin stood up from her seat, mockingly doing the same what Sooji did earlier. She raised her hand, doing the ILY sign. “Yeonjunie, hwaiting! Rock and roll.”

“What was that, please. I’m laughing!” Yeji bursted out cackling harshly with the others. 

“I couldn’t resist herself from doing the hand thing! I forgot they were filming!” Sooji explained, clearly in defense mod. She used her hand to hide her face but they were already hysterically laughing at what she did earlier. Sooji was lucky they weren’t with Manager Hayi in the same shuttle.

They stopped teasing her when the staffs gave them self-camera to film theirselves. Hayi excused herself to let them have fun on their own after reminding them about the schedule and the safety precautions. 

First stop was at Tower Record. They had fun looking around the floor where the K-POP merchandises were located. The music video of DALLA DALLA was even playing on the big screen. They were overwhelmed seeing many people were watching it with them. 

Next was Harajuku. They decided to split the groups. Yeji was with Ryujin, Lia with Chaeryeong, and Sooji was with Yuna.

“No way.” Ryujin laughed when she saw the pairings.

“This is hilarious! Imagine if Ryu-nie joined that group.” Chaeryeong added, pointing her fingers at Yuna and Sooji to make the camera see.

“Sooji and Yuna, we’re still going to eat. Go stroll around and don’t buy snacks, okay? I’m talking to the both of you.” Yeji commanded with a playful worried tone.

“Did you hear anything, Ji-nie?” Yuna asked, looking around as if she was clueless.

Sooji decided to join her tactics since she was hungry too. “What? Suddenly, I can’t hear anything. Let’s go, Yuna?” 

“Aish!” Yeji hissed but contorting into a laugh. 

“Yah, atleast update us to where you’re going!” Sooji heard Lia shouted using her big sister tone. Yuna pushed out a thumbs up while Sooji was busy setting up the camera that they would be using.

Unsurprisingly, their assumptions were correct. Yuna and Sooji spent their free day playing on a local arcade establishment and buying snacks. Their group chat with the members were ringing wildly according to Yuna. They sent a selfie while waiting for the ice cream they ordered. 

**YEJI**

if i get white hair i’m blaming both of you

**RYUJIN**

get me some too!

**CHAERYEONG**

we’re meeting in a cafe pls stop eating-

**YEJI**

where are you and lia?

wey’re just got inside the cafe

**CHAERYEONG**

she’s busy shopping for her family 

actually she’s paying now

they’re not far from there we’ll be there in a few

**YEJI**

ji and yuna?

**ME**

on our way!!! 

They stopped by the cafe and saw Yeji and Ryujin only, chattering around with the camera. They look at them with surprise expressions.

“What’s up?” Sooji asked, Yuna took the seat beside Ryujin. She decided to stand up since she was still giving a thought if she should order a drink to take out.

Ryujin spatted Yuna’s hand that was sneakily getting a piece of churros. “You got here first before Chae and Lia.” 

“There they are!” Sooji exclaimed, pointing on the door when she saw two familiar figures.

“Thank God! Where were you-” Yeji asked in stress. She cut her own statement when she saw what they were holding. “A crepe... really...”

“In my defense, Chaeryeong made me order!” Lia defended with her hands raised, holding three shopping bags and wrapped crepe.

“Put the blame on me as if you didn’t enjoy the blessing.” Chaeryeong barked, taking a seat on the table.

“Guess we just have to do better on the rehearsals when we get back.” Ryujin laughed as she chewed happily on the churros.

“Are they leaving now?” Sooji asked, looking at her phone. There were no updates. Still.

“In an hour,” Yeji answered.

Sooji nodded. “Anyone wants to get a drink before going?” 

The girls shook their heads and mouthing a thank you while busying theirselves with their business. Ryujin warned her about caffeine before talking to Yuna about the arcade. The others showed the camera what Lia bought during her shopping spree. Sooji went to the counter to ask for a lychee fruit tea with coconut gel as sinker. When she got back, Manager Hayi was there to fetch them. Their things from the hotel were already on their car. Hayi also joined them in the car so they could discuss their schedule when they get back to Seoul.

“You have lot of time in your hands but you have to film during work, still. Enjoy it while it lasts because I can assure you that it will be busier after this month.” Manager Hayi advised, looking at the road. 

There’s nothing much except the preparation for the KBS half year special. It was significant for them as a rookie group knowing that they would be with other senior artists too. Sooji could vividly recall Yeonjun told her that TXT was still tentative about joining too.

Think of the devil and the devil shall appear. Her phone beeped from her lap. They also arrived to the airport. Sooji was thankful enough that the fans here in Japan were polite. They didn’t pile towards them but instead, they were busy waving and bowing. Sooji smiled widely at their cute faces as they walked inside.

**YEONJUN**

im eating breakfast

dallas showcase was successful so im feeling ok

**ME**

we’re heading back in seoul

when will i see you? 

**YEONJUN**

our flight is on the 5th

June 5... that was two weeks more. Sooji mentally calculated. She texted him that she was already in the airport and he told her they were going to be busy the whole day too so they didn’t talk. After hours of waiting to board, they’re finally settling down on the plane. 

“Yej, you aren’t going to sleep?” Sooji asked, fixing her eye cover. She was sitting beside her. Sooji wanted to be on the window but it was clear that Yeji was so excited to seat on it so she settled on the aisle instead.

“I like looking at the view from here.” Yeji muttered, eyes sparkling at the sight. “I’ll wake you up when we get there. It’s not far anyway.”

Sooji nodded and gave her a smile. Yeji was filming herself, quietly murmuring the words that Sooji failed to understand because she was falling asleep.

Sooji spilled her water from her mouth, bursting the tiny drops of liquids everywhere near her.

“Manners!” Sooji heard Yeji scolded.

“Why are they here!” Sooji screamed frantically.

They were having a break from rehearsals. Fortunately, the people in the room was only them. The instructors left earlier after the girls did a perfect run of WANT IT and DALLA DALLA.

“Who?” Lia asked.

“TXT?” Chaeryeong guessed.

Exactly. Sooji was scrolling through her feed when she caught sight of pictures and clips from the airport. The press was going insane with their arrival. Fans too. They flocked over them. Sooji was thankful for the security they had or else they’d be hurt.

“What are you saying, Ji? It’s June 5. Didn’t you open the group chat? Hueningkai and Soobin were flooding airplane selfies. They had wifi.” Ryujin stated, furrowing her brows in confusion at her sudden outburst.

“It’s June 5?” Her eyes grew as she looked at the date on her phone. “Already!”

“We lost her,” said Ryujin.

Sooji typed _TXT arrival_ on the search bar and saw more contents. Yeonjun looked handsome with his simple outfit. Just black longsleeves loosely tucked into denim pants and his classic vans. He looked dashing despite the buckethat covering his face.

“Eonnie, are you okay?” Yuna asked, she was still dancing to random moves. Sooji assumed her maknae was still hyper because of the amount of sweets she ate before the rehearsals.

“I lost track.” Sooji muttered. The girls just chuckled, going back to their own activities. 

When they got back to Japan, less than a week after, Jinyoung called for a meeting and told them to start recording their own demo for the pending song for the upcoming mini-album. It wasn’t a title track nor completely sure that it will be on the album but they still did their best to prove that they deserved a comeback on August.

They needed to perform perfectly on KBS to get that opportunity. Free and easy things didn’t exist on idol life. 

**ME**

you didn’t tell me you’re back

**YEONJUN**

i told u we were coming back today

**ME**

okay point taken

**YEONJUN**

good to know ur talking to me

can we meet up now

**ME**

aren’t you tired from the flight

**YEONJUN**

u know im never tired when it comes to u

Sooji gulped at his last text. Was he feeling better now? 

**YEONJUN**

give me a hug, my home

Sooji still didn’t get it. Why wasn’t Yeonjun mad? Sooji was rumored to be dating someone else. And the fact that it was Hyunjin, who he had been jealous of, made it worse. If Sooji was in his place, she wouldn’t throw any glance at her anymore. 

**ME**

im wrapping up now

where will we meet?

**YEONJUN**

my baby is with u

**ME**

you mean the car?

**YEONJUN**

yeah 

and u ofc

**ME**

i thought u were mad

**YEONJUN**

do i have any reason to be?

**ME**

none

nevermind i’ll text u when i’m near ur dorm

give me two hours just go and rest first

He texted an _okay, drive safely_ so Sooji started fixing her things. She cleaned her sweat on the shower room. Not gonna lie but she was imagining bad scenarios. 

“I’m going back to the dorm. You gonna join?” Sooji asked Chaeryeong, who was fixing her toiletries, getting ready to shower. They were the last ones left. The other girls had their own agendas.

“Huh? Weren’t you meeting Yeonjun-oppa?” She whispered, afraid of anyone eavesdropping.

“I will, though, I need to change cars first. I’m using mine now and I have to return his.” Sooji answered, putting on an oversized white hoodie that ends one inch above her knee. She was wearing bleached denim shorts inside, no worries. 

“Okay, I still have to take a shower. Is it okay?” Chaeryeong asked, holding her towel.

Sooji smiled and nodded. “Sure. I’ll wait on the lounge on this floor. I’ll get some drink.”

Chaeryeong nodded her head lightly and went out of her sight to go inside the cubicle. Sooji packed her things in her herschel and went to the lounge. Hyunjin was there. He looked at her and grinned, as if there was no scandal that had spread about them.

“How’s my favorite girl?” Hyunjin asked, chuckling at his own sweet words. Sooji realized this was their first interaction after the incident. Thank Hyunjin for not being awkward about it.

“Usual.” Sooji answered, shrugging her shoulders. “Are you treating me a drink?”

He smirked playfully. “When did I never?” 

“I’m joking. Back off, I got this.” said Sooji, getting rid of Hyunjin’s hands on the vending machine. 

It was her personality to ask for something, but it was solely meant as a joke. People kept falling for it and she was the type that didn’t want to hold any debt. In the end, Sooji would just panic to stop the person from buying her anything.

“Heard TXT just got back.” Hyunjin cleared his throat, opening a conversation. “You lovebirds, okay?”

The strawberry milk fell from the machine. Sooji quickly got it before Hyunjin since she knew how gentleman he was. “We’re getting there.” 

“Oh.” He coughed, awkwardly shifting his weight while leaning on the side of the machine.

“Hey, you’re performing for the half year too?” Sooji asked, fixing the uncomfortable air that was starting to envelop them.

“Yeah. Only 12 artists will perform yet Pd-nim’s been crazy over it.”

“It will be aired live on a national television, he’s supposed to be.” Sooji said in agreement to the situation. “We’re supposed to be.”

Hyunjin chuckled, holding a fist on top of his mouth. “You’re making me nervous now!”

Sooji saw Chaeryeong going out of the showerroom before she laughed at his reaction. “Well, got to go now.” 

“Can’t believe you’re leaving after twisting my mind. I dislike you with burning passion.” He rolled his eyes playfully. “Take care!”

They bowed to each other. Sooji linked her arms with Chaeryeong who looked surprised at her action.

“You’re happy?” She chuckled with her eyes in shock.

“No, Chae. I’m straight up nervous seeing Yeonjun.” Sooji giggled, contrasting to the message.

“You’re not in good terms?” She gasped, clicking the elevator. It opened in instant, showing an empty space.

Sooji sighed. “Since the Hyunjin issue.” 

“That’s almost a month, eonnie.” Chaeryeong said, disbelieving.

“Look, I was overthinking at how he would react.”

“You didn’t talk to him about it?” Chaeryeong asked but it was obvious that she concluded already.

“No. I told you I was nervous.” Sooji exhaled sharply.

The younger lady let out a confused sound. “Until now?” 

“Yes. Then he got impatient.” Sooji added, avoiding any eye contact from her. It felt like she was held in a court room and Chaeryeong was the lawyer from the opposite side.

“I wouldn’t blame him. No offense, eonnie, but you’re the one in the wrong.” She commented, getting out of the elevator. 

Sooji walked towards her car and opened it. “I know. It’s the reason why I’m nervous in the first place.” 

“Yeonjun-oppa looks like he’s a good man. Don’t prolong this any longer, eonnie.” Chaeryeong advised which she only nodded in reply, digesting Chaeryeong’s words.

Sooji started driving towards the dormitory. It wasn’t far, it’s just unsafe to walk on the streets. She didn’t want to be in the headline anymore. Then, she dropped Chaeryeong off the dormitory building before switching cars, leaving her bag safely. It was alarming to drive Yeonjun’s car, knowing that the media was aware about his car. Even writing an article about them.

Sooji was early when she got in front of their building and was about to text him until she caught glimpse of him going out of the door. Yeonjun was wearing a simple band shirt and ripped jeans. He looked fresh, probably from the air on Los Angeles. Sooji suddenly recalled that Yeonjun told her it was his favorite place on America because of their trainee days.

Sooji was happy to see him. It’s been a month since she had seen that healing face. She didn’t know but whenever she looked at him, something inside her just felt okay. He was the personification of her safe place. 

Choi Yeonjun could never hurt her.

Sooji got out of the car with her mask and hoodie on, excitement rushing in her veins as she manipulated her phone to call him. When she raised her head back to his direction, Sooji saw him suddenly holding hands with a member that was from IZ*ONE.

Choi Yeonjun _could_ hurt her.

He just did.


	12. My heart’s in pain (Cause you don’t understand me)

“I want to go home.” 

“You saw it wrong! Chaewon slipped in front of me, it was her instinct to help her.” Yeonjun explained, his eyes full of worries and assurances. 

Yeonjun saw her the moment he bowed to Charwon for farewell. And Sooji could see Chaewon’s faint blush from afar. Or was she just imagining things?

Sooji nodded tiredly. “Okay. I just want to go home.”

“Aren’t we going to talk?” Yeonjun asked, brows furrowing, feeling a bit betrayed.

“No. We don’t have to talk about. I’m tired.” Sooji muttered dismissively. 

It was true. Sooji didn’t want to talk about anything. She knew Yeonjun wanted to talk about the issue but with what she saw earlier, Sooji couldn’t think straight. The ghost of her father was still hunting her. If they talked now, it wouldn’t end well.

“I’m sorry with what happened earlier but I swear nothing is happening between us-”

“I know, Yeonjun.”

She didn’t.

“And you know damn well what I want to talk about.” Yeonjun’s voice stormed, causing echoes in her head. Her heart beat loudly, but she put on a straight face.

“And I _don’t_ want to talk. Take me back to my dorm.” Sooji objected, her ego was eating her again.

Sooji was always like this. Whenever she felt like she would get hurt, she would raise up her walls to everything and everyone. She wouldn’t even waste a second thinking about what might happen, as long as she’s protecting herself. It was her defense mechanism.

“What the fuck, Sooji?” Yeonjun cursed in frustration, looking at her with betrayal yet longing eyes.

“Fine. If you don’t want to take me home then I’ll take the cab.” Sooji said in finality, pushing herself to go out of the car. 

Yeonjun quickly held her body in place. His other hand locked the door as if it was useful. “Fucking stubborn, baby. I’ll take you home if that’s what you want.” 

He went back to his place after seeing that Sooji stayed in here. Yeonjun’s hands were gripping the steering wheel hard as he maneuvered angrily.

“C-can we talk? Or just hear me out... I can’t hold this anymore.” He pursued after parking on their basement floor. “I was gonna buy you roses that’s why I was out early. The floor was wet, and she slipped right in front of me. I can’t just let her fall, Ji.”

Yeonjun explained it with genuineness. And yes, he couldn’t. Yeonjun was kind enough to help everybody in need. It was his nature. But one couldn’t blame Sooji from being obstinate. She saw how her father cheated on their mother in front of her. 

“I get it, Yeonjun. Now, leave me alone.” 

Yeonjun looked at her with pain and rage. Her heart hurt when she felt his breaching of trust too. “Fucking hell! I know you’re hurt but I’m hurt too. When I read those articles, you think I was okay? I was feeling every damn thing!”

Sooji heard his muffled noises. She tried to take a glimpse of him, and there were tears coming down on his cheeks. He angrily wiped his face before looking at her, eyes blood-shot. Sooji stayed quietly, unable to say anything by just looking at his state.

“I was feeling so pressured about the showcase. People’s eyes were on us, waiting for any mistakes. We’ve been receiving comments that we’re only famous because of their seniors. I wanted to do more. To prove them wrong...” Yeonjun ranted, panting from the heavy words he was saying. “The boys... Soobin, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Hueningkai were getting eaten up by the double standards. Fuck, I had to stay strong!”

“I was doing well. It was fucking alright to be the only shoulder they were able to lean on. They were away from everyone. I was the eldest hyung, I had to take care of them... but I needed someone too.” He exhaled sharply before looking back at her. “While they were depending on me... I was depending on you.”

“I was confused why you stopped texting me anymore. And when I had the time to scroll through my SNS, I saw Hyunjin and your name. Dating, they said.” 

Sooji avoided his gaze and looked at her hands. She was still wearing the bracelet he gave her. “You believed them?”

“I was hurt but my love for you wasn’t shallow. I know it was just rumors and I convinced herself that it’s okay for you to have other friends. As much as I want you all by herself, you are your own person. I told you that last year, do you remember?” He stated, finally calm and collected.

Sooji nodded before gulping. Still processing his point of view, asking herself how did she get someone that was an angel in disguise?

“But you weren’t like you used to. You were harder to read and fuck the distance, it made it worse! Days pass by and you were getting colder and colder. I streamed your performances and you didn’t do the hand signal. It’s like you didn’t care about me anymore. What was I supposed to think?”

She looked at him, gathering up courage to explain her side. “ _What was I supposed to say,_ Yeonjun? I don’t know how to approach you! What face am I going to show you? I didn’t do anything wrong yet why am I feeling that way!”

“You didn’t do anything wrong so why are you guilty?” Yeonjun asked, blinking twice. He cupped her cheeks to make her eyes look at his. “Look at me, Jiji. Tell me anything, baby. I’m gonna listen to you... please.”

Sooji couldn’t look at him anymore longer without hurting. She was reminded of what happened in the past month, mixed with him holding Chaewon. His eyes that once reflected as a sunny day changed into a storm surging that if Sooji looked at any longer, she would drown. 

Like how she drowned when her family fell apart.

“No.” Sooji opposed, getting his hands off her face. It wasn’t tight and he didn’t fight back anymore. She figured, Yeonjun was already tired. 

“Fuck!” He shouted, hitting the steering wheel with frustration. Sooji jumped lightly because of the sound and hard impact.

“We need space.” 

“I don’t need such shit. Do your thing. Get your damn space, I don’t fucking care. Just tell me if you’re done with that damn pride of yours.” Yeonjun turned his look to her opposite side. Sooji sighed, letting out the hurt she felt when he said those acid words. 

Sooji got off his car without saying anything. As soon as she did, he flew past her. It was cold at how fast Yeonjun drove out of the parking lot. 

“That was sassy.” Sooji heard Ryujin commented after doing a dry run of their new choreography.

Schedule had been changed the day she met up with Yeonjun. She was still numb from what happened, and when she got inside the dorm, the girls were pilling up on the couch. 

“We’ve been contacting you. Where were you?” Sooji looked at the one who spoke, and it was Manager Hayi. 

“What’s happening here?” Sooji asked after bowing, avoiding the question she asked.

Turned out, their schedule had been revised. It was packed, getting ready for the comeback. It had three songs and choreography so they needed to move now. The comeback was still uncertain, though. They needed to ace the special stage first.

They tried out the dance of ICY for a week and half; then on the rest, they would be focusing on the polishing for the half year special. They had to juggle two choreographies at once because they had a flight waiting for them by next month since they’re shooting the music video in Los Angeles.

Everything was packed. It made her more preoccupied. Especially, a paparazzo that was lurking caught Yeonjun and Chaewon’s interaction. Seoul basically went hysterical. Not just theirs, but some fanbases like Hyunjin’s and hers got into petty fights about shipping. They were throwing hands at each other that she just had to log off her social media to detox. It was affecting her.

When Ryujin commented that it was sassy, Sooji agreed. ICY was about being confident and being perceived as cold. Because sometimes, being confident can be misinterpreted by some people. Judging you’re arrogant or bitchy when you’re just actually confident about what you’re doing.

“Ji, Hayi-nim’s asking for you in her office.” Dabin informed her, stopping the music. 

Sooji stood there, blinking in confusion. The girls were sharing looks about it. Yeji was in some alert leader mode. Lia and Chaeryeong looked like in deep thought. While Ryujin showed concern. And Yuna being clueless as she chewed on her bubblegum.

Dabin resumed the music. “Girls, continue. Get your things, Ji. This is the last run for today, anyway.” 

Sooji did what she was told to do, and packed her things. She hurriedly went to the restroom first to wipe off her sweat and changed clothes since she wouldn’t be able to take a shower.

Biting her lips nervously, she knocked on the door before opening it. Sooji saw her manager sitting by her swivel chair with hand holding her head as she scanned through the paper on top of the desk.

“Hayi-nim.” Sooji greeted, bowing.

Hayi lifted her head to look at her and smiled. “Ah, Sooji! Done with practice?” 

She gestured Sooji to sit down on the chair in front of her as she busily searched for something.

“Dabin-sshi already dismissed me.” Sooji answered, obeying at what her manager was offering.

Hayi picked a paper from her desk and handed it to her. It was a script.

“You’re an emcee for the backstage interview.” 

Her eyes widened. Sooji scratched her head in confusion. “What...”

“You’re in charge of interviewing your members before your second performance starts. You’re also with another 4th generation boy group but Music bank is still deciding whether it will be STRAY KIDS or TXT.” Hayi stated. Sooji stopped her breathing, processing at the informations she was saying. 

“May I ask who would it be from both groups?” Sooji asked politely, mindlessly skimming through the short script.

“STRAY KIDS clearly would be Hyunjin since both of you had left a good impression on the media.” Hayi answered while Sooji formed her lips into a thin line as she recalled what happened there. “TXT probably would be your brother? That’s a good combination.”

Sooji sighed in relief.

“Or the eldest? You’re being shipped with him, right?” Hayi added.

Sooji’s teeth clenched on her bottom lips, and her hands curled into a fist.

“Choi Yeonjun... am I correct?”

“You told me you’re going to do better and you’re giving her this?” Jinyoung’s voice boomed inside the practice room.

Sooji stood there, helplessly looking at the floor. She didn’t know where she went wrong. Sooji was so sure she did her moves perfectly.

“With all due respect, I don’t think Sooji missed anything.” Sooji looked up in surprise to see Dabin was defending her.

Jinyoung went closer to point at her face with his palms open. “She did it flawlessly but did you see her facial expressions? She looked like a dancing zombie!”

Sooji felt so ashamed of herself. There were too many people in the room considering that it was three days before the actual performance. 

“You show yourself like this on that stage and I will be moving your comeback. Do not test me.” He threatened her before going out, slamming the door, furious and disappointed.

Sooji looked at herself in the mirror. People were looking at her but when she actually got eye contacts, they avoided it out of pity. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

_Never let them see you bleed._

“This is it for the day. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Dabin dismissed them with her hands massaging her head in distress. “Sooji?”

Sooji put on her usual face before looking at her.

“You’re skipping practice tomorrow, if ai am not mistaken?”

“Yes. Hayi-nim and I will go to the venue for the group representatives.” Sooji answered, spitting the last word in disgust. _How could I be the chosen representative when she keep messing our group?_

“Tell Hayi-sshi to send me a picture and the details of the stage, alright? I want to check if we need adjustments. I’m hoping for a smooth screening before the show day since we have time constraints, I don’t want to have unnecessary adjustments.” Dabin commanded in deep thought, crossing her arms in the process.

Sooji nodded and fixed her things. The practice room was unusually quiet which was because of her. She drove back to the dorm with her members like what they used to, but there was an uncomfortable silence too. Later on, they went inside their rooms and took their shower. 

They ate the food that Lia ordered. The members were now being loud and cheering her up but she just smiled and told them not to worry because she would do better. 

“He said it himself. You danced flawlessly, Ji-eonnie.” Chaeryeong assured.

“No need to worry about it. He was just probably having a bad day.” Yuna added.

Ryujin raised her fork up, making silly faces. “Or he’s nervous about the performance!”

They laughed at her attempted joke before settling down when Yeji cleared her throat.

“Let him be nervous as long as we aren’t. To be honest, I’m proud of us. Let’s keep doing their best...” Yeji confessed, looking away at the sentimental phrase she let out.

“Leader-nim~” Yuna teased, wiggling her eyebrows playfully. They chuckled at Yeji’s reddening face.

“Yah, Shin Yuna. You’re in charge of the dishes.” Yeji announced, defending herself from the embarrassment.

“It’s Ryujin-eonnie’s turn!” Yuna complained with her hands raised, pouting at the sudden change of routine.

“You’re fault.” Ryujin giggled, adding gas to the fire.

The bickering continued for another minute and Sooji could only sigh contently. Just being with the girls made her cheer up whenever she was being scolded. But sometimes, she thought of not having to deserve the place that she had right now.

_What if ITZY was just a 5-member group?_

It’s what she think of constantly.

Sooji was brought back to reality when she noticed that Yeji was staring her long enough. Their eyes met and she signaled her on the living room. The girls bid their day off and went to their separate rooms. They probably felt it too. That Sooji needed a talk with Yeji.

“How are you holding up?” Yeji asked. Instead of going to the living room, they went to the small balcony. Cold summer night wind blew both of their hair. It was difficult yet refreshing.

“I’m fine, Yej. Please, don’t worry about me.” Sooji said in assurance, faking what she really felt.

“I will be honest with you, Ji.”

Sooji shifted uncomfortably at her place but she gestured her that it was okay to speak. Yeji looked at her with uncertainty before speaking.

“How many people have you pushed away so you could be miserable by yourself?” 

Sooji avoided her judging gaze. Yeji wanted to get answers from her, Sooji was sure of it. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t think you noticed but... you affect everyone around you. We all do. One shift of an action, movement, mood, or feelings, we all affect the people surrounding them.” Yeji stated wisely, putting her hands on her hips. “Even if you try to hide it, I can feel it. Maybe the others are too dense but there are some people who can see through eyes, Ji... I guess I was lucky enough to be your leader that I noticed this.” 

“I’ve been noticing small things since your issue with Hyunjin came out but I refrained myself from speaking because I wasn’t sure if you needed help. Is this about it?” Yeji asked, carefully not offending Sooji with her words.

“My mind is all over the places, Yeji. I don’t know what to do... or what to decide. I keep delaying the inevitable and standing up only for herself because I don’t want to get hurt.” Sooji finally rasped out, the words crawling out of her mouth with so much fragility.

“You have to listen to me, okay?” Yeji started as she went closer to her. Sooji silently leaned her head on her shoulder. 

“You have to decide what’s important... keeping your pride and getting nothing.... or taking a risk and maybe.. maybe getting everything you’ve ever wanted?” 

Sooji felt her world stopping for a moment at what she stated. It got her thinking so much but it cleared her mind a bit. Yeji noticed it too and pat her head before releasing herself from her.

“Isolation is not the same as independence. Think about it. Think about the happy moments you’ve experienced. The bad ones are just part of it but it doesn’t define you. And just think about the good things that you might receive from risking.” Yeji said and smiled before walking out, leaving her with her thoughts and the moonlight.

Maybe Sooji and the moon can talk about it.

Sooji closed her eyes as she did her breathing pattern properly. She thought of the good things recently. Aside from the blooming in her career, she only thought of Yeonjun and his reassuring smiles.

Sooji reminded herself that Yeonjun was far different from her father. He couldn’t be the same as him. Yeonjun took care of her that he sacrificed so much of himself. All he did was to make her happy and comfortable these past few months. How could Sooji had the audacity to accuse him otherwise? 

_Choi Yeonjun is not my poison._

_Choi Yeonjun is my antidote._

Sooji pulled out her phone, deciding to press the button that would call directly on Yeonjun’s number. But she was hesitating and it made her more mad. Sooji was mad at herself for hesitating, always, always, hesitating even when she already knew the things she wanted.

_“H-hello?”_

Sooji heard his tired voice but she could feel Yeonjun’s mind running miles to her place. He was probably shocked that Sooji called him first.

“I miss you.”

It was a sunny morning when Sooji woke up from the only peaceful sleep that she felt for months. Hayi looked at her weirdly when she got inside the car service. 

“You seem like yourself today, Sooji-sshi.”

Sooji grinned her teeth and smiled widely towards her. “I’m excited for the show.” 

Hayi gave her identification card for the venue pass, and started discussing about their agenda for today. Aside from practicing the script with her co-emcee and observing the venue, there’s nothing much since there will be an official screening tomorrow with the whole line up. It’s just the representatives today.

Speaking of emcee-ing, Sooji still didn’t have any clue who it was. She decided to text Hyunjin.

**ME**

are you my emcee partner?

**HYUNJIN**

omg beshie ur ITZY’s emcee?

chan’s on his way to the venue though

**ME**

he’s my partner then?

**HYUNJIN**

wym? i heard txt will collab with u 

**ME**

WHAT

**HYUNJIN**

WhAt

Sooji silently groaned at Hyunjin’s playful reply, silently thinking who was her partner between Soobin and Yeonjun. She thought of texting them but they were probably busy so it made her guess more. 

“Let’s go, Sooji.” Hayi said when the car stopped by the entrance of the venue. The media was either prohibited or didn’t have a clue since no one was here. 

Sooji went through security precautions before actually going inside. From there, she met members from different groups like RED VELVET, NCT, ASTRO, and other soloists too. She was feeling small by their presence but they were kind. RED VELVET’s Irene even praised her for being _JYP’s secret weapon_ , she said. 

“Thank you, Irene-sunbaenim!” Sooji thanked, bowing in process.

“Just stating the truth, Sooji-sshi. Good luck with your performance.” Irene smiled before waving her off good bye. Sooji quickly looked at the selfies they took. She smirked playfully, sending it to her members. She was certain the girls would react wildly once they see this.

Manager Hayi went inside the room where Sooji assumed they would meet other emcees. She put her phone inside her pocket to focus on her work. She bowed politely once she saw bodies were standing.

“Good morning.” 

Everyone exchanged greetings. When she finally surveyed the room, Sooji saw a familiar figure. Her face fell when she looked at his face. He subtly chuckled at her shocked expression.

“Great, both of the emcees of TOMORROW BY TOGETHER and ITZY are here! Thank you for coming early, Yeonjun-sshi and Sooji-sshi! Shall they start?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMFGSHSBSBWHABHAAH D-2 BLUE HOUR IM NOT OK PSL IM NOT SPAM ON THE COMMENTS IM BEGIGNGHSHS


	13. Blue Hour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in celebration for and inspired by txt’s blue hour ♡

“The complete betrayal is felt.” Sooji commented once they were finally done practicing.

He laughed beside her, giving her another bar of chocolate. Yeonjun kept giving her treats that he bought from the vending machine every chance he had. He did that every break, giving her water to hydrate like if Sooji didn’t sip every hour, she would pass out because of dehydration.

“You alright?” He asked after being amused with her tantrums.

“I’m okay— apart from the fact that you did not tell anything about you’ll be emcee-ing with me!” Sooji accused, drinking water.

Everyone was busy with their businesses so she didn’t pay attention on what they might assume. Besides, not that they would care to create an issue towards Yeonjun and Sooji.

“Yah, you didn’t ask me!” Yeonjun countered, putting his hands on top of his chest and acting like he was offended. “You literally called me last night and said those words then dipped!”

“Yeonjun!” Sooji scolded, scanning at the people surrounding them.

“Yah, did you know you almost gave me a heart attack?” He added, shaking his head while suppressing his smile.

“I’m sorry.” 

Yeonjun jolted and looked at her in surprise. It took one look to know what she was sorry about.

“Do you wanna run away?” 

And so, they did. Her heart was pounding hard throughout their journey. Sooji was basically shaking when she asked permission from Manager Hayi, who looked at Yeonjun and Sooji suspiciously before dismissing her, assuming that Sooji would meet up with Soobin.

“Yeonjun, for the I-didn’t-count times! Where are we going?” Sooji asked impatiently.

Yeonjun was driving his Audi R8 with left hand on the steering wheel and the other alternating between controlling the gear shift and holding her thigh. His grey hair sprawling messily because of the wind coming inside of his rolled down window.

“Calm down, baby. We’re almost there.” Yeonjun said, squishing her thigh with assurance.

“Are you kidnapping me? We’re already in Boryeong!” Sooji exclaimed hysterically.

They logged out of the venue a little too early in the afternoon, and seeing the skies turning into a sunset soon, it was making her suffer from hysteria. And Yeonjun was driving for a bit too long now, it was adding to her paranoia.

He only laughed before passionately belting out the lyrics of LOVE. by Kendrick Lamar and Zacari. Sooji smiled at him when his hand went from her thigh to her hands, intertwining it. It was a one-direction empty road so he didn’t use it often. 

Sooji looked at him, adored by his happy face. The view of the calming sky and grasses they were passing by helped a lot. She took a picture and even a clip of Yeonjun’s angelic visual as he hit the high notes, beautifully mixing with the nostalgic summer view and posted it on her private instagram account.

@ **csjiji_**

my healing.

Sooji joined Yeonjun’s singing, jamming together BTS’ SPRING DAY. She was laughing at how they were singing, careless how their voices were cracking. She stopped to look at her feed, seeing new comments from her new post.

@ **ryuddaeng**

HELLO?!?!

@ **moonlightyun**

this is why i hate couples

@ **angel313**

AYOOOO YJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@ **yeyedong**

thats my g

@ **yunanana**

COME BACK WITH FOOD EONNIE 🥺

@ **cottonchae**

isnt that boryeong

@ **dallia**

(2)

@ **soobunny**

where arE YOU GOING?

@ **ningningdungies**

?!!!!?!???!?!?!!?!??

Sooji didn’t reply to anyone, but she texted Yeji that she might go home a bit late. The leader reminded her about the early call time they had tomorrow for the final screening. Sooji replied that she would be there before putting her phone down and gripping Yeonjun’s hand. He smiled at her with pure assurance. 

“What happened to that?” Sooji asked when she noticed a faint bruise on his right eye.

“Your brother punched me after reading the article. Who else?” He answered in a casual tone.

“Soobin did what!? Let me see—” Sooji leaned closer to take a check on it. “Does it hurt?”

“Soobinie might seem soft but please, he goes all out when it comes to you.” Yeonjun commented. “Understandable.”

“Are you guys good?” Sooji asked in hopes she didn’t ruin their friendship.

“In terms of being a co-member, we’re cool. I told him my side and he’s weighing. Plus, the guys wouldn’t allow their hyungs to have bad blood towards each other.” 

Nothing new about Soobin, he had always been the open-minded between the Choi twins. He would choose to listen about the other people’s point of view before concluding something. It’s one of his best qualities for being the leader.

“But as friends? No. He avoided me when it doesn’t concern anything about the band. And it’s the first time Soobin has held on to a grudge? I was surprised at first but I understood, you’re his sister.” Yeonjun added, maneuvering the wheel.

Yeonjun took a turn and parked his car. Sooji’s eyes widened when her mind processed that they were at Dongcheon Beach. He threw her a fresh white mask and his large baseball cap, giggling when the cap hit Sooji’s nose adoringly. Sooji quickly took off her leather jacket since it was hot, leaving with her white fitted sleeveless cropped top. She wore it and pushed her body out of the car. Then, she ran towards the shore, wearing leather boots and black leggings but she didn’t care about the sand sticking to her clothes.

Sooji was looking at the orange skyline in awe. Yeonjun eventually joined her with a small blanket on his hand.

“Did you plan this?” Sooji asked while he was setting up the blanket.

“No. I always have a blanket in my car to sleep in between shoots.”

Sooji pulled him next to her and gestured him to join her impromptu dance.

“There’s no music.” Yeonjun pointed out but there was a hint of smile playing around the corners of his plumped lips.

Sooji rolled her eyes in annoyance before turning her back on him, enjoying the view. “As if that’s ever stopped you, Choi.” 

For almost a minute, Sooji got surprised when Yeonjun put an airpod on her ear. She recognized the classic song. A moment later, they were looking into each other’s eyes; swaying together with the soft melody of the song playing in their ears, the sounds of the waves colliding, and his sweet voice humming gracefully.

“Take my hand... take my whole life too.”

Sooji’s heart felt strange. It was a good strange. It’s as if she could live in this moment forever, staring at Yeonjun, who looked so carefree without worries. Feeling emotions bursting out her body. Yeonjun took all her anxiousness. This was her epitome of contentment.

Sooji wished to live in this moment forever. Wholesome laughs were exchanged after they accidentally stepped on each other when they submerged on the pearl white sand. Not another single thing but warm smiles could be seen as the sun sinks into the horizon. The rays kissed Yeonjun’s honey glazed skin and natural flushed cheeks, glowing as he reflected on it ethereally. His eyes forming into crescents and his nose scrunching out of happiness. Under the orange sky, Sooji was staring at those deep brown irises shining the whole time.

There couldn’t be possibly anything more healing than the combination of Choi Yeonjun and the sunset. 

“I wish I knew what you really thought of me.” Yeonjun whispered, voice mixing with the strong wind.

_I love you. I love you. I’m in love with you._

“But it’s okay. No pressure. You know, I’m completed with just having you by my side...” Yeonjun contradicted for a while. She felt his hand snaked on her waist tighter yet comfortable.

“Yeonjun...” Sooji called, stopping them from slow dancing. She pulled him on to the blanket to sit down, and he instinctively obeyed. Sooji sighed before speaking. “After having your heart ripped from your chest, it’s hard to trust anyone.” 

“Who was your first heartbreak?” He asked in a protective tone.

“My father.”

Yeonjun blinked at the revelation before looking at her with regret in his eyes. “Fuck. I’m sorry...”

“H-He cheated on my mom.” Sooji added in a small voice. The familiar agonizing pain went to her throat. “The reason why Soobin’s overprotective.”

“And he has every right to be. With that pure heart of yours, he should push away everything that might stain it.” Yeonjun remarked, agreeing. “Even if it’s me.”

“I understand what happened.” Sooji said, slowly, as she refused the lump forming in her throat. “And I’m sorry I had to push you away.”

“You have every reason to feel that way. The first thing you do is you push people away when you’re about to get hurt. I get why you acted the way you did. I triggered something that was traumatizing for you. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for it.” He contrasted, feeling bad after hearing her confession.

Sooji raised her eyebrows in surprise. “You noticed?”

“I notice every little thing about you, baby.”

Sooji wheezed at his statement. Sometimes she would stop and think about how he knew Sooji more than she knew herself.

“I realized... I want to learn about it.” 

“About what?” He asked.

“Love.”

“Oh...” Yeonjun hummed, stuck in his own thoughts. Blue hour was starting now. It’s the sight of different variants of the colors: orange, pink, and blue; a particular transition when the day changes to night. Pleasingly attractive but complicated. 

Sooji liked to compare it to her relationship with Yeonjun.

It was so beautiful.

But it was so tragic too.

It’s painful to be with someone that you’re forbidden to keep. 

“You make me want to learn.” Sooji added, putting her gaze back at the waves when she felt a pang in her chest.

It was true. Sooji felt like the risk would be worth it. And if ever she ended up in pain, she would still be grateful at the memories she made with Yeonjun. 

Sooji felt Yeonjun’s finger tucking the loose hair behind her ear. “I want you to know, I’m not messing around with you. I’m _literally_ risking it all, baby.”

Sooji gulped at the heavy words he stated then she looked at him, Yeonjun was already staring like he was going to say something more. He looked away when she caught his gaze.

“That’s dangerous.” He said, shaking his head with a small smile.

“What?” 

“Your eyes.”

Sooji was flustered. She assumed Yeonjun was pertaining to the statement he said before that. 

“I could feel you blushing from here.” He teased, but using an impassive tone.

“It’s because you’re dropping a pick up line out of nowhere.” Sooji fired back, leaning on his shoulder.

Yeonjun let out cough before speaking. “What pick up line? Your eyes are very dangerous, lover.” 

“How so?” Sooji challenged.

“It was the reason why I called you _angel_ in the first place... There’s light in it that I don’t ever wanna lose.” Yeonjun answered, like he was saying something secretive. “Your eyes hold everything my soul yearns for.” 

Yeonjun shifted his position, pulling her into his arms. Imitating the same position they did back in Han River. His arms wrapped around her stomach as his head resting on her shoulder. There were no people surrounding them since Sooji went to the least common spot. It felt peaceful during this brief period.

“Did I ever tell you about that time that I keep falling in love with you in every one of my lifetimes?” He chuckled but there were no humor behind it.

Sooji furrowed her eyebrow. “Yeonjun, what are you saying?”

“My mind is a dark place too, Jiji. I think we all are.” He muttered. It was another topic.

Sooji continued staring at the sea while listening to Yeonjun, making her feel at ease during this conversation.

“You make the bad thoughts go away... when I talk to you, my mind just stops thinking about them and focuses only to you. And even though I overthink about you like _how should I treat you?_ or _does this makes you comfortable?_ At least it’s about you.”

The waves crashed the same way her heart did. “God, Yeonjun. I didn’t know.”

“I was having a bad month but when you called me yesterday... it just felt like I could breathe again.”

Sooji bit her lip to stop herself from saying anything. This was his moment to let out his unspoken thoughts. She was processing Yeonjun’s feelings while intertwining their hands, reminding that she was here for him.

“I’m alright now, love. Don’t worry. We all have our bad days. And it’s the moments like this that we should hold on to.” Yeonjun advised but it felt like he was saying it to himself. Nevertheless, it was applicable to the both of them.

“Thank you for making me feel loved.” Sooji blurted out as she pushed her face to kiss his cheek.

“Never in a second that I will make you feel otherwise.” Yeonjun stated, smiling but it slowly faded. Sooji could feel his hesitation when he said that but she pushed it out of her thoughts. “Do you trust me?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I don’t.” Sooji answered, letting out a laugh to point out that she wouldn’t come with him to a place three hours away from Seoul if she didn’t trust him.

“Please, continue to trust me.” 

Sooji nodded but she was preoccupied, feeling a little uneasy now that he ~~begged~~ said that. Though, she shook the bad feeling. Contemplating that it’s just probably her mind overthinking. 

“I got scolded again.” Sooji started her rant. It felt like it’s a good cue to start another conversation. “During rehearsals.”

“What happened?” Yeonjun asked, tilting his head on her direction. She felt his warm breathing, he was inches away from her neck. In her peripheral vision, Sooji could see the way his eyes traveling through outlines of her face as if he was learning how to read her just by looking.

“I don’t really know. I was confused at first until he pointed out my facial expression.” Sooji shrugged. “I’ll do better.”

“It’s okay to rest, lover.” He said ironically like he wasn’t a workaholic himself. 

Sooji shook her head in disapprove. “I want to show off my skills.” 

“You will.” He smiled before placing a light kiss on her shoulder. “I can’t wait to watch you become the best version of yourself.”

“There’s no best version, Yeonjun. I will always strive myself to do better.” Sooji contended. “That goes out being your partner too.”

“You’re already enough for me.” 

Sooji smiled at his assurance. She sighed when she recalled what they were talking about. “But then I don’t think I’ll ever stop trying to exceed their expectations.” 

Yeonjun hummed as if he understood. “You’re going through a lot, baby. It’s completely normal not to be a hundred percent all of the time.” 

Sooji envy him a lot. For the whole four years of him being a trainee, he had not stepped down even on the second place. He was always there. At the top. she wonder _how does it feel to be always there? How does it feel to be everybody’s favorite without having to surpass their standards but your own? What’s more pressuring? Their expectations or your own?_

“I’m never a hundred percent.” Sooji argued.

“You could be negative zero and I’d still think you’re a fucking blessing to this universe.” 

“You’re only saying that because you’re in love with me.” Sooji unjustified his biased opinion.

“Oh, baby... you don’t know what it feels like to be in love with you.” He retorted, playing with the thread of the bracelet he gifted her.

“And for what it’s worth, I don’t think you have disappointed me.” He added, kissing her forehead even on an awkward position. “I don’t think you ever will.”

Sooji smiled at him, intertwining their hands. “Can I ask something?”

“Always.” said Yeonjun, pulling her closer against his chest.

“You’re extroverted yourself, Yeonjun. How could you settle for a relationship you can’t speak about?” Sooji asked lightly, signaling that she was open for any reactions.

“We’re literally idols, Jiji. I don’t think I can speak at all.” He said as a matter of fact— but it felt like there was more to it too. 

There was more to it, clearly, but Sooji couldn’t point out.

“And it’s not being extroverted too. You could be extroverted and still choose what to share to other people. I don’t need a love that is loud. I just need a love that supports me in my highs and lows.” Yeonjun said as he caressed her cheek. “I just need a love that is there.”

“I’m always there.”

At this moment, Sooji clarified her feelings. A moment of realization strikes her as she looked at him, with startling clarity at how badly she wanted this, this right here...

And how badly it was gonna hurt when it’s gone.


	14. Electrifying static, you're popping star

**YEONJUN**

you have the most gorgeous smile, my it girl. i hope you get to use it a lot today 

<3 yeonjunie

Sooji didn’t reply, they had their agreement not to message each other before a performance but Yeonjun, being the clingy boyfriend he was, broke it. Though, Sooji couldn’t help but smiled in instinct before she placed her phone back to her bag to prepare for the show. After months of practice, this was their last promotion for their debut single. It’s not like they would stop performing it, but they would have more songs to focus on aside from WANT IT and DALLA DALLA.

“Ji?” Areum, her personal stylist, called. 

Sooji was close to Areum ever since they met each other. Areum was easy-going and fun to talk to. One of the things Sooji like about her was that she always knew when to pull her out for a conversation or just stay quiet while she took care of her. Areum was the one that fought hard to keep her own style and let her fashion be so yes, she was comfortable with her.

Sooji turned her head from the locker, done from wearing her first stage clothes. They had two performances but there was a big gap to give way to other soloists and CHUNG HA because she had other schedule to attend to. Before the latter, their backstage interview will be held first. It’s like an official introduction for the 4th generation groups- TXT, STRAY KIDS, and IZ*ONE.

IZ*ONE.

Right.

Whatever. Sooji internally poked her head to keep her sanity, sitting on the chair where her hair and make up would be done.

“You look blooming, Ji-sshi.” Areum teased as she clipped Sooji’s hair away from her face.

Sooji chuckled when she watched Areum wiggling her eyebrows. “Good night sleep.” 

Areum hummed, still suspicious. She changed the topic elsewhere, telling her about what she planned on her look today. Sooji just listened to her since she had no objections with style she wanted to achieve. She trusted Areum that muh.

For WANT IT, their theme was the same street fashion but more grudge. She was wearing black cropped top with different colors of graffiti sprayed on it, flaming red high-waisted shorts, and knee level leather boots. Areum styled her face into a more charismatic look. Her jet black hair was exposing more of her glamour even in a sleek high ponytail.

Getting off stage with their adrenaline still kicking in. Sooji breathed heavily in and out, the usual way that she could keep her asthma from attacking after a performance. She bowed politely at the staffs before getting out to get changed. They still had a backstage interview and DALLA DALLA to perform. And their day was just starting.

Manager Hayi was with them as they walked through the long aisle with Yuna beside her and the others in front of them, Sooji saw Yeonjun and Hueningkai walking towards them. They were still in their casual clothes. The break was long, anyway.

Hayi was busy talking to Yeji about something. Yuna cleared her throat when the two gentleman were near them. ITZY was already bowing to them. Hueningkai looked at Sooji after tearing his eyes off the girls. He smiled widely but kept it on for theirselves, just in case someone would want to create a malicious content about it. They had to keep it lowkey.

Yuna and Sooji bowed to them as well. Yeonjun even attempted to wink but he failed, causing Hueningkai to let out his dolphin laugh echoing the hall. Sooji chuckled quietly too, her back was already turned against their direction. She was aware ever since that Yeonjun had difficulties at winking; because he asked for some help from Sooji but he still couldn’t do it. In the end, he would just play around and try it foolishly. Yeonjun told her it was because he wanted to make her laugh.

They were almost at their dressing room when IZ*ONE appeared, walking out from their own assigned room. They greeted each other politely before their members walked out. Suddenly, Chaewon was the last one out of their room. There was no bad blood between them. She bowed at her with smile on her face. People would always mistake her for being snob because of her resting bitch face so she wanted to look friendly at least. 

Chaewon blinked twice when she scanned her from her head to toe before bowing to her members, not her, and trailed behind her own. The girls and Sooji exchanged looks like they were having a telepathic conversation. Sooji raised her shoulders to express ignorance and to just drop it. 

Areum retouched her make up after Sooji changed into her new set of stage costume. She was busy memorizing her line for the interview later. The girls wouldn’t stop teasing her about it in modest matter since their staffs were here. They would look at her in the mirror as Sooji stated her script and they would share laughs. Sometimes, Sooji would join them too out of nervousness. 

“Aigoo, our Choi Sooji is hardworking today!” Lia provoked in a playful way. 

“Lia, have you memorized yours?” Yeji talked back, obviously want to start a something.

“Why should I? It’s short and I have it all in her head. It’s not like I need to memorize because I’m nervous... Right, Ji-sshi?” fired Lia, making the girls laugh in unison.

“Yah...” Sooji groaned in embarrassment, hiding her face behind the placard that she will use. Areum quickly spat it off her face, saying the make up would be ruined. 

A minute before their broadcast starts. All of them were already here, ready for the camera to roll. It was cute when both of their groups’ themes contradicted with each other. ITZY was sporting the rebellious school girl look for DALLA DALLA while TXT looked like classy men in blue and gray suits. They were awarded for being the Hot Rookie of the First Half.

Their members were busy laughing at each other. Yes, they were already best of friends since the screening yesterday. Thank Yeonjun and Sooji for being the bridge since all they did was make fun of them. 

Sooji tried to focus but there were so many things happening in one time. Yeonjun’s visual did not help at all. Styled gray hair, exposed forehead, in a dark blue suit associated with the same color plus red and white tie. He was wearing black horn-rimmed eyeglasses too.

_Am I a joke to him?_ Sooji kept thinking.

“Stay focused, Sooji-sshi.” She heard Yeonjun whispered when he caught her checking him out.

Sooji looked at him with irritation. His lips formed into a smirk. Before she could retaliate, the director already counted down. Sooji pulled herself out and focused on her script.

When the cue dropped, Yeonjun and Sooji used the placard to hid ourselves for a second before putting it down and leaned on each other sideways like what they had to do.

“Ta-da!”

Even in the backstage, they could hear how the audience were going feral. Sooji didn’t want to assume but she assumed she heard their ship name being screamed.

“Yeonjun who appeared at the waiting room!” He greeted in joy. 

“And I, who appeared at the same waiting room, Sooji-imnida!” Sooji greeted, looking at the camera before giving a glimpse to Yeonjun. “Who wants to go first?”

“As if I’d ever stood a chance against you, Sooji-sshi.” He commented in a flirty way, playing the script. Sooji could hear light chuckles from behind them. “Why are we here?”

“ITZY and TOMORROW X TOGETHER were chosen as Music Bank’s New Artist in the half of 2019!” Sooji answered, proudly clapping her hands.

They all let out a congratulatory noises. Yeonjun and Sooji positioned ourselves beside their respective groups to introduce in front of the camera. 

“Wow... you’re all dressed good! What can you say about TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s style today?” Yeonjun asked after they introduced ourself.

Hueningkai held the microphone to speak. “Manners maketh man.”

“That’s right! It’s our first time showing this side of us so make sure to stay tuned for our performance later! We’ve prepared, especially for you!” said Soobin, with his bunny teeth grinning widely as he tried to interact.

“I’ve never seen this side of TXT before. Everyone, we should watch their performance later!” Sooji commented. “Anyway, ITZY’s preparing a special stage too!”

“We prepared a performance that we hadn’t done in a music show.” Yeji stated, her charismatic side showing even just by speaking.

Lia raised her hand like a student reciting in class. “Of course! If I give a spoiler-” 

“No!” Chaeryeong exclaimed.

“That’s for later!” Yuna reminded.

Ryujin let out a dramatic sigh. “TXT, last words to say to your fans?”

“Ah, yes. Everyone! Look forward with ITZY’s charm and TXT’s classy special stages!” Taehyun added.

“Just a wait a little more.....” Beomgyu trailed.

“See you!” They simultaneously said before the camera stopped shooting.

They said their farewells since they’d be going up the stage pretty quick. Their microphone devices still needed to be installed. Yeonjun and Sooji did their handshake fast too. They had it improvised when they were back at the beach. Their hands, that was formed into a ILY sign, would meet each other before sticking their pinkies into a promise sign. Yeonjun had big brain about sign languages.

Sooji ran up to the staff after. The members were still teasing them by letting out either a mocking whistle or sound.

“Let’s just skip the party.”

“No.” Sooji kept her ground, pushing him away. “You won the hottest rookie award, you have to stay here with your group.”

They were at the after party for the half year special. It’s not a formal party and rather like a college one, just the 4th generation groups. The setting was like a house party. To be honest, Sooji didn’t really know who set this up. She just got dragged last minute and now she’s with Yeonjun in the kitchen, currently away from the wild crowd. 

“I want to ditch with you and go somewhere.” He stubbornly implied, whining with little whimpering noises.

“Yeonjunie, my man!” Sooji heard someone shouted, which was unsurprising since the speakers were loud enough to hear from the living room.

“Woo,” Yeonjun greeted, shifted from pouting to sporting a grinned smile. It was Wooyoung from ATEEZ. Yeonjun once mentioned him, he told her he was his best friend. And Sooji saw him earlier too.

They shook their hands before Wooyoung looked at her. “Sooji from ITZY, right?” 

Sooji bowed and smiled. “Yes. Nice to meet you.”

“I’m guessing you’re friends with Yeonjun because of Soobin? He’s your brother.” said Wooyoung before taking a sip of his drink.

Yeah, it was basically cheat day for them. It was a tradition of idols that whenever it’s half year, a gathering will be held according to your own generation. Sorta like a free day before another half of the year starts.

For them. But ITZY? The girls had to continue practicing for ICY since they would be leaving in a few days for Los Angeles. 

“Excuse you. She’s the love of my life.” Yeonjun scoffed, showing that he was offended. Sooji was leaning to the kitchen counter and he took a step towards her to snake his hand on her waist, proudly showing off to Wooyoung.

Wooyoung and her eyes widened at his action. Sooji got a bit conscious about someone else knowing about their relationship so she kept a good distance between them.

Wooyoung basically choked from his drink when he heard Yeonjun’s statement. “Fuck you, Choi! You didn’t tell me?!” 

“Probably slipped from my mind.” casually answered by Yeonjun, shrugging his shoulders.

“Fucker’s hella lucky. Better have your sight on to the lady, my guy. You never know who’ll steal her.” Wooyoung commented, patting Yeonjun’s back. 

“As if I’d let anyone.” Yeonjun said with smug but with a hint of possessiveness. He looked at their before winking. Good attempt, though.

“Asshole got a girlfriend but still doesn’t know how to wink! What a loser. Anyway, Jun, gotta roam. It was nice meeting you too, Sooji. Don’t have too much fun, kids!” Wooyoung said, chuckling at his own antics. Sooji assumed he’s already tipsy at how he was walking horribly.

“You told him about us...” Sooji pointed out when they were alone again.

Yeonjun patted her head. “Wooyoung would never tell a soul.” 

“I think I’m going now to find the girls. We have rehearsals tomorrow.” Sooji informed.

As if on cue, Ryujin went inside with Beomgyu, who looked like he was having a time of his life.

“The fuck, Beomgyu? Are you drunk?” Yeonjun asked, his hyung instincts jumping out.

“Where’s Soobin?” Sooji asked too. Even though, they already met up earlier and took a selfie.

Even if it’s a party, minors aren’t allowed to drink. It’s one of the challenges of self-discipline here too. Sooji understood where Yeonjun was coming from. He was the only one in legal age in TXT, the weight of responsibility was on his shoulders.

“Didn’t drink, YJ. Calm down.” Beomgyu said, laughing out loud at Yeonjun’s outburst. “We were playing Just Dance and Ryujin asked for my help to find you.” 

“We’re going back to the dorm-”

“Boo! Party poopers!” cut out by Beomgyu. That’s why he was chaotic beside Ryujin when they went inside the room earlier. He probably trash talked them for going so early. 

Ryujin rolled her eyes in annoyance towards Beomgyu before looking at the couple again. “But if you want to stay, it’s okay.” 

“We’ll ditch the party but I’ll get her home.” Yeonjun insisted with determination in his eyes.

“Ahaaaaaa YJ!” Beomgyu shouted again, lifting his hand to high-five Yeonjun. Yeonjun stared at him with lips formed in thick line before accepting the gesture out of pity.

“Aren’t you drunk?” Sooji asked Yeonjun. 

He got pulled in a beer pong game with Wooyoung against San, and even Changbin who she didn’t know he was close with. Sooji watched them from afar but she could still see Yeonjun lifting his head towards her direction, attempting to send a wink with the audacity to smirk whenever he shoots a ball into a cup.

His dynamics with Wooyoung was great comparing with the other two that was playing cats and dogs whenever someone would miss a shot. Nevertheless, they won.

“I have high alcohol tolerance, lover.” Yeonjun answered.

Beomgyu faked vomiting on the side while Ryujin nodded at Yeonjun and turned her head towards her direction. “Yeji can drive your car?”

Sooji shook her head in disapproval. She wanted to let Yeonjun have his fun considering that he was a social butterfly himself and tonight was his only free time to communicate with other people. If Sooji was going to stay here, Yeonjun would just go boyfriend-mode, and she can’t have that.

“I’m tired from the performance and we’re waking up early tomorrow. I need to sleep.” Sooji said, looking at Yeonjun who was pouting hard.

She pushed herself from the kitchen counter and started walking behind Ryujin and Beomgyu. People greeted them as they passed by them. Some even stopped Yeonjun to have a short talk. 

“Choi Yeonjun, come over here!” Changbin shouted, taking over the sound systems. He suddenly stopped the song to announce. On the spur of the moment, the people around them stared with drunk and playful faces. 

“You don’t have to be clingy, Jingjingie.” Yeonjun retorted. 

“Ji, let’s dance.” Hyunjin came beside her. The girls were waiting behind him but they looked amused by the scene.

“She’s going home.” Yeonjun answered, throwing dagger looks at Hyunjin. Sooji was getting uncomfortable being the center of attention. The anxiety of all these people knowing about her relationship with Yeonjun and spreading it wasn’t helping too.

“No one’s going home until you have fun!” Wooyoung exclaimed in the middle of the crowd. Yes, he’s wasted.

“How about a showdown?” San suggested as he gritted his teeth in excitement.

“With who?” Sooji asked in a little voice as she tried to gain her confidence. This was a dance showdown after all.

Changbin scanned the room, finding someone. “Anyone from LOONA?” 

“We’ll pass on that.” Haseul chuckled, stating they were contented with watching.

“IZ*ONE then? Don’t be a chicken. I granted them that cause they already showed down with G-IDLE earlier.” Changbin pursued.

Sooji got shocked when their members pushed Chaewon in the middle of the crowd. Her girls automatically hovered beside her, pushing Yeonjun behind her back. 

“Ji.” She heard Ryujin called but instead of a concerned tone, it felt like she was taking pride.

Yeji put her arms on top of her shoulder before she whispered. “Kick ass.” 

Crowd was piling more. The music was playing to the intro beat of HAVANA. 

_Damn._

She felt Yeonjun’s hand subtly touched her back. He leaned on after Yeji removed her arm. 

“I can dash you out of here if you’re uncomfortable. I don’t give a fuck on what they’ll say.” Yeonjun stated in deep voice. 

Sooji shook her head to assure him. Besides, Sooji wanted to communicate with others too. Being an introvert that she was, she thought this was the only way she could.

And so, she did.

Sooji jumped at the first verse. HAVANA was a salsa-inspired mid-tempo pop song with R&B-pop beats so she adjusted her dancing style. It wasn’t hard for her since Sooji had already trained various genres with herself and Yeonjun. But the hard part was the freestyle. Sooji could never learn how fast Yeonjun could think of extempored dance moves. 

Sooji calculated her movements, preventing herself from looking too trying hard since it was a common mistake during freestyles. She used her hips and hands a lot to create a good impression. On the next beats, Sooji experimented snappy movements yet smooth textures. Little by little, she applied her own version of the song: hip-hop but graceful, her favorite.

Back then, Sooji was already in love with the street-style concept and powerful moves like Jeongguk. So when she started to train with him, the bangtan member helped her enhanced it. Though about her elegant side too and she was guilty that Jimin and Yeonjun influenced her a lot. Sooji wasn’t like this until she met them. She thought both styles would contradict each other but it made her the dancer she was today.

Second verse was cue for Chaewon to start invading the dance floor. She started freestyling, getting the spotlight in the middle. Sooji payed respect and let her have it while she watched her moves. Thinking what she should do next. 

Chaewon was a great dancer, of course. Why wouldn’t she when she’s an idol? Sooji was aware that she’s also the lead dancer. Unlike what Sooji did, instead of focusing on the whole body, mainly the hips and hands, Chaewon used amazing isolations, creating her own version of the song. Sooji liked her technique and flow too.

Sooji heard cheers getting louder when they both danced to the chorus, having different ways but they had a good amount of chemistry. It wasn’t hard to adjust the intensity of the dance during that part since it was light for her but the minor details matter too. All Sooji did was to focus on being accurate with her moves since she was maintaining her preferred version. Also, Sooji didn’t use much of her facial expressions but it was there by instincts. 

Before Sooji knew it, the song stopped and everyone clapped for them. There was no ranking to avoid any negative outcomes. It was a friendly showdown. Sooji bowed and smiled to her before she hurriedly went out of the crowd’s sight. ITZY was cheering for her. Yeonjun stood by the side of his members which was literally beside her own. Sooji could conclude that TXT and ITZY became best friends, seeing how close they were.

“Won’t the legendary trainee give us a go?” Changbin shouted, supported by Yeonjun’s other friends. Yeah, friends. Basically, almost half of the people in the room. 

Yeonjun smiled at the idea but his gaze turned to her and switched into boyfriend-mode, that Sooji wasn’t enthusiastic about. Telepathy speaking, she thought he was concerned about the time spent and that he had to walk her out. So she signaled at Yeonjun, giving him assurance that she would be here to watch. He grinned broadly as his friends pulled him in the middle. The crowd was cheering again for him. 

[BILLIE EILISH’s BAD GUY](https://twitter.com/foxxyeonjun/status/1225744249741664256?s=21) played as the background music. And being the legendary trainee he was, he flawlessly executed freestyle along the song. The floor may have a limited space but he still stood up so well with his charm. Yeonjun was a fluid dancer himself. His hips moved with grace and flexibility, making his dancing flow smoothly and effortlessly. And the way he controlled his body was outstanding that he could generate boneless executions. His visual exposed, seducing the audience with his teasing facial expression that fit the vibe of the song.

“Your man, Ji.” Ryujin commented from her side. 

Sooji couldn’t help but her lips formed into a proud smile.

_That’s my man._

_My it boy._

Sooji’s eyes widened as her cheeks felt red and hot when Yeonjun started grinding on the floor, _literally_ grinding. Like he was thrusting using his hips and bit his lips the whole time. The crowd went extra wild and people were pushing each other because of the sexy move Yeonjun used as an ending fairy. He stood up, shyly covering his face as he ran towards on Sooji’s direction. 

They said their farewells to them and some even gave her a hug, complimenting her about the dance showdown. Sooji waved at Chaewon. She just nodded and smiled as she continued staring at Yeonjun’s hand that was unconsciously on Sooji’s waist. Some people gave looks on it too but they didn’t say any comments about it.

“Stop pouting, Yeonjun, really.” Sooji deadpanned when she looked back at him. “Enjoy this party, okay? We can meet up tomorrow after the rehearsal. Is that okay with you?”

He sighed before nodding, opening the car door for her. “I’ll take you to dinner tomorrow. Drive safely.”

Sooji hummed as a reply. The girls and Sooji got inside the car. They were busy chatting about the party, and how it sucked that they couldn’t stay. Yeonjun leaned to give her a kiss on the forehead, telling her to drive safely.

“Oh, there you are!” Hyunjin exclaimed. Sooji went out for a bit to get some water in the refrigerator at their lobby, still catching her breath from the routine they did. 

“Hey, why are you here? I thought you don’t have practice?” She asked, opening the cooling appliance.

“Got beeped about KCON in Los Angeles so I basically ran over here t take an extra vocal lesson. I’m obviously shitting myself.” Hyunjin said in exaggeration.

“You too? We’re going there next week to film our music video.”

“No, not like now. The KCON’s set on August but we were already confirmed to perform. I heard your schedule is being fixed.” stated Hyunjin, taking a sip from his coffee.

“Hayi-nim’s not saying anything so...” Sooji trailed, shrugging her shoulders.

“You’re performing there. I’m treating pork belly if I’m wrong.” Hyunjin remarked positively.

“I’m going to break your kneecaps if you’re wrong.” Sooji playfully threatened, drinking the water after.

“Okay then if I’m right, you’ll be my airplane slash LA buddy.” He challenged, moving his eyebrows vertically.

Sooji rolled her eyes. “Fine. As if we’re going to be allowed.”

“Damn, I’m thrilled!” Hyunjin said in excitement. “We wouldn’t be uncomfortable now, right? Since you know...”

He shifted his weight awkwardly. Sooji eyes furrowed at his body language, curiosity began to cloud her mind. “Since what?”

“Since you guys break up? I was surprised to see you were in good terms with him last night after what happened.” said Hyunjin with concerned tone.

“We-”

“Choi Sooji! If you don’t get your ass back here—” Yeji shouted across the hallway, her head peeking from the door.

Sooji quickly bowed to Hyunjin to politely dismiss their conversation. He still had the worried look on his face. Maybe he was still pertaining to the issue that happened between Yeonjun and Chaewon.

“We’ll be leaving in two days.” Sooji informed. 

Yeonjun and Sooji were chilling at Cheonggyecheon Stream. As promised, he fetched her from work and drove here. Since it was night, the stream turned into a entertainment hotspot with musicians scattered along the area and impressive water light shows. They were disguised properly, and Sooji wanted to stroll around but her legs were giving up on her. Yeonjun suggested to sit down and opt for sightseeing instead. Besides, they were surrounded by amazing art: sculptures, stoneworks, etc. that she was satisfied.

“Our flight is on thursday.” Yeonjun said before taking a bite to his tteobeokki. He did his little dance of happiness whenever he got to eat his food. Sooji felt devastated at the sight. He was so cute.

But then, Sooji’s eyebrows curled in curiosity. “What? Where?” 

“New York.” Yeonjun answered in a casual tone. He fed her a piece of hotteok, that they bought from the street-food stand, and put it inside her mouth.

Sooji chewed it, tasting the flavors of brown sugar and cinnamon. It was her favorite street food. “For what?”

“KCON.” 

Sooji swore she almost choked on her food when Yeonjun said that. “KCON New York? Oh my god! That’s in MSG— that’s insane! I’m happy for you!”

Sooji hugged him from the side carefully since the food were placed down between them. Sooji clapped her hands in excitement. Yeonjun’s lips lifted up at her reaction.

“55,000 spectators, Jiji. I think _I_ am going insane.”

“Just show them what you got and enjoy, Yeonjunie. It’s more than what they will expect.” Sooji assured him, patting his thigh as a sign of support.

Yeonjun nodded and smiled but it wasn’t genuine. Sooji caught glimpse as it faded.

“Are you that troubled? It’s going to be okay.” Sooji said, trying to find his lost gaze.

“I-It’s not about that...” 

“Then what are you thinking of?”

“Nothing.” He said with hesitation.

Sooji sighed, understanding that he probably needed space.

“I’m just here if you want to talk about it...” Sooji said, giving him a reassuring smile.

He smiled sadly. “It’s fine. As long as you’re here, it’s fine.”

It’s worrying to watch him like this for Sooji. Yeonjun was always honest with her when it came to his problems: whether it be about not reaching his own expectations or their group. Unlike her, Yeonjun was ready to share his troubles. Now that he was acting so problematic about something but not telling her, it felt so wrong for her.

It’s like a drastic storm that was about to come in their way and they weren’t prepared. And so, Sooji was starting to think that liking someone this much meant living in constant fear that they will slip away.

“Let’s go.” Yeonjun induced after reading a message from his phone.

“It’s only nine?” Sooji said in confusion while cleaning up their trashes.

He stood up and helped Sooji get up from her sit. “Eomma wants to meet you.” 

Her eyes widened in fear, her heart thumping rapidly. “What?”

“Come on...” He chuckled, cheekbones moving in amusement. His arm found its way to her waist as he guided them to his car. Sooji thought of how bad the outfit she was wearing: oversized plaid button-up shirt, black leggings, and white converse. Sooji was panicking internally while he was driving calmly. She wanted to spank that smirk of his plastered throughout the ride.

They arrived at Saebyukjib, a restaurant famous for korean barbecue. It was near from JYP Entertainment and some of the people she knew at work had already been here. As usual, they settled on a seat where it was hidden from other customers. Sooji had gotten used to this set up already.

Sooji was staring at the window when Yeonjun stood up. Her eyes fell on a fine woman in front of them. She was in a work outfit and she screamed elegance at the sight. Like Yeonjun, she looked so intimidating until she smiled warmly.

“Eomma.” Yeonjun greeted with the exact expression. “This is my girlfriend, Sooji.”

“Mrs. Choi.” Sooji bowed, placing both her arms down along with her body as she avoided eye contact. It’s a common etiquette.

“Eomeonim is fine.” Yeonjun’s mother said, initiating a friendly handshake. Sooji took it nervously. Yeonjun and his mother laughed at her action before sitting. “Junie, did you order?”

Yeonjun shook his head. “We waited for you both.”

Both?

Yeonjun’s phone rang. He looked at it before speaking. “I’m sorry, I have to get this.”

Yeonjun’s mother told him it was okay while Sooji nodded lightly. He placed a light kiss on her forehead before walking away, leaving her cheeks flushed.

“I’ve heard a lot of things about you.” The elder woman started the conversation, she could feel how tensed Sooji was. “That kid... he talks about you constantly.”

Sooji shifted from her seat, conscious at the way she was observing her.

“One day, I was shocked. He called me in the middle of her work and he was telling, no, he rapped over something about blood. Mother of Christ, I almost had a heart attack!” She laughed at the memories, even putting her hand where her heart was located. “Then it hit me when he calmed down and said he needed help about menstruation.”

Sooji quickly remembered the day that she was having a bad dysmenorrhea and Yeonjun sent a package through express delivery. Realizing that Yeonjun was always there for her, Sooji reddened at her statement, wanting to hide her face but she didn’t want to come off rude. 

“Since then, whenever he called, he would gushed about you. _Jiji performed. Jiji danced. Jiji did this. Jiji did that_.” She went on, smiling at the words she was spilling out. “You know, Yeonjun wasn’t the type to commit into relationships. He was always busy with his career for the past years. So focused about debuting.”

Oh my god, was this the moment where the mother tells her to break up with his son to get his focus back?

“Then you came along. I’ve never seen him the happiest.” 

Sooji wasn’t the type to cry but at this moment, She genuinely want to let out happy tears. All this time, She had been thinking how bad she was at being Yeonjun’s partner. Overthinking about how horrible she was treating him because Yeonjun would just give and give and give without asking for anything in return.

“Yeonjun is the embodiment of healing. I coined him that nickname because whenever I look at him, I felt at peace. I was getting worried if Yeonjun has his own healing person because he deserves someone like him in this world.” She stated with pure truth. “He met you. Basing from my mother instincts, he already found his person.”

“If that’s the case, I feel the same way about him. He’s my person too.”

She smiled kindly. “I heard you’re an idol too. I’ve seen you on the news.”

Sooji swallowed deeply at the thought of her seeing her recent dating scandal. “Yes, Ma’am.”

“Eomeonim.” She corrected sternly before changing with enthusiasm again. “It’s okay. I understand what’s happening with your relationship and don’t worry about me meddling because I won’t. I’m just here to support the both of you.”

Sooji smiled with gratitude. “Thank you.” 

“When he was a kid, he would always say he’d marry his first love... that he wants it to be the last. He’s always been the romantic, my Yeonjun.” 

Sooji grinned in awe, imagining about Yeonjun’s childhood. Being the love preacher he was still, showing affectionate to everyone he knew. Then, her heart shattering at the idea of him taking care of others but not himself. Until, Sooji remembered their getaway when she vowed at him that she would always be there.

“Are you ready to spend your life with my son?”

Sooji cleared her throat to delay her time to answer. She needed more time to think of a good reply to question. 

“I—” 

“I’m so sorry, I’m late!”

Hearing the familiar voice, Sooji swore her eyes expanded their sizes like an owl’s.

“Eomma?” Sooji stood up. She went to her and hugged her tightly. Yeonjun gestured her to sit beside Sooji but to their surprise, Sooyoung sat beside Yeonjun’s mother. Their cheeks even touched as a greeting like they knew each other very well. They talked for a while while Sooji sat there, dazed by the sight.

“They’re friends.” Yeonjun whispered beside her.

Sooji looked at him, eyes full of questions. “Since when?” 

“They met when Soobin and I were still trainees... became best friends. I don’t know, just clicked?” Yeonjun shrugged his shoulder. He put his opposite elbow on top of the desk and let his chin rest on it while scanning Sooji’s face shamelessly.

“I went to Soobin to drop off some groceries, Yeonjun. Feel free to get some of his, okay? Message me if he doesn’t let you.” Sooyoung pursued which made Yeonjun laughed and made sure to reply his gratefulness.

Throwing her nervousness in starting off conversations, Sooji asked. “Have you decided on what you’d like to order?”

Yeonjun smiled at her, his rosy tangerine-slices-like lips pulling back to revealing teeth before he leaned closer to whisper. “Are you on the menu?”

Sooji gulped as she took a glance on the eyes of their mothers staring at them, endeared at the sight of two lovers.

“Yeonjun,” Sooji silently scolded, threatening him to stop flirting in front their own parents.

He resigned himself back to his normal position with smirk still playing on his lips. They settled on pork and beef barbecue. Of course, Yeonjun ordered his own spicy ramen and even a lot of kimchi. He knew Sooji liked kimchi so much.

Sooyoung smiled widely when she caught Yeonjun fixing her bracelet because it was loose. “So I see you’re dating my daughter now, Yeonjun-ah.” 

“Oh would you look how struck down my boy is.” Yeonjun’s mother laughed, teasing Yeonjun who immediately pouted.

Sooyoung turned her head towards Sooji’s direction. “I didn’t tell you when he went to our house and asked for my blessing and Soobin’s, right?”

Sooji blinked rapidly before shaking my head. “When was that?”

“You remember the week before you officially trained as a member and not a trainee? Yeah... it was during that time.” Yeonjun answered, avoiding her eyes, a bit nervous of how Sooji would react about it.

“You went to our house?” Sooji repeated, sounding accusingly.

“Yeonjun wanted to see you but you were so beaten up from practice. He left with your brother when he was finished getting his extra clothes.” Sooyoung answered to cease the fire that was about to lit up.

Sooji’s lips prodded lightly at the thought. “You didn’t wake me up.”

Yeonjun patted her head. Sooji saw two pairs of eyes shaping into a heart at their sight. “You had a tiring week. Why would I disturb your rest?” 

“How did you meet?” Yeonjun’s mother interfered. Sooji straightened up her posture back again, still intimidated by her presence. 

“I visited their dorm last year-”

Sooyoung cut her daughter off, objecting. “Last year? I disagree. Yeonjun-ah, no?” 

Yeonjun let out a chuckle but he didn’t respond anything more, it was a sign for Sooyoung to continue her story.

“I guess, you weren’t aware of his little crush on you?” Sooyoung started. Sooji’s brows furrowed curiously. “It was during the hectic month of Soobin. When he was moving to their dorm— their first dorm? Before they got picked to be TXT.” 

Sooji nodded, pre-occupied by her thoughts. Thinking back, she couldn’t remember any of Yeonjun’s presence in their dorm. The day she visited Soobin’s dorm last year was the first time she actually had seen him in person.

“I saw this kid who was staring profoundly at you whenever we visit your brother. As days go by, he looked more and more infatuated so I confronted him about it.”

“He got shy, didn’t he? Yeonjun was always appealing to people but he flips out when someone flirts with him!” Yeonjun groaned at his mother’s statement.

“Yeonjun was blushing so red! But here’s the thing... he confessed to me that he has a crush on Soobin’s sister.” Sooyoung revealed. Yeonjun looked comfortable at the topic but he still refused to look at her.

“Now, I understand why he kept whispering at you when we see each other.” Yeonjun’s mother commented.

Sooyoung laughed. Sooji assumed something passed by her mind. “He’s always asking where’s Sooji while my daughter is busy with her own practice that’s why she wasn’t visiting Soobin often that time.” 

Sooji cleared her throat awkwardly. “Why didn’t I know about this?” 

“I’ve been giving you hints about it but you’re too dense, I didn’t push it. I even slipped when Ryujin caught us in your room and you didn’t ask.” Yeonjun defended himself, leaning back on his chair to relax his stance.

“ _Shut up, you whipped man. Do you want me to tell her that I caught you staring at her like a highschool student pining at his crush?”_

_“I’ve been pining for my bestfriend’s sister for years now. You aren’t wrong there.”_

“Oh.” Was the only word left out of her mouth.

“Wait... caught where?”

“Yeonjun, you, young man, we will talk after this.” 

Yeonjun and her eyes widened as if they were deers caught in light. He placed his hands in front of them as a sign of defense. “No! No... Jiji’s members called me so I went to their dorm and found her in her room— she was having a stomachache! Nothing happened!”

And because of one wrong statement that got spilled, their mothers lectured them about safe sex and teenage pregnancy (even though, Yeonjun’s turning 21 in a few months) the rest of their time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ll never get over blue hour era good bye


	15. Crumbled sand castle (Who’s the liar?)

_Stars in his eyes._

Sooji looked at him... frightened. There were stars in his eyes but she remembered that the stars they see at night have already died. She could clearly recall what she read in an online article: _When looking at stars, you’re actually looking into the past._

Sooji was so scared. Yeonjun never looked like this. He always emitted light in his eyes, shining like the celestial he was. But as she observed him, he looked as if he was a ticking bomb. Like he was running out of time. 

Okay. Maybe it Sooji was overthinking this but she knew him. Her instincts told her so.

“Yeonjun, please. Tell me if something’s wrong...”

Yeonjun put his elbows away from the railing and leaned his back instead. They were at the roof terrace at Namsam Tower after having dinner with their parents. Not to be the cliche couple but they always wanted to go here. To see the sight of Seoul. 

Where they devoted their youth with.

“I told you, don’t worry about me. Can we just enjoy what we have now?” Yeonjun asked with gentle voice. He took Sooji’s hand into his, and his eyes were so serene that Sooji couldn’t resist, but a frown presses in between her eyebrows.

The summer night was bitterly cold as they watched the midnight sky. She held on to her arms to keep herself warm. Yeonjun caught sight of it, then use: his other hand to pull Sooji in closer until they are right in front of each other before turning her so her back would face him. Yeonjun’s legs on both sides of her so that she’s standing in between them. A perfect position for Yeonjun to wrap his arms around Sooji’s waist. As he hugged her from the back, he moved Sooji’s hair away from her neck with his delicate fingers so he could kiss her neck properly.

Sooji let out a sharp exhale and her bottom lip jutted out into a pout from the harsh breath as she looked down at their interlocking hands. The words were comforting, but she wished she could comfort Yeonjun the same way.

“Why are we here?”

He left a passing kiss on her ear. “To be with each other.” 

“Why do we exist, I mean.” Sooji corrected as she looked into the busy city lights, staring while in deep thought.

It’s one of the greatest mysteries in life, wasn’t it? Why were they here? Were they a product of cosmic coincidence or was there really a mighty one watching over them? If there was, what was his plans? What was their purpose? 

“Yes.” 

“Yes?” Her face contorted into confusion. “What do you mean Yes?”

Yeonjun turned her body to face him and stared into her eyes as if he was knocking a door into her soul. “We exist to be with each other, Jiji.”

“And on the next life?” 

It might have seemed to be an off topic but it’s just how they talked to each other. Whether it was a small thing or big, deep or not, if they wanted to talk about it, they would. 

Yeonjun rested his chin on top of her head. “I will find you and love you better.”

Her heart... ached. “You’re already better at it. What more would you want to improve?” 

“If you only knew.”

Sooji was feeling more doubtful. Her intuition was petrifying her for something that was about to happen but she just couldn’t point what was it. “You wouldn’t do anything stupid for me?”

“Like what?” He let out a small chuckle.

“You know... giving anything up for me? You look like you’d do it.” 

This time, Yeonjun’s laugh stormed the whole terrace, dancing amidst the wind that was blowing hard on this fine night. “You’re so full of yourself, aren’t you? Do I make my feelings too obvious?”

Sooji glanced at him while pushing him away slightly. Yeonjun smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes, looking drained yet he kept on a happy face. His head tilted as his gaze turned from her to the sky.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

Sooji swallowed hard the forming lump in her throat. Of course, she knew that famous japanese phrase. But why was she feeling uneasy? Like something bad was about to happen? Why were the happiest moments had to be ushered in fear?

“Comeback season next month, huh?” Yeonjun suddenly changed the topic, noticing that she had gone silent.

“Yeah...”

“I have something to tell you and I need you to listen to it, okay?” He said, holding her hand with care as if it was too fragile.

Sooji nodded and looked at him, his heavy stare boring into her.

“If you look in the mirror and hate yourself again... I want you to know that it’s not you.” Yeonjun stated. Her mouth parted as she let out a weighty sigh.

He was talking about how Sooji looked at herself in the practice room. He knew. Yeonjun knew.

“You look at your reflection like your body is tattooed with people’s opinions. I want you to know that it’s not you. You think about their perspective so much that you failed to recognize who you really are, Jiji.”

“Yeonjun,”

But he wasn’t done talking. He held her hand for comfort.

“You’re not seeing the amount of lives you’ve touched with your presence. You’re not seeing that you make them happy- makes us happy. You’re not seeing how strong you really are. Baby, listen to her when I say this...” Yeonjun trailed his sentence, bringing his free hand to cup Sooji’s face, so she’s looking at him attentively.

“You are so much more than what they think you are. Please, believe it.”

Sooji’s eyebrows furrowed. His words struck her but she refused to absorb it. “Why are you telling me this?”

“It’s comeback month.” Yeonjun repeated in a casual tone, shrugging his shoulders. “You know how tough comebacks can get. We’re basically idols, Jiji. Their eyes tend to be lasers during this season. They will always have something to say.”

“So?”

“So?” He imitated, confused at her reply.

“So, why are you telling me this?” Sooji replied barely audibly, and Yeonjun raised a confused eyebrow, putting his hand to rest gently over her arm.

Sooji sucked her lip in, then biting on it. The ugly feeling of familiar panic awakening in her chest, reddening her vision. It had been a long time since she felt the anxiety, and the unpredictable nervous energy was whispering through her body as a warning.

“I just told you-”

“Why are you telling me this as if you’re not gonna be at my side when it happens?” She retorted with booming tone.

Yeonjun’s face fell but he quickly composed himself. “It’s not that-”

“Then what? What is happening, Yeonjun?” She asked, her voice warning.

“N-nothing...” 

“You’re lying to me now?” She accused, words spitting like poisoned blood to Yeonjun’s veins.

He closed his eyes before speaking. “I’m just scared, okay?”

Sooji’s expression softened as she looked at Yeonjun. “Scared of what?” 

“That the same thing will happen when we get out of the country.”

“A dating scandal? Really?” Sooji huffed in disbelief. “I was so worried for that? Yeonjun, I already told you what happened...”

Yeonjun avoided her eyes and leaned on the railings. He blinked blanky in oblivion, his face unreadable.

“I know. That’s why I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Sooji smiled sadly. She couldn’t blame Yeonjun. The thought of getting cheated scared her. And she was only a collateral damage between her parens but it scarred her for life. She couldn’t imagine experiencing it. Hell, every fiber of her being was doubting if she would be able to survive it.

Yeonjun drove her back to the dorm. It was too late and passed her curfew. Sooji didn’t mind, though. It was tiring but at least it kept her mind off idol things, and it’s not like everyday they get to do this. Sooji would be gone for two weeks. Only two. Yeonjun absolutely had nothing to be scared of.

“Jiji,” He called as he pulled out in front of the building.

Sooji stopped from getting out of the car, smiling sheepishly, rubbing her drowsy eyes. “Yes?”

“I hope we never forget why we chose each other.” 

Sooji chuckled, thinking it was another pick up line of Yeonjun.

“Why did you choose me?” She asked, jokingly. 

“Because I love you.”

There was something so fragile in the way Yeonjun said those three words, as if any moment he would disappear.

She stared at him, trying to read him but she was too late when Yeonjun already lifted his lips up into a smirk, contrasting to his dreadful eyes that still looked the same these past few days.

“Good night.” He said and proceeded to kiss her forehead. She could feel Yeonjun’s lips forming into a smile after he rested it there for awhile.

Sooji went out of his car and waved before heading inside. She thought he was going to ask her back... about why did she choose him. But he didn’t. He just smiled. Yeonjun just smiled.

Why must he always give without wanting something back?

Days after, she landed at Los Angeles to work. Yeonjun and Sooji were so busy with their own agenda in different states that she haven’t had time to check him up constantly. They had to rehearse the choreography more before the actual shooting so they were in a practice room rented by their company.

“I’m sorry but I really cannot believe this.” Yeji commented in mixture of disbelief and amusement as she looked at her phone.

Chaeryeong hummed in agreement. “TXT just performed at Madison Square Garden...”

Ryujin clenched her fist in excitement. “I can’t let this sink in, oh god.”

“Ji, your boyfriend’s out there catching hearts of thousands of people.” Lia teased, nudging her shoulder as they waited for the choreographer to call them.

“It’s what he do best.” Sooji proudly stated.

The girls let out a playful howl, slightly imitating the dog barks in CAT & DOG. She laughed because little they know Yeonjun was the one who was in charged of it.

“Are they staying?” Yeji asked before drinking her water.

“Just for KCON.” Sooji answered, standing up when the door opened.

Yeonjun was right. Los Angeles was beautiful. As they strolled around, she was imagining TXT’s pre-debut years. Sooji was mixing Yeonjun’s point of view and Soobin’s daily updates back then.

Shooting for the music video was tiring but it was fun that Sooji didn’t open her SNS even for awhile. Their implemented a strict policy to restrict them from using their personal cellphones for them to focus on the project. Alternatively, they were allowed to use the camera that the management provided for the music video’s behind the scene. It was only for two days and Sooji wasn’t much of a user so she was okay with it. Not to mention, the staffs were too kind and occupying that she had gotten busy conversing with them too.

The filming was already done. All they had to do was maximize the rest of their stay in the city of angels.

“Ji, your phone is ringing.” Yeji informed her before calling the others to give their phones back.

“Oh, I thought I had it turned off. Thanks, Yej.” Sooji smiled. She was in a good mood for a few days because of the light and new atmosphere here.

Yeji winked at her as she handed the phone to Yuna who basically ran towards their direction. Sooji looked at the phone to see her brother was calling her. She even had a lot of missed calls from others too but she didn’t pay anymore attention to it, concluding it was because she forgot to tell them her phone would be confiscated for awhile.

“Yeah?” said Sooji after picking up the call, walking to the balcony to give herself privacy from her other members.

_“Why aren’t you answering your phone?!”_

Sooji laughed at his worried voice. He had always been like this whenever she didn’t answer his calls. “Why are you angry? Calm down.”

_“Are you okay?”_

“I am, binnie. Hayi-nim collected our phones the other day. I forgot to tell you.” 

_“T-The other d-day?”_

Sooji’s forehead wrinkled at his sudden hesitation. Her phone beeped, it was a message from Sooyoung.

“Yes. Wait, I’m gonna get back to you. Eomma texted me-”

_“No!”_

“What?”

_“D-Don’t read it.”_

“Soobin, what did you do?” Sooji asked, misgiving. Her heart suddenly thumped nervously. She took off the phone from her ear without ending the call, still hearing Soobin’s pleadings.

**SOOYOUNG**

is this true?

[view attachment]

Not articles again. Sooji rolled her eyes, it was probably another rumor. She heaved a bored sigh before opening the link.

But she didn’t expect what she saw.

**WE ARE IDOLS**

TXT’S Yeonjun and IZ*ONE’s Chaewon are confirmed dating!

Bighit Entertainment, which manages the five-member rookie boy band, TXT, confirmed the relationship, saying that Yeonjun, whose turning 21 next month, “has a romantic interest in her”. Meanwhile, Woolim Entertainment let out a statement of supporting their relationship.

The two lovers were spotted getting out of Bighit’s dormitory last month and netizens had been suspicious ever since. News of the two artists’ relationship circulated today morning after fans spotted IZ*ONE’s Chaewon went to the airport and waited for TXT’s arrival from New York City.

Pictures obtained by netizens also show that Yeonjun drove using his personal car with Chaewon on the passenger seat. (See Here!)

Though both of the agencies confirmed their relationship, the alleged new couple hasn’t spoken about it.

Sooji wanted to laugh. _This had too be a joke, right?_ But no. She looked at the pictures and her own eyes saw that it was Yeonjun himself. 

**SOOYOUNG**

sooji.

[view attachment]

i am going to your company first thing in the morning and we will fix this.

your name shouldn’t be dragged here.

Another article. It was about the outbreak of the news and some fans were doubting it, saying Sooji had her own relationship with Yeonjun. Some were mad at Yeonjun and accusing him for being a cheater. Even Chaewon got hates. People were talking about it and it shouldn’t even be a big deal to everyone. They were just rookies. 

Sooji closed her eyes and used the railings to support her while she sat on the floor, weakly. The wind blew her hair intensely as if it was comforting her. She didn’t even know what to feel.

“Soobin...” She muttered, putting her phone back to her ears.

_“I’m sorry.”_

“Did you know about this?”

_“I’m so sorry, Ji-”_

“I said! Did you know about this?!”

Sooji’s voice was strained but she kept her cool on. She shouldn’t break down. Not now. But how could she calm down? Yeonjun cheating on her was one thing. But Soobin, her own twin brother, keeping it from her was another. And the fact that those two men were the only men she ever trusted betrayed her. So, no. She would not calm down.

_“Y-You should talk to h-him.”_

“I don’t care about him—”

She heard a static from the other line.

_“Baby...”_

Sooji gasped silently, staring at the sky where the sun was starting to rise.

_“I-I love you.”_

She threw her phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” is a japanese phrase that simply means “i love you”


	16. Before you disappear into the night, I take you into my eyes

For Sooji, going home in Seoul had never been so stressful like today. The airport was packed because of ITZY’s fans that were patiently waiting for them to arrive; but also the ones who were still angry about the news. Dating scandal was really a big deal in this industry, huh? It's unfortunate that dating and relationships was often something that can completely spiral out of control and could put an idols' career in jeopardy. It may not be fair but it was what came with the job.

Sooji dyed her hair to pastel ash blue for ICY comeback that she had to hide her appearance by using a hoodie, the mask was mandatory too. However, Seoul assumed that it was because she was affected by the recent hot topic that was going around. Some comments even pointed out that they saw Sooji with puffy eyes when it was natural since she slept too much during the flight.

To be frank, Sooji haven’t even shed a tear since then. Also, she felt bad for blocking the boys’ numbers because they were all flooding her. The girls comforted her after getting the news broke but she didn’t need it. Instead, Sooji focused on their comeback. It was more important for her. (And it distracted her from the reality).

“You, girls, go home. Sooji, I need you to come with me to the office.” Their manager instructed them. 

Sooji bid her farewells to the girls before hopping to the other car. Like her, they looked so tired. But they were given considerations to rest the whole day since they’re attending to a variety show named Knowing Bros.

Getting inside the conference room, her sleepy state suddenly faded when she saw a lot of people. The choreographers, producers, Areum’s stylist team, and Park Jin Young himself. Sooji greeted them with her hands behind her back. 

“Our girl’s here.” Bae Dabin announced with smiles on their faces.

“Goodmorning, Hayi and Sooji. Take a sit.” Jinyoung greeted them briskly, without stalling.

Manager Hayi and Sooji obeyed him. She glanced at Areum who was grinning to her, signaling her that nothing to worry about.

“I won’t make this long since you need to rest. But I want you to know that you’re scheduled to release a single by the end of the year.” 

Sooji’s eyes blinked, confused. She gaped at the sudden announcement while they all sat in front of her with enthusiam in their faces. 

“Oh! The one for MMA?” Manager Hayi spoke brightly.

Jinyoung nodded. “The concept would be showing a person’s external and internal sides. Being the performer, Sooji will embody her duality both as vulnerable girl and as a strong and independent woman.” 

Sooji raised her hand for question. They all looked at her and urged her to speak. “I’m sorry but may I ask about MMA?” 

“This is not yet announced to the public,” He trailed thoughtfully, glancing at her for attention. “But you’re nominated as the Best New Female Artist.”

Sooji choked upon hearing what he said.

_This can’t be? We just debuted and only had two songs!_

“And ITZY will be performing there too and you will do the intro with your single.”

Sooji cleared her throat before nodding awkwardly. She felt completely thrown off the building with the thought of performing in front of so many people, let alone other senior idols. 

Jinyoung glanced at his paper before looking back to the other side of the table. “I need the choreography by October.”

“I’m on it.” replied Bae Dabin.

Jinyoung’s gaze went back to the idol. “Sooji, If you could help Team Galactika with the songwriting that would be better.”

“I’m just going to be at my studio.” Galactika himself stated and flashed a wink. Sooji chuckled at his friendly behavior to ease the tension. She was already comfortable with him since she basically raided his workshop together with Hyunjin.

“Production, Planning, and Styling team,” Jinyoung called after glancing to his paper again. “You can propose your ideas anytime but we’ll finalize it by October too.”

“Noted, PD-nim.” They replied, bowing their heads curtly.

Jinyoung let go of the ballpen he was holding and leaned on the table with his hands connected. He scanned the room with full authority in his demeanor.. “This single will be different as it won’t be promoted rather it will be a bomb to everyone.” 

They all nodded in understanding, deeply thinking if this would work. Honestly, Sooji didn’t think he had plans for charting her supposedly single, but he was aiming for something else.

“That’s it for today. I don’t want anyone leaking this, understood?” He dismissed. “You can go now. Sooji, I need a word with you.”

Everyone stood up and bowed briefly before walking away. She was left with the superior alone.

“Did you know Ms Choi came here?”

“She told me a few days ago. I apologize if she said anything inappropriate.” Sooji muttered an apology before bowing politely, not trusting her own mother for not lashing out.

He signaled her to sit back and let out a chuckle. “It’s not a problem. And speaking of problems, I heard about the matter about you between Choi Yeonjun and Kim Chaewon.” 

“I don’t know what to say.” Sooji responded with a straight face as she could manage, concentrating on not thinking about what happened on the past few days. 

“Do you have romantic feelings for Yeonjun?” 

At this point, Sooji couldn’t pretend her usual behavior. Her head automatically lifted at his words, clearly surprised with his question.

“You know I’m against it, Sooji.” He said as if he read her mind. “Though, I have to admit that I am fond of that boy. Even so, I can’t accept if you have a relationship with him that’s not platonic.” 

“W-We broke up.” Sooji stuttered, gulping back her obvious nervousness. She hoped Jinyoung would overlooked her twisting, twitching expression.

Sooji was half-lying. Of course, she was going to break up with Yeonjun either way after this.

Jinyoung grinned. “Don’t be too nervous, Sooji. I may be too biased but I’d accept if you’re in a relationship with him when you’re at legal age.” He observed her shaking hands. “If you broke up with him... then it’s the right time of your single, am I wrong?”

“Respectfully speaking, I don’t want anything to do with him anymore.” Sooji muttered, making the older snickered at her bitterness. Jinyoung stared at her for a long silent moments. God, she hated how utterly unreadable he was capable of being.

“Well, the media is making you look like a vulnerable girl... Do you want that?” Jinyoung eventually spoke, leaning back to his swivel chair with amusement in his eyes.

Why was he good at reading people?

“No, sir.”

“Then I’ll remove that to the concept. You show them you aren’t. Perform on that stage and let them kiss your feet.” He convinced, cracking a mischievous smile.

Jinyoung raised his hand in front of them to gesture a handshake as a sign of commitment. Heaving a sigh, Sooji grabbed it and he shook it with satisfaction plastered on his facial expression.

Completely burned out from the flight and meeting, Sooji went back to their dorm like a zombie. Ryujin was watching something on her phone when she slumped back on her bed after changing her clothes without having a motivation to fix her luggage. 

“Are you okay?” Ryujin asked, putting the device down to her lap.

“Just tired.” Sooji affirmed quietly, covering her eyes with her palm and lowering her head to rest heavily on the pillow. 

Ryujin suddenly rose from her bed, lounging leisurely next to Sooji. She put her arms around her. ”I’m here if you need to talk to someone. Go take a rest.” 

Sooji wasn’t going to lie but cuddling made her think of Yeonjun, both of them switching to being the big spoon and small spoon whatever they wanted. Hearing his soft giggles as he wrapped his arms around her to snuggle made her feel a certain sense of warmth. The way he would stroke his smooth fingers through her old jet black hair made her feel comfort. She liked Yeonjun, and the cuddle sessions they had were all amazing in every way.

But Sooji had to get used to this. Yeonjun wasn’t going to be beside her anymore. He chose what he did. There wasn’t any explanation when it came to cheating and he knew what she’ve gotten through yet he still did.

At least, that what she assumed.

Before Sooji knew it, she had fallen asleep with rage in her head and striking pain in her heart.

Noise filtered into the room as she stretched, reaching her phone that was ringing frantically. Sooji yawned, rubbing the sleep on her eyes and answered the call by instinct.

_“Jiji...”_

Sooji’s eyes widened in severe surprised when she heard a familiar voice. She looked back on the number to see that it was new. He probably bought another one to use it because Sooji had his blocked.

_“P-Please... go down. L-Let’s talk.”_

“Oh my god, it’s summer. Why is it raining?” Sooji heard Ryujin complained behind her back. “Ji, are you cold? Do you want me to turn off the AC? Who called you?”

Sooji stood up and gave her a sly smile before getting back to the phone call. 

_“Okay.”_

She threw herself into a hoodie, cap, and mask. Ryujin eyed at her suspiciously. Sooji just shrugged and told her that she would be back soon. Walking outside, her mind was a messy place but she put her best blank face to hide it.

“Baby,” Yeonjun called in fraught voice. Sooji got startled when she saw him on the dark side of the building, a little wet from the rain.

“Don’t call me that.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Cheat...” Sooji started coldly, looking away with rage. “Of all things, you could do to me. You cheated.”

No, rephrasing that: Out of all people who would cheat, crush, and lied to her... it was going to be Yeonjun.

“Baby, I did-”

“Don’t fucking call me that!”

“Jiji, I’m so sorry... Please, baby. Believe me, I didn’t cheat.” Yeonjun begged, reaching out to her. Sooji hissed and straightened her posture, glaring at him warningly.

“You lied to me.” Sooji responded with full accusations.

“I can never cheat on you, angel. I’m in too deep.” He replied softly, sincerely, staring up at her with those big worried eyes.

Sooji didn’t really know how to describe the origin of the lump in her throat, not sure how to pinpoint the tight feeling in her chest as she listened.

“It was for fanservice.” Yeonjun added, faintly cussing under his breath after the confession. “And it’s comeback season...”

“Don’t give me that shit, Yeonjun! If it was for fanservice then it would’ve fucking been us!” Sooji exclaimed, looking at him with pure anger. How could he use that excuse? Yeonjun should’ve known how big their _shipper_ was.

“S-Stop cursing, angel...” Yeonjun subtly replied, voice achingly soft.

Sooji huffed in disbelief, clear warning striking in her tone. 

“Y-Your company didn’t approve... so Chaewon’s insisted-”

“You just had to bring her name up now, huh?” Sooji clicked her tongue in annoyance.

His eyes grew senselessly wide, realizing he was just making the situation even more worse with his choice of words.

“I’m sorry. Please—”

“True or not, you lied.” Sooji stated flatly, still feeling a sharp spike of anger piercing through her constricting chest. “You lied Yeonjun. What’s the point of this if I don’t have trust on you anymore?”

“Are you... A-Are you breaking up with m-me?” Yeonjun murmured quietly before swallowing painfully, eyes closed as each fearful. She gritted her teeth at the question, which felt like a punishment. 

“I’m done.” 

Yeonjun choked on his tears when he heard her final word, crying so despairingly that she felt physical pain stab her in the chest and twist the blade. Sooji went back inside the building to avoid hearing it more. What was she supposed to do now that she heard the agony in his voice?

And Yeonjun was crying and pleading for Sooji not to go, but he was too weak after hearing her words. So he stood there, under the pouring rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aw... are we ok


	17. I know that the end will come

Day came and they were about to go to shoot for Knowing Bros. In her usual outfit, Sooji walked through their dormitory’s lobby. Her tracks stopped when she saw a familiar figure sitting on the sofa, anxiously holding a bouquet of flowers.

“We’ll wait for you in the car.” Yeji said, giving her an awkward smile. The rest of the girls did too before following their leader. Ryujin smiled sympathetically to the man in front of her.

“Jiji...”

Sooji’s brow raised, enhaling sharply before speaking. “Aren’t you supposed to be practicing?” 

“It’s just one morning.” Yeonjun shrugged, carelessly. He’s a lot more calmer than last night.

“Morning? You were here since morning?” She responded, looking at the clock that was striking to after noon.

He nodded as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Yeah... I was hoping we could talk?”

Sooji scoffed rudely, raising a hand to dismiss Yeonjun disrespectfully before walking away. She saw his reflection from the door frame that he stood there and nodded at himself.

One morning became two days and three and so on. Sooji was genuinely worried for his behavior but she couldn’t care more. Every time she went to work, he would always be waiting on the lobby with a bouquet of fresh white roses on his hands. The staffs were starting to get weirded out by his behavior. Sooji even picked up the habit of seeing Yeonjun too. 

“You look beautiful.”

“Have you eaten?”

“Have a nice day!”

“Did you sleep well?”

“Your hair looks good on you...” 

Sooji heard him commented whenever she walked past him. 

“Yeonjun, why are you still here?” 

The man looked at her with wide eyes, surprised that she finally interacted after a week of waiting.

“Jiji, please, let’s talk.” His eyes looked up, hopeful and determined.

Sooji continued to observe his tired features, and his eyes that looked so swollen that was too evident because of crying. He didn’t look like he was getting enough sleep. Yeonjun looked so exhausted.

“You’re supposed to be rehearsing.” Sooji stated, as a matter of fact. She was pretty sure Yeonjun wasn’t managing his time well. It was comeback season, alright, he shouldn’t be anywhere but their studio.

Yeonjun pursed him lips and avoided her judging gaze. He looked like he wanted to say something but he was keeping it to himself. Sooji was anxious about whatever it is.

“It’s done.” Lies.

“You should be resting if it’s done. We’re done, anyways.” Sooji said before walking away.

She thought Yeonjun would let her go like what he always did the past few days but he gripped on her wrist and turned her to face him. Sooji saw how Yeonjun’s face fell when he looked at her empty wrist, no sign of the bracelet he gave her. She glanced on his face to see a single tear escaped from his eyes. Sooji could tell how drained he was from going all the way here but Yeonjun was still pursuing her.

“What do you mean we’re done?” He questioned, biting his lower lip. It wasn’t a question, she knew. Basing from his face, Yeonjun didn’t want her to answer it.

“You’re a cheater.” She affirmed, the words were hurting Yeonjun but she continued. “You cheated on me, Yeonjun. What’s not clicking?”

“You’re not even trying to understand me...” He muttered almost inaudibly.

“What do you want me to do? Forgive you from your grave sin? What the fuck, Yeonjun? You of all people should know!” Sooji exclaimed, scanning the room after. Fortunately, there was only one security that was busy minding his own business. 

“I never cheated on you, Jiji, please,” He begged.

Sooji shook her head in disappointment and in denial, avoiding Yeonjun’s pained state. He looked like he was barely living. So, so, so different from the Yeonjun she met.

“Please, please, baby, don’t leave me.” He pleaded, tears bursting out of his eyes. 

Sooji’s eyes went wide when Yeonjun dropped to his knees in front of her. He wrapped his hands on her legs and rested his face on her stomach with his head tilted on the floor. She avoided his posture and darted the room. The only person who was with them looked shocked at the scene. She didn’t know what to do, and Yeonjun kept supporting himself using her body as if Sooji was his only strength.

“Get up, Yeonjun.” She said in slight panic, feeling really bad that he had to do this.

What happened to him? 

When Yeonjun didn’t stand up, Sooji kneeled in front of him too. She held on to his cheeks to make it look at her. His tears was blocking it to clearly stare back at her.

“Let’s talk tomorrow. Rest for me.” Sooji had no choice but to amend.

Yeonjun sighed while nodding. Sooji helped him stand with his feet. She convinced him to go home and not to ran after their work. It was raining. She walked out to go to her own car. Yeonjun was still stiff where she left him, looking at her like he wanted to trail after her. She gazed at him for the last time before closing the door, he really looked like a walking corpse. Sooji didn’t know what to do anymore. 

_“Hey, noona. I’m sorry for calling you at this hour but Yeonjun-hyung’s been mentioning your name, he said he won’t go home without you. Don’t worry, Tyun and I can handle him but- er.. just wondering if you would like to come here? We’re few blocks from your dorm. I’ll send the address.”_

Beomgyu called her the exact day- it was almost midnight, though. Sooji had their contacts unblocked since she didn’t want any bad blood between them. They were out of their messed up relationship. It was too immature if Sooji had them affected too.

_“I mean- it’s really okay if you don’t like. We just have something to say.”_

Sooji scanned herself, ready to sleep. She was tired from working today to even function.

“Just take him home.”

_“Okay... thank you, noona.”_

Sooji tried to sleep, but she couldn’t. She had been shifting to different comfortable positions on her bed because she was too anxious to even let herself close her eyes. Irritated, dhe sat on her bed while calling Beomgyu’s number. Thankfully, they were still there and willing to wait for awhile.

When Sooji arrived at the random restaurant, she went to the most hidden spot where she guessed they would be. And Sooji was right. she saw Yeonjun’s head that was resting on the table with so many bottles of soju surrounding their table. Beomgyu and Taehyun’s expressions looked worried while conversing with each other. 

“What happened to him?” Sooji asked, sincerity in her voice. Hell, she was worried too. She knew Yeonjun had high alcohol tolerance but not to this extent.

“He passed out after drinking.” Taehyun answered after heaving a sigh. 

Her brows shot up, looking at the minors. “Are you guys even allowed here?” 

“He was already here. Soobin-hyung just asked us to fetch him.”

“Hyung drank all this, not us.” Taehyun rolled his eyes before gesturing Sooji. “Sit first, noona.”

Sooji sat beside Yeonjun, absentmindedly fixing his clothes that was sprawled everywhere on his body. “Where’s Soobin?” 

“Did Yeonjun-hyung tell you?” Taehyun said, disappointment in his tone.

Sooji shook her head. “Tell me what?”

“She doesn’t know. Taehyun, drop it.” She heard Beomgyu muttered in between but she muted him. “I’m speaking as your hyung. Drop. It.”

Beomgyu had never been the one to be serious at all times. But when he was, it was an urgent matter. Sooji’s curious eyes drifted back and forth to the both of them, still clueless at what they were talking about. The daegu man looked like he was about to punch Taehyun, who also looked annoyed with the situation.

“Hyung failed the evaluations.” 

Sooji felt a huge slap on her when she heard what Taehyun said. Her lips parted in shock, and she wanted to say something but she didn’t know what to say. She was left speechless while her gaze was stuck on Yeonjun’s drunken state.

“Taehyun!”

“Failed?” Her voice shaked. “Y-Your comeback is delayed?”

“Yes.” Taehyun withstood, not even caring if Beomgyu was giving him warning glares. “Our seniors were disappointed at him and he had a fight with Bang PD.”

_That can’t be. He was the favoured among the trainees and even idols in their label company. He worked hard to coin his name. This can’t be._

Beomgyu cleared his throat when he noticed Sooji zoomed out of the frame. “It’s not your fault. It was hyungie’s... I hope you don’t think we’re guilt-tripping you?” 

_But it was my fault. Whatever they would say, it was my fault._

“I just wanted to tell you so you’d know, noona. I’m sorry I was the one who had to spill it but I did what I had to do. You know we’re each other’s pillar and Yeonjun-hyung is the strongest but with him breaking down? Our group is falling apart. We can’t do this without him.”

Their stares collectively pointed on Yeonjun who was in deep sleep. Sooji closed her eyes in frustration and shame for herself.

“But there’s still a chance, right?” Sooji tried to find hope. But a realization passed by, saying that it was the middle of the month already. 

“Yeah... everything’s ready for the comeback but him. Yet, being bad terms with our own CEO is kinda the problem too.” Taehyun answered. 

“Why did they fight?”

Taehyun avoided her interrogating stare. “There was... there was something that the CEO planned for him but for the first time, Yeonjun-hyung disobeyed.” 

“It’s not our place to tell, noona. I hope you understand.” Beomgyu said, looking at Taehyun’s direction like he was threatening him.

Long uncomfortable silence stretched between them. Sooji stared silently back on the man beside her who was snoring peacefully like he hadn’t for days. She felt the tension between Beomgyu and Taehyun; and if she was right then they knew about what really happened to Yeonjun. Sooji was afraid to ask.

“Okay, thank you. Please, take him home.”

Sooji went home with void on her being. Yeji waited for her on living room. She was scared for a moment, she thought the leader would scold her but when she looked up, Yeji had her soft worried eyes gazing at her.

“What do I do?” Sooji asked, voice shaking. 

Yeji smiled sadly, gesturing her to walk towards the balcony. “Whatever you think that’s good for the both of you.”

“I don’t know.” Sooji muttered, looking at the stars. She was having a deja vu for a moment. “I’m so confused... and angry. I’m tired.”

“Then rest. Both of you should rest. I’m sorry to say this but your relationship is not healthy anymore.” 

“He won’t stop.” She croaked.

Yeji didn’t say anything longer, either she didn’t know what to say or she was giving her space to let it out. Because it wasn’t about cheating anymore. It was about his career too. Two crucial factors for the both of them and Yeji was right; this was toxic. Sooji thought of losing herself for this relationship wasn’t worth it anymore. She couldn’t see herself letting everything go and continuing their relationship with Yeonjun’s state now. He was also not being himself. He was far from the Yeonjun everyone knew. Sooji wasn’t healthy for him too anymore. It had to stop or else they would end up ruining each other and their careers. 

She fell asleep by almost three in the morning and woke up late. It was weekend and she waited for Yeonjun to come by their dorm, the girls went out. When he arrived, her eyes fall onto his sullen face. He had a deep cut on his bottom lip too, but he still gave her a small smile. He still looked hopeful.

“What happened?” Sooji asked while pointing to his lips. 

“It’s nothing.” Yeonjun shrugged it off and went inside their unit. She gestured him to join her to sit on the sofa.

Sooji couldn’t stop looking at his face with curiosity. She remembered Soobin punched him one time, but was it still her brother? Soobin really couldn’t control his temper when it came to his sister. Sooji’s heart constrained at the thought of her own brother being physical because of her. And that the friendship they built up for years was shatteimg because of her. It was because of her _again_.

Sooji couldn’t do this anymore.

“I want to break up.” 

His head turned to her direction and he stopped himself from sitting on the sofa.

“I don’t.” Yeonjun replied casually, standing up with confident posture.

Sooji huffed in disbelief. “I’m not even asking for your permission.”

“This is a two-way relationship. You don’t get to decide on your own.”

It was hard to read his expression, whether he was annoyed, angry, or worried. Sooji just knew he was so upset with what was happening between them.

“Our relationship ended when that article came out!” Sooji couldn’t stop herself from screaming at him. “I get to do whatever I want with this relationship, you cheater. How do you still have the audacity to question my decisions when you committed to that choice? If I want to break up with you, I _will_ break up with you!” 

Sooji spoke words that she knew would hurt Yeonjun, hoping he would give up. But he didn’t. Yeonjun stood there, shaking his head. He turned his gaze away from her and smiled sarcastically as if she said something so ridiculous.

“You always think of yourself...” His eyes glinted with tears. “And the other people but me. Me... Why can’t you just see _me_ as the person that’s standing in front of you right now instead of caring what other people have to say about me?” 

Yeonjun jaw slacked aggressively while he wiped out the tears that was streaming down his face. His tone was cold but most of all, he was sad and hurt.

“You _never_ told me you loved me.”

“I love you too much to tell you how much you ruined me.” 

With that statement, he bursted more tears with regrets. Yeonjun was so tired. It felt like whatever he would do or say, Sooji wouldn’t change her perspective. He was trying so hard for the past few months. He was trying so hard. _He was trying._

“I thought you trusted me...” He whispered so painfully for her. 

“I don’t know where you still get the courage to talk about trust.” Sooji scoffed as defense. “Let’s stop this, Yeonjun. It’s not healthy anymore...”

“No...” He shook his head again. 

“Yeonjun!” Sooji snapped. Sooji couldn’t persevere this anymore. If he was still here for another minute, she would break down.

_Could he just get out of my sight? Didn’t he have any pride left?_

Yeonjun was still looking at something mindlessly, his tears were still going down his face. “I said no.”

“You can’t do this to me, Yeonjun! Please, let’s break up. I don’t want this anymore... Let me go.” Sooji pleaded with her voice. He still shook his head and went in front of her before kneeling. She saw how his tears dropped on the floor. 

“Why is it so easy for you?” 

The lump on her throat was consuming her so she didn’t speak any longer. If she did, she would’ve cried, and Sooji couldn’t afford that now. Especially that she needed to look strong without him.

“I... I fought so hard.. for this relationship....” 

Sooji avoided his touch when he was about to cup her cheek. “This isn’t good for us.”

“How? You’re the only good thing in my life...” Yeonjun reached out to brush a few strands of her hair, managing to form a smile playing on his lips. He put his other hand on mine to caress it.

“You failed your evaluations!” Sooji shouted, harshy, grating the heavy air surrounding them and bouncing off the surfaces as echoes.

Yeonjun’s grip tightened on her wrist, fingers shaking too. A little taken back that Sooji knew.

“It’s just an evaluation.”

Her heart crushed more. She wasn’t above admitting that she almost cried a little overwhelmed at how it was light for him to say it. Sooji was too far gone to take it so well, but now she let out a few dry sob before covering her mouth with her hand. Her body trembled too. Yeonjun held her firmly in place as he pressed her face on his chest, making it a safe place for her. And she couldn’t move away, needing to grip Yeonjun’s shirt while lightly punching his shoulder for what he had said.

He was... He wasn’t Yeonjun anymore. 

“It’s not just an evaluation! It was for your comeback with your group! For TXT! It’s your career, Yeonjun! Your dream for yourself! Didn’t we talk about prioritizing it before this relationship? What are you doing now!” Sooji ranted in irritation. “Why is it like this? Why does it feel like it’s my fault that you’re like that? You did this to yourself! You cheated! It was your decision!”

“I didn’t cheat—”

“Then, what was that? You took her out! And don’t tell me it was fanservice because I won’t believe you!”

Yeonjun cupped her cheeks for Sooji to look at his eyes.“They set me up for a dating scandal to promote our comeback. Believe me when I say it was supposed to be you because I talked to Park Jin Young myself.” 

Sooji exhaled sharply, remembering the recent meeting when she got back from New York. She tensed.

“What?”

“Remember the day I saw you and Hyunjin? I told you I went to your building...” Yeonjun induced a strange, chilling feeling in her as she reminisce about the exact day he was talking about. “But things didn’t go to the plan so we had to stop it but Chaewon- her label insisted. And that’s where the part that I refused everything they proposed nor ordered me. They aren’t allowed do it to the other members because they were still minors... I was the only option.” 

There was a long, drawn out moment of silent. Sooji stared at him, collecting her thoughts. He let go of her face but he was still kneeling in front of her, voice a little strangled, fidgeting awfully obviously.

“But I keep on going against it... even when my reputation is being tainted. I am no longer the so-called favorite because I started to defy them.” He added before staring at her intensely.

  
Sooji looked away.

“Tell me something, mhm? Did I _ever_ confirm my relationship with her in the media?” 

Sooji rested her case with her quiet aura, but Yeonjun kept looking for hope in her eyes. 

“I told you not to lose your dream for me.” Sooji rebutted, frailty. She was starting to lose the argument but because of her pride, she kept finding blind holes.

“You are the dream...”

And that’s it. Sooji stood up with what he said. Yeonjun trailed her so quickly before Sooji could even take another step. He held on to her wrist. His eyes were all bloodshot and framed with faint lines of stress. Swollen from all the crying, leaving a ring of pinkish white around his dead irises. He looked awful. He looked like a mess. Sooji wasn’t even sure if Yeonjun had slept at all, not with those eye bags. She wasn’t even sure if he was eating a lot like he used to, not with those hollowed out cheeks and that thin, brittle looking neck that seemed longer than usual.

“Why can’t you just let me go?” Her voice broke at the sight of him, barely audible and weak.

“I love you.” He whispered, looking straight into her eyes. “Damn it... I love you, Sooji. Please, don’t do this to me, baby...”

“I hate you.” 

Yeonjun’s face drained of all color, and once again, he reached out to Sooji because she was silently taking step back that it scared him, but she only slapped his hands harshly off her. 

“No... no.. please, don’t say that,” He pleaded, cupping her cheeks. “Don’t say that to me. You don’t mean it.”

Everything inside felt so painful. Sooji was so torn between her own feelings against his ‘cheating’ and at the view of him completely breaking down in front of her. But Sooji couldn’t help when the temporary band-aids that held together all the wounds was peeling away with every tears that was coming out of Yeonjun’s eyes.

“You promised you would never hurt me.” Sooji choked at her own words. She could feel tears brimming up but she held it back with the last drop of dignity in her. “You promised.”

“I’m sorry.” are the only words that left on his shaking mouth. “I was fighting for us, I didn’t know...”

Yeonjun’s desperate, broken whisper had her gripping on her chest, trying to nail away the pain. What was even going on with both of them? Too much had just happened, and Sooji had no idea how to start over even if she wanted too. This was toxic enough.

“Let go.” Sooji replied calmly. Yeonjun’s big watery eyes fluttered wide open in shock. “Stop making me sad, Yeonjun.”

“Is that what you feel?” Yeonjun’s strained crying dropped into a composed voice. “That I make you sad?”

A distressful opening, but Sooji took her chances. Nodding her head, she tried to convince him.

Or herself.

“Okay.” Yeonjun replied in defeat. “Could you... Could you at least tell me that this will make you happy?”

Sooji closed her eyes before taking deep breaths. “I’m happy without you, Yeonjun.”

He nodded, fixing the strands of her hair that got messy. How Yeonjun decided to take care of her until their very last moment. Sooji felt like she was going to be sick any minute at the words she said.

“If you decide to come back...” Yeonjun started, voice thin and painfully hoarse, not even knowing what to say, or what he could say. “I’ll be here...” He uttered, barely holding himself up. “Waiting for you...”

It hurt. It hurt so bad Sooji couldn’t breathe. Too much had happened tonight. Too much had happened to them ever since she’d stepped foot in that damn dormitory. The ache of the loss was eating away at her, gnawing through every bloodstream and crushing her heart. Sooji couldn’t lose anything anymore. Sooji couldn’t lose Yeonjun, he was too important in her life. He was her healing. 

_But what do I do when he was also the cause of my pain?_

“I love you so much, I can never cheat on you.”

It was a painful night, followed by his last text message. When Sooji read it, she swore a tear almost escaped her eyes. She prepared herself, mourning everyday for losing someone like Yeonjun. She overthought what happened to them and persuaded herself hard that he was saying the truth but so what? The damage had been done and her trust was broken beyond repair. After his last message, Sooji convinced herself that she could move on someday. Or that they could move on from each other, because they were like a ticking bomb. It was only a matter of time before they could destroy each other.

**YEONJUN**

shine brighter. i love you.

choi yeonjun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ayo ... that was HEAVY . anyg i might be updating next week cause i have tons of schworks to do BUT the next chapter would long n yeonjun’s pov so ........... hang in there ! hwaitingggggg ~


	18. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s yj’s time to shine <3

“I hope you meet someone like you.” 

_Mother knows best._ Yeonjun thought as soon as he caught a glimpse of an angel in disguise walking inside their dorm. He was confused at the moment at who were the people barging in until a tall man came, realizing it was his co-trainee: Soobin. 

“Is that Soobinie-hyung’s sister?” His other trainee crept on to Yeonjun’s shoulder. The kid was three years old younger than him and they had a good relationship as friends, sometimes would mess around each other childishly but Yeonjun adored him a lot too. The younger was much more closer with Soobin and he observed that they found safe haven in each other even with the short age gap. 

Soobin and this kid was closer than him and Yeonjun so he got a little uneasy when he caught him in this position. He wasn’t even aware that he looked much of a stalker that was hiding behind his room’s door, staring at the family with curiosity. He swore he couldn’t take his eyes off the girl.

“I don’t know, Huening. Maybe you should ask him instead?” He said while patting Hueningkai’s head. 

“She’s pretty.” 

_I know._

Once a month, Soobin’s mother and sister would always visit him. Yeonjun stayed close behind his assigned bedroom with other trainees, purposely hiding his face while stealing glances at the certain young woman. It’s not like she would notice him anyway, she was too busy talking to Soobin with eyes so enthusiastic.

It’s the time of the month and Yeonjun was ecstatic as he anticipated, only for him to get disappointed. Her presence couldn’t be found anymore since she stopped visiting and even on the next schedules. He was starting to sulk that Soobin’s mother caught Yeonjun’s longing eyes as he searched for the maiden. 

“I have a crush on your daughter.” 

He didn’t even stutter but he sure looks red as a tomato when the elder talked to him.

“I was going to tell you that you could share food with Soobin...” Sooyoung replied before laughing wholeheartedly, amused by how the teenager was acting lovesick.

Yeonjun’s eyes darted like a deer caught in headlight. His confidence just went six feet under when he registered what happened. It was a good thing that he confessed even when Sooyoung looked strict when it came to her daughter. Needless to say like everyone else, Yeonjun caught her heart with his charm.

So on, Yeonjun and Sooyoung happened to be close as the mother treated Yeonjun like her own kid considering that he became best of friends with Soobin later. Her daughter was still out of the picture which Yeonjun figured out that it was because she passed the audition for the other label. Eventually, Yeonjun got updated with the rumors circulating. Unrequited, yes, but he was at least proud he fancied on someone who was passionate at what she was doing. And to add the cherry on top, Yeonjun was thrilled that they were both passionate with the same thing.

It’s safe to say, he was an avid fan.

One night and Yeonjun wasn’t prepared when he met the same face he was crushing on for years. He was a mess internally, thinking if he should talk to her or just act mysterious. Everyone knew that Yeonjun was a social butterfly but with the person who just got inside their dorm, he couldn’t bring himself to start a conversation. 

“She’s not your baby.” 

Man was he whipped. He basically had to excuse himself from the group out of humiliation and God, Beomgyu wouldn’t let him live with this. 

“I’m not the only one being talked about, Sooji.”

It felt so good for him to say her name, finally. Yeonjun thought it was different how he spoke her name as if it was safe in his mouth. He wanted it to let it stay that way.

“Talked about?” The JYPE trainee asked, panting a little from her extra practice. Yeonjun noticed how heavily the dancer was breathing abnormally, like she was hyperventilating. He was scared to assume if she had asthma or something.

“A rumor has been spreading in every agencies that JYPE has a secret weapon for their new girl group.” Yeonjun explained slowly, evenly, wide eyes observing owlishly at Sooji. “I thought the possibility of it being you.”

“And you care, why?” 

He smirked as a cocky twist to his lips at sudden attitude, adding more more boost to his ego. Yeonjun knew there was more to this angel. “You aren’t sassy like this in front of others.”

“I- I don’t know. Maybe you’re a spy?” 

Let’s be honest. Yeonjun wasn’t confident when he came inside JYP Entertainment. Many times he tried to back out only for Beomgyu to repeatedly scolded him over the phone call at how he literally used his connections just to see his damn feisty girl. _But... Oh, she stutters?_

“What are you even doing here, Yeonjun?”

His brows lifted up at the loss of honorifics. He thought how his girl was really a bad girl that haven’t been caught like what he presumed. He wanted to unravel more. 

“It’s oppa.” Yeonjun was a natural friendly human being, it’s why people mistaken him as a flirt. But when someone tested him like this? This man would not back down. “But call me by my name. It sounds heavenly.”

Yeonjun saw how the Sooji’s face grew hot as his eyes dragged over her but he wanted a good impression, he decided not to scare the person he was simping for years away with his flirting skills.

There he was, Yeonjun held her wrist gently and caressed it softly. “I came here... because I wanted to dance with you.”

Trust him. He tried to keep it cool but he couldn’t stop himself from checking her out every chances he got. Sooji wasn’t very tall like Soobin, but her complexion and strong aura were enough to draw attention, though they were alone in the room. And please, was she so good at dancing. Yeonjun beamed at how he found his counterpart that loved performing the same way he did.

It was the way how she carried herself, backed with her shy cute facade. As Yeonjun contradicted, Sooji was not cute at all. 

Well yeah, maybe it was because of her delicate features but as Yeonjun kept debating with Beomgyu, she was more to it. 

“Don’t be fooled by her.”

One look in her eyes and you know she wasn’t the soft kind, even with her petite size said so. Sooji looked like she was fragile but it contrasted it with her personality. She was daring and independent.

Beomgyu laughed like spongebob with his eyes closed and mouth wide while his arms wrapped around his stomach, mocking his friend on purpose at how infatuated Yeonjun was. “Bro code, YJ. She’s all yours.”

Time flies and he didn’t know what he was doing but he was skipping his rest time to travel all the way to the JYPE just for dance sessions with Sooji. He didn’t mind it, though. He wouldn’t get sick. Yeonjun only get sick when he’s sad. It’s as if his physical condition was reliant on his emotional and mental aspect. No matter how tired he was, he never catch his body breaking down when he’s happy. And Sooji made him feel like he was on cloud nine. Watching her dance while smiling was a redemption to all of his hard work.

_Just go ahead and make my heart beat ten times faster than it normally should... that’s totally fine!_

“Yeonjun-hyung, can you lower down your adrenaline?” Hueningkai commented as he watched Yeonjun paced around their practice room. They just came back from JYPE after Sooji and Ryujin got in to the new girl group. Soobin and the others had been interrogating him ever since.

“That’s reasonable. My baby will debut!” Yeonjun smiled proudly, wide enough to see how round his cheeks even more than they already do.

“She’s not your baby.” Beomgyu scoffed, imitating what Yeonjun had said to him in the past. 

“Well-”

Taehyun, and his ever so smart ass, cut Yeonjun off with his hand dismissing the eldest. “Technically, you haven’t took her out...”

Yeonjun turned his head to Soobin’s direction. The maknae line already groaned at the sight of Yeonjun trying hard to please Soobin with his cute agenda. “Soobinie~”

“Get off me, hyung.” Soobin growls lowly, annoyed and awkward how both of his best friend and sister had something going on. “We already talked about this and I told you it’s okay! Just don’t hurt her or I will break your face.”

A chorus of teasing sounds enveloped the room when their leader broke out a first threat and it was for the oldest. May seem not but Soobin was thankful that it was Yeonjun who caught Sooji’s heart. Even when he’s annoying as hell, everyone around him could see the love in his eyes whenever he looked at Sooji.

“I’ll break myself first before I even have the chance to hurt her.” 

“Wow, you’re actually a goner.” Hueningkai retorted as his lips broke into an obnoxious grin.

“I’m actually mad it took me less than months for me to fall for her.” Yeonjun started with a tone like he was problematic but he was smiling while thinking out loud. “No offense, Bin. It usually takes at least years to feel something towards someone but my baby? I’m weak.”

“Straight up lies, hyung. We both know how crazy you are for noona since day 1.” Beomgyu, of course, had to snitch him. The group basically had a small squabble at how they didn’t notice it, trying to milk Beomgyu to spill the details while Yeonjun and him played catch inside the practice room to stop talking.

He hated how his face was on fire. Choi Yeonjun, rank 1 of all trainees for years, and the kind of person everyone crushes on by default, reduced into a corgi pup when it comes to this 162 centimeter human. 

“Know that I think of you always.”

That’s it. He couldn’t control himself anymore, not when his silly crush was straddling his lap while saying those words. He removed his face from her neck, giving himself some credit to look at such celestial features he’d been missing for months. 

“I think about you too... I missed you, angel.” He murmured hoarsely, staring shamelessly at her lips while he blinked slowly as if he was drunk with her presence. “Can I kiss you?”

Yeonjun was cursing at himself internally as he thumbed over her bottom lip before he leaned in to touch Sooji’s forehead. She caught him smiling as his fingers traced the brim of her lips, and Yeonjun heard a long heavy breath escape from her as she shivered pleasingly at Yeonjun’s touch without him actually doing anything... yet.

Yeonjun felt intoxicated when Sooji gave her the green light. His lips brushed against Sooji’s lightly before he kissed her, painfully slowly, massaging his plump lips against her own. Yeonjun’s eyes were roughly closed, lost in her touch as she grabbed on to his shoulders to stabilize herself. Something inside him ignited more fire as he heard her whimpered against his mouth at the euphoria when his plump cushiony soft lips moved in sync with her as his hands roamed around from her exposed legs to the side of her body. Sooji was loud, moaning mess. It didn’t help Yeonjun’s inappropriate thoughts. He let out a giggle in between making out just because he was so turned on. Soon enough, he was so hypnotized that he deepened the kiss and Sooji knew she had to pull away before she fell even more under his spell.

He detached his lips slowly, both of them panting as he moved a strand of hair out of her face before placing small traces of kisses with an affectionate smile on his face. “Are you gonna stay the night?” He sighed with contentment, finally gathering himself to let go of Sooji’s face as he absentmindedly took her hand, rubbing those circles into her palm again. 

Private nights with Sooji were always wholesome for him, aside from their steamy makeout sessions at some point, they would casually shift to cool it down and talk. They talked about anything and everything, and there was so much he learned about her in such a short time. 

The way Sooji eating whatever the hell she wants without worrying about looking cute in front of Yeonjun, a much more kimchi monster than Yeonjun but a mint-choco anti which they would have petty bickers about it. 

How Yeonjun certainly appreciated how she dressed up way different from other girls, his favorite versions were the baggy sweatpants, and his very own t-shirts that she stole from Yeonjun’s wardrobe. He didn’t mind, not when Sooji looked so endearingly hot in his clothes.

He somehow fell for her even more after he saw her real, slight mouth-open sleeping face. He would stay up, raptured by Sooji’s ever so sweet strawberry scent, familiarizing with the minor crease of her brows, the natural long curls of her lashes, the narrow slope of her nose, the purse of her adorable pouted cherry lips, the planes of her face, and how she managed to take his breath away. His fingertips would brush against the softness of her paper thin skin and he could feel his throat clogging at the thought of her not being in his life.

Being with Sooji was easy for Yeonjun, it felt like breathing after a long pressuring day of work and he was thankful for that.

“Do you ever think about running away?” 

_Run away with me._

It was Sooji’s birthday and how awful he felt when he skipped the her special day because of the new song he was working on. He got feedbacks that it was good but something didn’t add up. So he gridded hard for it since it was a song for her, Yeonjun couldn’t afford his efforts lacking.

“I love you.” He spoke so boldly during that specific night when Sooji was grieving at her mentrustion period. That might be a weird time but for Yeonjun, confessing his love didn’t have to be so confusing as mixed signals that needed to be deciphered, especially with their industry. There wasn’t much time to be with each other in person to prove his love, bearing in mind that his love language was physical affection. Yeonjun wanted to be simply together because they wanted to be.

Yeonjun claimed she worth the risk for he was falling in love with her.

And when he debuted, his competitive nature set in his mind into wanting to be the best boyfriend to ever live in this lifetime. He watched every bit of Sooji’s performances with all smiles on his face with pride. He wanted to frantically scream to the world that she was his girlfriend, but just secretly meeting each other’s eyes across the room full of crowd, it was enough for Yeonjun to tame.

When he messaged Sooji that his heart hurt being away from her, he wasn’t lying. It was incredibly hard overseas. Sure, he once lived in the foreign country but that was so much years ago. But he had other people’s expectations that he needed to reach aside from himself and four younger brothers that was alien within their situation to take care of. 

Added to the pile that he had someone in Seoul to come back home to. Yeonjun’s trust with Sooji was hard to break and his love for her wasn’t shallow. He knew better than believing on piece of news that was going around in the internet. But what worried him the most was Sooji’s state. He knew how Sooji was bad at handling this as he could see his girlfriend was much of a people pleaser and it was her first scandal. He wanted to talk to her, not to clarify if it was true or not, but to check if she was okay. 

His patience was long but it was tested when everything around him was burdening him and the person he was getting his strength cannot be reached. People didn’t know but Yeonjun was an overthinker too. The difference was: he was so good at fighting himself to stay positive under any circumstances. But with what was happening, he couldn’t bear it anymore.

“But you weren’t like you used to. You were harder to read and fuck the distance, it made it worse! Days passed by and you were getting colder and colder. I streamed your performances and you didn’t do the hand signal. It’s like you didn’t care about me anymore. What was I supposed to think?”

But anyway, he was mad in love that a simple look in her eyes: _fuck everything_. Sooji didn’t even apologize the first time they talked about it yet he already forgave her. He wasn’t even mad from the start, he can’t be. He was mad at the external factors of their relationship.

“Since Park Jin Young did not accepted, we have to move on to Woolim Entertainment.” Bang PD announced, a hand massaging his forehead because of the stress the comeback was giving him.

“What?” Yeonjun’s voice faltered, voice distant.

Sihyuk furrowed his eyebrows at the confusion of Yeonjun’s tone. He was probably upset at the sudden statement, he thought to himself. “Park Chaewon? From IZ*ONE?”

“No. With all due respect, but I _refuse_ to be a part of this.” Yeonjun rejected with bravery.

Everyone else was shocked at Yeonjun’s declination when he was always the golden boy. Soobin, who was with him, shot him a long-sidelong glance. He knew he loved his sister but not to the extent that he would pull up a rebellion. Soobin felt bad that he punched Yeonjun controlled by his brother instinct but he also wanted to punch Yeonjun again for applying his stubbornness during pre-comeback. Though, Yeonjun understood. He always did.

The CEO, together with their PR Manager, was keeping their stand the same way Yeonjun was keeping his. In the end, they would pull out stunts that Yeonjun wasn’t even informed about. What happened back in Bighit’s dorm lobby? Yeonjun didn’t have a clue but it was also scripted. His management’s moves were quiet but it didn’t stop Yeonjun from fighting back every single day. Literally.

“I was having a bad month but when you called me yesterday... it just felt like I could breathe again.”

_It was worth it._ He thought to himself as he watched fondly at his lover who was glowing under the sunset, dancing free from mental strain. Sooji was standing in front of a blindingly source of light, making it quite difficult for Yeonjun to distinguish her features, but it’s her nonetheless. He sneaked a photo of Sooji’s shining figure without her knowing before posting it on his private instagram.

@ **cyjunie**

my ray of light. my safest place.

“I’m alright now, love. Don’t worry. We all have our bad days. And it’s the moments like this that we should hold on to.” Yeonjun lent a tiny meaningful edge to his voice that Sooji noticed yet she couldn’t figure out.

She was looking at the pastel sky while Yeonjun was busy looking at her. He swore they were looking at the same thing. If else, Yeonjun claimed that his view was much more beautiful.

“Thank you for making me feel loved.” Sooji blurted out a lot louder than necessary before pressing a kiss on Yeonjun’s cheek, dying inside at the grateful pitch of her tone. Yeah sure, Yeonjun was smitten, but did Sooji voice really have to enchant him more? Knowing that he successfully made Sooji feel what she deserved to feel brimmed up the pride in him. He was doing the right thing, he cheered himself up.

He paused, turning and meeting Sooji’s gaze evenly, hesitant if he was going to reply or not. Yeonjun’s heart stuttered a little, suddenly unsure when he remembered what was really happening back in Seoul.

“Never in a second that I will make you feel otherwise.” Yeonjun managed to say after a beat of silence, voice a little uncertain. “Do you trust me?”

_Please._

Of course, amazing. Smooth. Choi Yeonjun, master of keeping his _real_ emotions. Sooji blinked at him and Yeonjun clenched his jaw at the thought of her knowing what was happening behind their relationship, half wanting to stay around to hear her answer, half wanting to dive into the sea and never resurface. 

As the silence dragged on longer, seeming to solidify the air around them, the ocean was looking more and more appealing, and Yeonjun wondered what it’d feel like to drown on the water but wasn’t that he was already feeling with all the _romeo and juliet_ that was going on lately? Sooji didn’t speak, her gaze blank as if she was thinking of something, concerning him with frighteningly little feeling, and for a moment Yeonjun wondered whether Sooji had even heard him at all. 

“I wouldn’t be here if I don’t.” His nervousness dissipated from Sooji’s sudden hooded gaze until she laughed and slapped Yeonjun’s shoulder, replying airily at his question.

_Please, continue to trust me._

Yeonjun perceived to be more determined on fighting their relationship when he got to Sooji opened about her past. He knew Sooji wasn’t used to talking like this, and that she never will. It’s why Yeonjun vowed, not that he wasn’t doing it already, but to protect Sooji and their relationship.

“I don’t need a love that is loud. I just need a love that supports me in my highs and lows.” Yeonjun swallowed thickly, the realization flushing over him just like a stream of cold water. “I just need a love that is there.”

_I can fight for us, just stay._

This was one of the scenes that he envisioned of how they were going to run away from reality. Just the two of them under the fading orange of the skyline, hands barely intertwined. Their breathing labored and Yeonjun’s chest was on fire with fervor passion, enough to keep him going when he get back to Seoul. 

So during their KBS performance, he made sure to do many hand signals as he can to make the fans more suspicious about them. Even at the backstage, he made it obvious how he looked at Sooji even with the camera rolling. And back at the after party? He also made other idols be aware of their relationship using his not-so hidden gestures. Yeonjun intentionally made sure Seoul would talk about them. To twist people into thinking that their relationship was real rather than the one that would be released in the future.

He was so sure he would burn it all for Sooji. He would burn everything he’d ever know for her comfort, ashes to ashes until all her worries fade away into the horizon. Until they can mold the world into their own sanctuary.

“I hope we never forget why we chose each other.” Yeonjun spoke so tiredly, more than tired he’d ever felt back in his trainee life.

“Why did you choose me?” Sooji even chuckled at him. He wasn’t offended when he wanted to laugh emptily at himself, pathetically. Sooji was leaving a few days, and it was the calm before the storm means he had to try harder to prove their company that they could aim for higher records even without a dating scandal. He juggled his time from working extra hard during their rehearsals, convincing the managers, and being Sooji’s boyfriend. He was so tired but he wouldn’t give up.

Because being with Sooji felt like the very first time that Yeonjun moved him body to dance, he never wanted to give it up, he never wanted it to stop.

“Because I love you.”

Yeonjun might be an idealist but he knew if he failed now, he would come back better and try again. And like what his brothers would say, he was too weak for Sooji. 

He was _too_ weak.

Yeonjun flinched, hurtful words from Sooji darting straight to his core but otherwise he didn’t say much more, as if he was afraid he would make it worse. Yeonjun breathed, lips twitching as a tear escaped from the corner of his eye and fell down to his jaw. He bit the inside of his cheek, hard, to distract himself from the acidic pain gnawing at his chest. How Sooji continued to accuse him of being a cheater, they scorched and seared his skin with an unbearable intensity. He couldn’t believe how she belittled the love he had for her. After all he had done.

“You’re not even trying to understand me...” The words spilling from his mouth was beyond his control, wrapped in pitiful shakes and tremors. It was supposed to be embedded to his mind only.

“What do you want me to do? Forgive you from your grave sin? What the fuck, Yeonjun? You of all people should know!” Sooji elaborated stronger, louder, spitting the words out, and Yeonjun looked like he’d been struck at how she was cursing at him. He shrunk back after a frozen moment, feeling denigrated at how disappointed and mad Sooji was. Even if he explained his side more, he knew Sooji wouldn’t forgive him that easily.

Painful. It’s so painful. He couldn’t take any much more of Sooji’s disgusted gaze so he went for the last option. He’d lost his pride, but what can he do more for Sooji? He already fought with his managers, skipped several rehearsals, meetings, and even failed an evaluation, making his name tainted. He didn’t care about anyone else nor their judging eyes as long as it wasn’t Sooji’s. 

He was supposed to be happy when Sooji finally said the L word... but did it have to be like that?

“I love you too much to tell you how much you ruined me.” 

Just as what he promised, he’d burn everything for Sooji’s comfort, even if it’s himself.

“I’m happy without you, Yeonjun.”

Yeonjun tried to act like every one of Sooji’s words hadn’t just stabbed him repeatedly. He hadn’t thought it was possible to feel more enormous amount of pain than he already was. He glanced away, pretending to himself that there wasn’t a throbbing pressure in his chest and neck and another batch of stinging sensation at the corners of his eyes. With last energy Yeonjun had, he pulled Sooji closer for a long tight hug. It’s upsetting when she didn’t even move to wrap her hands too. Mouth quivering so hard as he placed a kiss at his ex-lover’s forehead.

“I love you so much, I can never cheat on you.”

Yeonjun barely managed to get home that day but his best boy from the start, Beomgyu, was already waiting by his car. The younger boy knew something bad might happened if he had left Yeonjun alone so he followed him. And Yeonjun... Yeonjun stopped crying after he walked out of Sooji’s dorm, but he was hit by another wave of exhaustion the moment he fell from his bed that day before typing his last message. At this point, he was too numb to feel anything.

shine brighter. i love you.

_Because like all true lovers, all I desire is to watch you be everything you want more than you becoming mine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAAHAHAH ANYWAYS HOW WAS YEONJUN’S POINT OF VIEW? lmk ur thoughts ! i missed you ~


	19. Pretending we’re not broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: txt’s illness during hiatus, mentions of delayed comeback

“The light in your eyes are dying.” Someone spoke, breaking the stunned silence and getting her out of her reverie.

“Get out of here, Hyunjin.” 

Hyunjin replied with a laugh, sitting on the couch beside her. It was a regular work day, and they were still in Los Angeles. Their general rehearsal was just finished, and she was isolating herself from anyone else because she was tired. Well, she was exhausted for how many months.

He suddenly cleared his throat awkwardly, thinking if he should speak. “My brain is telling me not to tell you this but, you have to stop suppressing your emotions, Ji.”

“Your brain’s right.” Sooji looked at him, chuckling, before focusing back on her feed. She had been scrolling for the past minutes, casually reading through posts from their fans while waiting for the girls to finish their post-practice routines.

Lately, Sooji’s mind was wandering off to thoughts that were not exactly pointless but not super wise either, and she didn’t know if she was lost or just searching for something that she needed. Sooji didn’t know. Maybe her heart knew what it was but she couldn’t have it. At least, not anymore.

Sooji missed him.

Sooji kept telling herself to stop feeling this way. She badly wanted to end this kind of feeling towards him because she already made up her decision. And not a single thing would change, reminding her the fact that he did or did not cheat... he lied to her. Sooji knew. She knew that. She already faced that reality. Sooji knew that one single fact— but she mourned for him still, every single day.

Sooji missed the way they would talk about things, especially at night, after their gruesome practices. They would talk anything under the sun, or under the moon, rather. They would stay up all night and just... talk. Sometimes, Yeonjun would come up with a lame and cheesy and corny daddy joke, and Sooji would laugh out loud because he would sulk in the corner if she didn’t pay him attention— or simply because she appreciated it. Sometimes, they would talk about the things that changed them. They would even swear they would never hurt each other in the same way that those people did to them.

_But why did he have to do that?_

Sometimes, they would smile, because the thought of being with each other was very comforting amidst all the pressure that was bearing on their shoulders. Sooji really missed the way he would hold her hand, the way Yeonjun would cup her cheeks while facing her and while looking at her intently with loving eyes, and also, she missed the way his touches made her feel relaxed and protected. Sooji missed thinking about how special she was to him because out of the people who admired him, she was the only one who can be in his arms. Sooji missed the time when all they have is each other and she missed being okay. Sooji missed being in his arms. She missed being cuddled by him. She missed being held by him. She missed hearing his taunting giggles in between kisses. Sooji missed his warmth. She missed the feeling of being safe with him. Sooji missed his healing.

Sooji missed his soulful voice. She missed the times when they would stay all night and sing every song in their playlist, before having a childish bicker over who has much more better taste in music. Sooji missed the funny accent of Yeonjun, his bilingual language made him confused which one to use. Sooji missed the way Yeonjun sang their favorite songs with passion. She missed how he’d use that cute tone of voice just to get what he wanted from her because he knew how her guard melted because of it. Sooji missed the way she could hear the happiness and excitement in his voice just because he’s the personification of joy. Sooji missed it even more whenever Yeonjun assured he loves her. That of all people to love, Yeonjun chose her.

“Ji?” Hyunjin called loudly, jolting her back from reality, returning her focus.

“I miss him...” Sooji trailed off, slowly drifting back to her thoughts where her memories with him were playing.

Hyunjin sighed in pity. “Maybe you’re just guilty of what happened to him?”

Sooji closed her eyes and bit her lips to keep her mind steady. She was reminded again at what happened recently. 

_TXT’s Yeonjun To Not Participate In 2019 MGMA In Order To Recover Health._

_What Happened to Yeonjun? Why TXT Singer Pulled Out Of Award Show Performance._

_TXT Singer Yeonjun Pulls Out Of Award Show As He Fights Back Pain._

On the first day of the month, their label released a statement of Yeonjun wouldn’t be able to perform for Melon Genie Music Awards. ITZY were there too, they won the rookie award alongside TXT. And the boys cried when they went to stage, Sooji didn’t know what happened but she was so sure it was their hardship of not being with Yeonjun, and the decision to delay their awaited comeback. Sooji tried talking it out with Soobin, who she already made amends, but all he told to her was Yeonjun wasn’t resting and literally slept in the practice room, his clothes packed inside his own locker. In short, Yeonjun never left work which redounded him in that condition.

The next week flashed and the next news that Sooji received was Soobin got diagnosed with infectious conjunctivitis. To her relief, her brother recovered alongside Yeonjun. But what shocked her more was when Soobin texted earlier that Taehyun and Hueningkai contracted the same virus, resulting their comeback got delayed twice. 

“Yah, Choi Sooji say hi to the live!”

Again. Sooji was taken back but with Ryujin’s huffed. She didn’t realize she was staring at Hyunjin mindlessly while she was in deep thought.

“MIDZYs!” Sooji said brightly, getting the phone from Ryujin. She read a comment saying _What are you doing with Hyunjin?_ “Oh! We made a bet! Unfortunately, I lost and now I’m stuck being his KCON buddy. Say hi, Jinnie”

She moved the camera to his direction for them to fit in one frame and he subconsciously sat near her. Hyunjin smiled playfully before squeezing her cheek annoyingly. She glared at him and nursed the sore side of her face while he laughed joyfully as he greeted the live. 

“Hyunjin here! Are you guys okay?”

The girls joined in their vlive and Hyunjin was about to walk out to give them privacy but the staff mouthed that it was okay, they were promoting their performance tomorrow after all so he had to say a few words too. Nevertheless, he stood up at the couch to give space for her members to sit on. Sooji saw how the fans commented at how endeared they were watching the scene.

“We already did a question and answer so it’s Ji’s turn!” Lia said enthusiastically who was in the middle with Chaeryeong and Yeji, who also added. “Special guest from STRAY KIDS! Hwang Hyunjin, my brother from another mother. And yes, you could ask him a question.” Hyunjin laughed and nodded as permission. Ryujin and Yuna kept munching on their own ramyeons on the other side opposite to Hyunjin and her, he was sitting on the arm padding, being the gentleman he was.

_Are suji and hyunjin dating?_

“No, like what I said, we’re bestfriends! I treat him like my brother... since they’re both, you know... annoying.” Sooji joked out, Hyunjin pierced his eyes on her, acting so offended as if she didn’t tell him that everyday they were together.

_is soobin okay?_

“Yeah. He recovered quick from what he messaged me earlier.”

_how about yeonjun?_

_is jijunie real?_

_message for txt?_

Sooji decided to brush off the first two that caught her eye. She assumed Hyunjin read it too from his worried expression so she winked at him friskily to let him know it was fine. She didn’t want Hyunjin’s concern gestures to jump out in front of dozens of people, knowing that he gets extra clingy when he does. Not that she minded, it was Hyunjin’s personality and Sooji was already used to it considering that he was obviously her boy best friend now.

“Feel better! I’ll treat you meat next time. See you soon.” Sooji was about to raise her hand but Hyunjin panicked and curled his hand into hers. She looked at him in confusion until she realized that it was formed into the familiar hand sign. 

The comment section went feral at how Hyunjin held her hand, and Chaeryeong was quick enough to do damage control. “Eonnie almost dropped something!” The girls supported it by either laughing at her, and opening new topic to divert the attention.

“Hyunjin, do you like someone at the moment?” read by Yuna, her big bunny eyes widening at the realization of what she had said.

“It starts with the letter S!” Hyunjin played along, so carelessly.

Lia and Yuna squealed at the giddy vibe that Hyunjin had brought. 

“For?” read by Chaeryeong.

“Yah.” warned by Ryujin.

“I think that’s enough.” added Yeji.

Hyunjin raised his hands as surrender. “S for STAYs! Hello? I’m a loyal man.” To avoid the awkward air, Sooji laughed sarcastically in which Hyunjin acted upset and they ended up arguing non-sense the rest of the stream. 

After the live, Sooji apologized to Hayi because of her interaction with Hyunjin during the live but she smiled lively, saying it was fine since fans will anticipate more of their performance. Sooji heaved a sigh, thinking it was probably another public relation strategy. She was aware that she gained more shippers with Hyunjin after the live. Sooji was starting to accept that people will always have something to say whether it was positive or negative, and she had more things to deal enough than dwell on their opinions.

Los Angeles was on fire. Sooji didn’t expect the foreign crowd to sing so loudly as she poured her emotions to their performances. DALLA DALLA and ICY were relatable for her anyways. She was floored and drowned herself to the screams of the crowd, beautifully harmonizing with them. Performing would always get her out of her mysteries.

But when the night fell and she was alone in the hotel room, the others went shopping whilst she stayed out to get some rest. Since the concert was done, her mind was free to travel elsewhere, and her mood swings went from sadness to anger to frustration to confusion and back to sadness again. Sooji couldn’t even eat even when Hyunjin put a lot in her plate nor order huge amount of food that was once normal to her. Sooji couldn’t sleep well when she found herself looking through the pictures she had with _him_ , that she attempted to delete a couple of times but failed. Sooji kept wondering if it was her fault things went south, or if there’s any way to get them back.

Sooji wondered if she wanted to.

_“Hey?”_

“Are you busy?”

_“No, my work hours were cut short. I’m not allowed to tire myself... why? Is everything well?”_

Sooji fiddled in her sweater paws as she contemplated which words to say. “I just wanna ask... and I need you to be honest with me, binnie.”

_“No, hyung did not cheat on you.”_

Soobin said in a split second as if he always wanted to say it. It was scary knowing that everything can be shattered in seconds, just like what her heart felt. She was through the denial phase and every information in her mind was starting to get absorbed. 

_“If you can’t trust him still then trust me. I’m the last man on Earth that will hurt you, Ji, and you know that.”_

“You hid it from me.” Sooji retorted quietly, but she was sounding so defeated.

_“Even if I was your brother, it was your relationship. But I was there beside him. I watched him.”_

Sooji shook her head weakly, wanting to get back into denying everything but she couldn’t. She was processing everything as clear as crystal.

_“He fought against the company... so hard. For you.”_

Soobin’s words: they burn like acid, and the trail they leave behind crawled over her system. He probably guessed by now that Sooji was thinking properly unlike last month that he didn’t overwhelm her with much more details. It was enough pain for her.

Sooji couldn’t even imagine what Yeonjun felt.

After a few minutes of assuring Soobin that she was okay and she wasn’t having attacks, he allowed her to drop the call. Sooji logged into her twitter account. Just like other idols, she had her own personal. Solely for diversion, Sooji had been scrolling absentmindedly when she found a new [tweet](https://twitter.com/txt_members/status/1299361608901115907?s=21) from txt_members that was just posted.

A video of a recorded audio.

Her forehead wrinkled as she clicked it immediately after reaching for her airpods to connect them into her phone, turning the volume up as the somewhat cover song began to play.

> “Remember the way you made me feel, such young love, but, something in me knew that it was real. Frozen in my head.”

It was Taehyun’s soothing voice that filtered in her ears.

> “Pictures I’m living through for now, trying to remember all the good times. Our life was cutting through so loud, memories are playing in her dull mind. I hate this part, paper hearts, and I’ll hold a piece of yours. Don’t think that I’d just forget about it.”

Why did Sooji feel uneasy? Taehyun was such a good vocalist that she even felt it right through her. Or maybe she was relating to the music a little bit too much?

> “Hoping that you won’t forget about it.”

Okay.

Okay. She was relating.

> “Everything is gray under these skies.”

What.

> “Wet mascara.”

The.

> “Hiding every cloud under a smile.”

Fuck.

> “When there’s cameras.”

Yeonjun.

> “And I just can’t reach out to tell you, that I always wonder what you’re up to.”

Sooji noticed a bit shaking in his voice. It’s as if he was suppressing something, and it sounded so painful. Yeonjun really had one of the most unique and beautiful voices in their industry. He had a very distinctive voice vibration and high quality of breathing technique in which anyone could feel emotion that he was portraying whenever he sang every words. Hence, the wave of pain enveloped Sooji as she recalled each and every hurtful memories she remembered during their last days together.

> “Pictures I’m living through for now, trying to remember all the good times. Our life was cutting through so loud, memories are playing in my dull mind.” 

Her body was shaking, not because of the hotel room temperature, but because memories were playing in and out of her mind. As Sooji kept her eyes closed, she could clearly see how Yeonjun’s happy smile that used to stand out eventually fading while the meaning behind of the song started sinking deeper and deeper into mind.

> “I hate this part, paper hearts, and I’ll hold a piece of yours. Don’t think that I’ll just forget about it.”

“I’m sorry...” Sooji muttered, dropping her head down and allowing her hair to cover her face. The cover, the vocals got her way too invested to make her feel everything all at once.

> “Hoping that you won’t forget.”

“I’ll never forget.” Sooji whispered almost painfully, her chest was hurting physically that she had to tug onto her shirt tightly, thinking she didn’t have the right to feel this way when she was the one who ended it.

The song cover was incomplete— and Sooji didn’t know why, but she didn’t like to imagine that they had to cut it because one of them was breaking down before they could even finish it. Nevertheless, Sooji quickly searched the lyrics of the song, rummaging through until she found out the next line in which she regretted reading in the first place. 

_Good bye love, you flew right by love._

It was hard how Sooji depended on someone and in a blink of an eye, he’s gone, and she had no one to blame but herself. Maybe in time they would both grow to be better people and they could work, but they both had to find love in theirselves before finding love in each other. As much as they wanted to grow with each other, they had to grow apart... and maybe that’s okay.

Sooji was having a war in her head but before she could even stop herself, she sent a text to him, unaware and impulsive of her actions.

take care of yourself. please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this isnt beautifully written but i really miss writing so im posting this aheheh
> 
> anyway! i removed some of the short chapters to put it on another cause it a sore eye for me


	20. Eternal winter, Now I just miss ya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO I FORGOT TO POST THIS IM SORRY HAHHSHSH

Sooji woke up, getting her phone by instinct to check for any notification. There was a goodmorning message from Hyunjin, asking her if she wanted to eat before they get to the airport back to Seoul. She was already used to Hyunjin texting her. And from her mother, wanting her to come home. 

Sooji heaved a sigh, none from the specific one that she was hoping for. _He_ didn’t reply to her text and that was okay, at least that what Sooji told to herself. She stared up at the ceiling, her mind was clouded with memories of waking up with Yeonjun’s corny yet sweet good morning messages. 

_beautiful morning, how was heaven when you left it?_

_not a good morning cause she dropped my ramyeon on the sink but hey are you a ramyeon bc i’m falling for you <3_

_i just woke up to a random thought!! but kiss me if i’m wrong but dinosaurs still exist right??_

Not to mention that he would call her so many cringey nicknames like _babycakes, sugarlips, dollface_ and many more that Sooji couldn’t even count on her fingers. Yeonjun always had new refreshing ideas and he was consistent.

And now that he wasn’t here... she felt lonely.

Loneliness doesn’t want to be touched, instead it devours, it demands, it grabs... and she was feeling all at once.

“How have you been doing?” Sooyoung asked as soon as she stepped inside their house. The wistful scent of laundry detergent triggered her nostalgia. Sooji didn’t even know when was the last time she visited their shelter but it was still the same stereotyped house that screamed home.

_I’m not okay. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with a boy, but we’re not together anymore. I miss him and... it hurts a lot, you know? Love? Love is a silly thing, isn’t it? It’s hard. It’s beautiful, but it’s really hard._

Sooji smiled weakly. “I’m fine.” but her mother just knew it was fake.

“Are you sure nothing’s wrong?” Sooyoung repeated the same question, observing how she really looked like. Sooji probably got the recent news that was going around Seoul. Her label didn’t even move a muscle about it, saying it was all useless because it was something that was bound to happen in the life of an idol. Hateful comments that Yeonjun had been receiving diverted to her the moment he uploaded the song cover, accusing her that it was her that hurt him after the live with Hyunjin. Accusing her for something she did do... but they didn’t really know about that.

“Sooji, are you okay?”

_Please, don’t say that. You know those words hurt even more._

“Cry, my beautiful Jiji.” She whispered with a concerned voice and held her tightly as soon as she ran into her arms. “Let it all out. It’s okay.”

God forbidden nickname. Yeonjun was the only one who called her that.

But as much as Sooji wanted to let it out, she couldn’t.

The façade she’d put on all this time can’t break now, not after what she did just to preserve it. Sooji wouldn’t survive the exposure. She was afraid of it, afraid of what people would think of her when they knew how vulnerable she was.

“I know I shaped you to be a strong woman but Sooji...” Sooyoung said as she caressed her back while she stared at the family portrait that was hanging on their living room: it was big... but the number of persons there weren’t. “Crying doesn’t make you weak.”

Sooji felt a pang on her chest. All this time, she had that in her mindset but she was wrong? 

“I don’t know how.”

Sooyoung let go of her with a sad smile plastered on her lips and guided her towards the couch before going inside the kitchen. She was blaming silently herself for what’s happening to her daughter.

“I tell you something...” Sooyoung started when she came back with a glass of water and sat down beside her after handing it. “When that article came out a few months ago, I didn’t believe that he cheated.”

Eyes twitched in confusion as Sooji’s fingers started to fidget while she held the cup. “But you messaged me about it.”

“I messaged you about the articles because your name got involved. And as a victim of cheating, I have major trust issues, but not with that kid. Not when he worshipped the ground you walked on.” Sooyoung explained a bit carefully with her words as if it was going to break her. “When the news broke, he called me first after not getting ahold of you. He explained to me so precisely about what happened. And that kid... was stupid enough to put his entire career on line. Sooji, Yeonjun was so scared of losing you.”

Sooji couldn’t bring herself to speak up because the memories and regrets came flashing back in her mind. Everything was making sense now and what she did was so wrong.

“I’m not saying this to make you feel bad but you need to to be aware. I know how traumatizing it was for you with what happened between your father and I, but you will not be happy if you keep living like this. Let me carry the burdens, my daughter. It’s okay. I’m healing... you should be too.” 

_But Yeonjun is my healing._

_And I let him go._

Sooji thought love was loyalty and commitment. However now, it seemed love was the giggle Yeonjun let out whenever she made a comment about his small bunny front teethies. It seemed love was the way Yeonjun spoke her name so sincerely as if he wanted it to be safe in his mouth. It seemed love was the twinkle in his brown irises whenever he looked at her, in a room full of crowd or alone together. It seemed love whenever she beamed at Yeonjun’s gifts and accepted it with enthusiasm while he glowed in pride at the sight. It seemed love was the warm hugs Yeonjun gave during her worst days, tiny voices niggling in the back of her head, assuring her that better days were coming. It seemed love was the future plans they hoped for.

Nobody really knew what they want until it’s in front of them. And Sooji never really knew what love really was until she watched it walked away. Sooji never really knew what love was until it was too late.

She was learning that there is nothing to miss but his absence; until the first time Sooji saw him after the whole incident, he still looked dashing after all those months. Yeonjun was dressed up neatly in suit and tie with a beret on for the Soribada Awards, bagging another Rookie of the Year. She realized she missed him more than she had been grieving for his presence.

“Please wait a little longer, [my first love, MOA](https://twitter.com/tyunshoney/status/1314444518393933825?s=21).”

Sooji was not jealous, of course not. She was happy for him because he was back to the Yeonjun she knew a year ago: healthy, happy, positive, determined, and breathtakingly charming. Sooji didn’t know if her mind was tricking her but Yeonjun looked down at her from the platfrom, and as their eyes met again for the first time in an agonizing month or two, she felt her dull world flood with bursting vibrant colours.

Only to find herself in blue and grey when it lasted shorter than two seconds because he looked away so quickly as if he didn’t even see her. Sooji understood. She had to love him from a distance because he was never meant to be hers. She was learning that moping from missing him didn’t mean she wanted him back. As much as Sooji wished he could have been hers, she had to leave for the better. Sooji thought deeply about how she was wrong for many things but when she said their relationship was destroying them both, she was right.

“Noona!” She heard a chorus of loud voices screaming on the lobby. The event was done and they were just waiting for their service to pick them up but there’s been a traffic on the receiving area since many idols were going home too.

Sooji smiled with excitement as she excused herself from her group. “Hey, my favorite dongsaengs! I missed you! Congratulations on the award!” 

The three of them gave her tight hugs while blubbering words she couldn’t comprehend because they were all talking at the same time.

“Yah! Kang Taehyun and Kai Kamal Huening, why were you both sick!” Sooji scolded them, playfully squeezing their cheeks.

“Noona, are you okay? I really missed you.” Hueningkai pouted as Taehyung basically tried to rip Hueningkai from her to stop clinging in public.

“Yeah. Of course, I am.” She gave them a small smile. “Your hyung? I heard what happened to him.” 

“He’s okay than the last time.” stated Taehyun as if he instantly knew who they were talking about.

Sooji tilted her head in curiosity as she asked. “What do you mean than the last time?” 

“He still has the back pains... he tries to hide it but we notice it every practice.” Beomgyu said while rubbing his nape awkwardly. “Oh— were you talking about Soobinie-hyung?”

“But he performed earlier.” Sooji muttered almost like a whisper, thinking deeply at how did _he_ manage to make his performance look perfect when he hadn’t recovered fully percent.

“It’s Yeonjun-hyung, noona.” Taehyun said like it was already a known fact.

Hueningkai clapped his hands to get her attention. “But he’s taking care of himself more now compared to—”

“Yeah! He’s eating like Yeonjun-hyung now.”

“And the staffs savagely locked our studios to forbid him from overstaying so he’s been sleeping quite well.”

“Did you know he slept in the practice room for almost a month?” added Hueningkai with a disbelief expression as he pressed his fingers to his head more worryingly.

“Soobin told me.” She answered in a small voice, getting a bit uncomfortable because of the guild consuming her.

“They were extra close these days...” Beomgyu stated.

“It’s probably the leader and eldest thing.” Taehyung shook off. Sooji nodded her head as she absorbed all the information she got from the boys. Then her eyes landed on the person she had also been missing for months.

“Soobinnie!” Sooji yelled across the lounge as she caught glimpse of the tallest guy in the room walking towards their direction. 

Soobin smiled like the bunny he was and ran quickly to her. Sooji held out her arms wide as she waited and he scooped her up from her place and spun her around two times after she punched Soobin’s shoulders to stop because she was getting dizzy. They were making a scene and people were probably watching. 

“This is embarrassing.” Sooji grumbled when he set her down. The boys gave them space but they were still crowding over them.

“I missed my little sister, I don’t care.” He replied with a sassy tone, introverted persona was not present today.

“Soobin...” Sooji inhaled sharply at annoyance. “We’re twins!” 

“Hyung.” Sooji heard Taehyun whispered under his breath.

“What?” Soobin responded inattentively because he was about to talk to her.

“Not you, hyung. Hyung, Yeonjun-hyung.” Beomgyu stuttered before tugging a bit of her clothes for awareness. “He’s on his way here.”

Sooji gulped down heavily at the in coming situation but the luck had been on her side this time when Hyunjin tapped her shoulders. All the attention suddenly went to him as the other group’s eyes were shaking while they looked at him.

Hyunjin didn’t seem to mind as he focused on her. “We need to go.”

Sooji nodded at him before giving her final hugs and regards to the boys in haste because she was feeling _his_ presence getting near them. Hyunjin was polite too when he bowed and bid his farewell and congratulated TXT before leaving with his hand placed on her lower back to guide her. She dismissed the idea of someone staring intensely at Hyunjin’s hand that she could feel it from behind.

Her body was still heavy and numb from sleeping on the make up table. Sooji probably fell asleep while they were preparing her. She was feeling beat because they woke up early and finished the last minute blockings for their fansigning event performance in Vietnam. 

Sooji sighed, hiding her face in the palms of her hands carefully that she might’ve ruin her make up. Sooji dreamt of Yeonjun again, only this time they were dancing in the practice room just like old days. She heaved another sigh, mad at herself for dancing even in her dreams. 

“What? It’s their comeback too?” Her mind was probably still unfocused but she heard Lia murmured something like that.

“Yes! They delayed it twice remember?” Ryujin answered with an excited yet quiet tone.

With perplexed sight, Sooji saw Yuna jumping vertically on the sofa where they were sitting. Chaeryeong was holding an iPAD on her hand as they watched something with so much anticipation.

“TXT’s next!” Yuna’s face lighten up again, cheeks flushing pink from the excitement. She always had a thing for other artists’ comebacks that she wouldn’t understand.

Sooji was now on full alert. Her heart swelled by hearing that name, thumping twice the regular beat.

A lot has happened ever since July. It was late October and she was mourning over their break up since it already sinked into her mind and the realization basically threw her on the pit, but Sooji tried so hard to focus on her schedules since they had a lot on their plate going on.

On the other hand, the thing with Yeonjun and Chaewon was still going on. Sooji didn’t know really because the last time she looked up on it was last week and she saw them together, but she knew the boys were there too from what Soobin texted her. WE ARE IDOLS really made it seemed like they were alone on a date.

“If Ji wakes up and hears you, I will punish you to do cardio!” Yeji warned lowly.

She stood up from the rigid chair that was causing her pains on her lower back now. The girls gasped as she stretched herself casually.

“Yuna.” Chaeryeong called.

Sooji laughed lightly to dismiss the awkward air wrapping up their surrounding and walked towards the couch. “Relax, let me watch.”

They perked up at her statement but they eventually nodded. Ryujin moving aside to give her space as they watched the emcee do their talking.

“TOMORROW X TOGETHER, come out! Come out!” An idol from the boy group NU’EST introduced.

Suddenly, Yeonjun and Taehyun came out from his back. Sooji’s mouth parted when she saw his hair was now dyed into sapphire. The blending of his natural dark color at the roots and the bright blue shade made for a stunning look. This new look of him exposed his appealing and manly style for their comeback theme.

Not to mention, they shared the same color.

“Hey, everyone! It’s TOMORROW X TOGETHER’s Yeonjun, coming back with _The Dream Chapter: MAGIC_!” He greeted so confidently with his charm that Sooji couldn’t help but release a small quiet laugh.

“You... you have the same hair color!” Yuna muttered under her breath.

Sooji couldn’t help but laugh because of the odds. The girls followed her reaction, cackling because of the sudden awkward tension. The music shows would probably be much more awkward when they see each other. 

Okay, maybe his was too bright and hers was a little ashy for the icy effects.

“Taehyun!” Taehyun exclaimed, holding the photo paper script on his hand. “MOAs! The special place allowed only when together with TOMORROW X TOGETHER...”

“I’m glad their confidence didn’t fade away? I couldn’t imagine being in their situation. ” Lia commented, eyes still on the screen. She was pertaining how the boys still had their fighting spirit because of their comeback got delayed. Once was painful for them idols but twice? And considering that it’s supposed to be their first ever comeback. They were so strong. It made Sooji feel proud.

“Waiting for you at Platform 9 and three quarters!”

“Isn’t that Harry Potter?” Chaeryeong’s question echoed in her mind, unlocking another memories that’s so hard to forget.

“Didn’t you watch it with him? Are you okay?” Ryujin muttered, eyes watching her sudden stiffened posture and how it was locked in place in split second the moment Sooji heard the track title.

Sooji smiled, too weakly. “It’s been months, Ry.”

_And it still hurts._

“Are there any magical performance moves from TOMORROW X TOGETHER in _Waiting for you at Platform 9 and three quarters_ that MOAs should know?” The idol from NU’EST asked.

“Yes!” 

Next thing she saw from the screen was both of the members were dancing to the snippet of their song. Yeonjun and Taehyun were drawing power to their hips and lower core while they grounded their feet, playing along the choreography. Just by the teaser, it looked really catchy and beautiful.

“Okay!” Yeonjun chuckled through the microphone. Her heart almost dropped. Oh, how she missed hearing it. “I wrote this song. Please give love to it!”

Sooji blinked, her hearing fading along with the audience screaming from the streaming itself, sparking and fizzling energy into their seats that a member participated in making this song. The girls freaked out too when they heard it. Sooji stayed speechless, wondering if this was the same song Yeonjun was writing almost a year ago.

“He wrote it?!” Yuna asked in surprise incredulity, slightly choking from the chocolate milk she was drinking.

“Bighit’s Legendary Trainee indeed. Why are we shocked?” Yeji stated firmly, looking at her to check her expression.

Which Sooji didn’t show any. she was too numb already.

“Quick! Search for the lyrics, I’m sure there’s already one. They already released the music video.” Lia commanded the younger members, which Ryujin obeyed to wholeheartedly.

“Holy shit?” Ryujin cussed after reading it.

The girls flocked towards Ryujin’s phone immediately to read the lyrics. The other screen was playing a video trailer before their performance. Sooji focused on it and saw the members’ concept photos.

_I miss them._

“Sooji-sshi, you got him so good...” Yeji laughed, curling her lips into a playful smile while looking at her.

“I knew Yeonjun-oppa was whipped but I didn’t know he was this whipped!” Ryujin chuckled alongside the girls, palming her face.

“But aren’t the lyrics hurtful?” Yuna pouted, her eyes looking at her.

“I haven’t even read it.” Sooji said defended awkwardly, slightly shifting to her seat.

“Thought you knew. The lyrics are kinda dedicated to you.” Ryujin clarified as she leaned forward towards the iPAD.  
  


“Stop spoiling her.” Yeji growled, but with a smile playing on her face too

They retreated to their own spaces and went back to focusing on the iPAD. The trailer was still playing but it was signaling to end.

“Let’s watch it first.” Lia suggested, followed by approvals from the girls.

Sooji tuned out everything and focused on their performance. They appeared to be wearing white Adidas clothes. Yeonjun’s blue hair was sporting it so attractively.

> [Beomgyu]
> 
> Naman ppaego da haengbokhan geosman gata  
> Uneun geosboda useul ttaega deo apa

> [Taehyun]
> 
> Maennal chamaboryeo haedo, beotyeoboryeo haedo

> [Hueningkai]
> 
> Geuge jal andwae jigeum naegen ne soni piryohae

> Then the dance move focused on Yeonjun, popping his shoulders coordinating with the members movements as if they were controlling him. He twirled his arms so effortlessly with a fierce look on his face.

> [Yeonjun] 
> 
> Geureol ttaen, nunmuri nal ttaen  
> Nae soneul kkwak jaba domanggalkka?

Then he smiled at the last line, holding out the ILY sign that made her breath hitched. The girls shouted their lungs out, squealing as they crowded over her.

“Oh my god! That was your signature sign!”

“Did he just ask _should we run away_?”

“Ji, that was for you!” 

“I can’t believe Yeonjun-oppa would do this!”

“Seoul is gonna freak out!” 

TXT’s stage for RUNAWAY was flawless, especially the chorus. It sent shivers down her spine, the way Yeonjun looked at the camera and sang. It’s weird, but Sooji’s _really_ into it and if the girls noticed, they thankfully didn’t give her shit for it.

As always, the group showed their unique TXT-style choreography in perfect synchronization, giving their fans a good view of their complicated formation changes. The members gave it their all, putting effort into every single move. As their performance continued, Sooji silently watched. Internally proud at how the boys have become after experiencing such hardships. Soobin and her would casually call each other whenever they had their breaks. She recalled the day he confided to her during their hiatus and how down her twin brother was. Seeing them now, looking all excited while performing made her want to hug all of them.

Even Yeonjun.

_But I didn’t deserve it, didn’t I?_

“That was dope!” Ryujin exclaimed, unable to withhold from pumping her fist in the air.

“Did you see Hueningkai’s visual? He grew a lot!” 

The girls commented their own compliments before they eventually had to prepare for the event.

“ITZY, you’re on in thirty.” Hayi-nim reminded. 

Sooji looked at herself last minute. And then to her phone that suddenly vibrated. Soobin’s contact name appearing.

“You just finished performing, Soobin-ah...” Sooji scolded but it was contrasting to the emotion that she was feeling towards their performance. She was really happy seeing them up there performing like they were brought down to Earth to stand in that stage and conquering hearts of thousands of people.

She heard the other snorted at her attempt. “The boys wanted to talk to you.”

Sooji felt movement from the other line. They were in a loud environment which she figured was in changing room.

“Noona!” Hueningkai greeted, still with adrenaline felt on his voice.

“Hyuka! You did so good, my dongsaeng! Since when did you grow up, huh?” Sooji jeered because he was really growing up so fast. The sudden reminiscing of the first time meeting Hueningkai dawned in her. He was getting to Soobin’s height now so quickly. She wouldn’t even be surprised if he outgrows him.

“How about me?” She heard Taehyun chimed in.

“I loved your vocals as always, Hyunnie! You also did well on emcee-ing!” Sooji exclaimed. Don’t even get her started, Taehyun? He got scouted by over twenty companies because of his immaculate vocals that made people astral project, so yeah, Taehyun’s was outrageously good.

Sooji heard a muffled groans and assumed that they were fighting for the phone. “Did you watch us, noona?” 

“Of course, Gyu. I saw how you wiped out the chess board. 4th generation center things...” Sooji teased him. She could feel the daegu boy blushing from her location and his bear smile.

“Yeonjun-hyung wrote that song for months. He’s a monster!” Beomgyu added.

Suddenly, there was an uncomfortable tension she didn’t like. She heard a few curses thrown at Beomgyu for what he had said.

“I’m sorry, noona-”

Sooji gulped before cutting him off. “It was a masterpiece. I loved it so much. Tell that to him too.”

Despite the awkwardness, they still had a quick and messy conversation. Just a few chaotic questions which she failed to understand since they were so hyper. “We miss you, Ji-noona!” 

“I miss you too.” Sooji replied with a sad voice. “I have to go. We go up to the stage in like.. twenty.”

They exchanged their farewells quickly when Yeji came back inside. “Ji, where are you? Let’s go now.”

Sooji nodded at her. She realized she was the only one left aside from the stylists. But before she could turn off her phone, she decided to scroll through the lyrics.

> It feels like everyone’s happy but me. 
> 
> It hurts more when I smile than when I cry.

Pain pass through her veins. Sooji didn’t know he was feeling like this. She was too focused on being selfish that she didn’t have a clue that Yeonjun was hurting right in front of her. 

> Though I try to hold it back every day, though I try to hang in there
> 
> But it’s not working so well. 
> 
> Right now, what I need is your hand

_**“While everyone was depending on me, I was depending on you.”** _

> In moments like those, when tears fill your eyes
> 
> Hold my hand tight, should we run away?
> 
> We’ve got to be together to get to the hidden 9 & 3/4

Was this what Sooji think it was? Back in her birthday?

> Be my forever
> 
> Call my name
> 
> Run away, run away
> 
> Run away with me
> 
> At the end of the world forever together
> 
> Run away babe give me an answer

Yeonjun was feeling like he was lost in the big vast sea and the shore was nowhere to be found. He was right in front of her, experiencing lowest of low and seeing his entire world falling apart right in front her eyes and yet all he asked was to run away with her. The weight of the world was anchoring him down and all he wanted her was to help him get it back to the ship. But what SHE made it worse.

> Tell me yes, a ‘no’ is no
> 
> Don’t wanna stay, now we can go

Those was the exact words he said. Sooji remembered... back in her birthday.

> If you and I are together, we run across the sky
> 
> Tell me yes, a ‘no’ is no
> 
> Don’t wanna stay, now we can go
> 
> Take me now to the magic named ‘us’

Right now, Sooji wished she wasn’t the monster who Yeonjun loved because she didn’t deserve him all this time. All he’d done to her was good things and he never faltered even an inch. She never really deserved him.

> I don’t, I don’t wanna wake up
> 
> My wand is an alarm-breaker
> 
> We’ll swim in the midst of the galaxy
> 
> As two comets, bungee
> 
> It’s okay don’t be afraid
> 
> We are together

Yeonjun had always been the brave one in their relationship. He was always done for any risks just to keep them. He got up in the morning and love the way he do, so purely and with no limits. He was always brave that when he took Sooji in, and he gave her warmth and a home. Someone Sooji could hold on to during her worst days in evaluations. He was brave to caught her when she was falling, or lowered himself down to be with her, keeping her on guard to make sure she was safe during her vulnerable times.

> When this night is nearly ending
> 
> Rewind the clock, rewind now

_Please, please. Rewind now. I’m so sorry._

Sooji made that choice, but it’s a choice that’s going to haunt her for a long time. _It’s okay_ she kept thinking. Yeonjun didn’t deserve to be with someone so prideful as her. He deserved someone who would give him the whole world, the universe rather, because that what he deserved. Sooji should’ve done that when she had the chance.

“Buddy?” Ryujin now came in, blocking her out of her reverie. Urgent tone as she called her to go on stage. She didn’t even realize she was trembling a bit while listening to the song.

“Hello, eonnie!” 

Another MIDZY greeted her with so much joy in her voice. ICY promotions were still not finished and it’s been literally two months since it was released. They were now attending to their meet and greet.

“Hi! What is your name?” Sooji asked with a genuine smile. MIDZY looked really cute and she assumed she was younger than her. Sooji also told the younger ones to call her _Eonnie_ instead of _Sooji-sshi_ because it made her feel too old earlier the introductions.

“H-Heemin!” She managed to answer while handing her her album while her hands were shaking from the nervousness.

“That’s a cute name!” Sooji complimented as she wrote a letter before signing it. “Tell me about your day!”

“I-I’m okay. Did you know TXT went on vlive earlier?” Heemin asked, almost careful as if it was a sensitive subject.

Sooji blinked twice as she felt her heart thumping rapidly at just hearing the group’s name. “Really? I wasn’t using my phone earlier. I’m sorry. What happened?”

“I guess the comments about you got to them... Heemin apologized. “I shouldn’t be talking about this.” She suddenly withdrew with an apologetic look.

“No, it’s alright! I want to know too.” Sooji smiled again to assure her.

Heemin nodded as she composed herself again. “Hueningkai accidentally read a MOA’s comment about the hates you’ve been getting and there was silence because I think they didn’t know how to respond to that?” 

“They could get in trouble if they say something wrong.” Sooji replied mindlessly, cursing herself internally when she realized she was talking to a fan who probably wasn’t aware of the basic protocols.

“That’s the point! But Yeonjun-oppa....” 

Sooji shifted her weight when she was feeling a bit troubled with curiosity killing her. “Yeonjun what— Yeonjun-oppa, what?”

Heemin scrolled through her phone so erratically before making her play a video clip from their live. Sooji could see the boys sitting on the blue couch with snacks surrounding them too. They looked like they were having a good time. She played the video and there was a subtitle so it wasn’t a hassle to understand.

“Those who hate Suji?” Yeonjun said amidst the silence. Her eyes widened in surprise as she watched how his lips formed into a bluntly sarcastic smirk while shaking his head in a smug way, like he was disgusted on the people he was calling out.

Then the clip ended like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i read my fic n other fics i just realised mine is so boring omg


	21. I am my own believer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ll be revising this au to third person’s pov <3

Sooji would never understand what made her believe that she could manage to remain alive while she was having a tour and solo rehearsal for her stage, especially with her inability to maintain a decent sleep schedule. 

Staying up to read the book by Junot Díaz that was entitled _This Is How You Lose Her_ when she got back from rehearsals before seemed like a good idea for her while she was going through with the relatable quote: _“You ask everybody you know: How long does it usually take to get over it? There are many formulas. One year for every year you dated. Two years for every year you dated. It’s just a matter of will power: The day you decide it’s over, it’s over. You never get over it.”_

But now as her feet dragged her towards the door of the practice room, Sooji was full of nothing but regrets. She wanted to defend herself that this was the first time but that would be a lie. Last week, it was the spontaneous urge to clean the hotel room at two in the morning that kept her up and the next day was watching drama that would make her want to bawl her eyes out but failed. 

As a result, She always showed up to her morning individual rehearsal with six or less hours of sleep and also having to attend a premiere showcase tour (from Jakarta to Macau to Vietnam) at the same time.

She was thanking her body so much for not giving up. It did help to distract Sooji’s mind off a bit so it was effective for her. Also, today was a bit more tiring since it was starting to burn her system. She was even using Yeonjun’s hoodie that was large on her for the need of extra comfort, the nostalgic powdery scent was still kicking in her nose.

“Buddy, you have to stop making yourself suffer like this.” She heard Ryujin’s voice reprimanded while she went to the dressing room for the soundcheck.

Sooji could only laugh. “I’m really okay.” 

“What are you even rehearsing? You’ve been working your ass off since the last week of August! I’m starting to think I’m slacking!” Lia whined, walking inside the room next to Ryujin. She was still sleepy, probably still tired from the tight schedule. 

“It’s November now.” Yuna yawned, holding a bag of food.

“Damn.” Yeji cursed the moment she stepped inside too. All of them were finally complete, with the maknae line packed on the couch while Yeji was still standing in front of the door. Lia was in the center, stretching her muscles. “We’re going to perform at MMA.” She said in incredulity, still looking at her phone. 

Sooji closed her eyes as her ears hurt from listen painfully to their screaming and celebrating at how happy they were absorbing the news. 

“No, but seriously, eonnie. If you wanna survive for MMA, you need to give yourself a rest.” Chaeryeong said to Sooji. They were probably going to prepare for it at least a week since they already mastered the steps, the only thing to practice were the blockings and dress rehearsal.

Yuna handed her a plastic tupperware for her lunch. She smiled while mouthing a thank you and she winked at her cutely as a reply. “I have something to tell you.”

They all anticipated at her next words with their eyes broadly attentive.

“I... I have a single...”

“Babe, what are you even talking about? We know you’re single.” Lia scoffed as she munched on the fries she was holding while looking at her in a split-second before a sign of recognition shifted her face. “Oh, you m-mean? Oh...”

And as expected, they all exchanged a few of screaming and arguing over the fact that she didn’t tell them sooner.

“It’s why I was busy.” Sooji added, looking down with culpability creeping upon her. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you.”

“I knew about it.” Yeji stated with a proud expression.

“Wait, you knew?” Sooji asked, confusion written on her furrowed brows.

Ryujin blinked once before turning it into wide eyes in betrayal. “Okay, first of all, that’s unfair!”

Yeji let out a smug energy by raising her hands with mouth in pout for extra teasing. “Leader has its perks.”

“Second, how are you holding up, Ji? When will it be released? Have you shot the teasers yet?” Lia turned the attention back to Sooji who was eating delightfully at the meal.

Sooji shook her head. “No, it’s not meant for promotion.”

“Not meant for- What?” Chaeryeong scoffed, folding her hands on her chest.

“She’s performing it on MMA.” said Yeji, tying her shoes into more comfortable one for soundchecking.

Series of loudness enveloped the room again so she had to step up. “No, I won’t show you. You’ll see it for sure on the general rehearsals.” 

“But that’s so long!” Yuna whined.

“You know what we can do now? Post a selca for our fans. They said they miss us.” Chaeryeong interrupted as she scrolled through her phone.

And so they did, inserting a message with their designated emojis: Yeji and lion, Lia with cherries, Ryujin and blue heart, cat for Chaeryeong, rabbit for Yuna, and a fairy emoji for her. Sooji wanted it to be the black heart but when DALLA DALLA came out, they pursued her to use fairy instead for the means of intro fairy as a token for being successful.

“Come on, girls. Soundcheck in 10,” Yeji stated to get their asses off the couch.

They say when you broke up with someone, you didn’t break one big habit. You broke a million little habits. So... it’s normal. It’s normal to spend her free time watching TXT’s comeback videos. It’s normal to keep herself updated with what’s happening to her ex. 

It’s normal, right?

Even if it wasn’t, she set her mind that it’s okay. She found comfort by watching him from afar. She found her heart skipping beats when Yeonjun came up to the stage for the We-KPOP. He looked too boyish wearing white dress shirt that had three to four buttons down that revealed a white shirt covering his chest, black pants, and his usual vans. Not to mention the thick ring earrings and necklaces made him even more attractive. 

Watching the show made her relaxed after her tiring day. She needed to wake up in less than seven hours but here she was laughing at how Yeonjun was cringing so hard when they flirted with their members during that one specific game, how Yeonjun posed for the screenshot time for their fans, how Yeonjun kept his guard during the jumpscares but failed because... well.. he’s Yeonjun, how he nailed BAD GUY which reminded her of the night from the half-year after party when he danced exactly the same in his zone, how he performed their new songs with so much charisma and talent, and how he was showing his dancing skills and rapid reflexes during their dance speed quiz segment. How he was being competitive, only to falter when the card that read DALLA DALLA came out. 

And he ran out of time, standing there and looking like he was about to have a mental breakdown because of the time pressure.

“That was ITZY’s DALLA DALLA. Soobin’s sister, Sooji is one of the members of ITZY. How could you not know Yeonjun?” Inseong asked, one of the host of the show. They were all smiling yet confused but they shrugged it all to continue with the new segment.

“You’re all young. Correct me if I’m wrong but Yeonjun is the only one over 20?” Nickhun asked.

“Oh, you’re absolutely right!”

They all nodded brightly while throwing out teasing laughs at Yeonjun and Taehyun implied quickly. “Yes, but he’s also our fake maknae.”

“Is that so?” Shinyoung commented with a malicious tone behind it. “Yeonjun, we heard from months back with your company that you’re dating someone. MOAs are curious if you’re still together?”

Sooji could feel herself breathing in irregular patterns as she waited for his answer. “Oh, no. Our label must’ve read it wrong. Chaewon and she are just friends.” 

“That’s shocking. All this time we thought...” Inseong gasped at the revelation. Some MOAs were looking at each other with confusion and other emotions. The boys looked stiffen at what Yeonjun had implied.

Soobin broke the atmosphere that was beginning to weigh. He let out a chuckle and as his twin, Sooji could recognize it was a fake one. “Yeonjun-hyung’s busy recovering for that.” 

“Recovering...” Inseong furthered asked, eyes furrowed as he waited for the answer.

Beomgyu fake-coughed. “From broken heart.”

“Broken heart?” Inseong, again, asked. Tension was starting to rise up again with the silence and expectancy for answers. Sooji didn’t even know if they could talk about this. 

“Yeah, from his first love.” Beomgyu muttered again and this time, Soobin nudged his side subtly. “MOA, of course. We all missed them.”

“That was intruguing, Yeonjun-sshi. Very well then, can you sing a song for your first love?” Shinyoung asked.

The attention went from Beomgyu to Yeonjun. He nodded confidently as he cleared his throat. The audience gone silent, waiting him to start singing. She could feel her heart beating at a great rate.

_“Baby, I love you. I just wanna show you... From the way you touch her, and kiss her to the sparkle in your eye. Oh, how I love you. I just feel so lost without you. With her love and intuition, you’ll never have to say good bye.”_

The sweetest voice. Yeonjun always had the sweetest voice that could make her feel instantly okay. But for now, there was a burning sensation rising on her chest from the hope of taking another chance with Yeonjun. The song he sang right now was also the song he sang for Sooji. she wouldn’t forget how his vocals tame her down during that night. She recalled. But of course, Sooji was holding on to false hope. 

Yeonjun was more than her boyfriend— or ex-boyfriend. He was more than someone who kissed her on the forehead or on her lips in the middle of bickering to shut her up. He was more than someone who she cuddled with as she fell asleep each night. He was more than a warm body, more than a pair of lips. He was her best friend. He was always there for her. She depended on him more than she ever allowed herself to rely on someone. He would give her pep talks but he wouldn’t coddle her too much, enough to get her back to her feet. He was her safe place. He knew her better than anyone, even herself.

But it was normal, right? Being nervous about bumping to her ex-boyfriend after our general rehearsal. 

“Ji, that performance? Damn, that’s gonna be on fire tomorrow!” Lia hyped, beaming as we went out of the concert hall to head back to the room quarters. It was the day before Melon Music Awards and since she was going to do the INTRO, they saw how her routine went.

It was normal, right? When she locked her eyes with her ex-boyfriend across the room.

Sooji was pre-occupied so the girls followed the line of her sight. Ryujin scoffed, folding her arms. “He is so gonna crawl back when he watches your stage tomorrow.”

It was normal, right? Thinking if she should follow where your ex-boyfriend was going.

“No, Eonnie. You can’t be serious right now.” Chaeryeong said in disbelief, giving her a questioning look when she caught her still staring at Yeonjun.

“She’s gonna come after him.” Yuna muttered under her breath, giggling after. But it was a teasing one, she was probably laughing at how ridiculous she looked like. It’s been three months since the break up and Sooji was still longing for her ex.

Yeji patted her back for comfort, pushing her slightly to walk again but to Yeonjun’s direction. “Let her be. She’s an adult tomorrow.”

“Excuse her?” Sooji questioned, turning her glanced back to her group. They all exchanged looks when they saw how confused she was.

“Ji.” Lia called, choking from a cough. “Tomorrow’s your birthday.”

“See? She’s too workaholic, she even forgot her own birthday. We should do something about her, Yeji-nnie.” Ryujin rumbled, concern written all over her face as she talked to the leader.

Yeji sighed tiredly. She felt her head turning on her again after Ryujin had her another eomma episode. “Just let her be.”

Sooji saw Yeonjun walked away and entered a room. It was probably TXT’s assigned room but she couldn’t see Hueningkai and Beomgyu’s bodies roaming around the area. “G-Go ahead. I’ll just catch you up later.”

They were calling her name to stop her but Sooji couldn’t bring herself to listen because she had her focus on walking towards the door to open it. Yeonjun was alone in the room, seating comfortably on the couch. He looked at her as if he didn’t know her. Unsurprisingly because she thought he’d look like he had seen a ghost but no. He just spared her a glance before manipulating his phone.

“Great, now I’m just a stranger to you?” Sooji jeered in bitterness. He looked at her and mocked a bow before turning back to his phone. Sooji got offended by the action and intentionally let out a scoff. She inhaled an amount of air to regain her patience. “Yeonjun, hello? I’m here. Can we talk?”

He still wasn’t giving her attention. “Yeonjun, stop talking to other people when I’m in front of you!”

“I was on weverse, woman. Can you stop assuming I’m always fooling around?” He replied.

Yeonjun was still composed while the other person wasn’t. Sooji took mental notes to calm herself down and avoid any emotions at the moment because she was wrong here. “Sorry, okay? Can we talk?” 

“What do you want to talk about?” Yeonjun asked coldly. The air shifted more uncomfortably because of his icy glare. Sooji could tell how bothered he was with her presence.

“I- Just... Uhm.” stammered out of nervousness, fidgeting the hem of her shirt while avoiding his judging gaze.

“If you’re looking for them, they’re at the coffee truck downstairs.” He tore his gaze away from her to dip on to his phone again. Sooji was feeling out of place and unwelcome that she opted to run away from here. 

The young woman looked down, highly strung at how many steps did she have to take. “N-No. It’s y-you. It’s you who I wanna talk to.” 

“Then talk.” He replied, his brows furrowed with impatience plastered on his face.

“Yeonjun...” She started off but Sooji couldn’t bring herself to say anything because what was she supposed to say in the first place? Must she tell him her side? Must she ask him for forgiveness? Must she ask him for another chance? 

“If you’re not gonna say anything, please just get out of her sight.” Yeonjun said with venom on his voice. He ruffled his blue hair in frustration and gave her a sharp look.

Sooji blinked like she couldn’t believe at what he said. She froze for a swift moment but she managed gather confidence, taking a small step towards him. Her lips were quivering that she had to bite her lips to stop it. 

“Don’t be like this.” Sooji stated, almost a whisper.

“Be what? Cold? Rude? An asshole? You want her to be friendly?” He retorted a snarking comment before standing up and facing her. He went near her, one meter apart while looking intensely at her with so much coldness. 

“I don’t wanna be your friend, Sooji.”

Then he left.

Sooji was going to act that today was not a special day aside from Melon Music Awards. Though it was really hard not to when her band members literally flew on top of her to wake her up. Yeji was holding her birthday cake that we wouldn’t even be eating until they finish the day. In addition, the JYPE family that surprised them when they’ve arrived on the event’s place. 

“Happy Birthday, Ji.” Hyunjin greeted as he went inside our dressing room. He gifted her a bouquet of tulips that bursted with variety of vibrant colors. It was so pretty that Sooji got flustered. Even everyone around her teased them with Hyunjin’s sweet present. It was really crowded with the artists and stylists but it was okay since it was early. His members also went to her for a greeting while his hand was resting on her back.

Another wave of exchanged good mornings when Soobin and the others went inside the room. STRAY KIDS also bid her farewell since they needed to go to their respective rooms. As usual, Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Hueningkai were hyper even in the morning. They’ve been fighting over about who gave her the best gift for almost a half an hour now. 

“What’s up with you and Hyunjin?” Soobin asked amidst the chaotic bickering they’ve been hearing. “We all saw that.”

“We’re close. He’s my best friend. “ She answered. Soobin smiled without any judgement and nodded in understanding. “Where’s he?”

“He was with us when we went here but I don’t know now.” Soobin’s lips formed a thin line as he looked away, wanting to drop the conversation in instant.

“You know were packed with award shows this month. I’m guessing we’ll see each other. Come on, go to your rooms.” Sooji nudged the boys. They’ve been clingy with her since they didn’t get ahold of her these past months because of the touring and all work.

She walked the boys outside of her room before parting herself on the opposite direction to go outside. Sooji was grateful for all the attention she got this morning but she also felt like she was trapped without air. But as she took steps on the garden that wasn’t crowded, her lungs constraint of air, noticing someone utterly familiar was there. He looked like he was having trouble in his pretty head. Sooji could tell even if his back was facing her.

“You didn’t even greet me.” She muttered tightly to keep herself from trembling.

He turned his head to see her and looked at her for a brief moment before taking a step to walk away.

Sooji stopped him by his wrist. It hurt when she noticed he wasn’t using the bracelet too like she was. He looked at her with so much annoyance in his eyes. Sooji heaved a sigh before talking. “Why did we risk it? We could’ve been friends.”

“I can never be friends with you.” He stated in dripping acids, looking intensely into her eyes before getting his wrist back forcefully. 

“W-What?” Her words stammered. Sooji watched him taking steps further, she needed to breathe.

“Look. I know we’re still young but you’re literally the love of her life. And I did what I could do for our relationship and it still wasn’t enough, Ji. You let me go. When I was thinking _you jump and I jump_ , you left me. We broke up. You broke up with me.” 

“Yeonjun.” Sooji called in a tone that she knew that would stop the man from walking away.

“Let me move on in peace.”

His words ringing in her head. Sooji was unfocused the whole time Areum was preparing her for her performance. God, how could she even perform in front of those people with her mind replaying the scene of him walking away from in loop?

“Stay focused.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” She asked Areum. Areum looked a little serious than she usually was, probably noticed how Sooji was drowning in her thoughts.

“You have many doubters to prove, Ji. If you’re going on that stage in that state, might as well just run away.” Areum said in strict tone. “Tonight, you need to let that pride of yours to wake up again. For yourself.”

She made her look into herself through the mirror as her words attacked Sooji so hardly because Areum had a point. Even just for tonight, she’d get back to being selfish. Even just for tonight.

Because, yes. Sooji knew it was her fault but she was tired of feeling this way. Yeonjun moved on. At some point, she also had to. His final words struck her to wake up from the what ifs and could’ve beens because anything that feels forced or harder than it should be or causes her pain and distress is not meant for her. 

Besides, Yeonjun wasn’t the only person Sooji had to prove herself to. She channeled all the bad emotions she’ve been suppressing from the past few months. All the hateful comments, misleading accusations, harsh words from antis. And most importantly, herself. Sooji had to prove it to herself. 

It’s her birthday.

Areum made her get back on her feet. Sooji was wearing an all white outfit: her longsleeved silk blouse was safely loose on the left side to expose her collarbone, the corset showed the slim shape of her body which she really thanked Areum for, and a short shorts. Ankle length lita heels for her shoes. Areum sprayed her hair back to black and it was free to fly. Her first time to perform without a high ponytail. She wore a feathery choker that indicated like an angel but her red lipstick contradicted it. Perfect for the song’s theme. 

Sooji was numb when she was waiting on the backstage, breathing hard before actually entering the spotlight. Gracefully she danced to the additional intro of the song. It was kind of inspired by SERENDIPITY like she requested. Sooji studied and learned contemporary dance for this to correct her precision at how her limbs were going to move, to make her fluidity not be mechanical or expected. The efforts paid off because as the crowd watched her in awe, people thought she was a poetry in motion. An actual art in a form of a living human.

> _The sound was fading for the real intro to start._
> 
> _Innocent and delicate_
> 
> _I’m tired of pretending_
> 
> _I’m done_

Intro of the single was flashy that the audience already roared in amusement when they realized that she was going to be alone in the spotlight with a new song. Like what Jin Young wanted, the audience seemed to be surprised.

> _What are you up to? Where are you? Did you eat? Goodnight_
> 
> _Baby, darling, honey, I miss you_

Sooji acted cutely as if she was one of those couple that was mad in love with their partner. Until, the song shifted like she did, rolling her eyes in the process. Bitterly.

> _It’s all useless_

The pre-chorus was about to come now. It was a hard part for her during the recording and dancing because of the lack of emotions. In honesty, Sooji didn’t feel it by heart because she simply didn’t relate to it. She knew Yeonjun was genuine.

> _You got me like (oh, oh, oh)_
> 
> _This is not a touching love story (oh, oh, oh)_
> 
> _No romance, no sincerity (oh, oh, oh)_
> 
> _I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry_
> 
> _From today on_

“Bichi naneun solo.”

In fact, Sooji was the one who actually wrote the chorus. Team Galactika helped her with the addictive melody, though. The crowd went wild when she sang and danced it. Sooji stole a glimpse at her brother’s direction for a brief moment, looking for the certain man. She saw how the boys were shocked with her performance like how the audience were. No one really was prepared to see a rookie idol doing this in front of hundreds of spectators, alone. But Yeonjun? his face was unreadable and yet he was staring straight into her eyes.

Contradicting to Yeonjun’s mind, his thoughts were cluttering around. Like Sooji, he was trying to understand what she was coming from. As always, Sooji looked like angel in his eyes, but did she really have to perform such song like this? 

> _Used to be your girl_
> 
> _Now I’m used to being the GOAT_
> 
> _You’re sittin’ on your feelings_
> 
> _I’m sittin’ on her throne_
> 
> _I ain’t got no time for the troubles in your eyes_
> 
> _This time I’m only lookin’ at my, myself and I_
> 
> _(I’m goin’ solo) I’mma do it on her own now_
> 
> _Now that you’re alone, got you lookin’ for a clone now_
> 
> _(So low) that’s how Im gettin’ down_
> 
> _Destined for this and the crown_
> 
> _Sing it loud like (oh, oh, oh)_

Sooji brazenly rapped the verse, feeling satisfied with knowing she killed it. Her vocals were soaring throughout the bridge too. Frankly, she wasn’t even used to singing because she was the main rapper. All the singing she recorded was for hidden vocals. It’s not like people pay attention to it.

“Now, I’m going slo-mo.”

Dancing the breakdance part was like the cherry on top. She loved how her body interpreted along the plinking, snapping melody as it turned into beat-drops hip-hop slanting percussion. The singer sang another set of chorus before she turned around as a signal for the ending. 

With elegance and pride, Sooji turned away. She put her right hand behind her back that was facing the audience. Slowly, she formed it into the ILY sign, which was not in the choreography by the way, before changing it to finger-crossed. Didn’t mean luck but rather lie.

When the transition changed, Sooji got off the stage to run into Areum who was waiting for her to dress up quickly for the group performance. Her members performed WANT IT without her so she could change into her own costume. Before DALLA DALLA started, she walked back smoothly with her smile plastered.

“Ji...” Lia said after we got off the stage. Everyone was high in adrenaline after our performance. It was successful and the crowd seemed to be beyond satisfied while we were performing WANT IT, DALLA DALLA, and ICY. They weren’t a single dead-beat silence while they were up stage. This had to be the best performance they ever did so far.

“Girl, you were icy but on fire!” Ryujin shouted as we walked towards the hallway. They gave out comments to each other and we were really happy about the performance.

Sooji changed into the same outfit that she wore for the award show since we still need to go back there: fitted cropped top tube, high-waisted flare trousers, and white stilettos. It was also an all white outfit same with her members. Simple, so Areum made her wear big hoop earrings and retouched her make up.

“Who sent these?” Sooji asked, looking at the top of her table full of presents. Hyunjin’s huge bouquet was standing out.

“Your friends? But most likely, fans.” Areum said as she blended her eyeshadow.

“This?” The singer asked again, pointing at the specific black box where the bouquet of white roses were arranged.

Areum just shrugged her shoulders. Sooji curiously went through it and saw that there was a card. Her heart was thumping nervously as she opened it. 

_happy birthday, it girl._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the ily sign turned into finger-crossed was heavily inspired by can’t you see me ,, the part where soobin was the center singing “who’s the liar?” IM REALLY SO HOOKED ON THAT VERSE


	22. Take it off me question mark

She wanted to see Yeonjun.

She wanted to see Yeonjun and punch him.

She wanted to see Yeonjun and punch him for making her feel this way.

After changing outfits, they went back to the artists zone and she had to act fine all throughout. TXT performed and she was still lost in thought. She just know the boys did well basing from how they made the audience sing with them. Even BTS was dancing to the chorus of RUN AWAY. When the event wrapped up, idols flocked over to their mutuals. The fans were screaming loudly at every chance they could get since idols were interacting with each other. Some of them greeted the Choi twins which made her flustered at how friendly and nice they were. Jimin and Jungkook walked their way just to talk to her, faint screaming of fans were enveloping their eardrums.

“Power couple but you’re not even talking to each other?” Jungkook joked. By upon receiving her deadly glare, he hastily amended. “Just kidding, judt kidding! Happy birthday?”

“Ass.” Sooji retorted bluntly, trailing a giggle at the end.

Jimin rolled his eyes. “Don’t mind him. Happy birthday, child. Loved your performance.” 

“Got it from the best.” Sooji praised back. She asked for Jimin’s permission on having her choreography inspired by his song and of course, being his favorite, Jimin approved. He was actually the one who recommended a trainer for her contemporary dance class.

“That’s a big blow for him.” Jungkook commented again. “I mean, Yeonjun.”

“Did you see him?” Jimin asked.

Jungkook shook his head. “Nah, you? What’s his reaction?”

“I don’t know either.” Jimin said and laughed along with Jungkook at the nonsense direction of their conversation.

And now, she was back in our dorm room. A rest finally after a long tiring birthday. Sooji received a notification for txt_members of Yeonjun ~~singing~~ , well... rapping, another song. The caption of the tweet made her want to puke.

**@txt_members**

My fairy. 🧚https://twitter.com/TXT_members/status/1317644703672594433/video/1

So yeah, she wanted to see Yeonjun and punch him.

The lyrics applied fuel to the fire. He even stated under the tweet that it was a remake but the rap part was his work, that he wrote it. It was a spoiler for their next album. This boy just won’t rest they weren’t even done promoting their latest album and now he’d written one?

> _I thought you only existed in a fairytale_
> 
> _You approach me gently through a square screen_
> 
> _A fairy called you who came to me_

> _Like early morning mist_
> 
> _You approach me_
> 
> _Your long hair flowing_
> 
> _And whispering with a soft smile_

She wanted to see Yeonjun and punch him for making her feel this way.

“Was that your man’s vocal I just heard?” Ryujin asked from her bed. Sooji forgot she wasn’t using her airpods when she opened the tweet.

Sooji heaved a sigh. “Not my man, Ryu.”

Ryujin let out a long laugh to make fun of her. “Mister 4th generation it boy isn’t gonna let you live peacefully, isn’t he?”

“He told me he doesn’t want to be my friend.” said Sooji, falling her face flat on the pillow.

“Kinda hard to be friends with your ex, don’t ya think?” Ryujin pointed out, making Sooji cock her head to look at her. “And you guys can’t even talk properly, damn. The songs are doing it for you,”

After the performance, Sooji told myself she’d let go of everything. It didn’t even make a full 24 hours when she was feeling a bit torn with the mixed signals he’ve been giving her. Sooji wasn’t even sure if the flowers were from him. Sooji wasn’t even sure if the song caption was purposefully for her, assuming that she designated the fairy emoji. Sooji wasn’t even sure if she was the long hair he was talking about. Sooji wasn’t even sure if he was writing about her. Sooji wasn’t even sure if he was writing about anyone at all. He’s an artist. Maybe he just wanted to write.

Sooji groaned, throwing her phone and falling her back into her pillows because of the frustration. She heard another set of laughter from Ryujin as she mimicked a lyrics from her single.

“ _Now, I’m going solo,_ you wish.” Ryujin continued to playfully annoy her.

The award shows went on back to back without a day of rest. It was finally coming into an end. Sooji could feel a breathe of fresh air now that she was on break after months of having packed schedules.

“You gonna be at the year end party?” Hyunjin asked as they walked side by side towards the exit of the venue.

“Probably. Soobin’s impelling me to go.” Sooji answered. Still surprised at how enthused her twin brother was about that party when he always preferred to stay home like how introverted they were. But apparently, it’s one of the events being looked forward.

“But the girls will come?” He asked furthering the topic.

Sooji nodded, and checked the time on her phone. It was almost midnight and she was feeling a bit burned out from wearing heels all day. She shifted her weight because of it. “You bet they will. They’ve been excited about it.”

“Trust me, year end countdown is much more wild than the half year. Everyone’s free to break the rules.” He snickered, putting his hands inside of his pockets. “Even minors.”

“Place still the same?”

He shrugged. “Nope. Club.” He saw how her eyes went bigger at his answer, and laughed because of it. He pinched her cheeks with so much enjoyment. “Ji, shut up. You aren’t breaking any rules. You’re an adult.”

Sooji glared at him. Changbin suddenly walked beside Hyunjin from behind. He was busy typing on his phone without looking in front while they were moving.

“Hyun, I’m going to drink. Mind opening the door for me later when I get home?” Changbin asked before letting out a laugh as he read something on it. 

“Drink? With who?” Hyunjin asked back, opening the door once they were at the exit. He made her walk first while his gaze are still fixated on Changbin with curiosity.

“Woo and San. Junie just texted us a few minutes ago. I think he’s gathering 99 liners.” Hyunjin’s gaze moved on her at the mention of the name. Sooji looked away and pretended she didn’t hear anything. It wasn’t her place to eavesdrop. 

“Can’t wait for the new year’s eve?” Hyunjin slightly remarked which Changbin didn’t respond further because he was too engrossed with texting his friends.

“Hey, you sure you going to be alright by yourself here?” 

Sooji was eating a tub of chocolate ice cream when the girls opened her door. She clicked the button to stop the movie from playing before looking at them again. They were already dressed to go back to their home. Her mother didn’t allow her to do the same because she was out of the country for a business trip. Sooyoung worried that Sooji would be home alone and something would happen bad. Even when she was fine being with myself, and her presence was enough for her.

“Soobin’s picking her up later after work. I’ll be staying at their dorm for a while.” Sooji informed them.

“Their dorm...” Yeji trailed while in deep thought.

Ryujin blinked rapidly like she couldn’t believe what she heard before speaking up. “Ji, you realize that you’ll be staying with your ex for a couple of days too?” 

Her mouth parted at the realization dawned on her face. Sooji was utterly out of words. Both of them looked at each other wearingly when they saw her reaction.

“It’s almost 2020, at least clear the air if you don’t wanna get back together. So you can finally move on.” Ryujin advised.

“I don’t know if I wanna move on.” Sooji whispered, looking at her bedside table where her bracelet was still laying. She kept it there for reasons that she wanted to see it the moment she wakes up and when she drifts to sleep.

They noticed that Sooji was on edge composure. Ryujin looked away while Yeji sent her a reassuring smile that looked more like a apologetic than anything else.

“Then let go of your pride.”

Her nerve was getting her as she fixed her things. Sooji was self-conscious of what she would pack with her even when she wasn’t even going outside their dorm to prevent myself from getting spotted by the media.

“Ji’s here!” Soobin shouted as he pushed her luggages for her when they went inside. It wasn’t actually a scream because he technically can’t scream, but it was enough for the three musketeers to come running outside of their rooms.

They exchanged greetings but Soobin had to cut it off short to arrange the rooms. Sooji kept insisting she was fine sleeping on the couch considering that their couch was huge enough to fit her small body. It’s not like she needed to do something in the morning to worry about waking up with stiff muscles. She didn’t wanna be an intruder.

“Why are you all so loud in the morning?” asked by a familiar voice yet strained, enough to prove that he had just woken up.

“It’s one in the afternoon, hyung.” Beomgyu corrected with sass, leaning on the wall beside Yeonjun with his arms crossed.

Taehyun stood up to stretch as he observed Yeonjun. Taehyun looked like he was going to the gym because of his attire. Hueningkai stood up and went three inches in front of Yeonjun as he stared at him with his brows furrowed like he was interrogating him with his eyes. “Where were you last night?” 

“I know I look pretty to look at and all, Huening, but back up.” Yeonjun replied lowly with conceitedness. His eyes was still half-opened, and he looked really exhausted from his nightout. Hueningkai twitched his eyes more to intimidate the older. “I was out drinking with adults... not that you can relate.” 

Beomgyu bursted out laughing because of Yeonjun’s rebuttal. Hueningkai lowered his guard and backed down but he wasn’t offended, and Taehyun just watched the scene enveloped as if he was already used to it. 

“Ji’s staying with us. Is it okay with you?” Soobin asked like it wasn’t a big deal. They were huddled on the living room as the triplets were interchanging looks at each other like they were talking internally. 

“Soobinie, you already told me that a week ago. She can stay in my room. I’ll be working late, anyway.” He said while getting himself a chip of junk food that Hueningkai opened earlier. It was in front of her yet he didn’t even spare her a glance.

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Sooji tried to ask a much more different meaning behind it, looking Yeonjun intently. She felt nervousness crawled on her skin as she anticipated for his reply.

Instead, he nodded with his eyes still fixated on the bag of chips, and shrugged his shoulder. “I’ll fix my room then she can come inside.”

“Well, that’s nice.” Hueningkai commented when Yeonjun went back to his door.

“Not another word, Hyuka.” Taehyun dismissively. Hueningkai just raised his hand in defense, clearly confused at what he had said.

Like what he had stated, he was out of her sight as days go by. Sooji didn’t even feel his presence that had her doubting if he was really going home but when Beomgyu got home from their company, he told her Yeonjun goes home and sleeps late just to wake up early to go back to work. He told he was already used to Yeonjun either being a workaholic or literally idle the whole day locking himself to his room.

Sooji was done wondering, running thoughts on her mind that she decided to wait for Yeonjun to go home. When he went inside, his eyes were on the verge of shutting down, an evidence that he wasn’t sleeping properly. Sooji felt guilty for using his room. Yeonjun saw her sitting on the kitchen stool, passing by her to pour himself a glass of water without saying anything as if he was alone in the room.

“Did you eat?” Sooji asked with a smile on her face.

He nodded, obviously not interested for a conversation. Sooji didn’t buy it so she pushed the dinner that she cooked specifically for him towards his direction. The amount of effort she did just to cook that was a bit extra; from trying so hard to disguise herself as she roamed around the grocery store, researching for the recipe, to actually cook the food. She even threw out a few dishes that she wasn’t satisfied of. Sooji wanted her food to be delicious because it was for Yeonjun.

“I told you I already ate.” He muttered without looking at her. “Go to sleep. It’s almost dawn.”

She ignored the pang of hurt to hold on to the small sign of concern. “Can we talk?”

“No.” He responded before getting the plate away from her and moving into the living room, hearing a faint _thanks_ in the process. Sooji heaved a sigh, Yeonjun was going to eat the dinner she made. It was enough for her.

This must’ve been what he felt.

No one was home and Sooji was bored that she asked Hyunjin to see her to fulfill his promise about treating her unlimited meat. They were out since lunch and didn’t notice the time because she also pulled him in another restaurant for dessert since Sooji was craving for bingsu but she could still see the sun slowly fading into the horizon.

“What are you going to wear?” She asked out of nowhere, pertaining about the party that was two days ahead of them.

Hyunjin pursed his lips as he paused to give himself time to think. “It’s a nightclub... something semi-formal for sure. Guess you have to go there to see.” He said and flashing her a wink, luring her in.

Sooji rolled her eyes at the irritation. Not because of him, but because she was having girl conflicts. “I don’t even have a dress to wear.”

“They could go to the mall now and buy you one.” He suggested. Sooji pouted as she looked at the skies that was turning darker every second. He let out a chuckle at her worried state. “What are you fretting about? Soobin gave you a curfew?”

She shook her head in disagreement. “Haven’t been outside by myself for months.” Sooji thought out loud.

“Do you wanna go alone? It’s okay. I could just drop you off.” He insisted, leaning on the table as he waited her with pursuing eyes.

Sooji hummed in agreement. It’s not like she didn’t want Hyunjin’s company but she wanted to take herself out. He dropped her off on the nearest mall. Sooji enjoyed her strolling and it was high-end mall so she didn’t have trouble about getting attacked by anyone. Though, she was having a hard time to pick an outfit that she had to video call Areum for help. Sooji was embarrassed but she assured her that she always liked to dress her up.

“A set of make up too. I’m going to send you a tutorial later!” Areum ordered her with the same excitement she hears everyday on work. Sooji obeyed her so she kept walking through stores. she hated the hardships of female. Why must they get through this? Still, she had a tingling feeling because she was a bit in the mood to get out of her comfort zone because of the year resolutions her mind was setting itself into. 

“Who’re you getting all pretty for, miss?” Areum asked in harmless teasing.

“Not the one that you’re thinking of,” dodged by Sooji.

She could hear Areum’s laugh over the call. “Oh, defensive! Is it for the stray?”

“Hyunjin? No, what the hell?” Sooji answered as if a little offended.

“So it’s the _happy birthday it girl_? Mysterious, I like it!” Areum bantered. “Except if it was a sasaeng… Oh. That’s a rough thought.”

“I’m pretty sure _he’s_ not.”

“Why? You know him? Is he handsome?” Areum continued to pry.

Sooji sighed, a bit tired from roaming around the make up store she didn’t even know what were the names of the products. “I hope I do know him.” 

Sooji’s feet were killing her as she entered the boys’ dorm that was already on lights off. It was already late but Soobin gave her his keys so she didn’t worry about getting inside. She was groaning silently at the pain when a shadow suddenly moved right in front of her eyes. She jolted but her heart was beating louder when familiarized the features of his figure.

“It’s late.” The voice boomed with superiority and a hint of accusation.

“Soobin knows where I went. Why do you care?” Sooji retaliated with a tired tone, she couldn’t deal with Yeonjun now. Too drained; didn’t know which aspect exactly: physically, emotionally, or mentally?

He opened the light of the lamp placed beside the couch he was sitting at. Then his eyes pierced towards hers, like he wanted to say something to get it off his chest. 

“I loved you.” His voice wavering but he tried hard to keep still. “And just because we broke up doesn’t mean I can turn it off like that.”

Maybe in all aspect.

Her face dropped before it complete freezes at the confession he spoke. Sooji didn’t know she would be hearing that word again from him. Not now. Not ever. She took a step towards him but he looked away. “Yeonjun, I’m trying to fix us. I want to make things right. Please,”

He looked at her from head to toe like he didn’t believe she said it. Sooji didn’t know either where she got the courage to say it. 

“I get what you’re doing. I really do... only we broke up. I’ve been wanting to see you try for how long? A-And you wait until now to say it to her? After they’ve broken up?” 

“You don’t understand-”

“What I don’t understand is how could you be so comfortable showing off someone else but her.” He retorted with pain in his voice. It’s been a while since she’d heard that tone. “You’ve always kept me a secret.”

“I’m sorry.”

“When you say stuff like this... it just, it makes things harder. So please... don’t chase me anymore. Not until you’re ready to risk.”

Yeonjun was still sleeping soundly on the couch when she received the take out delivery outside of their dorm. They were off work today and Soobin planned on having a movie marathon lockdown inside of his room since Yeonjun was occupying the living room. After finishing three movies they called it off to go to the nearby computer shop. Sooji was left alone because she fell asleep.

It was already night when Sooji woke up. The moment she got out of the room, she was met with a pair of eyes. He signaled her to join him for dinner that he cooked and she complied quietly. The amount of self-control she had to use to refrain myself from opening her mouth was so much. She wanted to thank him for the home-cooked meal he made and praise him because it was delicious but the only words She’ve said was a small thank you. She was feeling so small that she didn’t even notice if Yeonjun acknowledged it.

So instead, she took over the dishes for them. She was surprised to see him standing by the window as he closely watched the busy street full of cars and people walking. He looked pre-occupied but peaceful. He looked softer than the other days.

“Both of us have it rough, huh?” Sooji said as gently as she could and joined beside him. She made sure an apology was heard on her voice. He didn’t move a muscle but she was sure he was listening to her. Sooji continued. “I never listened to you, did I?” sad smile tugging on the side of her lips as she thought about the past, the mixture of fondness and the bitterness. “I just made all the decisions for us...”

Yeonjun turned his head to look at her. His eyes were unreadable but there wasn’t any hard expression Sooji could see. She had to assume there was a debate going on in his mind whether to speak or not.

“I know it’s too much to ask for but can you sleep beside me?” Sooji asked straightly, only to falter by the end of the sentence. “Just for tonight.”

He nodded without hesitation but she could still sense uncertainty on his actions. It was the last night of the year and she wanted it to spend with him. Because when the night falls tomorrow, it would be a new year. A fresh start. Maybe she’d find closure when she feels his warmth again. Maybe she’d understand. Maybe she’d accept.

Once they were both lying down on the bed, Sooji made sure to give enough space for them not to touch each other, but she was surprised when Yeonjun gently pulled her to place her head on his shoulder. He stayed still, his arms strained and Sooji could only feel her heart beating erratically at the sudden movement, fearing that she passed the border line, but then his other’s arms tighten securely around her frame, pulling her in closer until her head was brushing against his nose.

It felt like she was dreaming or hopping to a memory lane. They’d always cuddled like this before. And this was one of her favorite cuddling positions. He made her feel she was safe and sound. Sure, it wasn’t rare for her to wake up with her limbs entangled with Yeonjun or to have an arm swung over a waist, but it had been months since the last time she’ve felt the same warmth.

Soon enough, Sooji allowed herself to relax in Yeonjun’s arm and let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Yeonjun shifted his position downwards and nuzzled his nose against the her neck, she could feel his breathing whenever it collides to her skin. she had to squeeze her eyes shut to control the rapid beating of her heart; she knew Yeonjun could hear it from how close they were. Thus, she focused hard enough to calm it down, however, she could feel his beating just as fast.

Sooji felt Yeonjun pressed his lips against her nape. It was an innocent passing kiss. She could barely hear the heaven sighing as they watched the scenery. She didn’t know what to say and by the looks of it, neither did Yeonjun, but some things can’t be explained with words. For now, she was going to enjoy this for as long as she could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two things!
> 
> first, i hope yall not annoyed with the consecutive chapters of me inserting songs bc thats literally the whole point of the book “song cry” and as u can see what Ryujin pointed out “ And you guys can’t even talk properly, damn. The songs are doing it for you,”
> 
> last, so since sooji’s legally adult im thinking of fulfilling the only tag i haven’t written anything about so ,, i was a bit careful of every words n movements considering she was still a minor BUTT NOT NOW see u next chapter omg i hope ur enjoying this <3


	23. Can you feel the rush?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MATURE SCENE AHEAD PLS BEWARE

The moment the sun peaked into the horizon, Sooji went out for a jog. It was hard for her to untangle the limbs that were protectively wrapped on her body in a delicate way, but she had to exchange that warmth to something that could keep her mind off from what was really happening. Sooji didn’t know when did the air shift but it just did, and she was confused. 

By the time she was going to apologize to Yeonjun for making him sleep beside her, with a take out of Yeonjun’s favorite ramen for consolation, Hueningkai informed her that the other Choi was already gone, not knowing where he went but it was obviously because he wanted to avoid her, again. If this was Sooji a month ago, she would lie to herself that it was fine. That she didn’t need Yeonjun anyway. But she was learning her lesson, and now she welcomed the slight pain and disappointment crawling through her system. 

With the help of the maknae line, Soobin somehow dragged her sister to the nightclub where the year end party would be celebrated. For a while Sooji refused so hard and just wanted to stay inside their dorm, but Soobin talked her through it. Sooji sighed and nodded as a sign of defeat. She couldn’t resist when there were four pairs of puppy eyes trying to tempt her.

Sooji managed to properly glam herself up with the help of Areum’s tutorials. Attentively making an outline with a black eyeliner and a thin brush. Followed by the black eyeshadow at the corner of her eyes inside the outline drawn. Then she applied a bit of white eyeshadow to the inner corner of her eyes supplanted by shimmery gray eyeshadow. She finished the ombre look after a monumental battle with mascara that almost got her breaking down out of frustration because of her shaky hands. The woman finally clothed on something other than an oversized sweater and replaced it with sparkling silver tight mini evening dress that was almost three inches above the knees. She knew wearing this would make her uncomfortable because the bodycon tight fitted material exposed the shape of her body and the outline of her cleavage and butt were sinful to look at. 

But after scanning herself in the mirror, she had to credit herself because she was pretty impressed with her hard work, constantly looking like a teenager that just puts on the first thing she sees, which was exactly what her aesthetic was aiming, to looking like a young adult.

Hueningkai mouthed an exaggerating _Oh my god_ and covered his eyes while Beomgyu whistled playfully when Sooji walked out of Yeonjun’s room where she fixed herself. Her twin, being the protective brother he was, hit the daegu boy at the back of his head before giving her a thumbs up together with Taehyun, who properly complimented her look.

They were late but it was a club and she had nothing to worry about, Soobin assured her many times. She didn’t even know why she put so much effort to look good in the first place since she could barely be seen behind the flashing rave lights of the nightclub. Not that she had gotten inside before, her source was solely based on research.

But Sooji felt a little pride boosted in her, and began to understand why people would get all dressed up so often; because it gives them a new sense of confidence, and it even helps to ease her worries about going to the club. 

That confidence went down on the drain the second she stepped inside.

The crowd at the nightclub made her nervous. It barely had visibility and everyone was typically riled up. It’s usually out of loosening from stress; hyping up whoever they’ve come to across other idols. But some people were aggressive when their drunk, based from their chanting and cheers, liquor sloshing out of the plastic cups they hold as they danced to the music. 

But that’s not even the worst part; there were sweaty bodies everywhere, swaying their hips to the music so loud that the ground vibrated whenever a song played a base. The idols made the dance floor like some sort of a dance practice room. Sooji scrunched her nose in disgust and tried to cower away from the dancing bodies. Some of her mutuals already spotted her but they were already drunk in alcohol that she couldn’t comprehend what they were saying. The maknae line was nowhere to be found because as soon as they gotten inside, they all scattered out like they just gotten inside a playroom.

Soobin felt how tensed Sooji was so he guided her through the crowd to sit at the bar, figuring it was the best option at the moment. He ordered one bottle of soju and two half glasses of beer to make SoMaek for the both of them to start off the night.

“We’re legally adults now.” Soobin said like he was having an identity crisis. He combined two shot glasses of soju on his beer, and used a spoon to hit the chopsticks to swiftly shake it.

“Are you gonna cry on me now?” Sooji followed what Soobin did his drink before asking, “Like this?”

“Mix it to make the bubbles form and rise to the top. Bubbles mean that the mix was done properly.” Soobin nodded when he checked her sister’s progress and gestured her that it was safe to drink. “Anyway, what I meant was you’re out of my care.”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Soobinie.” His twin sister said, having to clink their respective glasses as a sign for cheers before taking a sip on her newly made soju bomb.

“Are you sure you don’t have feelings for Hyunjin?” He suddenly asked, looking away as he drank his own. If people were sober enough, they would judge how the siblings were drinking so sentimentally inside a nightclub; but that’s the thing about clubs, no one cares.

Sooji didn’t answer. Not because she was guilty with the question but because she was tired of people questioning their friendship. It was simply platonic for her. And if she could just shout in the whole world that she still loves the man she pushed away to stop them from asking she would.

“Then why were you cuddling with hyung?”

Sooji swore she had the most horrible choking experience in her whole life. Soobin handed her a tissue to wipe the excess beer on her lips, but his eyes were still reading her. 

“You can’t toy people like that, Ji.” Soobin said before dawning the whole glass and stood up. “I’ll be on the second floor if you need me, okay?” And Sooji could only nod, still stunned at his brother’s point of view.

Now that she’s left alone, her mind was having an internal discussion to leave immediately, but she put in way too much effort to get ready to depart now, so she sucked it up.

“What is this stunning lady doing at a place here alone?” A well known voice asked from behind.

Sooji twirled around to see Hyunjin leaning against the bar with an amused look on his face. She figured he was there for a long time but she failed to notice.

“I couldn’t find the girls.” Sooji simply replied.

“They’re on the other side, almost wasted. Please, you girls and your low tolerances.” Hyunjin said with a taunting voice.

“Is that a challenge, Hwang?” She raised an eyebrow.

He smirked, tilting his head more to get a good view on her face. “I don’t take you as a coward, Choi.”

Sooji smiled proudly and leaned back on the bar, incredibly pleased with his statement. “Bring it on.” 

She didn’t pay much about the conversation of Hyunjin and the bartender. Her mind was running miles when internally a brick hit her to realize that it was her first time drinking. As much as she wanted to let go of herself she still didn’t plan to drink until she loses conscious or control over her action, just to the point where her mind wasn’t only occupied by a certain person... 

Just as the contemplation crossed by, her eyes was met on the dangerous pair of eyes she ever laid on. 

Yeonjun.

The nerves worsen as Sooji checked him out: plain white tee with straight cut light washed denim maong jeans and finishing off the look with tan shoes and leather biker jacket contrasted to his blue hair and made it impossible for Sooji to take her eyes off the man. Not to mention the fingerless gloves that Yeonjun was wearing, Sooji thought she was going wild while the other was on the second floor where the part of the club was a bit calmer. There were more comfortable couches, less crowd, and tables of billiard where he spotted Yeonjun. She assumed he was playing because of the latter was holding a stick, even before his eyes darkened dangerously, and Sooji instinctively shrunk on her place.

On second thought, she may need more drinks than she planned.

“Easy there!” Hyunjin commented when Sooji drank both of his and her tequila shot in a span of five seconds. “Do you even know how to drink that?” asked in worried expression.

“I’ve done my research.” The young woman proudly answered after licking the salt and indulging the lemon on her other hand. She turned her attention back to the bartender in front of them. “Could you get me a-”

“Bitch, there you are!” screamed by another familiar voice, followed by another familiar giggles.

Both of them turned their heads to see four women standing behind them. They were clearly tipsy except for the two men and one of the girls that was handling them to stand properly.

“Ryujin?” Sooji chuckled while she observed their behavior. “Did you just call me- Are you drunk?”

“Drunk your ass, you owe us something, miss.” Lia joined in the conversation with half-lidded eyes. It looked like she was the first one who would get wasted even when the night wasn’t finished yet.

“Which is?” Sooji asked as she helped Beomgyu to steady Ryujin from behind. 

“20 seconds!” Yeji shouted along the noise of the music. It was a sight to see the leader of the rookie girl group to be so carefree, and Sooji mentally noted how she was going to have fun teasing Yeji about it in the next few days. 

Sooji leaned to the center of the group because she thought she was mishearing. “20 seconds-” 

“It means you have to bottoms up the tequila at once... and since you turned 20 this month, you have 20 seconds.” Taehyun explained beside Chaeryeong and Yuna, who was still trashtalking her eonnies for being a light drinker.

“20 seconds... that’s rough.” Hyunjin remarked from her side.

“Stray away, Stray!” Chaeryeong barely said with her muffled voice, but she let out a laugh which the other immediately joined her. “That rhymed!” Sooji couldn’t believe her eyes was seeing the most sane member in their group getting drunk like the rest of the people around them. The assumptions were right, year-end party’s wild.

Hyunjin raised his hands in defeat before calling the barista to order a bottle of Jose Cuervo. While they waited, Yeji gathered some crowd to face them as Sooji took another lick of salt before drinking the tequila.

“1... 2... 3... 4... 5...”

The upper floor seemed to be amused in watching the ones at the bottom, except for one particular man. He was raging emotions back to back and all he could do was hold on tight to his whiskey that was going to break anytime soon if he continued to grip it like that.

“Damn, woman.” He muttered under his breath as he watched the scene.

“Yeonjun.” Soobin nudged the elder with his elbow, forcing his eyes to him, “You’re being kind of obvious.”

“Fuck off.” Yeonjun retaliated, and gazed back to the woman who was still drinking from the bottle. He didn’t care if people around him saw how he have been staring for too long but could anyone really blame him? The supposed to be love of his life was meters away from him, drinking all that alcohol like her life was depending on it. And shit, beside the guy that he was insecure the most. So yeah, Yeonjun did not care.

He didn’t like the way her beautiful smile was beaming at the other guy who was obviously flirting with her. If this was months back, he would have barged next to her and draped his arm around her waist like he always did so that everyone knew Sooji was his.

But this was present.

“Ji told me he’s only her friend.” Soobin patted Yeonjun’s back as he tried to comfort him. Yeonjun glanced at his lowball glass, anxiously moving it in stirring direction. “They’re in the same company, hyung. It’s not impossible for them to be close.”

“18! 19!”

“I know.” Yeonjun sighed in defeat as his eyes drifted to her again, catching the way she was now excitedly pointing out to Hyunjin because she succeeded in drinking the tequila. He drank until the bottom of glass, gulping it down with bitterness.

“Stop staring.” Wooyoung’s snapped his fingers in front of Yeonjun’s vision to take his attention, then proceeds to pour him another glass of whiskey.

“Jesus Christ, Choi! The guy’s in the freaking friendzone! Friendzone! Dude, what are you worrying about?” Golden Child’s Tag, also known as Youngtaek, spoken up too from his seat, clearly annoyed at his friend’s sulking.

“No offense but our man here’s technically her ex.” Changbin intruded before he dawned on his soju beer.

“Biased fucker.” Wooseok said, and he smiled provokingly at the male. It was obvious he was also tipsy but he was kinda on the happy drunk so no worries.

“Being friends with Yeonjun and Hyunjin? Pick a poison.” Changbin laughed happily as he defended himself, leaning against the couch to relax after the mini-show was done.

Soobin scoffed, offended. “Talk about poison? Yeonjun’s leader and Sooji’s older brother. Now choose your poison.”

“That woman being involved with all you men, who’s really feeling intoxicated now?” Wooyoung rebutted to drop the conversation.

“She’s still staying over tonight anyways so you have her by then.” Soobin added before standing up for his turn to shot. They almost forgot they were playing billiards because of what was happening at the ground floor.

“Unless she decides she wants to go with Hyunjin,” Yeonjun pouted as he also stood up to join the game.

Youngtaek groaned irritatingly, the man didn’t have much patience when he’s drunk. “Yeonjun, I swear to God-”

“I swear to God if my sister die from alcohol poisoning, I will sue you and Hyunjin.” Soobin warned as he frustratingly messed his hair at the sight of his sister talking again to the bartender.

Yeonjun was taking a shot when Soobin said that. In result, the ball didn’t go smoothly as planned and he glared at Soobin, still leaning on the table after he stroked the cue ball inaccurately. 

“I breathed.” He huffed with his pouted lips.

The rest of the group whined at the sight of Yeonjun having tantrums again. 

“That’s enough liquor for you, young lady.” Hyunjin politely shooed the bartender away after giving him a glass of water, and handed it to Sooji for her to hydrate.

Sooji sighed and looked down at her empty glass. If she’s honest, she would want another round but different liquor seeming like the tequila was taking a toll of her, though she knew that she probably shouldn’t if she wanted to keep her sanity.

Hyunjin tucked her loosened hair which was only a few since she tied her hair in high ponytail like she usually did.

“Let’s move to the dance floor.”

Sooji’s face scrunched in disapproval as she recalled how the dance floor was packed up with sweaty bodies. “People.”

“You won’t give a shit about all the people, once you’re out there dancing,” Hyunjin laughed at her distasted look, and he offered a hand. “It’ll be fun.”

Sooji contemplated as she glanced at his hand wearingly. She was thinking how Hyunjin would take care of her on the dance floor because that was Hyunjin, but then the thought got interrupted because she thought about how Yeonjun eyed at her with so much caution in his eyes as if he was warning Sooji with his gaze, and fuck she was thinking about Yeonjun again and she felt an immeasurable annoyance with herself, since all that liquor and effort to forget about the man had all gone down the drain in a blink of an eye, and her pride couldn’t have that, so she reached out and accepted Hyunjin’s hand. 

If dancing’s what it’s going to take to get distracted from Yeonjun again, then that’s what she’s going to do.

Hyunjin plastered a satisfied smirk as he dragged her to the busiest crowd in the room. Once they found a spot that’s just a foot of space, and their bodies are basically pressed against each other along with other random idols, Hyunjin faced her and Sooji could only blink back. “Uhm... I don’t.. I don’t know what to do?”

Hyunjin laughed with so much amusement and grabbed her shoulders before turning her around, so she’s facing away which made her utterly clueless at what Hyunjin was doing, but then she felt the latter grab onto her hip, and he dragged her back, pulling her menacingly near against his chest and Sooji froze on the spot.

“Relax,” She heard Hyunjin whispered in her ear.

Sooji tried her best to relax in this flushed state but she was completely failing. Nonetheless, she acted a brave face to just finish this off quick. “Shut up. Now what?”

She heard another chuckle in her ear, and then she felt Hyunjin rolled his hips against her in rhythm to the pop music. Sooji yelped at the sudden movement.

“What do you do when you hear the music?” Hyunjin whispered again. “You dance.”

Sooji stopped for awhile and observed their surrounding, seeing that they were all doing the same thing she decided to follow Hyunjin too.

“I don’t know how to dance.” She said but it was contrasting at how good she was moving her hips. 

“You’re the best dancer I’ve ever seen.” Hyunjin hummed in her ear.

The alcohol was taking over Sooji and before she knew it she was dancing with no shame, but it didn’t look like she was drunk. She looked like she was in her element. Sooji had to admit that it felt pretty nice that it’s working since she wasn’t thinking about _him_ anymore, far too focused on going along the song.

“Too good, gorgeous.” Hyunjin mumbled as he snaked his arm on her waist.

Sooji grinned at the compliment and they continued to dance for who knows how long, their body’s pressed together in synchronization, and they get into it too. Sooji even reached up to wrap Hyunjin’s neck as the music around him dulls to a faint noise, the lyrics lost and the crowd a distant blur. The alcohol was clearly kicking in.

It felt good. Like she didn’t care about anything and anyone anymore. 

“You know I like you, right?”

Sooji frowned, not knowing what to reply to Hyunjin but before she could say anything another voice interrupted behind them.

“Confessing on the dance floor? Classy, bro.”

She slowly turned around to see Yeonjun standing there, his hands shoved into his pockets making him appear calm, but his face said otherwise; his eyes narrowed with so much emotions, and his jaw clenched.

Sooji could only gulp at the moment.

“A little privacy here?” Hyunjin asked in irritation. He then turned to Sooji’s body again but before he could put his arms on her waist, Yeonjun whipped it.

“I’m trynna be a nice guy but dude, back the fuck down.” and pulled Sooji out of the dance floor in instant, dismissing Hyunjin’s screaming for her name. Yeonjun protectively put his leather jacket on Sooji to keep her from the cold wind when they stepped outside.

They didn’t know that pairs of eyes were watching the scene but they couldn’t care more. Not when there’s a growing tension beginning to fill up between them. Sooji could only hold a small amount of patience and tugged her wrist back, but Yeonjun was resisting so hard even when he was looking in front. The dark aisle they had gotten themselves into was empty as everyone was busy in the club. Only the faint music and Yeonjun’s angry stomping echo around them.

They were still quiet when they safely got back to Yeonjun’s dorm and experienced the most uncomfortable car ride when the air was full of tightness and unsaid words waiting to be spoken.

“Yeonjun... Yeonjun, stop! You’re hurting me!” Sooji’s voice cracked at her desperate plea. All she wanted was for Yeonjun to calm down and talk to her.

The shakiness in her voice made him stop on his tracks and turned around on his heels in response, seeing Sooji’s distressed facial expression. Yeonjun let go of Sooji’s hand and faced her. She was trapped against the Yeonjun’s bedroom wall, in a fine line state of between being drunk and sober but she was conscious enough to know what was happening.

“Stop confusing me!” Yeonjun said with so much pain and anger in his voice. “Do you think I’m overreacting right now? Did you expect me to just- just watch him grinding himself to you?” Yeonjun growled, his mind couldn’t stop looping the way how Hyunjin’s body was too near against Sooji. How he wanted to rip it but he couldn’t do anything but watch from afar. 

“This- This is completely beyond me. Calm down,” Sooji tried to reach out but Yeonjun avoided her touch. A sign that he wasn’t done talking. “He’s only my friend, Yeonjun. Come on,”

“And here you go preaching about _me_ being the cheater? When you’re out there going out with Hyunjin when we’re trying to fix our relationship?”

“What do you mean- Don’t pull out that card on me! You told me we can’t be friends!”

“Do. You. Not. Get. It.” Yeonjun asked with so much exasperation, his eyes beaming at the young woman, twitching in disbelief.

“Get what?”

“How can I be friends with someone I’m in love with!” 

“Yeonjun,” Sooji gaped as he looked at how difficult the boy being. She was trying to understand Yeonjun’s point of view, but she couldn’t connect anything. It made her wanna open her brains out because of the frustration. And what did he say? _I’m in love with?_ In present tense?

Yeonjun looked away with his mouth clenched, defining how perfectly sculpted his jawline was. “No. You keep hurting me, Ji. I can’t settle on being an option.” 

“I’m in love with you.” Sooji croaked, somewhat correcting him. It made Yeonjun’s stomach flipped for a short second.

Yeonjun closed his eyes painful.

“I’ve been in love with you for... ever. I’m a little late, am I? I know I’m a little late in telling you that but, Yeonjun, I love you.” She rasped out, feeling a bit lighter now that she released all the raw feelings she was suppressing long enough. 

“Come back to me.” She managed to let out.

“God fucking damn,” Yeonjun cursed as he covered his face, mumbling at the palm of his hands. “You’re so... frustrating....”

“You think you’re the only one who’s frustrated because of me? Yes, I was mad at you but I’m so mad at myself, Yeonjun! Everyday, and I mean, everyday, I’m mad at myself because I never should’ve let you go!” Sooji croaked, staggering forward, practically falling onto Yeonjun and gripping his shirt with shaking fists. Yeonjun’s feet were still rooted to the ground, unable to move away as he was still trying to recover from the blow.

“Like so... frustrating? I can’t seem to ever have you when I want you because you keep pushing me away. But you wouldn’t let me move on either. When I begged you, you turned your back on me, and in the millisecond that I’m almost... fucking _almost_ over you, you always find a way to wrap me around your little fingers.” Yeonjun inhaled sharply as he let out all the emotions he’ve been keeping to himself too. “You’re a walking contradiction, Ji. And I need you to decide what you really want from me. You don’t get to waltz in and out of my life whenever it’s convenient for you.”

“Yeonjun, I love you...” She repeated.

Yeonjun winced and looked away. He couldn’t bear to look at Sooji when she’s saying the words he had been longing for. “You’re drunk.”

“I’m not. And even if I am, drunk words are sober thoughts.” Sooji added, her eyes lingering on Yeonjun’s plumped lips as if Yeonjun’s been biting it the whole night. She shrugged all the inappropriate thoughts playing inside her head when they still have an issue to resolve. 

But Yeonjun’s gaze downed to the young woman’s lips, not missing the way Sooji trailed her tongue over. “What do you want?”

“You.” Sooji said without any hesitation.

“You can’t have any of me until you decide.” Yeonjun concluded. He gently pushed Sooji away from him and took a step back.

Sooji leaned against the wall for support, her head was hurting literally. It ran in the blood, she was sobering so fast. “There wasn’t even any other options to begin with.”

And just like that Yeonjun’s string of patience was cut. He didn’t hesitate pressing Sooji against the wall, curling his arms around the curve of her back to pull her in a deep and desperate kiss. Sooji sighed, smoothing her fingers over Yeonjun’s sapphire hair. Her legs were shamelessly apart, an invitation for Yeonjun to do something about it but Yeonjun ignored it, licking into her mouth until Sooji pulled out a moan.

“You want me?” Yeonjun asked, rubbing his palms to side proportions of her body before kissing him again like he was punishing her for something. “You want me to tell you how much I want you too?”

It was hard to hold back when Sooji was so damn responsive, making weak little noises at the back of her throat as Yeonjun nipped her neck, already spotting where was her sweet spot.

“That all these months, you’re still all I think about?”

Sooji was so weak for Yeonjun’s touch, trembling when she tilted her head back in anticipation. She knew she needed to stop him but she was so lost at Yeonjun’s words and kisses. It was so dangerous how he could talk like that.

“That I don’t fucking know what to do with myself because I want to break the fingers of _anyone_ who tries to touch you.” Yeonjun admitted, sucking his mouth to her collarbones in the process, his words breathy despite of his hands crudely roaming along Sooji’s body. “Do you wanna know what’s on my mind, mhm?”

“W-What?”

“I want to take care of you, but I also want to ruin you right now.”

“Then do it.”

Yeonjun knew he said good bye to his sanity when he turned Sooji to push her on his bed. Something sparked in him while looking at her small and delicate figure in his bed.

“Pure. Baby, you’re pure sin behind closed doors.” Yeonjun smugly cocking his head to the side. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

“You’re so much at once.” Sooji shivered when Yeonjun thumbed her bottom lip.

“So I’ve been told.” Yeonjun flirted, trailing his tongue on the outline of Sooji’s bottom lip.

It wasn’t slow, kisses that bruise, fingers that grip and tug. Sooji welcomed all Yeonjun’s movements in her satisfaction, back burying into the comforter over Yeonjun’s bed as he crawled over her with lust in his eyes, rucking his shirt off until he tugged it off.

Embarrassment filled Sooji when her hips grinded up needily, but it didn’t last long as Yeonjun moaned in her ear while working his hips deeper to meet hers. Yeonjun may be rough in bed but he’s tender in the way he searched over Sooji’s face here and there, looking as if he may stop if he sensed a little hesitation. But for Sooji, it was intensingly hot. They were already panting from dry humping each other, and she was far too gone to go back.

“Baby,” Yeonjun called. He swore he’s never been so hard in his life, cock pulsing against his jeans as he rut up against Sooji’s folds. “Let’s stop, you’re not thinking straight.”

“Am I ever?” Sooji groaned, tugging hem of her dress that was already an inch below her panties. “Take it off, Junie.”

She was used to the intensity in Yeonjun’s eyes as they latch onto her own but it was a different kind this time as he removed the leather jacket Sooji was wearing and her wicked dress, only to realize that she was only wearing a single underwear because the breast pads was attached on the dress itself. 

“Holy fucking shit,” Yeonjun cussed as he scanned over Sooji’s half naked body. 

Sooji was getting self-conscious so Yeonjun brought himself back to circle an arm around Sooji’s hips, his own circling harshly into hers as desperation fills him. He liked how heavy lidded Sooji’s eyes become, when her mouth falls open around a harsh breath.

“Tell me, what do you want?” Yeonjun breathed roughly, hips rocking down hard and it’s too much.

Too much and not enough.

Yeonjun pressed his head in Sooji’s neck as he sucked a skin to form a hickey. Doing everything at once, he rolled his hips expertly, still clothed member rocking down against Sooji’s achingly folds.

“What do you want, baby?”

“Want you.”

“Oh, you wanna kiss me so bad?” He smirked, letting himself pepper Sooji’s with series of kisses as travel down to her body and stopped as he came face to face with her upper thigh. Sooji’s heart was racing as Yeonjun’s fingers slid underneath the waistband of her panties, pulling at the material before he let it snap against her skin, earning a quiet moan from Sooji.

“Daniel Choi!” was supposed to be a warn but her tone said otherwise.

Yeonjun laughed sexily but he was careful when he started to pull it down while looking up at Sooji to make sure she was okay. Yeonjun couldn’t help but smile as he watched the girl bite her bottom lip in expectancy of his actions.

“You’re so wet.” Yeonjun chuckled after seeing the outcome of his doing. Sooji was feeling extra small that Yeonjun was seeing all of her. Yeonjun must’ve sensed it and pushed himself up to press a sweet kiss on Sooji before getting to her lower half again, pushing Sooji’s legs apart with his.

“My pretty baby,” He praised which made Sooji tremble under Yeonjun’s hot breath against her sensitive part.

“A-Aren’t you going to do something?” Sooji was growing impatient. You couldn’t actually blame her when heat pooled between her legs and a Choi Yeonjun face to face with her folds. 

“Baby,” Sooji was supposed to be used at hearing that petname from Yeonjun, but it was like hearing it the first time over again. And his breath was hitting against her clit. “Ask nicely.”

“Please...” Sooji couldn’t have her pride lose but it did. All she could do now was throw her head back into the pillow and avoid the intense eye contact with Yeonjun.

“Fucking hell,” Yeonjun licked his lips in amusement before pressing his tongue flat against her folds, forcing her eyes to shut tight as a wave of euphoria hit her. She wanted to talk shit, but Sooji kept her lips bitten as pleasure overwhelms him. “Oh baby,”

“Y-Yeon- A-ah God, Yeonjun!” She let out moan, legs shaking in his hold as his tongue started to circle her clitoris, before alternating between applying pressure to it. Yeonjun continued thrusting her folds until she was in dazed, gripping tightly into his sapphire hair.

“Can I finger you?” Yeonjun asked. She could only reply with a yes almost inaudibly and he couldn’t have that. “I need to hear it.”

“J-Junie, oh f-fuck, just do it!” She whined when Yeonjun started being a tease, jaw falling smugly as he inserted a finger, started thrusting into her hole. His tongue didn’t leave her clit, sparking more arousal in her system. Sooji gasped in pleasure when Yeonjun crooked his finger, tongue switched to thrusting inside her. Slowly, he added a second finger at the same pace.

Sooji stifled her moans at the pain shifting to pleasure Yeonjun was giving, pulling her closer and closer to the edge until all she could see was white and all she could feel was Yeonjun. Her back arched off the bed from the new feeling, silent gasps leaving her lips as Yeonjun continued eating her out at a slower pace. His fingers were average but thick and hurt a little when he inserted another, but Sooji savored it, exhaling in deeply and keeping herself from asking Yeonjun to fasten because he was winning an award for being the tease of the year at the moment. He was so good at this.

“Junie,” She panted for more air, pulling Yeonjun back to face her as he still thrust his slick fingers into her walls.

“Taking my fingers so well for me, mhm? Always so good for me,” Yeonjun cooed as he pressed trails of deep kisses on Sooji’s mountains, purposely leaving purple bruised marks that he was going to be proud of seeing tomorrow.

“Are you okay?” He asked for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

“Junie,” Sooji repeated, her eyes closed, chest hitching to another sound she was embarrassed for Yeonjun to hear. “I want you,”

Yeonjun sighed tilting his head to the side and she winced at the emptiness when Yeonjun pulled out to examine his wet fingers with a playful look. “How do we ask for things, lover? One word.”

“Go-to-hell,” Sooji managed to grunt while Yeonjun made her lick her own moisture from his hands. Yeonjun felt his erection twitched when she sucked his finger, competitively looking in his eyes.

“Love,” Yeonjun called with a smirking smile as he stood up to remove his pants along with his other clothes. Not letting his eyes back down from the little staring competition they were having. “You’re shaking, just beg for it.”

“Fuck no,” Sooji said, pissed off by his jeering attitude. “No. Fuck you. I’ve done enough begging tonight. Do your part, Choi.”

What Yeonjun did was unforgivable. He positioned himself, the tip of his cock was teasing her leaking folds, still taunting with that smug smile plastered on his pretty face.

“Fuck you, really.” Sooji said so boldly but her breathless tone betrayed her when her throat began to dry the moment she realized how naked Yeonjun was just as she was.

“Yeah?” Yeonjun cocked his head to the side before leaving traces of wet kisses on her neck, biting down and earning a sharp hiss from Sooji. “Me? But I’ve already got you so stretched and ready for me, baby,” 

“I-I don’t like y-you,” Sooji managed to bicker until Yeonjun purposefully dragged his tip against her clit, and she could only hold back with limits. “P-Please.” 

Sooji could feel how Yeonjun smirked against her neck. “You’re so cute,” Then he pressed his lips against her, his teeth biting her bottom lip that had Sooji whining into the kiss. Yeonjun detached himself to rummage a condom through his drawer, but not before pressing another quick kiss. 

He finally held it up, opening the small foil with his mouth while staring at her crimson red cheeks and sliding it to his length and palmed himself with a lube, hissing at the friction. “Baby, I’m going inside, okay? Tell me if you need me to stop.” Then he slowly pushed himself into her when she faintly spoke a yes in approval. Sooji’s jaw clenched at the burning sensation as Yeonjun tried to thrust in her deeper, her nails digging into his shoulders.

Fuck, how was he so big?

“I’m sorry, baby. Am I too rough?” He whispered when he saw how her face contorted with the pain.

She swallowed hard before shaking her head to keep him going. “I-It’s just my first time.”

Yeonjun looked up at her with a surprised look before switching it to smile. “I’ve got you, okay?”

Sooji nodded weakly, still lacking strength from the friction happening between the two of them as Yeonjun penetrated through her.

“Baby,” Yeonjun’s voice wavering as he bottomed out into her, holding himself back from just thrusting her right there until she told him otherwise. Yeonjun took the opportunity to pepper soft kisses over her face, whispering words of praise to calm her down. 

It didn’t take long for the pain to subside and be taken over by pleasure again. “Junie,” A soft voice of Sooji called him. “Please move,” So he gently pulled nearly all the way out, just the tip of his cockhead remaining within Sooji before thrusting back in. 

Sooji’s moaning urged Yeonjun to do the same stimulation again. He tried to sustain his slow, calculating pace, rolling his hips languidly, reaching the most sensitive part of Sooji with long, deep thrusts. He watched everything from how his manhood was disappearing inside her tight hole to how her breasts were bouncing with every thrust, to how her lips were parted to make way for a melody of pitchy moans and whines. He was fucking her into oblivion, making her see the stars. Yeonjun thought that it should be illegal for him to see such sinful view.

“Baby, you should know by now that I’m a _very_ possessive man.” Yeonjun leaned forward when Sooji began to sink her teeth into Yeonjun’s shoulder blade, adding more pleasure to what he was feeling.

“I-It’s only you.”

“Say it,” Yeonjun commanded with so much dominance.

“I’m only yours.” 

Yeonjun moved more of his weight over Sooji’s body to reach a better angle, kissing her once as he drew his cock out and swallowing Sooji’s sharp whine when he thrusted back in, increasing his pace until he could no longer meet her lips accurately. 

“I’ll ruin you completely that I’ll only be the one who can fix it. Nobody’s touch can ever be compared to mine. No. Body.”

Both of their composures quickly unravelled. Yeonjun’s eyes fell shut, getting lost in the way Sooji felt warm and tight around him, hot and wet, every drag of his cock felt like utopia. And when he found the weak spot, blunt nails automatically scratched at his back and Sooji arched into him beautifully.

“Jun, r-right there,” The sharp sting of his nails grew, raking mindless red lines against his skin, but he didn’t care. He’d take a picture on the mirror tomorrow for memories.

“Yeah, baby? Right there?” Yeonjun panted, thrusting his cock in at the same angle repeatedly only to hear Sooji moaned desperately beneath him.

Yeonjun felt his high approaching quickly, head lulling back as he kept thrusting into her tight hole. His hand pressed down against the bottom of her stomach to absorb every push, making them both gasp at the new feeling.

“C-Close,” Sooji’s eyes were half lidded, vision a bit blurry as the effect of her thoughts focused only about how good Yeonjun was making her feel, drawing both of then in edge, pleasure just waiting to spill out until finally with a certain deep thrust, Yeonjun had her clutching onto him as everything became flooded with that feeling of ecstasy.

“Baby, fuck,” Yeonjun’s eyes shut as he felt her cumming around him. 

His turn to chase his high that he was desperate for; until hot white shot out of his cock not long, filling up the condom wrapping him. His thrusts became weak before finally pulling out and collapsing next to Sooji, giving him a minute to recover before tracing another small kisses along her glowing skin. Sooji kept her eyes closed as she caught her breath, only letting them open when Yeonjun moved off the bed to toss the used condom in the trash and getting a shirt from his cabinet to dress Sooji.

“I can do it.” Sooji retorted, her walls were going back up now that the high was over. 

Yeonjun only rolled his eyes as he continued dressing her like a doll. “I’ll be back in a sec.” and pressed a kiss on her shoulder before leaving the room.

“Yeonjunie,” Sooji whined at the lack of presence, reaching out for the boy as he made his way back into bed with her with a glass of water in his hand.

“I’m here, baby,” Yeonjun assured as he gave it to her. He wiped out the excess mess that was dirtying the bedsheet to make it comfortable enough to sleep on since he didn’t want Sooji to stand up just to change the sheets when he knew how painful it was going to be for her, it was Sooji’s first time. “Are you okay?” He asked and Sooji nodded after she was finished hydrating. 

Yeonjun then, damped a new clean slightly wet towel before carefully cleaning her inner thigh and the rest of her body that was covered with the slick lube and cum that leaked out. It was quiet when Yeonjun was done tidying up and laid on the bed to pull her for a cozy cuddle but words weren’t needed anyway. They just knew each other enough to know that it wasn’t awkward but rather a comfortable silence. And since the adrenaline simmered down and was replace with high wave of drowsiness, sleepiness was consuming Sooji while Yeonjun was busy drawing circles along her soft stomach. His mind was still registering what happened to the both of them, but all of the thoughts just rewinds back to what he felt for her at this very moment.

“Happy new year, my love.” Yeonjun’s last words and a brief kiss on the forehead before she fell into deep slumber with a genuine smile on her after long months of agony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I CANT BELIEVE I WROTE THIS WTFJWHSHE + i missed you all n i’m glad i could update despite the busy schedule.. i still have 3 hell weeks ahead so i might not update fast but i will when i can i promise <3 lmk whatchu think


	24. I feel like everything’s going to work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title chapter is from txt’s japanese ost “your light” im so proud of them :(

“Another day of trying not to kiss your face,” Yeonjun said with his morning rough voice. He was all over Sooji’s small body; head tucked in her neck, lips trying to reach every skin to place small gentle kiss. 

Sooji could feel rays of sun warming the nape of her neck and her shoulders. It felt nice, a warmth so gentle that it almost lured her into keeping her eyes closed and sleep just a bit more so that she could ignore the reality waiting for her. But there’s also a soreness and stiffness in her muscles and limbs that are making her wake up and tell her that she had to face it.

“You’re already kissing me, shut up,” Sooji huffed, slowly opening eyes, lids flittering closed and opening again several times before it finally adjusted to the brightness of the room.

Yeonjun smirked. “Did I tire you too much?” 

Sooji’s eyes automatically fluttered opened, her cheeks reddening in instant. She tried to turn her back against him but Yeonjun was tightly coddling her. “Go away.” 

“That wasn’t what I heard last night?” Yeonjun continued teasing, his eyebrows wiggling playfully.

“Okay, that’s it! Get out!” Sooji exclaimed with alarming tone, pushing Yeonjun out of the bed. 

Yeonjun let her do whatever she wanted and just stood up, letting the comforter that was wrapping loosely on his lower body fell on the bed. Sooji had to shut her eyes before she saw something so private. And he was just laughing endearingly. He loved how easily she got embarrassed whenever he pulled out things like this. 

“I’m cooking breakfast. Get more rest, lover,” Yeonjun said as he was dressing into a sweatpants that hung dangerously low for Sooji’s heart.

Yeonjun went back to the bed and placed a kiss on Sooji’s forehead before heading out. She let go of the air that she was holding in her lungs the moment he stepped out. She was finally alone with her thoughts but she dismissed it, not wanting to overthink like what she had been doing her whole life. For once, she would like to feel a soft rays of light radiating inside this heart of hers. She was tired of all the storms.

“What’s new today?” asked a dreaded Hueningkai as they sat on the dining chairs.

“Nothing.” Sooji answered almost too quickly that Taehyun had his eyes observing her; mentally taking note as his eyes wondered on Yeonjun’s oversized shirt that she was wearing since last night.

“Except that I got kicked outta my own bed.” Yeonjun corrected, his hand was guiding Sooji while the other was pulling a chair. It was a habit of Yeonjun since they were together. Knowing that his mother taught him how to be a gentleman, it wasn’t necessarily different.

“Hands above the waist,” Beomgyu commented with irritation as he took his own seat, resting his hand on the palm of his hands while muttering along the lines: “Ugh. Get me out of here.”

Yeonjun laughed at Beomgyu’s mood, teasing him for not having the same energy as him. “Grumpy in the morning?” 

“It’s the hangover talking,” Taehyun defended the poor man beside him, then switching his attention back to the pair. “What do you mean you got kicked out of your own bed, hyung? Were you sleeping together?”

Sooji wished she wasn’t drinking another glass of water that Yeonjun gave her but unfortunately, she was, making her inevitably choking at what she had heard.

“And if we are?” taunted by Yeonjun.

“I think I’m gonna puke.” Hueningkai commented.

“Yeonjun.” Sooji called with warning, caressing Hueningkai’s back with her little hand.

Yeonjun rolled his eyes. “Freaking dramatic. I’m never going to let any of you, children, drink ever again.” 

“If you weren’t so proud of that scratches on your back, we wouldn’t be feeling sick right now.” The rounded-head man muttered. The hangover was taking him over the roof that it highlighted his ill-tempered attitude side of him, but he managed to hint it as a joke. 

Sooji looked down on her hands, purposefully avoiding any eye contacts. She was feeling guilty as the memories of last night came flashing back in her mind.

“Feel free to leave the dorm then,” Yeonjun playfully bickered back like he always did with Beomgyu, pressing his hand to Sooji’s thigh and saying he’d be back before going to his room to put on a shirt.

Sooji shrunk on her seat as three pairs of eyes stared at her with so much suspicions in their expressions. 

“What?” asked Sooji after not trying hard to ignore it.

“Yeonji comeback?” Beomgyu blurted.

Sooji’s cheeks reddened but before she could answer Hueningkai spoke.

“Did you sleep with him?”

“Hyuka—”

“I’m literally the same age as you, hyun,” 

“That’s not—”

“Hyung, it’s too early, do you need something?” Soobin’s voice roared the room. 

“New friends, apparently.” Yeonjun said nonchalant. “Come join us for breakfast.”

The tallest man walked inside the dining room. Eyes swollen from interrupted sleep; exhaustion were evident on his face. 

“Oh, what happened to you?” Sooji asked when she saw her twin’s state.

“Other than the fact that my hyung and yeo-dongsaeng left the scene and made me took home two drunk kids, and a tipsy philosopher by myself, nothing else. Happy new year?” Soobin said with so much sass in his voice. The bags under his lids just made it more harder for them to not feel any guilt at all.

“I’m not a philosopher,” Taehyun grumbled.

“Didn’t say it was you.” Beomgyu responded before Soobin could.

“Why are you all so cranky in the first day of the year?” Yeonjun muttered under his breath. 

“Ji, how did it go with Hyunjin?” Soobin fired back when he heard Yeonjun’s statement, intentionally triggering him.

“Low blow,” said Yeonjun.

The breakfast was fine, aside from Yeonjun wanting to collect praises for his cooking, they talked about what happened last night. Sooji tensed whenever the attention would bring back to her, reminding what really happened with her. Yeonjun was good enough to converse and divert their attentions into some topic that he knew the boys would have interests with. 

“You all aware of the incoming team building?” asked Soobin.

“For the 4th generation? We’re going to be there too.” Sooji stated before drinking to the water that Yeonjun poured for her. “Who’s going to be the representative for your girl group?”

“None. G-FRIEND already attended last time so,” said Taehyun.

Beomgyu fake-coughed. “STRAYS gonna be there.” 

Yeonjun closed his eyes and pressed his lips into a thin line while the others laughed at his reaction. There won’t be any day that Yeonjun would not lack patience for his group. Vice-versa. 

“How did you know?” Sooji asked.

“I’ve known Jeongin since debut and he introduced me with Hyunjin. We’re close.” Beomgyu shrugged his shoulder as if it wasn’t a big deal nor a fact that he had hidden to his members.

“You’ve been close with that son of a—”

Sooji cut Yeonjun off by clearing her throat loudly.

“—bear and you did not tell me anything?” 

“You didn’t ask.”

“This is betrayal.”

“It’s not.”

“It is.”

“Hyung. Really, it’s not—”

“This gonna be one hell of a field trip.” Taehyun commented from the sidelines, the two were still arguing. Soobin and Hueningkai just heaved a sigh, approving to what Taehyun had said.

“Are you going back to your dorm today?” asked her twin brother, setting aside the playful chatting on the background. 

Sooji nodded. Yeonjun was subtly carding through her hair, she thought if her hair was a bit messy but she combed it before going out, making her just concluding that it was only one of Yeonjun’s habits. “The girls are there.”

“You can stay for another night, noona.” Hueningkai insisted but Sooji denied the kindness because she was feeling a bit too much if she slept in their dorm for more days. 

“Okay, we’ll drop you off tonight. We didn’t do much since you were here.” Soobin suggested.

Sooji nodded at the proposal because; 1) she was too tired to go home early 2) she wanted to spend time with them more before their schedules become hectic again 

“We’re going out?” She asked.

“Please, no. My hangover is going to be the death of me— I’m never drinking again.” Hueningkai complained, standing up a bit shaky to put his dishes on the sink. “I’ll pass on this one.”

“I’m gonna pass out if we’re out in the streets today.” Soobin added his sentiments.

“My folks are picking me up in an hour. Sorry, noona.” 

Sooji smiled at Taehyun. “It’s okay.”

“Won’t be here. Hyunjin’s mother want me to come over.” Beomgyu informed them. He was rummaging through their drawers to get a medicine for the headache he was feeling.

“Now you’re boyfriends?” Yeonjun accused, still not letting go of the grudge he was holding against the man.

“We’re besties, hyung.” He corrected sarcastically just because he wanted to tease the elder.

“I thought I was your best friend?” 

“You thought?”

“You traitor—” 

“My head is going to explode.” Soobin interfered the small bickering.

Yeonjun and Beomgyu exchanged an eye roll towards each other before Yeonjun intertwined his fingers with Sooji’s to pull her back to his bedroom.

“You’re still worried about him?” asked Sooji, sitting on his bed as Yeonjun stood on the floor with his hand on the side of his waist.

Yeonjun shook his head which made Sooji blinked fast in disbelief. “I have other things to worry about.”

“Like what?”

“Like, right now, I’m going crazy about how you look so cute in my clothes, sitting on my bed, neck all bruised up with hickeys that I left.”

Sooji’s eyes widened when she remembered that Yeonjun purposefully left those last night, and that she didn’t cover it while they were eating their breakfast. She looked like she’d seen a ghost but that’s how one would be if you’re full of hickeys and breathing in the same room as your brother.

“Relax, baby. Your hair covered it all up.” Yeonjun chuckled when he noticed how she was overthinking about how she looked earlier. Sooji recalled how Yeonjun would always fix her hair while they were eating breakfast.

“I hope you know I dislike you the most at this moment.” Sooji threatened but Yeonjun knew it was harmless.

Sooji took time in the shower. She was scanning her reflection on the mirror. And damn, was Yeonjun right. She could see how red her cheeks while looking at the hickeys marking along her neck, collarbones, and even breasts. It wasn’t many, just the minimal amount that wouldn’t make her look like she was sucked by leeches. Yeonjun knew better. She couldn’t deny how it looked good on her, how pretty it looked like they’re perfect blend of blue and purple. Some would say hickeys are unattractive but for Sooji, it was a beautiful art that Yeonjun painted on her body from the adoration he felt solely for her.

She stepped out of the bathroom with a black turtle neck inside Yeonjun’s hoodie on, that he lent out for her, and a grey sweatpants. 

“Are you in the north pole?” Soobin asked when he saw how she was covered up. Sooji dressed like this was usual until the turtle neck didn’t just come good with Soobin that’s why he had to ask.

“Let the girl live, Soobinie,” Yeonjun rolled his eyes before patting the seat beside him on the couch. Soobin was on the single sofa beside it. 

As promised, the three were all huddled up in the living room and watching some romantic-comedy movie that Yeonjun insisted so badly to the twins. And while they were at it, Sooji fell asleep again in Yeonjun’s arms. 

Soobin took the remote control and minimized the volume before turning to Yeonjun. “Are you... like...” 

“No.” said Yeonjun, looking away from Soobin’s prying eyes and proceeding to stroke Sooji’s hair as if she was she’s a sleeping cat.

“Then why? Last time I saw you, you were—”

“We talked, it cleared the air.” Yeonjun shrugged his head, avoiding not to move too much for Sooji not to wake up. He really tired her out.

Soobin heaved a sigh before nodding. “That’s good.”

“Soobin, she told me she’s in love with me.” Yeonjun finally said. The man had difficulties with sleeping earlier because of the thoughts clouding his mind, not to mention that he literally took Sooji’s v-card. He was feeling too many mixed emotions that he couldn’t comprehend. And he was feeling so scared.

Soobin snorted, shaking his head like it was not surprising anymore. “The only ones who don’t know that Yeonjun loves Sooji and Sooji loves Yeonjun are Yeonjun and Sooji.”

“That’s a bit redundant.”

“What I’m saying is trust the overthinker who tells you they love you. They have, most assuredly, thought of every reason not to.” stated Soobin before standing up and leaving the couple alone. 

Yeonjun was left awake that day. With Sooji peacefully curled up in his body, he thought he loved Sooji’s heart so much that it made him feel like his own heart was going to burst.

The next day, Yeonjun went back to work. It was nothing too tiring unlike the last month that was packed with award shows. Just practicing for _The Dream Chapter: MAGIC Japanese Version_. It was lunch time when he went downstairs, and to his surprise, Sooji was waiting at Bighit’s lobby. 

A tiny amount of ugly feeling rushed in him when he saw that Sooji was with Jeongguk. He had knowledge about their past and Sooji’s infatuation over the bangtan member but he shrugged it off, not wanting to make it a big deal. It was Yeonjun’s nature after all— being jealous to anyone that was taking Sooji’s attention from him. 

Sooji’s eyes immediately lit up in relief when it landed to Yeonjun. Jeongguk’s vision followed the tracks and saw that the specific TXT member had arrived.

“Can’t believe you got back together.” Jeongguk whispered, taunting the girl beside him.

Sooji rolled her eyes and started pushing Jeongguk away from her when Yeonjun was walking near towards them. “We’re gonna snatch Korea’s power couple title from you and Taehyung.” 

Jeongguk made a sudden explosive noise on his nose, expressing derision as a reply. 

“Hey,” Yeonjun greeted her when he’s finally in front of them. His eyes eyes scanning the two, assessing what’s going on with them..

He bowed respectfully to his senior. Jeongguk chuckled and patted Yeonjun’s shoulder. “She came for you. Not me.”

Yeonjun only nodded to respond. Jeongguk took that as his signal to exit out of the conversation and went back to his own business.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, still not showing any emotions.

“I brought you lunch.” Sooji grinned proudly. She cooked it herself; especially for Yeonjun since she had too much time at the moment. 

Yeonjun blinked rapidly, disbelieving.

“You brought me... lunch?” 

“I brought you lunch.”

“That’s sweet?”

“I’m not sweet!” 

“Damn right, you aren’t. Did you do something bad?” Yeonjun replied in mockery.

Sooji pouted in an way that showed she was offended. “I’ll give this to Jeonggukie-oppa then.” 

Yeonjun smiled sweetly before getting the paper bag from Sooji and putting his arm at the back of her waist to guide her to their cafeteria.

And Sooji’s actions continued for days. She would do leave random messages like “The domanggalka part in RUN AWAY is my favorite.” that would make Yeonjun brighten up his day. No matter how short it was, it was lovely enough for him to feel appreciated. And when they decided to take a long walk just because they were feeling it, she would always reached over to grab his hand in a crowd that would make Yeonjun’s heart do backflips. 

Sooji wasn’t like this. And Yeonjun wasn’t used to this.

One day turned out to be five. Sooji only goes to one of her scheduled agenda at JYPE, and barely even took time to have her usual extra practices. She’d been reaching out too much; texting Yeonjun, going to Yeonjun’s workplace, taking him out for a date if he’s free, and hanging out in the boys’ dorm. It was getting Yeonjun bewildered but he didn’t want to interfere what Sooji was doing. He thought, maybe it was her own way of redemption.

Sooji went to Yeonjun’s dorm again. This time, she didn’t have the chance to be all clingy because she was doing some research for her class. Since the holiday break was done, they were back to being student-idol. Being the star pupil Sooji was, she was busy with her laptop that was placed on an overhead table so it wouldn’t have conflict against Yeonjun whose head was resting on Sooji’s thighs. 

They were chilling in the living room, and they weren’t doing anything to maximize the space they had. It’s been almost an hour since she payed her last attention to him. And Yeonjun was the type that would get very pouty if Sooji wasn’t paying attention to him. Yeonjun was growing impatient. 

He heaved a sigh, loud enough for Sooji to notice him. But still, she didn’t bat an eye away from the screen. Yeonjun pouted, sulking on his place as he decided to just pick up his phone and play a video game. He’d been staring at Sooji for awhile anyway.

Sooji contained her giggles. She wanted to tease him more. It was fun to see a sulking Yeonjun. 

And when Yeonjun finally got into his zone as he played his mobile game, Sooji decided to give him a swift kiss on his nose before booping it adoringly. Yeonjun basically got flustered, blushing his cheeks so rosy that made Sooji finally failing from containing her giggled.

“You’re so cruel,” Yeonjun whined.

He took his payback when he forcefully pushed the table away from Sooji so he’d get her all by himself. Not a minute later the door came bursting open.

Yeonjun groaned deafeningly. “Not again.” 

“You’re here again?” Soobin asked as they got inside of the living room, seeing the pair was cuddling again on their couch. The boys nodded along as a greeting before going into their own rooms, they were already used to the view. 

Hueningkai spoke something about “I can’t even have quality time with my noona anymore.” but it was only to tease them before actually closing his bedroom door.

“Is that my cue to get out?” Sooji asked Soobin back, untangling Yeonjun’s limbs that was shamelessly wrapping her.

“No. Of course, not. I’m just... not used to this.” Soobin said, a bit inaudible as the sentence ends. He looked at Yeonjun, who was giving him a _We-need-to-talk_ look and he figured it was mutual.

Yeonjun cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly in his seat. “Something happened with PD-nim?” 

“Hyung,” 

“Babe, could you check on Huening first? I don’t want him to mope all day.” said Yeonjun a bit careful like the usual, giving a sweet smile and a peck on Sooji’s cheek.

Once Sooji went inside Taehyun and Hueningkai’s room, the coast was clear enough to talk. Soobin sat on the arm rest while Yeonjun changed to a sitting position, putting his elbows on top of his knees, resting his chin on his palms.

“You’re back together?” asked a bemused Soobin, brows furrowed as he observed Yeonjun’s body language thoroughly.

The elder man looked like he was having a crisis; he tousled his hair in frustration before massaging the bridge of his nose.

“We’re not... I don’t know.”

“Hyung.” Soobin called sternly. 

He couldn’t keep watching the two acted like nothing happened after months of break up then coming back and being all fluffy with each other. They were walking in thin thread, and if the time finally came, it wouldn’t end well. Soobin didn’t want to be the one to watch how it broke the two people in his life.

“I don’t know, Soobin. I don’t... If I ask her, I’m scared she’ll... and damn. Fucking hell, I don’t even know if this is worth the risk.” Yeonjun admitted. He couldn’t form a coherent sentence with his mind was going in circles of thoughts between losing Sooji again and keeping his guard guarded.

“What’s going on here? Everything okay?” asked Sooji who just came out of the room. Worried rushed in her when she got a sight of Yeonjun’s troubled look.

“Everything’s okay.” Soobin assured, blocking Sooji’s view of Yeonjun for a bit.

Sooji tilted her head to get a glimpse of Yeonjun, but the man already switched into his normal state. “M’kay. I was just about to go out with Hyuka to buy snacks. Is that fine?” 

They both nodded. Hueningkai draped an arm over Sooji’s shoulder, making Yeonjun retaliated with _Yah! Yah!_ but the younger laughed it off as they waltz out of the dorm.

“If she makes you feel alive, it’s always worth the risk.” Soobin said simply. “Always.” Then proceeded to patting Yeonjun’s shoulder for comfort. 

For a few minutes, Hueningkai and Sooji came back from their mini-grocery shopping. Soobin quickly went out of the scene as he saw how many snacks Hueningkai bought. She was left alone with Yeonjun.

“You sure you’re okay?” She asked.

“Yeah, baby. You bought ramen for me?” Yeonjun winked, giggling a little bit when he saw Sooji did exactly what he thought she would.

“Spoiled.” Sooji muttered after rolling her eyes and giving the pack to Yeonjun.

Yeonjun snorted. “You’re not?”

“Say no more.” 

“What else did you buy?” Yeonjun asked when he saw the paper bag was not empty.

“Let’s take this party to the bathroom if you’d like to find out.” said Sooji, scrunching her nose for extra effect. Disclaimer: she wasn’t trying to be seductive. She was trying to be cute for Yeonjun to follow her.

“Just say you want me and let’s go.” Yeonjun teased.

Sooji kept a straight face as she pulled him to the bathroom. Yeonjun completely stood still as he watched Sooji going around the bathroom and making him sit down to a chair that she placed in front of the mirror.

“What the— you’re dying my hair?!” 

Sooji couldn’t contain her laugh she was still sporting a strict aura for Yeonjun to take her seriously.

“My stylist will kill me. You can’t do this—”

“I can’t?” Sooji cut off with a warning tone as she raised her right eyebrow for intimidation.

“That’s not fair.” Yeonjun complained.

“Oh, come on. I promise to do a good job!” Sooji pouted. 

Yeonjun knew he already lost this argument. 

“Jiji—” Yeonjun exhaled slowly, carding a hand through his sapphire hair. “I’m not letting you dye my hair, baby. I’m sorry.”

“But—”

“I’m not letting you dye my hair.”

“Oh my god, my hair is going to fall off.” 

“You’re still gonna be the sexiest 4th generation it boy.” Sooji cut him off, a grin in her voice as she combed the hair dye to Yeonjun’s ends. 

“That’s literally only me.” Yeonjun deadpanned.

“That’s the point.” Sooji stated with the same impassive tone.

“Meanie,” Yeonjun remarked with a light huff.

“I don’t know why I did this. Your blue hair is very attractive.” Sooji thought out loud.

Yeonjun’s eyes automatically widened, panicking. Sooji made him sit to a position that he couldn’t see himself in the mirror, and it made him more worried about the outcome. “Then why would you—”

“Sit still.” Sooji chuckled, yet seriously warning him. “If you peek, I’ll be so upset.”

“I am currently upset so I get to peek.” Yeonjun crossed his arms, refusing to believe that he actually allowed for this to happen. “If this is pink, I swear to God—”

“Not! Pink!” Sooji precisely contradicted straight away. “Hyuka wanted too but I knew you’d be angry if I did.”

“I was going to say that I was saving it for our future comeback.” Yeonjun said emotionless, annoyed by the fact the Sooji didn’t know about his taste when it came to this.

“You’re—”

“Hush. Pink is cool. It’s cool. I’m cool.” Yeonjun shook his head lightly. 

The air shifted quietly after Sooji’s snickerings faded away. Yeonjun didn’t retort back, and it made her feel a bit uneasy. Sooji noticed how Yeonjun looked a bit anxious before she went out with Hueningkai but she kept her thoughts away since she assumed it was connected to their label, and she didn’t have the place to pry.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked, carefully not to overwhelm him. It kind of made her feel relieved that they could go back to this set up like what they do before. Talk about each other’s problems. Only now, they had time to be with each other— and not on the phone. It made her feel happy.

“What are you smiling about?” Yeonjun fired back when he saw a small smile playing on her lips. 

Quickly, she looked away from Yeonjun’s inquisitive glances. Sooji shrugged and continued on combing Yeonjun’s hair with the hair dye to cover it. She didn’t even know she was smiling.

“Secretive, aren’t you?” Yeonjun teased more as he tried to search for Sooji’s eyes. She pulled Yeonjun intentionally, not too painful, but enough to keep him in place. “Hope you know it worsens my curiosity more.” 

“You’re so nosy.” Sooji remarked with a hint of reprisal. She remembered how Yeonjun avoided her question earlier. “You wouldn’t like it if I was able to read your thoughts.”

“Not really much aside from me praising you for even breathing.” 

Sooji heaved a sigh as she tried hard not to let butterflies played in her stomach, before announcing that they just had to wait for the color to stick. She removed her gloves before she perched herself on Yeonjun’s thigh. 

She pressed a happy kiss to his cheek. “Next is a piercing, or a tattoo. Oh! How about a cotton candy hair?”

“I am not.” Yeonjun responded, immediately.

At this point, he’s sure he’d give Sooji anything she wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINALLY GOT TO UPDATE OMG 😭🙏🏻 how are you all? i missed u :( next update would be next sunday i guess ,, fluff for y’all so u can rest from the angst 😂 lmk whatchu thinkkk


	25. closing my eyes, being scared

Sooji had favored the idea of the three days and two nights retreat when the board announced it, considering that it was the last rest they’d experience before working for another comeback. And comeback means performances, promotions, and then on to award shows. It was a tiresome routine; so yeah, she loved the retreat. She was not, however, in love with the idea of her now that it was happening.

**YEONJUN**

LOVER IT WILL BE FUN I AM TELLING YOU

u’ll make friends dont worry about it

no boys, though :)

**ME**

go away :(

Of course, the ever-so extroverted Choi Yeonjun had to assure her. They’ve finally arrived to a somewhat retreat place, and she had been anxious the whole ride. Hayi already collected their phone the moment they got inside, saying it was a requirement for them. The vans of different 4th generation groups were starting to arrive and the idols were already a chaotic mess. The poor facilitators were trying to get everything in place for the managers, setting up groups for the activities, and making sure that all of the sleeping areas were ready. 

“ITZY! Come here, we’re ready to go inside.” Hayi called, urging them to move from the corner they were stuck waiting with STRAY KIDS. They both arrived at the same time since their vans departed from JYPE.

“TXT’s here!” Wooyoung could be heard running around yelling. San eyes went wide as he ran out as soon as he heard. Even Changbin who was beside Sooji went out of their assigned waiting shed just to join the commotion.

Hyunjin, who was now beside Sooji, snorted. “Why are they acting like they haven’t seen each other back at the year-end party.” 

Sooji couldn’t reply since she was fixing her things. They haven’t talked after what happened. She didn’t even see Hyunjin weeks after; which relieved her because she didn’t know what would she say after what happened. The van stopped, and the door opened. Yeonjun stepped forward and bowed, greeting his friends who were dramatically welcoming him.

Wooyoung draped an arm around Yeonjun’s shoulder. “You, ass! Thought you’d hangout with us last—”

“THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU HAIR?!” Changbin frantically laughed at Yeonjun as he pointed at the teal-dyed hair that he was sporting.

“Hairstylist almost killed him. Good thing he pulled it off.” Soobin chattered as he came down from the van.

“Where were you? You ditched us last last night!” San interrogated, playfully pushing Yeonjun’s chest. 

Yeonjun chuckled at their overreacting. “Had to see my girl.” 

True to his words, Yeonjun did see Sooji. He went to JYPE to visit her as she finally pushed herself to go back to her extra dancing sessions when she noticed she was gaining weight because of their daily mukbangs. They were going to have another medical exam so she couldn’t afford failing that. Sooji’s cheeks flushed out of nowhere. She had to look at the wheels of her luggage to be divert her attention. Howls of teasing remarks were heard from Yeonjun’s group.

“I’m here, you’re lives just got better.” Yeonjun shrugged off, pulling his sunglasses off as he scanned the room. They all rolled their eyes at Yeonjun’s smugness, even Sooji who was meters away from the commotion.

Hyunjin didn’t fail to notice how her lips formed a small smile before she got dragged out by Ryujin. 

“I want you all to behave during this team building, I will only be observing you but I have no say with your decision-making. Thus, the evaluations likewise will depend on your attitude.” Hayi spoke as she lead the girls up to the multi-purpose room. “Should you need me, I’m not allowed to give you any help.” 

We all nodded and Yeji heaved a heavy sigh because of the pressure she was feeling. 

“Yeji, you got this?” Hayi asked as she opened the door.

“I sure am.” She spoke with confidence.

“I’m kidding. You guys will split up along with the other girl groups.” 

A sudden shift of air was startling. Sooji’s sleepy expression faded when she heard it. Her heart thumping faster than when she saw Yeonjun got out of the van earlier. “What?”

“You’ll know later.” Their manager laughed as she left the scene, she already predicted their reactions.

“I cannot be away from you all.” Sooji spoke, sitting down to their seats where their group’s name was placed.

“I know.” Yeji agreed. Her leader-complex was trying to formulate solutions but she just couldn’t. 

Yuna groaned in dissatisfaction. “I don’t like this.” 

“Point taken, though. We have to befriend other idols too.” said Ryujin, looking on the other side.

Lia clicked her tongue. “Easy for you to say. You already have friends in LOONA and other groups.” 

Ryujin rolled her eyes for not getting her point. “We can learn other skill and techniques from them.”

“We could apply it on our next comeback.” Chaeryeong sided with Ryujin.

“Of course. If ever me and Yuna survive our social anxiety after this ends.” Sooji said with sarcasm.

“Bud, you literally performed in front of them and you nailed it. It wouldn’t be hard for you to have friends when they’d come to you first. And don’t worry about Yuna, people adore our maknae already.” Ryujin tried to put Sooji’s mind at ease.

“If either of you all have problems, just find me.” Yeji concluded.

With that said, they finally dropped the unpleasant subject. The room was becoming louder since the 4th generation groups were finally complete; ITZY, (G)I-DLE, LOONA, IZ*ONE, AB6IX, ATEEZ, STRAY KIDS, and TXT. Sooji took heavy breaths to calm herself down from feeling suffocated with so many people. She was an idol, alright. But she couldn’t handle it if it does not involve with entertaining Seoul. She wasn’t dumb, she knew she needed to make friends here and that was what she was worried about— she didn’t know how.

Sooji was distracted when someone came up on the podium. Respectful the idols were, they automatically settled down to their seats.

“Thank you all for coming! I am Sunhi, your head facilitator throughout your team building. I’m sure you have not seen any of the facilities yet you can roam around after this notice.” The facilitator stated before clearing her throat once again to start another sentence of her speech.

“Have your managers already regarded you about not being in the same group, but to be with another shuffled one. You will sleep with them and during the days’ activities you will be get used to working with people that aren’t your usual teammates—”

“Yeah, so much for that.” Yuna muttered under her breath. Sooji looked at her and smiled for comfort before focusing again.

“In just a moment you will break into those groups and will be given enough time to introduce yourselves to each other. Breakfast will be at 8, lunch at 12 and dinner at 7, those will be eaten in the cafeteria only—”

“No fun.” Yuna commented quietly again, which made the girls laugh a little bit. Yeji had to tame them down, afraid of being called out.

“—for safety reasons. Your own managers will be supervising but other than that, they simply cannot intrude you with any of your activities. We encourage you to have fun and get to know one another more than you might already have. I’m going to hand over to my co-facilitator for the groupings. Thank you very much!” Sunhi said. Then proceeded to clapping as a sign that her speech had ended. 

The entire room erupted in respectful claps. A man came to the microphone, and put his hand up to silence the room. 

“Eager for the groupings, aren’t we all?” He said as he scanned the room with amusement on his face. “Let’s do a mini-game, shall we? I’m sure you are all aware of guess-the-song challenge. Group that has the most answers—”

“That’s easy. We have a living Choi Sooji beside us.” Lia bragged, winking at the girls.

“— wins, but! Only the member who answered the most gets a chance to pick their own groupings.”

“And now it’s on.” Lia took back, grumbling from her seat.

The facilitator went to get the remote from his pocket before playing it. “First song.” 

The game was supposed to be fun. It was so much fun; not until Choi Yeonjun decided to be competitive and answered literally half of the questions. But being Sooji, she wanted to win so she could choose her members. And so she did try to answer as much as she could. It was obvious that Yeonjun and Sooji were fighting like hell to win the mini-game and everyone seemed to be either amused, confused or annoyed because they couldn’t steal the spotlight. It’s not that they didn’t know the songs being played, it’s because Yeonjun and Sooji were quick enough to raise their hands and stand up so confidently. 

“Okay, last!” 

They all heaved breaths before the song played. And god forbidden Sooji to remember the first line of the song.

> I modeun geon uyeoni anya
> 
> Geunyang geunyang

Yeonjun raised his hands enthusiastically and the facilitator urged him to speak. 

“Serendipity by BTS!”

Choruses of groans and disappointments emerged the room when the facilitator announced that he was correct. Yeonjun looked across the room to find Sooji’s slightly irritated eyes piercing through him. He laughed playfully and shrugged his shoulders with smug smirk glued on his face. 

Sooji rolled her eyes out of being a sore loser. You couldn’t blame her for not speaking up in instant when every time she hears or listens that song, her soul just goes back in time wherein she was dancing with Yeonjun in the practice room during their pre-debut era. 

“Choi Yeonjun of TXT, right? You are given a chance to pick three members of your team. You cannot pick from your original group.”

Yeonjun nodded obediently and it was obvious enough that he’d pick Wooyoung, San, and Changbin. They all stood in the stage with smiles of a champion even thought they haven’t really started out the teambuilding activities.

The groups were announced. Remaining groups had either 5 or 6 members unlike Yeonjun’s. Sooji was assigned to be with LOONA’s Haseul and Yves, GIDLE’s Minnie, and IZ*ONE’s Chaewon.

“Alright, that’s it for the groupings. The activities will not be briefed too since we don’t want to spoil the fun we have for you. Except for one.” The facilitator spoke again, getting the crowd’s attention. “You will have to perform a song with your group. It should be from your gender-counter. For example, if you are from a girl group, you should perform a song from ATEEZ, STRAYKIDS, AB6IX, or TXT. You can choose either of them, and vice versa.”

“That’s...” Sooji whispered.

“Awesome.” Yves finished her sentence.

Sooji looked at her, a bit domineered by her. Yves had a smile on her face so she did the same. Sooji bowed at her before playing with her fingers that were behind her back.

Yves chuckled. “I’m Yves from LOONA.” Then she tapped her member which made her attention break from the facilitator on the stage. “Haseul too.”

“I-I’m Sooji. But you can call me Ji for short.” Sooji managed to introduce herself. So far, so good. Minus that light stuttering.

“Yeah, we know. You’re cool actually.” Haseul grinned. It made Sooji feel relieved a little bit, knowing their first impressions of her was positive. She thought she could be close with them, but Chaewon who was clearly avoiding her, stood on the opposite side of her.

“Thank you. Likewise.” Sooji smiled kindly.

“Teamwork is super important when you’re involved in performing. Working together is the best option in order to achieve your goal. Although a dancer must individually develop and display unique movement, they also must learn to work with their fellow performers. Teamwork in your new group will give you friends that you will stay in touch with for a long time and will teach you to trust others.” The facilitator kept on.

“You are all debuted idols, surely you know of this. Should you have any questions, approach anyone who are wearing black. It is the facilitator’s color coding. Best of luck!” 

As promised, they were given time to settle down in their rooms and roam around the area. They were also given a color coded team jerseys that they were required to wear during activities.

Sooji was unusually good with conversing along with her group members, but Chaewon. She just couldn’t get herself to approach her. Not when Chaewon was busy conversing with Minnie. And when Minnie was occupied with Haseul and Yves, Chaewon had her attention on something else. It discouraged Sooji from opening a conversation so she opted not to.

After lunch, they were called for the first activity. Sooji, wearing a maroon jersey, saw how Yeonjun and his group stood out when they arrived on the multi-purpose hall. His turquoise hair stood out of his navy blue jersey, and it was appealingly attractive.

Sunhi stood before the crowd, smiling widely as she looked at them. “I hope you enjoyed looking around and most importantly, I hope you got to introduced yourselves with each other because our first task is for you to break free outside of cells and the room.”

Loud comments chattered surrounded them in instant. You couldn’t blame them. They thought the activities would involve singing, dancing, or any other of the kind but not something to do with critical thinking.

“An escape room.” Sooji summarized, dumbfounded as she absorbed the information in her head.

“Are you kidding me?” Chaewon said too without looking at her but she still knew Chaewon wasn’t pertaining to her.

“Seulie, let’s go home.” Yves whined but only to complain like the others, they knew they had to do this anyway.

“You only have a half of hour for you to get out. Or else, your punishment is to wash the dishes after dinner.” Sunhi added.

Voices boomed louder. Others where complaining whilst the focused ones were already formulating a plan. Sooji looked at Taehyun’s group who looked unsurprisingly untroubled about it. Chaeryeong’s too.

“All of it?” Changbin asked amidst of the disordered reactions.

Sunhi laughed. “All of it.” 

Changbin turned his back to his groupmates while chuckling sarcastically. “Bro, we’re screwed.” 

They were directed to the another side of the building. There were four escape rooms which meant two groups from boy group and girl group would go ahead first. 

“Should we go ahead?” asked Haseul.

Minnie shook her head. “Let’s go with the 2nd batch. Wanna see their reactions first before we enter inside that claustrophobic space.” 

The maroon group nodded, agreeing to what Minnie had decided. It was a good tactic somehow they could read the other groups’ minds and expressions. Sooji absentmindedly roamed her eyes around the room and found Yeonjun’s. Sooji had to look away from the shyness and sudden rapid beats of her heart, she had to tame herself.

“This might be a little insensitive and I know it’s not my place but which one of you really is or was Choi Yeonjun’s girlfriend?” Minnie asked, interrupting the dead silence in their group.

Sooji couldn’t help but let out a few light coughs before clearing her throat. No one answered.

“I don’t mean to pry it’s just that articles been posted about Chaewon and Yeonjun’s relationship but he’s also scaring off my guy friends who even tries to make a move on—” Minnie added then pointed at Sooji. “—her. Yeonjun looks friendly and a fine man, it would suck if he’s one of those cheaters.”

Chaewon’s eyes shot up in the mention of the last word. “N-No. It’s just fanservice.”

“Fanservice, huh? That’s awful.” Yves commented with distasteful grunt.

Haseul hummed in agreement. “Never really fond of that in our industry.” 

“But it’s part of our job. Gotta sacrifice to live the dream.” Chaewon asserted, pressing her lips into thin line.

Sooji didn’t realize the IZ*ONE member was staring at her when she said that until when she looked at Chaewon who hurriedly looked away.

Four different cells made up the room, two across from each other. Three members would be individually handcuffed in each of them and tasked with solving the clues in their cell and helping other cells out as well. Cells 1 and 2 were next to each other, with cell 1 facing cell 3, while cell 2 faced cell 4. Cell 1 included Haseul. Cell 2 included Yves and Minnie. Cell 3 had Sooji. Lastly, cell 4 included Chaewon.

Once locked up, the employee left and time started. Orders from Haseul ensued.

“Just like what we talked about, no one panics.” The leader of LOONA ordered. “Look through your cells for keys. Get out of these handcuffs first.” 

Sooji couldn’t see into all of the cells, but the sounds coming from them were both calming her down and pressuring her. It calmed her that no one was panicking but it also maximized the voices in her head. Still, she remained sane to fish for keys and clues. She wanted to get out of this place as soon as possible.

“Any keys yet?” Minnie asked for an update.

They all muttered a dreading “none”. Sooji kept quiet as she looked for keys; and yet she found something useful.

“I have glasses! Maybe we have to use them to signal our way out!”

“Not everything is a clue.” Chaewon deadpanned from the other cell. Sooji stayed quiet because well, she had a point.

“Calm your horses, I got the keys, ladies and no gentlemen.” Yves proudly announced. She used it to unclasped the handcuffs from Minnie’s hand who did the same for her.

While Yves and Minnie continued searching the room, Sooji was able to toss the keys over to Haseul, who caught them excitedly and unlocked herself. She beamed proudly as she thanked them. Step 1 was complete. It was certainly a good start.

They all asked for an update from time to time to check on their progress. Each of them finding more parts to this massive puzzle they had to put together. They still had a lot to do, but they were making progress and that was more than Sooji could ask for. She was starting to feel nauseous.

More time progressed and more clues were discovered. Escape was becoming a more likely possibility for them and they were slowly growing hopeful with more excitement. Everyone was busy trying to piece together clues and finding more and looking for a possible way to get out.

“Wait! What?! Five minutes left?!” Chaewon screamed from her cell.

Maroon was left in the same position that they were in earlier and the tension was rising. They had clues from all of the cells, but no clear way to connect all of them and they were starting to panic. What seemed possible only a minute ago, now seemed like an impossible dream and it was slowly bringing them down.

“I don’t wanna wash the dishes, what on Earth!” Minnie was starting to lose her composure too.

“Maybe I can finally punch through the walls and get us out of here.” growled an impatient Yves.

“Stay focused, we can do this.” Sooji reassured them. Haseul looked at her with appreciation, they were the only ones in intact. 

“It’s great that you’re all optimistic and shit but time is ticking and we have to do something, everyone.” Chaewon said with sarcasm.

Sooji heaved a sigh as she tried to contain her self-control. It wouldn’t be good if she tensed verbally, she was already dealing poorly in her head. Speaking of head, she realized something.

Haseul decided to intervene. “That’s enough—”

“Listen up. The code in my cell goes with the code in cell 4. It’s going to spell out something and will probably give you the code for the box you have there.” Sooji spoke in a very concentrated tone that Chaewon involuntary followed her instructions.

Soon enough, the code that was written on Sooji’s cell was cracked and a new key revealed in Chaewon’s box. She made quick work of getting her cell unlocked, much to Sooji’s relief, and she unlocked the other three cells as well. The team cheered wildly once again now that they were all free from their cells, but Sooji was quick to remind them that they were still locked in the prison.

“There’s another switch box at the end by the door. There has to be a code to it somewhere, you guys. We have to find it. We’re so close.”

The group gathered their composures again, but it was clear that they were reaching the end of their limit. They had searched each of these cells for so long and found everything that they could, but there was no sign of another code like that.

“Last two minutes.” The speaker announced.

Their eyes widened, same heart rhythms pumping in high-speed. Once again, they panicked and muttered incoherent words. Even Haseul lost herself and kept muttering at how they should’ve used their time wisely.

But Sooji’s adrenaline was different. Epinephrine was her bestfriend, anyway. She was used to it and it made her more focused instead of the other way.

“Oh my god!”

“I’m dibs on the rinsing!”

“We should’ve—”

“SHUT UP!” Sooji’s voice thundered the whole room. “Everyone, keep quiet and I mean it!”

For a short while, she noticed something.

“Tapping.” 

Yves’s face contorted in confusion. “Tapping? What tapping?”

“The tapping from the wind pipe! Haseul, count the clanging in your cell!”

“What?” They all asked simultaneously.

“The clanging in your cell! It’s the last code! Haseul, the number of taps corresponds with a number!”

Maroon gasped at Sooji’s implied clue and smiled brightly as Haseul quickly rattled off the number together with Minnie. Yves muttered about “I don’t get to wash the dishes tonight”. Chaewon, on the other hand, stared at Sooji who was thinking deeply for a back up plan.

The two maroons came back. They all held their breaths as the switches were flipped and prayed it was correct.

The door unlocked. They were free.

“Maroon succeeded.” Sunhi announced.

All the idols that were still in the hallway, sitting either to wait for their turn or for all of them to finish, gasped at the declaration.

“H-How?!” Ryujin frantically yelled in defeat.

“The taste of freedom.” Yves commented beside Sooji who finally breathed properly.

Yeonjun quickly looked at her state. He wanted to run and ask if she was okay but with all the eyes looking at them, she didn’t want to overwhelm her more. Instead, when their gazes met, he gave her his natural healing smile. Sooji couldn’t ever be more thankful as she received it, relief rushed in her like a tide before she nodded at Yeonjun. She figured he was worried as usual.

Soon enough, all the teams finished. Sooji and Taehyun’s team were the only ones who cracked the final code. Chaeryeong’s was so close. They figured out about the tapping but the timer already buzzed and they failed.

What’s left for them was dinner. The cafeteria was loud with all the get-to-know chattering. Yves kept the conversation flowing but Sooji just couldn’t join consistently since she was mentally drained. 

It’s only the first activity and I’m already tired. This is so pathetic.

“You got a song already in your mind for the final task?” asked Haseul.

They exchanged none yet. Haseul nodded and thought of her own suggestion.

“Well, which artist should we pick?” Yves asked too.

“We could think of our positions first then we could pick which is more fitting for us?” Chaewon suggested thoughtfully. “I can do vocals.”

They all nodded and hummed with her suggestion. It was also a first time she opened up a conversation.

“I’m a vocalist too.” said Minnie.

Yves raised her hand abruptly. “I do vocals and rap. Whatever fits the most in our song, I think.” 

“Same goes with me.” Haseul shrugged and continued eating her dinner.

“Rapping would be fun.” Sooji added to the discussion.

“Is it okay for you all to pull out a TXT? We’re already five, let’s not suffer ourselves more.” Haseul asked carefully.

Sooji diminished like the others except for Chaewon who seemed tense.

“Is it okay for you, Chae?” asked Minnie, feeling the other lady was a bit uncomfortable on her seat.

Chaewon nodded in haste. “Y-Yeah.”

“That’s settled. We could come up with the song tomorrow and maybe practice when we have our free time.” Haseul declaimed.

Yves groaned at her seat. “The short notice is uncalled for. This is a pain in the ass.” 

“Tell me about it.” Sooji uttered.

Dinner was done. Sooji just had to stay behind; needing a breather, she went out to the field. It wasn’t too far, and there was a lamp that she was under so it was safe. Being locked inside the escape room quite drowned her a little bit but she didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. She was already missing too much from not interacting with her members and she didn’t want that. Sooji wanted to learn how to befriend others without anyone’s help and now that she was actually doing it, she didn’t want to waste what she started.

“Baby,” 

Sooji smiled upon hearing the familiar voice. She heard foot steps from the crushing of the leaves as it being stepped on.

“Hi.” Sooji looked up to see Yeonjun.

“Hey, baby. Are you okay?” Yeonjun asked in a slow and concerned tone. He sat beside Sooji on the bench and draped his arm all over her. He carefully pushed Sooji’s head to rest on him using his free hand. 

Sooji breathed heavy to inhale Yeonjun’s baby powdered scent. “You shouldn’t be here, you lost.”

“Wow, thank you for slapping that onto my face. But excuse you, I unlocked the code for the key box, they owe me one.” Yeonjun bragged, giggling as he spoke. “What about my girl? Heard she was a badass.” 

Yeonjun placed an aggressive yet fondly kiss on top of her head, showing how proud he was.

“I’m fine. Just suffocated back there, but I’m fine.” Sooji reassured, accepting Yeonjun’s request of intertwining hands as he opened his palm.

Yeonjun excitingly linked their fingers before raising it to bring it to his lips to a place another kiss. 

“Not gonna lie, I was about to go inside to get you when I heard your team was panicking.” Yeonjun confessed, making Sooji laugh lightly. She wasn’t surprised at all. Surely, it was something he would do. “Wooyoung and Changbin had lock me in place while San went to get information to assure me you weren’t the one agitating.”

“You have no trust in me?” Sooji taunted, closing her lids. She was so exhausted, feeling her own eyes grew heavy and tired but she forced herself to stay awake just a bit more. Just to be have a conversation with Yeonjun. She missed him the whole day.

You know the feeling of being so close but so far away?

Yeonjun scoffed. “Hell, if I don’t. I have no trust on anything or anyone who surrounds you when I’m not around.”

Sooji didn’t reply anything but a purr of sounds, still resting her weight to Yeonjun as if she was absorbing strength from him.

“Were you afraid back there?” Yeonjun had to ask.

Again, Sooji only hummed in response.

“What else are you afraid of?” He questioned, a bit troubled. He wanted to keep Sooji away from those things as much as he can. He’d even put it on a post-it note or even his notes app on his phone just so he could remember. But Yeonjun highly doubted that he’d ever forget.

“You.”

Yeah, he wouldn’t forget.

Yeonjun blinked, paused, before he replied. “M-Me? Why are you afraid of me?”

“I’m not afraid of you... just everything you make me feel.” 

Yeonjun didn’t know if it was a red flag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for late update!! how are you aaaall


	26. Someone’s tired of secrets

At seven thirty in the morning, Sooji was the first one to actually get out of bed. She wanted to be the first one to use the bathroom to wash up and get her day started. After getting dressed, she tiptoed her way back inside the room where she saw all of her members were still sleeping except for Haseul.

“You woke up early,” Haseul said before stretching.

Sooji shrugged. “Not used to the bed.”

Haseul nodded as if she was agreeing the same thing. “Me too. I always had hard time sleeping when we check in to hotel rooms.”

Sooji hummed and let Haseul do her morning routine. She regretted that she woke up early because she didn’t have her phone to entertain her. Instead, she sat on the chair that was in front of the dressing table to braid her blue hair into a fishtail. It wasn’t perfect, she kept recalling what Lia taught her.

As she complexity interlaced he strands of her hair, other were getting up one by one and silently minding their own business. It was a bit uncomfortable since it was the first morning they woke up with each other.

“Good morning!” A few greetings being exchanged when they opened the doors to the cafeteria.

There was juice and water and milk in the drink carrier of course, but on the line, was scrambled eggs, soft boiled, hard boiled, and the ham pieces. Yves and Sooji were the first ones to get out of the line so they were in charge of finding a table for them. 

“He’s been looking at you.” Yves mumbled, sipping at her drink. “Whenever you’re not looking, at least.”

Sooji raised her eyebrow at Yves. As soon as she did, she scanned around the room. “Who?” 

“BLT,” _Bighit’s Legendary Trainee._

Yves released light laughters which got Sooji more attention. She followed the path of Yves’s line of sight and caught Yeonjun’s shameless gaze. He was on the opposite side of the cafeteria where Sooji was and he was already done eating his breakfast. His weight shifted as he leaned against the right side of the chair while his arm was on top of it, folded as his hand was supporting his face as it rested on the palms.

Yeonjun winked, still with both eyes, as soon as he realized he got caught by Sooji. It was cute and she wanted to smile but the sound of trays falling to their table diverted her attention. She shook her head and began to eat.

“How about CROWN?” asked Chaewon.

Minnie sat down across Sooji, nodding as she bit her pale bread. “It got the vibes,” 

“What are you talking about?” Yves asked curiously.

“The song that we’d perform.” Haseul answered before pushing the sandwich she made into her mouth. “How about their new title track?” 

Sooji cleared her throat. “RUN AWAY?” 

Chaewon shook her head. “Too serious.”

“CAT & DOG would be perfect.” Sooji suggested, finishing up her breakfast. She only had bacon and egg sandwich and water, she wasn’t in the mood to eat heavy meal.

“I agree.” Minnie complied with her.

Sooji took one look back to Yeonjun’s direction and saw he was talking with his own members until his eyes met again with hers. He signaled something to Sooji by tilting his head. She looked at where Yeonjun was pointing at and realized that he wanted to meet up with her outside the cafeteria. It made sense since people were busy enough eating their breakfast and conversing slowly, no one would go out in a few minutes.

She nodded subtlety which Yeonjun took as cue to stand up. Navy blue team was teasing him again for leaving them during breakfast but Yeonjun couldn’t careless since he knew his friends would understand that boyfriend duty calls. Once Yeonjun was nowhere to be seen, Sooji stood up as well.

“I’ll see you later.” She said, carrying her own tray to put it back for disposal.

“Where you going?” Haseul asked.

“Out. Don’t worry, I’ll be quick.” Sooji reassured, the girls nodded as if they apprehended.

After she put the tray back, Sooji went out and followed her instincts in finding Yeonjun. Went to the first place she thought she’d meet him, and there he was; sitting on the bench where they were last night. The weather was gloomy and a bit chilling but it was okay since they were both wearing hoodies above their team jerseys.

“You asked for me?” Sooji asked as she sat on the bench. She maintained a good distance for people not to see it as a public display of affection just in case.

“I’d always ask for you.” retorted Yeonjun in a playful yet sweet tone.

Sooji chuckled as she pinched Yeonjun’s cheeks. “Good morning to you too!”

Yeonjun made faces before handing Sooji something from his hand.

“What is— Choi Yeonjun, did you just snatch an apple?!” Sooji stressed, scolding Yeonjun for his inappropriate action.

Yeonjun shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “Saw your tray, lover. You didn’t eat much.” 

“Junie, eating outside is forbidden.” Sooji emphasized, giving Yeonjun back the apple but he refused. 

“Since when do we follow the rules?” Yeonjun deadpanned. He gripped on Sooji’s wrist and moved it to face the fruit in front of her mouth. Sooji didn’t have a choice but to take a bite.

“I met Chaewon.” 

Yeonjun looked at her, trying to read Sooji’s reaction about it. “So I’ve noticed. Is everything alright?”

“I don’t know. I think she’s mad at me but I didn’t do anything wrong... wait— does she like you?” Sooji pondered out loud as she continued aggressively biting on the fruit. “Makes sense. She’d fall for you. You’ve been dating for months.”

“Seoul thinks we’re dating—”

Sooji scoffed to cut him off, offended. “Oh, you still are?”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes, thinking how silly the question was. “That’s so last year, babe,”

“Deal’s off?” asked Sooji, lowering her eye brows as she squinted her eyes, judging Yeonjun’s reaction.

“There’s no deal to begin with.” Yeonjun answered, rubbing his eyes like the conversation was not interesting him.

“Seoul speaks,” Sooji retorted too sternly which jolted Yeonjun to take it seriously. “And you didn’t even deny anything.” 

“I was lost, okay? I was suffering from our break up I didn’t even know what’s happening—”

Sooji pressed her lips into thin line before speaking. “Stop. We’ve been through this. I don’t wanna fight anymore. I’m sorry.” 

Yeonjun heaved a sigh, not wanting to fight her. “Jiji,”

“I just wanna know why she’s treating me like... shit.” Sooji simplified, looking at Yeonjun with darting eyes.

“Beomgyu.” Yeonjun muttered under his breath as if it was something he was keeping a secret for a long time. He had been keeping it from the start too, but if it was going to break them apart again, Yeonjun wouldn’t take chances. “It was because of Beomgyu.”

Sooji’s brows furrowed, her heart beating to twice and she had an odd feeling. “Beomie? Why?” 

“They met at Hanlim... and Chaewon loved him ever since,” Yeonjun continued, she felt the phrase slapped on her face and she automatically thought of Ryujin. “But BG wants to focus on his career. He thinks of relationships as a distraction.”

“I don’t get it.” Sooji whispered.

“Chaewon can’t approach you properly because of her guilt. The deal would be called off if both of the idols do not agree with it but Chaewon proceeded with it because she thought it would make Beomgyu jealous. She used me and it jeopardized our relationship. We broke up because of it so yeah, she should be guilty.” said Yeonjun, twisting his lips.

Sooji nodded, slowly. “But how about Ryujin?” 

“Ry and BG are both each other’s constants, platonically speaking. But she’s also best of friends with Chaewon. They all met at Hanlim so basically, if she’s to be affected by this, it’s because she’s torn between the two.” Yeonjun stated, resting his arm over the bench and supporting his head with his palm, sighing as he stared at Sooji.

They spent their time with silence. Just Yeonjun watching Sooji adorably munching the apple and they were contented by it. Until the bell rang and they knew they had to separate. 

Sooji whined. “I almost forgot we’re still in this thing.” 

“See you at the fields.” Yeonjun said, implying the message about their team winning on the next activity.

Sooji coughed fakely and mockingly. “You’re going down.”

A dangerous smile appeard on Yeonjun’s face. “You sure about that?”

Suddenly she didn’t feel so sure. “...Maybe.” 

Wooyoung found Yeonjun even before the others arrived so Sooji kept walking to find where her group was. As she wandered around towards the other side of the field where they were asked to gather, she felt someone walked beside her.

She cleared her throat. “Good morning, Hyunjin.” 

“I haven’t seen you around since 2019.” Hyunjin joked out awkwardly with dreariness. “Even at work. I thought I’d get to see you during your overtimes but you weren’t there?”

About that... Sooji really hadn’t set an extra practice since she busied herself answering her academic modules in between hanging out with Yeonjun. She’d only come to work when she was needed.

“Actually—” Sooji was cut off when she saw lTZY that was stopping an angry Ryujin walking towards them.

“Wow, she’s mad. I guess I’ll talk to you later?” Hyunjin said. Sooji looked up and nodded, still confused about Ryujin’s rage. “I’ll find you.” said Hyunjin before jogging towards the field.

“Is everything alright?” Sooji asked as soon as she was in front of the girls.

“What are you doing?” Ryujin snapped, unclasping her hands out of Yeji’s grip.

Sooji’s forehead creased. “Just-”

“No, Ji. With Hyunjin.” Ryujin corrected. “God damn it. Let go of me, Yuna! What are you doing with Hyunjin?”

“Nothing!” Sooji defended herself, she was starting to feel agitated because of Ryujin’s aggressiveness.

“Hyunjin and Yeonjun? Really?” Ryujin said in disbelief. “I saw you earlier with Yeonjun. I’ve always been suspicious since you got home from their dorm and now you’re with Hyunjin?”

Sooji’s eyes widened at Ryujin’s accusations. This was wrong. Ryujin didn’t know that she made up with her ex already. No one was ever updated about them. Even themselves. They were walking in thin line.

“You’re letting them think you’re emotionally available. You’re letting them think they have another shot!” Ryujin voice cracked at the end of her sentence. “And there is nothing worse in the world thinking there is a chance when you really don’t.”

Sooji hurriedly coddled Ryujin, tucking her to neck as she cried silently. She looked at her members who were also confused by Ryujin’s outburst. They all shrugged their shoulders and heaved heavy sighs. 

“I’ll ask you again, _buddy_. Is everything alright?” Sooji questioned with care in her voice. She didn’t want to trigger their group’s center.

Ryujin shook her head before fixing herself. “I’m sorry.”

“No, you were right.” Sooji replied weakly.

Yeji exhaled sharply. “We need to go. The facilitators are going out of the building as we speak.”

They all nodded. Sooji spoke another set of comforting words before letting them go. Ryujin signaled that she was okay as she drifted away.

“What happened to her?” asked Sooji. 

Yeji was left beside her since their team was near each other. They moved their feet to walk towards their assigned places. 

“I don’t know. We were all done with eating so we waited outside the cafeteria. Then she came outside, followed by Beomgyu. He looked like he was explaining something to her but we didn’t hear cause they went to the garden.” Yeji explained as they trekked.

Sooji could only nod since they arrived on the field. Almost a minute earlier before the facilitators came too.

“What do we have here?” Sooji asked as she stood beside her maroon teammates. 

She took off her hoodie so they wouldn’t get a penalty for not wearing the jersey. As soon as she got the thick fabric off, she met with a smirking Yeonjun. He bit his lips as he scanned her body from head to toe.

Sooji’s cheeks flushed out, reddening because of a certain Choi. The girls shook their head with choruses of _nothing yet_ since they also just got there. Sooji tried hard not to take another look at Yeonjun’s direction since she knew she’d be distracted.

“Good morning, everyone! I hope you enjoyed your first night with us.” Sunhi greeted with enthusiam. “For the first activity of the day, I want you all to Make human chains by having team members hold on to each others by linking your elbows. Each team of connected people is now called a “dragon” with a head and a tail. A scarf will be provided and the last person of the chain will be hanging in the back pocket as the tail of the dragon.”

“Ah, damn. I know this. We’ll break a sweat early in the morning!” Yves muttered as Sunhi discussed the mechanics.

“People who are part of a human chain cannot let go and get separated! The objective of the game is to have the first person in the chain, also know as the head of each dragon, to grab the scarf or bandana off the tail of another team’s dragon while staying linked. If any part of a team’s dragon gets separated, you are out of the game.”

The players exchanged different reactions. Some would just nodded as the discussion furthers clear while some were already starting their own discussions.

“When any team loses their flag by another team, they are out. Every group will play at the same time, and the last remaining is the winner!” 

“This means war.” Jinsoul, from Yeji’s team, declared.

Haseul chuckled competitively. “It is, my sister.” 

After everything got set up, they were all good to start the game. Haseul was the head, followed by Minnie, Yves on the middle for great balance, Chaewon on the second last, and Sooji as the tail because she was small; thinking it would be hard to catch the scarf provided.

When Sunhi finally blew her whistle, chaos began. Like the scene was really chaotic. It was like the cornucopia in hunger games when the buzzer started. Some groups were already defeated; Lia’s group could be heard groaning and laughing while they fell off the ground. Hueningkai’s team tried to help them stand up but there came Ryujin’s head snatched out of their tail so they were out as well. 

Sooji’s team was very good at acting as if they weren’t existing. Quietly standing amidst the chaos like what they planned earlier. They didn’t jumped in the war zone unlike the others team. If someone would notice them, Haseul was good at defending while Minnie would be of use to distract them by pointing at different direction. Yves was good at keeping up their group’s structure, taking charge of being the team’s backbone. 

“What is going on? I can’t see.” Soojin muttered when Haseul was going into different direction, getting attacked by Chaeryeong’s group.

“I got you, no worries!” Chaewon yelled amidst the loud noises.

And the IZ*ONE member was good at updating Sooji whenever she could. Their group unsurprisingly had good chemistry after all.

Chaewon gasped. “Yeonjun’s group!” 

Suddenly, rapid movements happened between them. Like the rest, they could only follow Haseul’s flow so they wouldn’t disconnect from each other.

Yves groaned out of annoyance. “Ji, I’m gonna punch him! Talk to your boyfriend!”

Maroon and Navy Blue laughed because of Yves’s threat. Even Chaewon cracked up beside Sooji.

Sooji cleared her throat and stepped on the side for her to be visible. “Go away, Yeonjun!”

Yeonjun saw him and laughed. Sooji wasn’t sure it was effective, she was sure as hell Yeonjun was built 99% competitive. 

“He’s ruthless. This won’t work, we have to think another defense—”

Chaewon looked at her with grinning smile. “Trust me. It’s Yeonjun and It’s you.”

Sooji was trying to decipher what Chaewon said, still confused that she was interacting with her about the man. But what surprised them most was when Yeonjun obeyed her and went to the other group. His friends shocked him and threw different banters towards him.

“Jun, dude, what the fuck!”

“Now is not the time to be whipped, Choi!”

“Yves ain’t gonna punch you now cause I will!”

Obviously, Yeonjun muted all the threats and went along the game. He laughed it off, and his members adored him enough anyway to get mad at his decision. Maroon laughed harder as they watched Yeonjun’s team conquered the other group, still whining how they let go of Haseul’s group.

“Your boyfriend, I gotta say...” Yves trailed.

“Weak!” Minnie exclaimed, still laughing.

Chaewon flashed a wink to Sooji before focusing her sight in front of them. “I told you.” 

“Thank you.” said Sooji, even though Yeonjun wasn’t really her boyfriend.

Chaewon nodded. “Go hide. There’s another group.”

And the game went on until the last ones left were Maroon, Navy Blue, and Green— Hyunjin’s group.

“This is awkward!” Beomgyu screamed behind Hyunjin.

Yeonjun stood face to face with Hyunjin, eyes full of fiery competitiveness. “Traitors don’t get to speak!” 

Beomgyu peeked from his place, forehead creased with betrayed expression. “You didn’t pick me!” 

“Give up, Choi.” Hyunjin spoke between the two. The crowd kept getting louder from hearing the bickering.

Yeonjun scoffed, rolling his eyes in the process. “Get over yourself.” 

The two team leaders kept exchanging banters but as they did, the girls were on the move to steal both of their scarves and they didn’t even notice.

“What the—” 

“And Maroon won!”

Everyone else was yelling as they jumped up and down and hands fisting the air; except for the two teams who were left dumbfounded. Maroon hugged each other out of triumph.

“Ji, that was freaking smart!” Minnie exclaimed, smiling widely. It was their second win.

“The hell? Tail got tail, is that even allowed?” Changbin protested against the result.

Sunhi whistled, officially ending the game. “I did not say any such rule so I’m counting it.” 

“What the fuck even happened?” Hyunjin asked with frustration written on his face.

“Language,” Bang Chan warned from where he was standing.

“Well, if you two weren’t acting so high with that massive superior complex, you should’ve known we were sneaking behind your backs.” Sooji retorted impassively before walking away with her team. She was so tired of seeing his (ex-) boyfriend and best friend fighting, and it irked her too much.

They took their lunch break before heading back to the field. Sooji tried her best to avoid both specific men because she was actually having a good day aside from Ryujin breaking down. She was about to go check on her but Ryujin was occupied with her group and she looked joyful as she conversed with them. In the end, Sooji decided not to anymore.

“Next up is trust walk. This event will help you learn about leading, following, trusting and communicating. Many leadership styles emerge during this activity. Some find it difficult to be responsible for another person’s safety and others find it exhilarating. To trust or give up control can be very hard for some people.” 

“Bet.” Sooji muttered, stressing the last statement. 

“Damn, girl. You okay?” Yves asked while giggling. 

Sooji chuckled and shook her head as dismissal.

“Choose one person to be the navigator, and the rest to be blindfolded—”

“Don’t look at me.” Haseul snapped out when she noticed her members stares automatically bore into her direction.

Chaewon laughed. “You’re LOONA’s leader, what do you expect?”

“—When the blindfolded members are lined up and ready, they should spin in place so that they do not know which direction they are headed.” 

“Disclaimer, if I puke on you, it’s entirely not my fault.” Yves commented, not liking the idea.

“After spinning, they should find each other’s shoulders to hold on to and form the line back. From this point on, the navigator should not touch their groups at all. A navigator gives verbal or nonverbal instructions to guide a blindfolded partner to pick up five cones that is spread around the entire field.”

The game started and so far they were doing well. Haseul was good at giving directions and they already got three cones. Chaeryeong’s team was the first one to finish, though. The game was a little bit intense since all of them got either last two or one cones left to find.

“Hi, baby,” Sooji heard a familiar voice whispered into her ear. She automatically froze in place because of the spontaneity.

“Hey! Hey! Back off from my kid, Choi!” Haseul hurriedly retaliated, pushing Yeonjun out of the way.

Yeonjun chuckled mischievously, raising his arms in defense before focusing back on his team. 

Sooji made a disgusted face before whispering. “He’s their leader?”

“Unfortunately for them, yes.” Haseul whispered back. The blindfolded members were allowed to talk but there would be minus points from the overall scores.

“Wooyoung could’ve done better.” Sooji recited her thoughts unintentionally.

“I heard that!” Yeonjun exclaimed, acting so offended.

“Go away, Yeonjun.” said Sooji, the man only responded with laughters fading as he gradually walking far away from her. It’s becoming one of her used words lately. It’s not that she meant it, she liked seeing Yeonjun’s reaction. Either he was going to sulk in the corner or be a whole tease to annoy her more. There’s no in between.

“Oh... Oh my god, Ji, where are you?” asked a panicking Chaewon. She was the assigned member after Sooji, but she accidentally let go of her shoulders after tripping.

Haseul cleared her throat. “Ji, stop moving. Chaewon to Yves tilt your body a little bit to your right before walking.” 

“Relax, I’m near you.” Sooji tried to reassure.

“God, don’t speak. We’ll get heard! Why am I even talking!” Chaewon continued ranting. The state of having zero visibility was starting to lose her nerves.

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay! Where are— Damn, I’m speaking again! Haseul, could you please?” Chaewon spouted, tensing. Even though, she asked for Haseul’s direction, she couldn’t absorb the information. “I’m doing bad, aren’t I? I’m failing the group!”

Haseul clicked her tongue, getting her patience. She was petrified seeing some of the groups were already taking off their bandanas. “No—”

“Shit, I am!”

Sooji called her in a calm voice. “Chaewon—”

“The points!”

“Like I care? You’re already agitating, that’s what I care about. Seul, could you tell her to listen to my voice?”

Eventually, the game ended and they didn’t win even though they accomplished the mission. Out of all of the groups, they were the last four to finish the task. Aside from Chaewon, the members didn’t make it a big deal out of it. They won two consecutive games, anyway. 

It was before dinner when Chaewon came near Sooji who was sitting on the bed after taking a shower. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Sooji’s eyes widened as she gestured for the other idol to seat on her bed. “You don’t have to, really. It’s nothing.”

“No, I was a bitch towards you all the time. I didn’t mean that, I just... didn’t know how to approach you.” Chaewon said reluctantly, slowly accepting Sooji’s offer.

Sooji let out chuckles, she knew enough already. “Do I look unapproachable?” 

“It’s not your fault!” said Chaewon for clarification, slightly choking because of the minor perturbation. “It’s about B—”

“Beomie,” Sooji mentioned. She saw how Chaewon’s lips parted with wide eyes, clearly shocked. “I told you, I get it.” 

Chaewon swallowed before looking away. “You knew?” 

“Just this morning.” Sooji said with a follow-up humming to relax her.

Chaewon sighed and looked at her. “I’m sorry about Ryujin too.” 

“I don’t really know anything about that.” said Sooji as she shrugged her shoulders.

“Yeah... but Yeonjun-oppa. I’m sorry. I feel so guilty sabotaging your relationship.” 

“It’s not like you had any other choice.” Sooji faintly smiled.

“I never should’ve done it.” Chaewon said with regret on her tone. “Yeonjun-oppa wouldn’t have fought for relationship just how he did.” 

Sooji could only nod. Speechless. What was she supposed to say?

“You know he didn’t cheat on you, right?” 

Sooji nodded, looking away. She didn’t want to go back to that phase again. Yeonjun was so much a better man than her father. She had to remind herself that everyday.

“I saw what happened on the dance floor... with Hyunjin and how he sneaked you out. I thought you guys were through.” Chaewon tried to cheer up, relief washing her face as she assumed the couple already made amends for their relationship.

“We were.” Sooji replied.

Chaewon said with hope. “Oh! So, you’re back together?”

“I don’t know.” Sooji looked away.

Chaewon frowned. “He loves you so much.”

I know.

Sooji was saved by Yves calling them for dinner. They both exchanged smiles and Chaewon was actually a friendly human being. They spent the meal throwing away silly jokes and even bad mouthing the system of their industry. 

“Can I talk to you?” came Hyunjin on their table.

The laughter withered for a short while, awkward silence began to surround them until Chaewon laughed like a drunk person. 

“I’m sorry, sorry! Just go, Ji. We’ll see you in our room.” said a giggling Chaewon, pushing Sooji out of her seat.

Sooji tore her gaze back at Hyunjin and smiled before standing up. The hurling wind greeted them as soon as they got out of the building. Hyunjin walked silently towards the field and Sooji just followed him without questions. Her mind was racing of thoughts for her to ask anything.

Hyunjin stopped near the side of the woods. “I was thinking about what happened at the club—”

Sooji closed her eyes and heaving a sigh. She didn’t want to talk about this. “Hyun—”

“No, I mean it. What happened back there. What I said.” Hyunjin said and the air shifted into uncomfortable now. “I like you. I know you already know it because I told you two years ago but I still do... like you.”

Sooji looked at him, contemplating what were the right words to say back. She was well-aware of Hyunjin’s feelings for her since the start but they already pulled off being friends without being awkward. She didn’t expect that she had to reject him. She was scared their friendship was going to fall apart. And it’s one of she treasured the most if she’s being honest.

“Come on, Ji. Say something...” Hyunjin trailed, almost so desperately with that pleading eyes of his.

“I like you, Hyunjin.” Sooji professed, anxiously clasping her wrist using her opposite hands. “But I don’t like you enough. I’m sorry.”

Hyunjin looked down at her hands, seeing Sooji playing her bracelet. “It’s still him, isn’t it?”

“I’m sorry.” Sooji mumbled too weakly and guilty. She couldn’t bare to reject someone because she knew they’d hurt them. Let alone her own best friend.

Hyunjin nodded, jaw slacking. He knew about this anyway but it hurt just as much. He was there during their break up. One text away from her and he knew he’d be running towards her. But that’s the thing... Sooji never asked for him.

“It’s always... always, Yeonjun.” 

“Hyunjin, I’m—”

“It’s cool, Ji. I’ll see you around.” Hyunjin dismissed painfully before walking away, leaving her alone near the woods beside the field.

Across the room, Yeonjun was talking to his friends, laughing, but was distracted when his eyes spotted that Sooji was leaving the cafeteria, following Hyunjin’s tracks.

“Someone’s jealous.” San muttered under his breath as he traced Yeonjun’s line of sight when he noticed his sudden shifting of moods.

Changbin snorted. “What a keen observation.” 

“Jun, stop. You turn into a life-size hulk every time Hyunjin breathes near Ji— Brother, I get it. She’s the love of your life but—” Wooyoung snapped.

“That’s the point!” Yeonjun stood up from his seat, opting to follow the two outside.

Until a passing Ryujin held his shoulder to draw him back.

“Not the time, Ry.” Yeonjun warned.

“You might wanna trust her this time.” Ryujin said, looking at Yeonjun in the eyes to assure him.

“I always trust her! It’s the stray, I don’t trust.” Yeonjun justified, gesturing with his hands open and palms up.

“That’s offending!” Changbin side-commented. Wooyoung had to press his hand shoved down on to San to stifle his laughter.

“Just... just trust, okay?” said Ryujin.

“No way in hell, I’m leaving her with that stray kid.” Yeonjun stressed, pointing his fingers to the door where the two left.

Changbin complained, hands on top of his head in frustration. “Again, dude. Offending.” 

“Look, I don’t want to get your hopes up but she might do something you’d want.” Ryujin pursued more, firmly standing with her hands on her hips.

“Jun, brother, calm down. You won’t lose her over Hyunnie.” Changbin tried to dispel Yeonjun’s uneasiness, he was best friends with both of the suitors so it was given that he could judge. Ryujin broke her gaze from Yeonjun to look at Changbin, thanking him for helping her.

“Can’t blame the man to be paranoid, he literally threw his entire career on the line for her.” San uttered, trying to advocate for Yeonjun’s point of view.

Ryujin squinted her eyes, teeth blared. “You’re not helping.”

“Can you all shut up. You’re getting attentions. Yeonjun, sit down. You said you trust her? Guess what, you won’t lose her if she wouldn’t let it. Sit down.” stated Wooyoung, pulling the dumbfounded Yeonjun back to his seat. 

People in the cafeteria were starting to go back to their respective rooms because the night was getting deep and it was an hour before their curfew. Yeonjun was losing his mind but his friends were heavily guarding him to refrain him from tracking Sooji.

“Whatever, I’ll go.” Yeonjun said, incoherently because he spoke too fast. 

He ran outside of the cafeteria, the boys followed in haste behind him. He knew he was about to lose his mind more when he saw Hyunjin was alone and about to cross the road to walk towards the building where they were currently in.

“Where is she?” asked Yeonjun, walking towards him.

Hyunjin stopped on his tracks, furrowing his eyebrows. He just got rejected because of the man in front of him, surely he didn’t want to waste any time for him. “I have no idea.” 

Yeonjun aggressively grabbed the collar of Hyunjin. Wooyoung immediately stepped in between them while San tried to pull Yeonjun off and Changbin held Hyunjin.

“I’m asking you again. Where the fuck is _my_ girlfriend?” asked a infuriated Yeonjun, his teeth seething out of losing the patience he kept holding.

Technically, they didn’t get back together because there were no verbal agreement and they never dared to open that topic because of the fear of getting the result they didn’t want. In conclusion, Sooji wasn’t his girlfriend but that’s beside the point.

“Field. I left her at the field, west side, near the woods.” Hyunjin grumbled, annoyed by the fact that Yeonjun was near him.

“You left her... near the woods... alone.” Yeonjun stated slowly and coldly as he gripped more of his collar, boiling in anger. “Are you fucking dumb?!”

Hyunjin coughed, pushing Yeonjun by the arm using his hands. “She rejected me!”

“You think?!” Yeonjun shrieked in disbelief. 

He released Hyunjin with hostility before running off across the field. It was dark and there were minimal lights so he didn’t have enough visibility. Sooji stood where she was left at, still staring into space while in deep thoughts.

“Baby,” Yeonjun called, finally calming down as soon as he saw her.

Sooji turned her back to see the sapphire hair man was walking near at her. “Junie? How did you know I’m here?”

“Stray,” Yeonjun replied in monotone.

She already figured that scene wasn’t good; basing how Yeonjun get easily hotheaded when he’s jealous and how Hyunjin cared enough for her that he despised Yeonjun. 

“I thought we’re the only ones were hurting,” Sooji laughed sarcastically. Yeonjun guessed where the conversation was going so he held Sooji’s arm softly to stop her from talking. “But Hyunjin? Chaewon—”

“Don’t even get me fucking started.”

Sooji avoided the eye contact and ran her fingers through her hair. “I’m just saying we affect too many people. _This_ relationship is affecting too many people—”

“You don’t get to pull that on me.” Yeonjun called out, moving his hands to cup Sooji’s cheeks.

“Can you let me finish my sentence?” Sooji snapped, her irritation was growing. 

Yeonjun let go of her and stepped back, looking at him with narrow eyes that looked like emotions were going to burst out anytime soon. “This isn’t your farewell speech for me, is it?”

“Either way, I can never have you all to myself.”

Yeonjun was taken back, gulping before speaking. “You want me?”

“I thought that was already established.” Sooji replied vaguely but her tone was indicating that it was already obvious.

“We haven’t really established much, have we?” He retorted.

“If you would’ve let me finish my sentence then I could’ve asked you to be my boyfriend but—”

“YOUR WHAT?” Yeonjun exhaled sharply, eyes widening in astonishment.

“Listen, we affect our relationship around people so please, let’s be healthy.” 

Sooji was so bad at expressing herself, especially verbally. She didn’t really know how to and she wanted to dig herself up under the ground because her lack of social skills happened to cause miscommunication and she didn’t want that.

Yeonjun was still frozen in shock, blinking once to twice to thrice. Sooji pressed her lips tightly before speaking. “I mean, if you don’t take me back, it’s okay—”

“You’re shitting me, right? This has to be a joke... some kind of prank. You’re playing me? This isn’t funny. Am I a joke to you?” Yeonjun uttered almost like he was rapping more than talking.

“Do I look like I’m fooling around, Choi Yeonjun?” Sooji said in a serious tone. Yeonjun swore it had to be one of his favorite side of her, hearing his full name being called out by Sooji was already enough to turn him on. “I’d like to fight for us... with you this time.”

Sooji took a step closer, tiptoeing a little and resting her chin on Yeonjun’s shoulder, and softly patted his back while Yeonjun wrapped his arms around her figure.

“Voices travel fast, Seoul speaks.” Yeonjun whispered in her ear.

Sooji’s lips lifted for a small smile. “Let it speak.”

“Seoul’s eyes will be on us.” Yeonjun added.

“My eyes are always on you.” She whispered, and Yeonjun looked into her eyes, hope brimming in them.

“I love you.” Yeonjun sighed, melting into Sooji’s touch, trying to take it all as much as he can. 

The feeling of Sooji curled up in his arms with their hands entwined could never be put into words; Yeonjun could however, tell her that it’s where she belonged.

“I love you so much that I don’t actually need to hear you say it back to me.” Yeonjun repeated and the thoughts began clouding Sooji’s mind.

_you will love him forever and you are okay with that._

_you will love him forever and you aren’t okay with that._

“I love you, too.” 

Lunch time when Sooji and her group finally managed to grab a bite after a solid five hours practice for their performance for closing the retreat. They skipped breakfast like what other group did and spent their time rehearsing. There were only two practice rooms available so the other teams had to find their own spaces for them to be able to. No conflicts since the venue was ridiculously huge.

The cafeteria was a lot more noisy out of chattering, considering that the idols had gotten closer to each other even with the short span of time. Sooji spotted that Yeonjun was in their usual table with a bigger circle now that he also found new friends. He caught Sooji staring at him and he smirked, standing up from his seat, about to take a step towards her direction until someone blocked their view.

“Hyunjin!” Yves greeted with enthusiasm, her tired condition eventually fading. “Nice of you to join us!” 

Sooji tilted her head to peek at Yeonjun. He opted to slightly lean his bottom on their table instead, putting his hands on the edge for support, shamelessly gawking at their interaction with amusement in his face. Yeonjun was entertained, for sure, Sooji already told him that she rejected Hyunjin’s confession last night. Summed up how delightful Yeonjun looked while watching them with mocking smirk on his face.

“I was just passing by to say hello to Ji... and all of you, of course,” Hyunjin greeted back with a kind smile on his face. “I’m sitting on the next table, though, if you need me.” The girls nodded their head before going back to their conversation. 

Hyunjin laid his tray down on the other table before going back in front of Sooji. She plastered a smile on her face difficulty as she rewinded what happened.

“I mean it last night, it’s cool. I’m still your best friend, that’s not gonna change.” Hyunjin said with genuineness. “But if ever he hurts you again, you know I’m here,” and patted the top of her head before going back to his table to sit. Beomgyu was already there too, grinning ear to ear as a greeting.

Yeonjun was smiling as he watched from a distance of how Hyunjin patted Sooji’s head, only to approach her after a few minutes and lifted her chin up to meet his eyes before kissing her slowly while making full sharp eye contact with Hyunjin, warning how brave Hyunjin was enough to touch what was his. Sooji’s hand automatically flew to Yeonjun’s shoulder to squeeze it; not to stop him but for her to relax. She didn’t even know why she had responded like that.

The people in the room fell in deafening silence as they watched the scene folded out right in front of them. It was only a five second kiss before Yeonjun pulled out. Sooji was gasping out of breath and she watched him smirking, trailing his tongue on his lips after the kiss and biting it. Sooji could only blink like how the rest of the people were doing.

“Good morning, lover,” 

Was the only words Yeonjun said and the people seemed to be out of dazed when they roared screaming and cheerfully chanting _power couple of the year_. Yeonjun winked and walked out of the room together with his teammates pushing off his shoulders and swearing at him playfully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10k words in a day !!!! hope that fills up the void i left <3 how are yall feeling ? less than 6 chapters left for this book btw but i have another yeonjun book coming up next ! ♡


	27. This world I dreamed of

To say that the retreat was successful was an understatement because the idols requested for another night. It’s funny when they applied what they gained about team-building to pursue each head and their managers. They allowed them, as an after-party, it was like a reward for making the retreat possible and effective when almost everyone were friends with each other already.

They were only allowed to hangout on the multi-purpose room, though. It was wide enough and the chairs were placed aside. The fluorescent lights were replaced by neon lights that they didn’t even know the venue had. Basically, they looked like they were in a small club. They liked how the music being blasted loud on the big speakers were the songs of the 4th generation groups— their songs. 

“Let’s play forever, I just wanna be your dog!”

“Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!” 

Everyone screamed their lungs out. It was their last night of before going back to work again so they wanted to have fun while they could. They couldn’t drink liquors, though, it was strictly prohibited. Although, it’s not like they needed it to get all worked up. Just letting go of themselves to dance to their new friends’ songs was enough.

“You pulled that off earlier. I can’t believe you’re stealing my job, baby.” spoke Yeonjun, looping his arms around Sooji’s waist and making sure everyone knew she’s her girlfriend. Not like they didn’t know already, after what he did at the cafeteria.

During the special stages, the maroon team performed CAT & DOG like what they planned. Sooji was in charge of Yeonjun’s part which gained the crowd’s positive reaction, knowing that there was something going on between the two.

“Dude, she’s literally your counterpart!” San commented, even dancing to TXT’s vibrant choreography.

They were on the side of the room where it wasn’t too loud so they could rest and talk. They’d been up since morning to practice for the stages and been partying up almost for an hour. Still, they were still vibing with the music together with a group they formed spontaneously.

“Since when are you two dating?” Haseul asked, drinking to her miserable non-alcoholic beverage.

“Pre-debut,” 

Their jaw dropped as soon as they heard Yeonjun’s answer. Haseul almost spit out her drink because of it too.

“That’s like... what? A year ago?” Eunbi asked, greatly impressed from the look on her face.

Yves chuckled, scratching her head. “How come we didn’t notice it during award shows?” 

“Yeah, Seoul’s crazy about it but I didn’t... actually expect.” Daehwi added. He stood beside Soobin, who was only listening to the conversation. They became friends after being in the same group. 

“Me too. I mean? Noona and YJ-hyung?” Beomgyu attempted to provoke.

The group laughed and Yeonjun scowled. “Yah, BG!” 

“Clearly, you survived a year long relationship. Want to give us a tip?” Gowon asked, sudden tension of curiosity building up.

“Why? You have someone in mind?” Felix asked back. He was leaning against the wall and facing Gowon who was standing in front of him.

“Felix, my man, you’re embarrassing yourself!” Changbin said mockingly as he draped his arm around his member’s shoulders.

“Anyway, Yeonjun and Ji?” Miyeon interrupted the small bantering.

Their eyes focused back on the couple, anticipating for answers while the background music was playing VICTORY SONGS of STRAY KIDS.

“We broke up... around August.” Sooji spoke out of pressure. She just wanted the attention out of them immediately, not because she didn’t want to be friends with them but because she wasn’t still used to it.

Yeosang gasped, like the others. “Oh, isn’t that...”

“It was fan-service.” Chaewon complied in a heartbeat. Her cheeks heated up out of shame for herself but Beomgyu hugged her from the side.

Sooji looked at where she was standing; between Beomgyu and Ryujin who looked like they all finally made up. She saw how the trio danced earlier like they were having the time of their life. She was happy to watch them. 

“But it’s fine now, right, baby?” Yeonjun nudged her from her side, tightening his hold on his waist. “Could you teach me how to whistle? I still don’t know how.”

“You’re telling me you don’t know how to wink properly and whistle? Ji, you’re dating a loser. Come on, do better.” Wooyoung grumbled with fake disgust. Yeonjun growled at him to shut up before turning his puppy eyes back to his girlfriend.  
  


Sooji laughed but Yeonjun wasn’t so she stopped and creased her forehead in confusion. “Now? Like here?”

“Yeah,” 

The surroundings were dark anyway, no one would see how awful she would probably look while doing it. Sooji puckered her lips to ready herself to whistle but as soon as she did, Yeonjun stole a quick peck. The group yelled in celebration and shock. Sooji stood frozen on her place, still astounded with what he did.

“There are single people out here, you know!” 

“Knew my mans don’t disappoint. Gotta give props to you curving that,” Wooyoung commented as he bumped their fists together as if he didn’t say anything earlier.

“I don’t even have to see Soobinie-hyung to see his eyes are twitching.” Hueningkai added. He was beside Yuna, they also got closer after the dragon game, seeming like they talked after that. 

“We get it, y’all are whipped and in L word. Please, make this stop.” Soobin whined, rubbing his nose in frustration.

“The single community? I respect it but it ain’t me. You, in the other hand.... whew.” Yeonjun replied to made fun of the people grousing because of what he did.

Yeonjun was insufferable. She was thinking how she was going to lose her sanity if she continue to date the man. 

Day after, Sooji stayed the night in Yeonjun’s dorm. They were going back to work in a few days and they were still plotting how they would approach their managers about their relationship. Sooji was aggressive, wanting to come out as soon as they could. Yeonjun, however, surprisingly wanted to buy time. He learned so many things after their break up; like how time flew so fast but timing was still important. He didn’t want to screw now that he got her back. 

“Junie?” Sooji called as she was woken up by Yeonjun’s sudden movement. He was holding his phone, her heart thumped rapidly and thoughts overthinking until she caught him scrolling on his Weverse account. She breathed in relief. “You’re still awake?”

“I couldn’t sleep so I’m talking to MOAs but I’m done now... did I wake you up?” He asked softly, placing a light kiss on her head. 

“No, it’s okay.” She rasped out, coddling close to Yeonjun.

He laughed while shifting his weight to place tickling kisses to Sooji. “You really like cuddling, don’t you, mhm? My baby bear,” 

“And you like kissing, you kiss monster.” Sooji retorted, her voice still broken from sleeping.

Yeonjun giggled. “Hey, since you like cuddling... have you ever thought that holding my hand is like our hands hugging?” 

Sooji groaned at his attempt. “It’s 2am! Go to sleep!” 

“Not until your hand hugs mine!”

Yeonjun let her cuddle in his arms with her head on his chest and their hands intertwined while his other hand played with her hair as he peppered small kisses to her head while he hummed a random melody to put her back to sleep.

“Yej?” Sooji asked after another tiring rehearsal for their new song. She was sweating so hard. And her stamina might not be in the mood today. At least that what she thought it would happen when she stops overworking herself, her body would be out of condition.

Yeji looked up from where she was sitting. “Yeah?”

“Can I talk to you?” She quietly asked, still a bit hesitant.

The leader chuckled as she nodded. “Of course. You didn’t have to ask.”

“All of you?”

Yeji heaved a long breath to catch some air before she turned her head back to the other members’ direction. 

“Girls, huddle!”

Chaeryeong was the first one to move. “What’s up?”

Sooji cleared her throat, fidgeting her fingers. “I have an announcement.” 

“ARE YOU PREGNANT?!” Ryujin screamed hysterically, pulling her hair all over the places.

Sooji’s eyes widened at the question. Her pulse raced rapidly. It was understandable when she was asked a question like that while standing in front of people with their attention focused on her.

“No! I— It’s actually... uhm.. an asking for approval?” She defended, face contorted because she didn’t know how to say it.

Ryujin sighed dramatically with her hands on her chest. “Good. I was already plotting your boyfriend’s death in my hands.” 

Lia rolled her eyes and smiled at Sooji. “Shoot.” 

“Yeonjun and I... are planning to go public.” 

Their lips parted in shock. Different reactions were portrayed in their faces. Yeji’s face fell and Sooji didn’t know if that was good news or bad. Lia, Ryujin, and Yuna were frantically celebrating. And Chaeryeong only looked at her with an impassive face.

“Public? Like... Seoul public, public?” Lia clarified.

Sooji nodded. “Unless, that’s not cool with you?”

“Bud, are you crazy? About damn time?!” Ryujin yelled, jumping up and down with Lia. Unsurprising reaction when Ryujin was one of the few people who knew about their relationship during pre-debut. She must’ve been proud at the lovers who’s taking a huge step together.

“Imagine the shippers knowing about this?!” Yuna added fuel to the fire, her doe eyes broadening in excitement.

Sooji didn’t care about anyone else anymore. She just wanted to come out because she was sick of hiding. She wanted to be able to date Yeonjun in public places without the fear of being the headlines in a few second of being a rumored couple. It would satisfy her if Seoul would know already because Yeonjun wasn’t the type to be a secret, and neither their relationship. She already learned that Seoul would say whatever what they want to say and she couldn’t please everybody. 

“Yej? Chae?” Sooji called, a bit constipated just by looking at their stilled faces.

“I’m cool with it, honestly. No offense but it will be good for our fans. I mean? Weren’t you already coined the power couple?” Chaeryeong stated, smiling genuinely at her. 

“Exactly. Sorry I was just shocked hearing that from you but I’m totally okay with it, Ji. Hell, I was your marriage counselor or something.” Yeji said, laughing at the end of her dialogue.

“You’re what?” Ryujin asked in betrayal, stopping herself from dancing to sulking on the flood. “You came to Yeji-nnie for advice and not me?”

Sooji raised her hand and shake it in denial. “Well—”

“Buddy card revoked!” 

“Talk to the higher ups first before you do, okay?” Yeji interrupted to stop the playful bickering. “We’ll be right beside you. Don’t worry about us, go chase your fantasy.”

_“Good morning my lover! What are you up to today?”_

She smiled. Hearing Yeonjun’s voice first thing in the morning never failed to assure her that the day would turn out to be good. Was that what it feels like to be in love?

“The usual... practice, record, and practice. You?” Sooji asked and she was lying. Today was the day she decided to talk to her boss. It had been over a month and she was done waiting for the right time because who knows when was really the right time.

_“Still working on the japanese promotions. Can I steal you after work?”_

Sooji chuckled, standing in front of her company building. “I’ll be off by 8.” 

_“Perfect. I’ll see you later.”_

“See you.”

_“I love you.”_

“I love you too.” She replied before dropping the call and heaving a heavy sigh as she took her steps inside the building.

“My golden girl, what can I do for you?” Jinyoung asked as she stepped inside her office. He looked like in the good mood and it was a good sign for her. He treated her pleasantly when after the success of releasing SOLO. The company and their group were both in Seoul’s good side after that iconic performance of a rookie idol.

She smiled, body stiffening, making her appear glued to the spot. “Goodmorning, sajangnim, I have to talk to you about something.”

His demeanor changed in instant and shifting into an intimidating stance. “I’m listening, Choi.”

God, that name wasn’t helping.

“I want to discuss about my relationship with Choi Yeonjun.” She said with courage, allowing her shoulders to move away from her ears to release the terrifying tension.

Jinyoung’s eyebrow perked. “Did you get back together?”

Sooji gulped, trying to look at him in the eyes. “Yes, sajangnin.”

“Okay.” Jinyoung responded and twirled his swivel chair to the right.

“Okay...?” Sooji mumbled to herself. She snapped out of it quickly and looked back on her boss again. “I would like Seoul to know it.”

“Seoul,” He repeated and in slow motion, he stood up from his seat, and walked towards the window of his office. He stood there for another moment, just watching the city lights and the busy highway. 

“I know about the repercussions. And I surely know very well that Seoul speaks, and it _will_ speak _._ But I also want to point out that there are fans that are already blindly supporting us about this relationship. They’ve trended us in platforms with the name of Korea’s 4th generation power couple and we didn’t even do anything but be near each other... because they believe. Seoul believes.” 

How good that felt for Sooji. The heavy weight she had been feeling for years emancipated from her chest. Jinyoung did not move an inch from his position but he did laugh.

“Then we’ll set up an appointment for the press.” He said. 

_That easy?_

Sooji was about to cry from the feeling that it was really happening. That after all those years, their break up, and everything, they were finally be able to be with each other. He was the reality check that kept her grounded and humble. He made her feel strong. Yeonjun made her strong.

“Do you know how much it will cause for Yeonjun if this backfires?”

“W-What?” Sooji’s bottom lip quivered for a second, her features twist into a crestfallen expression as she stared to the CEO.

Jinyoung looked at her with an unexplainable gaze. “You both have a history of dating scandal at young age. Are you aware scandals are cutthroat for rookies? The thing between you and Hyunjin was only rumored but Bighit announced. Yeonjun is a great asset to their company, and probably their future. Do you know how many people are waiting for him to fail? That in one wrong move, his career would be gone to waste?” 

Yeonjun made her strong. But she never noticed how fragile she was until she heard something that she thought she’d never have to and lose something she was terrified losing.

“I am not against of what you will do. Either way, Seoul would be on your side. You both can get your happy ending— or Yeonjun would be called... a playboy. Dating two idols in less than a year since their debut? Oh, how he was already bashed when Seoul accused of him being a cheater. And may I please just remind you that their group is advocating the youth. Do you think that’s going to help his image?” 

There was something in Jinyoung’s words that made her feel like she had just been punched in the gut. She was trembling so bad under the interrogating gaze of her boss. But nothing could compare how her mind was wavering and her heart hurting.

“You know Seoul speaks but do you know _how_ Seoul speaks?” 

He’s facing Sooji, and Sooji flickered her eyes up at him, his heart breaking at how tired his girlfriend looked: the dark circles intense and eyes bloodshot red as if he’s been crying for days or holding back, and he wondered just how stupid the other thought she was that he wouldn’t notice using that ridiculous smile of hers.

“Baby, I could just drop you home. This can wait.” Yeonjun softly uttered while taking glances at her as he started driving.

Sooji sniffed like she caught a cold. “I’m okay, Yeonjun. This will distract me from work issues.”

“Wanna talk about it, my love?” Yeonjun asked. As much as he wanted to look at her, his eyes were fully fixated on the road.

_Now is not the time to call me that. Yeonjun, please._

Sooji stared as the older maneuvered the wheel. There’s a familiar tickling sensation on her lips that makes him itch to bite down on it, but she held back as the faint pain of bitten raw skin bled through the tingling, so instead, she bit down on his tongue as an outlet.

Her mind was debating whether or not she should tell Yeonjun everything. Their relationship started with updating each other and that became their foundation. But now, almost all their problems were effects of miscommunication. Could she really tell Yeonjun about this? He would flip the table if he knew.

“I just can’t get to the flow of WANNABE.” Sooji ripped her gaze away from him and looked away.

“Is that your new song?” Yeonjun asked, lips parting in somewhat playful shock.

Sooji’s eyes widened and turned her gaze back to him. “You didn’t hear anything.” 

“Mhm, whatever makes you sleep at night,” He mockingly stated, lips frowning into a teasing smirk and laughing when Sooji adorably glared at him through the rear-view mirror.

Yeonjun knew it was more to it but he didn’t want to overlook and decided to trust Sooji that she would open up about it. He felt hopeless. He wanted to help, but how could he when she didn’t want it?

“Where are we?” She asked once they were out of the car.

“It’s a surprise. You gonna have to cover up your eyes.” Yeonjun answered and handed the bandana. “Geez, that rhymes.”

“Are you gonna kidnap me and we’d run away to another country?” Sooji blurted. She wasn’t supposed to say that but Seoul fucking sucks for her right now. However, to her luck, it came off like a casual remark.

Yeonjun giggled by her question. “Oh baby, you know if I could, I would.”

Sooji turned around, back facing Yeonjun as he tied the fabric to overlay her eyes. She was now indulged in darkness and all she could feel was Yeonjun’s hands supporting her as he lead the way.

“Are we in an elevator? Yeonjun, I love you but I swear to—”

“I love you too baby, calm down.” He demanded, his voice excited and shaking from the giggles he’d been letting out since they started walking.

“Hello?” Sooji called again after they went out of the elevator.

Yeonjun didn’t respond. Instead, they stopped walking and she heard keys fiddling against each other. Another noise started when she heard a door screeching. The next thing she knew, she was standing in the middle of a suite.

“Baby,” He called out, brightly. “I bought us a place.”

Sooji’s jaw fell as she scanned around the furnished minimalistic room. “A condo unit.”

“Yeah, it’s half-way our workplaces.” Yeonjun grinned harder. It was difficult to find a place but he was proud that he managed to.

Right when Sooji lifted her head to see him and threw her arms around Yeonjun’s neck, the collision causing him to stumble back. Yeonjun didn’t question it and wrapped his arms securely around Sooji’s waist.

Sooji heaved a sigh in exhaustion and tightened her grip around the older’s neck, her cheeks aching from stopping herself to cry so much. When she felt her feet touch the ground, she still didn’t remove her arms from around Yeonjun’s neck and clenched to him.

“I know you hate me buying things for you. If you want, we’d split the bills but that’s another conversation. You don’t have to move in right away. I don’t wanna overwhelm you. Just think about it if you have time. I’ll be here, yeah?” Yeonjun spoke so careful. He pulled back slightly, not fully, but enough so he can see his girlfriend better than before.

Sooji only looked at him back, face unreadable. But she was thinking about him. Him might just be a three-lettered word but she associated it with so much more. With a name, a face, a feeling, a touch that she needs to learn how to stop craving when her bed feels too cold at night. Because the thing about working in a career like this and doing the things they did was that usually, it’s the simple things that seem the most out of reach. That cost them the most.

Yeonjun wasn’t greedy. He was the one who didn’t want anything but to debut. But the roles must have switched. 

Sooji didn’t want a lot. Just Yeonjun. Right now, the thought of that alone already seemed like too much.

“I— I’m sorry I’m just tired.” Sooji said with an apologetic expression plastered on her face. She broke the hug and sat on the sofa with Yeonjun following her immediately.

Yeonjun’s smile faltered and worrying, pulling her closer to him. “It’s alright. You don’t have to talk right now. I should be the one apologizing for making you go here.”

That snapped Sooji out of her trance. She rested her head on his chest to relax him while uttering apologies over and over that she was only exhausted from work and it wasn’t his fault. Yeonjun was whispering things like _okay, baby_ and _it’s alright, it’s gonna be alright_ and _you did well_ and _i promise i’m here_ , breathing them into the skin of Sooji’s ear, spilling them out like soft prayers. Yeonjun said other comforting words too, but when he started carding his fingers through her hair and rubbing her back, dusting feathery kisses onto her forehead, over her eyelids, she fell asleep... drifting away from the world she dreamed of that was slowly shattering even before it started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick written HAPPY HOLIDAYS !! last 3???? lmao not sure chapters left .. and i already wrote chapters for the new book so get ready for fratboy!yeonjun college au. i’ll be publishing it once i’m done with #JiJunie <3


	28. I surrender in front of the mirror again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY 2021! ♥️

She wanted a life that’s not about wanting to escape life.

But that’s the thing about escaping— you’ve never really recovered.

So when Sooji stood across the painfully familiar man, all the ghost of the past flooded in her head. All the screaming, the rage, the tears, the resentment, and the betrayal came rushing through her veins like a poison injected. But for a panicked moment, she remained completely still. Scratch out the non-suffocating part since she’s not breathing anymore.

Sooji couldn’t form a coherent thought. It felt hard to, but she wanted to when Soobin came running towards her, leaving the man with the same amount shock as her. She’s confused by the fright she saw in her brother’s eyes. She wanted to utter a word, but she couldn’t even tear her eyes off the man that was now in front of her.

“Sooji... my daughter,”

It hit Sooji then. She. couldn’t. move.

“Ji, I’m so sorry,” Soobin’s pleadings were left at the back of her mind as if it wasn’t important at the moment.

“My sweet daughter, do you remember me? I’m Dowon, your appa.”

Instinctively, her eyes avoided the throttling gaze, turning it to Soobin. He had this apologetic look in his face, much remorseful than what she saw towards him when he hid about what really happened to Yeonjun back then.

“I— I ca– can’t.” was all the words she managed to say.

Her father tried to find her eyes. “I missed you.”

The pain came then, bursting in her chest. Panic swelled inside of her, head shaking in denial.

“Y— You can’t be h-here... I... I’m already healed,” She said, wondering why her eyes were suddenly wet, only to realize the tears that was threatening to stream down her cheeks.

You’re never really healed when you don’t forgive.

“Sooji—”

“Please go,” She muttered, weakly.

Soobin automatically got the cue. He knew her limits after all. “Leave.”

“But—“

“Leave!” Soobin yelled. Only to realize that the people inside the café was already looking at them so he took the matters into his own hands. He supported Sooji’s body in leaving the shop to nurse her safely back in his dorm without Seoul knowing. He wouldn’t want another issue to rise when his sister was at her worst state.

Sooji was gulping hard to fight back the panic attempting to consume her as they successfully got inside their dorm’s living room. The maknaes were the only ones who were at home since they finished early. Taehyun quickly stood up to help Soobin in aiding her while Hueningkai merely stared in shocked.

“Hyung, what happened?” Taehyun asked as he fixed the couch they were laying her down.

“She’s breaking down.” Soobin answered, trying to be calm as he could when he’s freaking out inside.

Hueningkai subtlety gasped, raising his phone. “Should I call Yeonjun-hyung?”

As if Soobin read her mind, “no.”

“Why?! Why are you with him?!” She didn’t intend to scream but that’s when you do when you couldn’t control your body that was shivering. The three boys jolted out, petrified at her state.

“He’s been here since Christmas.” Soobin said, conscience-stricken. “I’ve been trying to get him off our back, Ji. I’m so sorry but he’s not worth it.”

Her face softened but don’t get it wrong, it’s only the eye of the storm. “W— What?”

Soobin looked away, guilty. “I’m sorry,”

“Eomma was out of the country— That’s bullshit, right? You bullshitted me! Is that why you told me to stay here?!” Sooji hysterically accused but she knew she was right.

Soobin tried to say something. She thought he does. She couldn’t tell if his lips were even open when her eyes were glued on the floor as she trembled so bad.

“I don’t want him... Binnie, I’m scared..”

Then all of the sudden, she couldn’t hold back anymore. She frantically tried, _tried_ so hard to catch her breath when she didn’t even notice there were tears streaming down her cheeks. She could clearly remember it all.

“Ji, Ji,” Soobin begged, scared the hell out of him because it had been ages since he last saw her like this. Sooji thought he had a hand on her face, but it’s so light she barely felt it from the way her face throbbed.

Everything throbbed. Waves of pain rushing through her. Muscles convulsing causing the pain in her chest as well. 

“Please calm down. You’re gonna have a panic attack, please. Shhhh. Don’t be scared. You’re fine,”

“I can’t,” Sooji said. It doesn’t feel like the words leave his lips. It feels like they’re covered in spit and it becomes worse every time he tries to talk.

“It’s okay, you have me. I’m here. Binnie’s here.”

Soobin’s comforting voice always soothed her whenever she experienced this episode back in their childhood. But today, dark seemed to widen around her vision. And when it gets dark, she would recall what exactly happened in that night. It scared her. She told herself all the time that she’s healed. That when he gets back, she’s not afraid, but she’s so fucking scared.

She always had been, really. For years. She’s just been good at masking fear as other things. Anger, mostly.

Sooji breathed. She yanked her sweaty body up, slamming her small fists against her chest. She couldn’t pull any oxygen in. Couldn’t feel his lungs expand but instead, tightening. And her heart that was beating rapidly was slowing down in another abnormal rate.

Everything hurts. 

She couldn’t fucking breathe.

Before she knew it, the dark consumed her.

“Hey, hey, baby, it’s alright.”

Yeonjun was there, pulling his hands away that was sitting for hours on top of Sooji’s to gently press it against her cheeks for comfort. She wasn’t in the dorm any longer, but confusion filled her when she noticed the walls was too white and her lungs inhaled the scent of strong cleaning agent.

“What happened?” She choked out the words. Her throat felt so dry that she couldn’t speak properly. Just like how her mind felt drained.

Yeonjun pressed a kiss on her forehead to his relief. “You passed out,”

“Because of fatigue a-and dehydration.” said the last voice she heard before faiting.

Memories came rushing down as to why she fainted in the first place. In contrary to Sooji, one could tell how much of a terrible liar Soobin was. That was the cue that Yeonjun didn’t know. Yes, she wasn’t taking care of her health these past few weeks because of what happened back in her meeting with Jinyoung. Sure, she was over-fatigued. Sure, she was close to dehydration. But she was damn sure she fainted because she panicked.

And was she grateful for Soobin who kept his mouth shut. It had been a month and half after that dreading meeting. It took her that long to gather her courage and talk to Yeonjun the same day as she saw her father. If she was going to risk, she couldn’t allow anything to distract her and lower her spirit. But the only thing who could hinder was, not just the ghost, but her own father coming back.

“Baby, what happened?” Yeonjun asked, again. But only the dead silence replied to him. “I was recording when Beomgyu called me that you were brought to the hospital. I dropped everything and sprinted here. The boys were shocked as if I was uninvited. What happened?”

Which reminded her the first problem she was coping up before all this shit started. Yeonjun dropped everything? Was she being toxic again?

“Hyung,” Soobin called to calm him down.

Yeonjun tore his gaze away from her and his face was evident that he was upset. “Jesus fucking Christ, I’m her boyfriend! You should’ve called me!”

Yeonjun wasn’t mad. But he was definitely insulted. And all she could do was to look away.

Soobin only closed his eyes and exhaled sharply. It was evident that he was losing patience. “She collapsed during practice.”

Yeonjun scoffed loudly. “She collapsed during practice? Her members should’ve been here, not ours. I’m not stupid, Soobin. What the fuck happened?”

Soobin was visibly cornerned in the way he tensed in his place. Searching for an excuse he could say to Yeonjun who was downright unpleased that he was being kept in the dark. But again, it wasn’t his story to tell.

“Yeonjun please,” Sooji pushed herself to straighten her back and Yeonjun immediately caught her in his arms.

Worry rushed Yeonjun, causing his demeanor to change, his eyes flickered in instant back to her. “Alright, baby. I’ll stop. Get some rest, mhm?”

When Sooji fell back to sleep, Yeonjun signaled Soobin to go outside for a talk. The leader didn’t feel an ounce of fear, he knew he was doing it for his sister. To hell with everyone, it’s Sooji over anyone else. Damn, he was even ready to drop his dream in instant just to be in the same school as her. So yeah, even his first best friend does not get a stand against his sister.

“Soobin—”

“I really can’t speak.” Soobin calmly stated, leaning against the wall while the other remained standing with his arms crossed.

“Is she pregnant?” Yeonjun blurted out without any emotions but fretfulness.

Soobin’s jaw dropped. “Hyung, I’m gonna punch you, yeah?”

“Save it. I promise I’ll let you but not right now. Not when my girlfriend’s laying there,” Yeonjun said impassively.

“She’s my sister too!” Soobin rebutted childishly. He couldn’t stop feeling bad at how Yeonjun’s reacting right now. He knew the older was concerned as fuck right now but Yeonjun was _only_ her boyfriend. For him, Yeonjun didn’t have the right to lash out like this because it was out of his league. If his sister didn’t tell her a thing or two about their family then he won’t.

“Exactly, now’s not the time! Tell me, is she?” Yeonjun insisted further. You couldn’t blame him when it’s been over a month that he knew something wasn’t right but he didn’t do anything because he thought Sooji needed time to think. And he knew very well not to force her to think, knowing that she would decide something so impulsive like what she usually does when she’s pressured.

“She’s not pregnant! Look, just wait for her to speak. As soon as she fails to, I will. You have my word.” Soobin compromised without even thinking.

Yeonjun raised his eyebrow in suspicion. “You better hold your end. I swear to god, Soobin, if my girlfriend is carrying _my child_ —”

“Hyung, cut it off! Did you not use a condom?!” Soobin exclaimed, annoyed, and wanting to drop the subject already.

But Yeonjun did think it was a question. “Course, I did. What do you take me for?”

“The fuck! Wasn’t asking, that’s too much information! Go back inside, I’ll take care of the discharge papers!” Soobin spatted, pushing Yeonjun back inside. He had to take care the formalities since they kept this from everyone but themselves.

“You asked!”

Takes ten times longer to put yourself back together than it does fall apart.

Because time seemed to be flying rapidly as Sooji tried to collect the pieces that sprawled out again when she was almost finished with the puzzle. It was already March, two weeks after she was locked in the hospital for two days for observation. Two weeks since they saw the test turned negative because Yeonjun was persistent that maybe she was pregnant. Two weeks she’d been trying to regain herself. She couldn’t talk properly to Yeonjun but the older seemed to be not minding when he was giving her space— or she thought.

Yeah, time seemed to be flying rapidly and another showcase tour was announced by BigHit. And she knew better than the cursed tours meddling her relationship with Yeonjun. She had to move faster.

“Sooji,” the man smiled at her with longing voice lingering in her ears.

How should she address him? Dowon? Appa? _Cheater Appa?_

Instead, she nodded silently as she sat on the chair across him. There were already food in the table as if they were having a feast. It’s funny because back when she was a child, the food on the table was always like this. But now it was empty like how she was feeling right now.

Dowon grimaced but he kept his face still. “I already ordered for you, I hope you don’t mind. I’ll call the waiter if you want something.”

_I wanted a father. I needed a father._

“You’ve grown well. I’ve been so proud of you and your brother. Do you know I always watch your performances? You make me so proud.” Dowon spoke with a boasting grin plastered on his face like a stage father that he wasn’t able to be thess past few years.

Nodding, she picked up the water that Dowon poured for her. Her eyes curiously observed how her father’s features had changed. She noticed the wrinkles beside his dark brown eyes that Soobin inherited. It was probably because of stress. What would make him strain so hard for his skin to age? Sooji didn’t know if she wants to know.

“I see you got yourself a boyfriend too. Choi Yeonjun? I’m quite fond of him.”

Sooji could digest that her father was watching her from afar but not to the point that he knew of Yeonjun. How did he have knowlege of that? She didn’t know.

She tried to suppress but Sooji was not the one to know patience. “Excuse me? How do you know Yeonjun?”

Dowon smiled, and she wanted to throw up on the spot. “Soobin might have slipped a name.”

Oh Soobin’s _definitely_ going to face her wrath after this.

“With all due respect,” Not sure if he deserved one. “I have rehearsals after this. If you could just get on with what you want?”

It was her day off. She wanted to get over the conversation already before something triggers her again so she lied. That’s what she had been doing the past few weeks anyway. Lying to the people that she was fine. Pretending that everything’s okay.

“I want you and your brother. I have missed staying by your side during your teenage years, I’m not missing the remaining years before you get married.”

Sooji chuckled in sarcasm. “You don’t say.”

“Your mother banned me from going near you,” said Dowon in a very serious tone.

“You cheated.” She scoffed, making him realize that it was at fault. Seriously, was he really going to turn the tables?

“That was one time!” He looked too defensive. And the word that Sooji was still waiting to hear hasn’t left his mouth. He didn’t even look remorseful.

“I saw you with my own eyes. Do you know how much trauma that caused me?” Sooji whispered, furious yet there was phantom pain lingering. Dowon was speechless because he didn’t know until now. At this point, he could never defend himself anymore. “And your mistress gave birth, didn’t she?”

Surprised of herself, she didn’t know where she got all the audacity to speak back. But maybe that’s what happens when you suppress your feelings for too long and when there’s a moment that you could get it out of your chest, you would for all you care.

“Sooji...” His father called, too fragile, too guilty.

She kept the rage burning. “Where is she?” but her father looked away. The same gesture she does when she wants to avoid a topic. “Where. Is. She.”

“They left me.” Dowon had no choice but to confess.

She was supposed to be happy that he got the karma he deserved. Or to be satisfied. Or to be mad. Or to be disappointed. She was supposed to feel anything. She was supposed to feel.

But why was she numb?

“Don’t ever go near us anymore. Or I’d file the lawsuit myself.”

She stood up and didn’t spare him anymore glance. It was enough for her to know that he wasn’t worth giving another chance. She gave up on holding on to their happy family anyway. She had long accept that it would stay broken.

Coming back to her apartment unit with Yeonjun (no, she haven’t moved in yet but they were basically sleeping over, settling with the short conversations and silence as long as they’d cuddle each other every night), she was stunned when Yeonjun was sitting on their couch. He was ought to work today. It’s why she went here instead of their dorm because she thought she would be alone.

Yeonjun read the shocked face painted on her face. “Practice was moved at 5. Where were you? I thought you’d be here, you didn’t answer my texts and calls.”

Without conscious thought, she checked her phone to see that there was 9 missed calls and six messages from him. “I’m sorry, just caught up. Do you wanna watch a movie?”

He nodded, patting the seat beside him. “I folded all of your clothes that you threw on the floor because I know you’re tired.”

“Oh... sorry. I was in a hurry.” She muttered an apology, _again_.

Yeonjun nodded, _again_. Since when did it became a routine? “Where did you go?”

She didn’t reply, instead, she sat quietly beside Yeonjun who shifted his weight to face her, he kept left arm on the head of the couch while his knuckles was against his head to keep it steady as he watched her every move. Sooji was walking on eggshells, and afraid that Yeonjun would brought up something that would trigger her.

“Jiji, you know you can talk to me?”

She smiled so fakely that Yeonjun knew it was a facade. “I’m fine.”

When she leaned forward to Yeonjun’s direction to get the remote behind him, Yeonjun caught her lips. Sooji felt Yeonjun’s warm tongue swiped against her lower lip, and she opened for him willingly, allowing Yeonjun to slide his tongue in, and his mouth pried Sooji’s further, deepening their kiss until their foreheads were brushing and Sooji’s nose was pressed against Yeonjun’s cheek, and their lips molded passionately, their tongues battling through their need to be closer. Rather than feeling excited, it felt... sad. An underlying melancholy that they’ve been hiding to theirselves.

When he broke the kiss, he caressed Sooji’s cheek for a moment as he licked his lips and bit it for a second before speaking. “You’re the love of my life,”

Every word had consequences. Every silence, too.

They should’ve known the communication they choose would affect the both of them. How every word would plant a seed in their head. How every beat of silence would be the roots of overthinking.

“I can’t leave you. But you’re constantly leaving me. You let go of me when you want. You take me back when you want. You leave me clueless. Not everyone, not even my own members, but me.”

And Yeonjun could not be kept in the dark anymore. He had been set aside for too, too tedious that he could not stand it anymore despite how long his patience was.

“So I am asking you... if you don’t see a future of us, if you aren’t in for lifetime, please... please, just end it. Because I can’t.” And still, how he smiled brightly and yet, so broken in a sense that Sooji could feel again.

There was a long defeaning silence before Yeonjun decided to stand up but Sooji spoke, moved her head to look at him in the eye. Yeonjun couldn’t read her mind. It was as if... blank.

She pressed a thin line on her lips. “I love you so much, it hurts.”

Yeonjun swallowed the lump forming in his throat. He was going to say something but she spoke again.

“I said... I love you so much, it hurts.” Sooji repeated with no emotion but louder.

“Okay baby,” He responded as if he was absorbing it in his head.

“I said.... it _hurts_... to love you.” A little calm than the first ones... but more painful.

“Is this the end?” Yeonjun asked, too softly, contrary to the content itself.

Yeonjun tilted his head to caught Sooji’s wandering eyes. He needed to make sure she was certain of her decision before he decides to move on. That way it would make it less harder to let go. He almost couldn’t get himself out the first time.

“Yeonjun,” Sooji called desperately as she jolted to wrap her hands around Yeonjun’s neck, tucking her head on the base of his neck to make her feel safe. “It’s Seoul.”

Yeonjun snorted, so exhausted of hearing the never-ending reason.. “ _Again_ with the god forbidden city, my love?”

Her brows furrowed. Even until now, Yeonjun still didn’t know how dangerous their situation was. “It’s not me who’ll suffer—”

“Me. I am aware, baby. I’m working on it ever since we got back together. I told you, I got this, didn’t I?” Yeonjun reassured, gently pulling Sooji out of his neck to make her look at his eyes. “Is that the reason why you had a panic attack?”

Sooji’s eyes widened, caught off guard. “H-How did you know?”

Yeonjun coughed, offended. “You’re really hurting my ego, bigtime. Do you _still_ think I can’t handle you after all these years?”

“You threatened to break up with me,” Sooji absentmindedly retorted.

“I broke you out of your shell.” Yeonjun rebutted as if it was an easy thing to do. But internally, he was pissing on himself, praying that his plans wouldn’t miscarry. “Now tell me the reason why you got me worried sick. Is it Seoul?”

Yeonjun said it himself, he could handle her. Sooji wouldn’t want anyone else. However, she still didn’t know what she would do. But Yeonjun at least deserved to know what happened behind all the silence she gave him the past months.

“It’s my father,”

Sooji saw how Yeonjun’s face tensed. As if he didn’t expect it at all. But he was already too late, he loosened up his expression. He sat back to his place, closer her this time. It was an indication for her to continue what she was saying.

“I don’t know what to say, Yeonjun. We met but I didn’t even hear a single sorry from him? T— Then he came back because... because they left him?” Sooji ranted, wearing her heart on her sleeves, she continued blabbering intense emotions she was keeping inside her. Yeonjun stayed quiet, pulled her to his chest and caressed her back, kissing her head as he patiently listened to all her words.

When she stopped talking, she heaved a heavy exhale and pulled out to fix herself. Yeonjun warmly smiled, so comforting. Proud that she opened up.“That wasn’t hard, was it?”

“I’m sorry.”

Again, he smiled, tucking the loose hair behind her face. “It’s alright, baby. I’ll always be here to listen. You’re not alone.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this with you anymore, Yeonjun.” She looked up, feeling numb. But it felt like it was the right thing to do. Why did she feel like leaving Yeonjun would always be the right thing to do? “You can’t date someone who hates her last name. You deserve better.”

“I love you, and you have to stop that habit of yours.” Yeonjun caught her hands to interlock it with his, looking at her straight in the eyes without faltering. “Baby, I can handle you more than you think. You’re not even difficult to begin with. As for your last name? I’ll figure something out. I promise,”

“You’re losing yourself again for me.” She concluded, shaking her head.

“I’m not. When I told you to end it, did you think that wasn’t selfish enough for me? I could break up with you but I know it will be hard for me to make the decision so I passed it on you. It’s the only thing I voiced out for myself. I’m not losing me, baby.” Yeonjun confessed, feeling a little bit self-centered when he realized what he did. “And now that I know what’s happening to you, I won’t let you go. Not when you need me most. Not when I still have a chance to take care of you.”

“I don’t need anyone to take care of me!”

“I don’t fucking care, you’re my baby.”

Sooji gasped, unknown madness consuming her. “And when Seoul knows? Then, what? They will destroy your career! The thing you worked hard for years! Yeonjun, wake up!”

No amount of damage control could ever contain the blow-up this would cause if it ever reached Seoul. They would be giving the press a field day and the netizens something hot to run their mouths with. Sooji could already imagine the headlines and they’re not pretty. It hurt her just thinking about it, because Yeonjun had worked so hard and endured so much. 

“I’m not a martyr anymore. I’ll find a way to protect you and being an idol. You have to trust me.” Yeonjun persuaded more, his eyes full of determination like he knew what he was going to do.

“Last time you said that we broke up.”

“With whose decision?” Yeonjun debated quickly to make her shut up and think. “You can take the risk with me, Jiji. We’ve done this before.” His voice was strained but he kept his fighting spirit. The optimistic one between them.

“It’s best what we have now.” Sooji said muttered as she tried not to show any emotion. She needed to stay numb to save Yeonjun from doing something so reckless that could ruin his career. “That way we can stop this from going further.”

“Is there anyway I could change your mind?” He asked like he was pleading for another answer, letting out a muffled noise. He already knew what she’d decide, of course. Yeonjun held on her wrist closely as if he was getting strength on the tiny accessory that was wrapped on it.

“None.”

None. There were too many things against them.

“What do you wanna do?” Yeonjun asked, still trying to fight even though he’s crumbling down because he knew it already, didn’t he?

Sooji gulped, feeling the metaphorical acidic pain staying in her throat. “I don’t know.”

Yeonjun nodded, pressing his lips. The soft kiss that was pressed to her cheek felt too domestic, misplaced, and too much like the promises Sooji wanted to keep but can’t. He stood up, getting his phone and keys. She was confused as to why he agreed when he was enthusiastic in pursuing her.

Not until he took one look back at her with a faint tired smile on his face.

“You won’t get to toss me aside. I won’t let you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this was roughly written but i’m in somewhat writer’s block right now and this was all i could give 😭 and i hope i kinda enlightened u abt yeonjun’s character development? excuse sooji shes just vv broken rn tho i didnt write more in detail cause i dont want it to be too heavy as it is ANYWAYS i hope you liked it, still. we only have 2 chapters left for SONG CRY.


	29. But when I let the song cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y’all have no idea how grateful i am for receiving your kudos. i love each and everyone of you. and please, always remember that you are worth it.

“Ji, that’s enough.”

The warning tone of Yeji’s voice pierced through her head. It sounded distant behind her reddening clogged ears, but it grabbed her attention for her body to slip away from being programmed where she tunes out all thoughts and lets her body move on autopilot. Her flesh and bones went weak in instant, and she crouched, her hands gripping her knees where she tried to support herself, as she watched her sweat dripped onto the floor. Her breaths were heavy and barely passing through her cracked pale lips.

She’s been inside of different studios all day for the past week; writing and producing a song in midnight until morning (the time when her thoughts were very active), and dance practicing after her lunch break until the sun sets and all there was darkness. Basically, her sleeping schedule was as fucked up as her overall health right now. Every free second to think she threw it away by working until her brain couldn’t focus on anything but the burning in her limbs. Even when she reached her limit and was on the verge of collapsing. No physical condition could compare what she was feeling.

Yeji’s voice chimed through her head again, breaking her away out of vague thoughts.

She straightened up, her head throbbing and her vision blurring. “From the start.”

“Ji—”

She moved a hand through her damp hair away from her eyes as she walked to her phone to tap the rewind button and turn the volume up so loud that everyone in the room jolted, but to her it’s perfect; it distracts her from thinking. She had this playlist where their songs was mixing with some loud music and made sure there wasn’t any RnB because she’d break down easily when she hears one. You know why.

She moved back to the center of the room, disregardly the way the walls were spinning around her. She stared at her reflection: her body was showering with sweat, resulting her usual oversized clothes to cling to her like paste. Her throat was dry and burning from dehydration— her best friend (together with her inhaler) who was always present whenever she’s constantly pushing herself.

Her hair grossly adhered and was burning hot underneath the ball cap she was wearing to cover her eyes to successfully hide the redness in them and severe dark circles.

Someone should have reminded her how shitty breakups were.

Maybe she wouldn’t have gotten herself one... _again_.

A slam drifted her out of her reverie, and the song was suddenly off. She couldn’t hide a glare as she turned around and saw Ryujin giving death stare at her the same way Sooji was, the younger’s hand was on her phone indicating that she was the one who manipulated it to stop the sounds.

Sooji opened her mouth to protest but she finally got hold of herself to see that everyone in the room was staring at her, not even attempting to hide the concern in their eyes. She didn’t notice it was already their time for dance practice and her members were already complete. All the attention was on her. And if Sooji despised a thing below cheating, it was pity.

She heaved a sigh, her nose still flaring. “I’m rehearsing.”

“Are you trying to kill yourself, stupid?” Ryujin scolded. She pulled her hand off the phone and grabbed a bottle of water off the floor and gave it to Sooji.

“I’m not thirsty.”

Ryujin growled and she shoved the water into Sooji’s trembling hands. “Drink it, or I will fucking force it down your throat.”

“I’m your senior.” Sooji emphasized.

Ryujin let out a loud scoff. “Act like it.”

“Back off, Ryujin.” She warned. It had to be the first time they ever fought like this.

With remaining energy, she wanted to object further but Ryujin’s furiating daggers and the tempting aqua were enough to silence her. She flinched, clenching her fist on the bottle as she pour the liquid on her lips while staring at Ryujin with an annoyed side look.

Ryujin released a mocking scoff. “You do not get to roll your eyes at me—”

Yeji walked from where she’s standing and placed a warning hand on Ryujin’s arm, worried that a fight was about to take place.

“Give it a rest, Ry—”

“No! You’re fucking kidding, right? This has been going for two damn months!” Ryujin huffed out, her hands on her waist. “Listen, I don’t know what the hell is going on between you and Yeonjun—”

“We didn’t break up.” Sure felt like it.

Technically, they did not. After Yeonjun walked away from their apartment, they lost contact. Even when TXT and ITZY hung out, the boys told her awkwardly that their hyung was busy with work. After two or three days of silence, it’s tempting to reach out to him. Just in case... just in case he forgot to answer her last message. Just in case he was too occupied to reply to her the first time. Just in case his phone malfunctioned and he never even received her messages.

The thing was, she held on to Yeonjun’s last words.

_You don’t get to toss me aside, I won’t let you._

But those days turn into weeks, her two unanswered messages turned to five. And Yeonjun left for tour without saying good bye. As the realization dawned her that she might have been _ghosted_.

“Exactly! That’s what you’re both saying! No one knows what is going on but you’re both in fucked up state. We can’t stand it anymore!”

Sooji’s eyes furrowed in confusion because aside from depending on Seoul’s voices, she hadn’t heard from Yeonjun since he left the apartment that day. “What?”

“Oh, of course, you didn’t know!” Ryujin exclaimed with smug smirk. “You’ve been hiding yourself, you didn’t know _your_ _boyfriend_ released a song?” 

“What?” She repeated, ripping her shoulder out of Yeji’s hold and they all dropped their gaze, clearing their throats perplexingly.

Except Ryujin who didn’t break eye-contact. “Hear it yourself.”

The next thing she knew, she had her hands on her phone, shaking terribly; either from fatigue or her anxiety. But her eyes were staring blankly at the cover photo in soundcloud.

It was Yeonjun on his own studio room. Sitting on a desk chair. Surrounding him were his desktop set, speakers, microphone stand, and piano. He was wearing an all plain black outfit: coat, shirt, slacks, and leather shoes. He was crossing his legs and tilting his head downward; and because of the cap he was wearing, lips were the only ones evident. It was filtered black and white. 

> Sometimes I get emotional
> 
> And I can't seem to find the way I'm s'posed to go
> 
> And all these so-called people that I'm s'posed to know
> 
> They be the main ones
> 
> Smile up in your face, but behind your back they hate

Yeonjun’s soothing but pained voice welcomed her. She was still in daze, blinking. But she registered the betrayed look on his face when he asked people about what’s wrong because damn he was aware that something was wrong but they kept him oblivious.

> So I hope you know
> 
> You ain't the only reason I'm emotional
> 
> My tears fall like water so that I can grow
> 
> Not like I was before
> 
> Tryna make a change, I need something more

A wave of guilt swept over her for a brief second as she recalled each and every time she shut down Yeonjun when she should have been opening up to him more than anyone else. Never he made her feel uncomfortable but rather, all he did was to make himself her safe place. So why couldn’t she damn choose him in the right way?

> **I can't hold back these tears**
> 
> **Let me cry**
> 
> They say a man is supposed to cry

It felt so wrong, locked up in a studio, listening to the track that obviously contained Yeonjun’s emotions.

> So I'm a let the song cry
> 
> I'm a let my soul cry through these words
> 
> I need to try to free my mind
> 
> Sometimes I need to cry just to ease my hurt
> 
> But when I let the song cry
> 
> Hope you don't think I still won't ride for mine
> 
> Every rose needs the rain sometimes
> 
> But know that you can dry your eyes this time
> 
> Let the song cry

Sooji’s eyes squeezed shut before she could process it and her whole body gone tense as she quivered. She had to remind herself to take a breath as an certain agony filled her chest.

> What am I supposed to do?
> 
> **Hold it all together when I think of you?**
> 
> In my heart, I'm thinking you were gone too soon
> 
> **May you rest in peace, yet I can't sleep**
> 
> It's my point of view
> 
> Got me in a state of mind, I'm so confused
> 
> Crying raindrops so that I can bloom
> 
> So what am I to do?

She exhaled forcefully, bringing her hands up to her face, digging her palms into her eyes to try to force down the familiar burning behind her eyelids, and she covered her face, not wanting any of her friends to see her expression. But at this moment, did she really care about anyone but Yeonjun?

> I can't hold back these tears
> 
> Let me cry
> 
> They say a man is supposed to cry
> 
> So I'm a let the song cry
> 
> **I'm a let my soul cry through these words**
> 
> I need to try to free my mind
> 
> Sometimes I need to cry just to ease my hurt
> 
> But when I let the song cry
> 
> Hope you don't think I still won't ride for mine
> 
> Every rose needs the rain sometimes
> 
> But know that you can dry your eyes this time
> 
> **Let the song cry**

There was an underlying meaning behind the specific lyrics. How Yeonjun lowkey pointed out ‘ ** _But know that you can dry your eyes this time_** ’ but she couldn’t quite figure it out. It was a signal, that she knew of. A message that he wanted Sooji to realize.

“All he’s asking you to do is try.” She felt a soft touch on her shoulder, and she lifted her gaze to see Ryujin looking down at her softly. She didn’t know that she was sitting on the floor, curled up in her knees as if she was scared the world would harm her.

She flashed back to how much time and emotion and energy their relationship invested solely into her and all she left him with was uncertainty and doubt. His absence and his turn of silence made her realize how much he suffered. Sure, she knew... but not this extent. She would always opt to protect Yeonjun when her decisions would always end up hurting him instead.

“And it isn’t like you did anything wrong. But you didn’t do anything right either to make him stay.” Yeji added, still unsure of what happened but she already formulated what it was.

“He said he’ll stay...” Sooji mumbled along her hiccups.

“That’s the thing about good people. They stay for as long as they can believing in you. But you can’t keep them waiting forever. Yeonjun walked away because he had to. Because he couldn’t keep trying and caring and putting himself out there only to get hurt.” Ryujin’s voice was lethargically excruciating as it bounced off the walls, filling the room with a booming echo that was followed by nothing but silence. The other girls didn’t want to add another remark, simultaneously thinking that it was enough for Sooji to think.

“You can’t keep running away.” said Yeji.

_Run_ , her mind voiced.

_Get the hell out of there._

But she stayed put; she’s tired of running.

“You wound me.” A stunned silence fell over the table.

Dowon looked at her, surprised by her first proper sentence she spoke during the whole meal. She decided to ask Soobin (who wasn’t supportive, mind you. He wasn’t comfortable with the fact Sooji would be facing her greatest pain alone. But he was on the other side of the world and he had no choice) for Dowon’s number to meet up.

“It might seem like I left you but believe me, I tried to reach out but your mother wouldn’t let me— and I understand. It was my fault. But yes, you’re right. Yeseo did give birth. I had a responsibility so I stopped begging.”

Her lips in thin line to refrain talking.

“For years, I watched you and Soobin grew up. I wish you could see how beautiful you both are. So kind and humble despite how talented you are. And despite what I made you go through.”

Sooji was indeed a people’s pleaser. She was supposed to feel a brim of pride in her when she heard that except she didn’t. The silence pressed in on all sides like a blizzard, a frozen wall between him and their family that her father could never undo.

“Yeseo left me two years ago for another man. It’s okay, we didn’t have a relationship. I couldn’t bare the guilt. But I did stay with her, helped her raised Gilseong because I thought it was the right thing to do while I couldn’t get to you.” He explained, honesty was evident in his eyes. “I didn’t come back to you because they left me. I’ve always been on the sidelines, sweetheart.”

She was dead quiet, listening intently to what he was going to say without attempting to object because she did want to hear everything from his point of view.

“Your mother recently contacted me. I was so over the hills because I thought I could be with you. But as soon as we saw each other, she handed me the divorce papers. She wanted it to be over since you turned your legal age. She said you didn’t need me anymore if something bad happens to her.”

_It makes sense_ , she thought.

Dowon cleared his throat anxiously before leaning to the table with his hand curled into a fist as if he was trying to be strong. “Don’t you... need me anymore?”

In such questions, time was necessary to think more but when Sooyoung, Soobin, and her other loved ones flickered in her head... when an image of Yeonjun smiling playfully to lift her mood flashed in her memories, it wasn’t.

“I don’t.” Sooji felt herself drop her own chopsticks, unable to hold back the torrent of words that poured from her lips. Her forehead tilted high and she knew she meant it genuinely. And not because she’s prideful.

Her father breathed, sounding just as winded. Pain and regrets were written in every line of his aging face, dark brows drawn together in shock, but he nodded anyway.

“I understand. I know what I did. I’m so, so sorry.”

Sooji let out a broken little laugh that sounded more like a choked sob, and when Dowon looked at her again, he saw tears cutting tracks down her face.

“I- I’m s-sorry... I’m s-sorry!”

Panic was evident on his face as he stood up to aid her but Sooji raised her hands to stop him. “You have no idea how much I wanted to hear that,”

Sooji shook her head as she calmed herself down from half-laughing and crying.

“I love you and your brother. I’m so sorry, Sooji...”

Again with _the word_ ; it was like the raging storm finally calmed down.

“I forgive you.” She stated and then a gasp from Dowon. He didn’t expect her to say that at all, given that she was the most affected for being a appa’s girl to seeing her own father in bed with someone that wasn’t her mother.

But God, Sooji’s so exhausted. She wanted to heal for herself. To grant peace of mind that she never had after that heartbreak. And at the back of her mind... perhaps, perhaps be deserving of receiving love from an angel in disguised of a man named Choi Yeonjun.

“I don’t deserve it.” Probably a bad timing to think that she inherited that habit from her father. She couldn’t help but laugh internally. Was she going crazy? Maybe it was her coping mechanism.

“I did hate you, and I did wish things were different.” Sooji confirmed, firmly, it was like dropping a grenade in front of his father... “But I want to set myself free from the restraints.” it didn’t explode.

Or it did. “I’m doing this for myself, and not you. I can never justify what you did. I hope you accept that.”

Dowon slowly nodded, her father’s voice was hoarse and broken. Defeated. “I... I’m going to sign the divorce papers and hand it to your mother first thing in the morning.”

Spared from the surname that burdened her for so long. That she’d grown to be disgusted of but what could she do? (It only stopped her from despising it when Yeonjun walked in her life)

If you look at trauma or the person who inflicted pain upon you through lenses with empathy and understanding, that is the gateway to healing.

So Sooji did, closely. If emotions still arise of resentment and anger towards these people, you haven’t found it in your heart to forgive them. But in Sooji’s case, she was feeling relieved. And it wasn’t because it hadn’t sink in but because she finally heard her father apologize. That’s all she needed. Those years of yearning. That’s all she fucking needed.

She knew she didn’t deserve to be a prisoner of her own sentencing because of what agony her father inflicted on her. What happened in the past was out of her control but she did have the ability to choose where she goes from there. She realized that continuing to choose pain and revisit a past full of misery could stop now.

Because she deserved better.

Sooji didn’t say anything for quite a while after this. Dowon had time to finish his drink during the silence, she scanned around, the restaurant was slowly emptying. She saw that the waitress was now behind the counter, wiping the shelf. She turned around and their gazes meet for a moment. The worker blinked in surpise before a smile stretches her lips, eyes glimmering. She nodded as a greeting, Sooji responded with a tight smile and nodded back before she focused on her father again.

“I should probably go?” Sooji asked with hesitation.

Dowon was quick to stop her from standing up. “A-Actually, can I ask you something?”

She was confused but she nodded. It was probably going to be their last conversation towards this issue. “Okay.”

“What’s he like?”

That, she was startled. “Who?”

“Yeonjun.” He answered with reluctance. “I’m sorry I know I have no right to ask of this, but I just want to know who’s taking care of you?”

Usually with that statements, she’d barked that she didn’t need anyone to take care of her. But they sat in silence for a few seconds because Sooji appeared to be thinking deeply about the topic, the smile on her lips deepening.

How do you even describe someone as good as Yeonjun?

“He’s... well, he’s a professional idol, so he’s really hardworking. Seoul often says we’re each other’s counterpart but _that’s absurd_. He’s much more persevering than I am. And yet he’s still so warm. He’s the sweetest guy in the world, you know? When I’m low on self-esteem, he’d raise it for me. He’ll do anything. And he’s really funny. It’s hard to not smile when you’re around him. But he’s crazy smart. He thinks about the world differently from all of us, and he’s constantly blowing my mind with the optimism he possesses.”

She stopped to breathe in and Dowon let her with a hint of small adoration smile on his face.

“Positivity radiates through him like bright lights, an everlasting sun that will never burn out, that refuses to set. He never stops smiling, his eyes vibrant and twinkling with constant happiness. It’s his vibe that is so energizing, like something of a natural high that can be so rejuvenating and contagious. And I _need_ that in my life.”

Perhaps she went on a bit of a tangent, but it’s hard not to when she’s trying to break down Yeonjun into words. Still, it wasn’t enough.

But Dowon just continued to smile, his lips quivering in awe. “Wow, you really adore him.”

“He’s my healing.”

When she caught her father’s gaze and was met with a contented expression, she knew that would be it for tonight.

“Sooji-ah,” he called.

The daughter only tilted her head in response because frankly, she still didn’t know how to address her father.

“He’s not like me, you know that, right?”

Sooji visibly winced at his remark but it was a good thing. It was as if a prolonged pain huffed out of her body. Like a release from tension. A release from prison.

She bit on the insides of her cheeks in somewhat felicity. “I’m aware of it now.”

“Are you happy with him?” He asked, trying not to get his voice to break and ruin the ambiance.

“The happiest I’ve ever been.”

Dowon hummed in satisfaction. Then suddenly, the tender silence was starting to be enveloped by uncomfortableness— and Sooji didn’t want that.

She looked at the watch on her wrist, then on the bracelet that was still lingering before she glanced at the elder again. “I have to go back to the studio.”

As clear as crystal, she saw how her father’s face fell. “You still have rehearsals? It’s late.”

Sooji nodded and gave a consoling smile. “I’m working on a song.”

He stood up anyway with a mixture of surprised and astonished on his face. “T-That’s amazing! I’m gonna look forward to it, too. And uhm— oh! I’m not gonna hold you back. Go on. Thank you for meeting up with me a-and again, I’m sorry—”

“I love you, appa.” She intervened gently. His father’s eyes looked like it was going to popped out out of shock. But Sooji needed to say this. It was the last thing she left unrevealed. “Please, take care of yourself.”

At first, she thought facing the pain from the past would be the hardest. So she suppressed herself, pushing everyone away, not to let anyone in.

But then, she realized.

Finally, finally realized.

The hardest battle... was not to let _seoul_ harden her.

And she wouldn’t let it. Not this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD WE ARE DOWN TO LAST CHAPTER THIS IS INSANE LIKE IM UTTERLY CANT BELIEVE THIS ngl im in a bit writer’s block right now prolly bc i want the book to end perfectly and i can’t seem to think and type the words properly ?????? 
> 
> Oh and SONG CRY oh my god my fav of the favs finally out there. i had to emphasize on the bold words bc it was the //heavy// emotions that yeonjun was feeling all this time. i mean i think yall know hes been hurt the whole book (they both were actually) but .... nvm ion wanna spoil— also, in reality it was only a cover but in the book, yeonjun wrote it !
> 
> gOD IM SO WORRIED HOW IT WOULD TURN OUT BUT ANYWAY how was this chapter for u ???? pls leave a comment anythinggg i’ll see you at the end of the month !

**Author's Note:**

> Please, leave a comment for me to know your thoughts! If you have spare time, don’t be a ghost reader. It would be nice to interact with you all. Thank you for clicking my book! <3


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